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Grief is a strange thing.
While tearing something you love out of your grasp, it can bring you closer to others. Reunite old friends, rebuild bridges with those you thought you had lost forever, unite as one to mourn.
It gives, it takes, it never leaves.
And God, it hurts.
Sometimes the pain would disappear, lurk in the back of your mind, waiting until the moment it would come back in full force, merciless, cruel and taking all of its hurt and anger out on whatever lives, whatever loves.
On this particular evening, Tommy and Techno were mourning the end of a day.
The setting sun cast long shadows behind them, and its rays painted the snow a soft pink, the crystals of its frost glittering like something magic, something beyond the mortal realm.
Clouds hung like cotton in the sky, depth illuminated by the dying light and similarly bathed in the same colours as the snow, with gold and amber laced through it, like a greater force had embroidered a heavenly pattern into the sky.
It stretched away beyond their vision, an endless canvas of colour and beauty and love.
In that moment, they were alive.
The oxygen was crisp and cold and fresh in their lungs, their hearts beating warm blood around their bodies that were as fragile as anyone else's, as any life was, despite the rumours of godhood and revival plaguing them.
And yet, despite the fact they were living, they were breathing- Techno was sure this was heaven.
The sunset rivalled the beauty of a goddess.
And they were mere mortals spectating.
Trees dotted the area around them, branches hanging heavy with snow, branches hanging heavier with birds; the songbirds that the brothers loved had long since flown away for the winter to find warmer lands, leaving only the crows behind, and despite the fact their ‘caws,’ weren’t exactly musical, rather raucous and hoarse, it was a familiar sound.
The sound of something warm, something soft.
It was the sound of home.
They sat side by side, knees pulled up to their chests, atop a boulder. Techno had laid a blanket out on its surface in an attempt to soften it, or at least put some distance between them and the icy chill.
Tommy leaned against him, borrowing his warmth, surprisingly quiet.
In that moment, it was as if they were the only beings in the world; the two of them, together, ready to fight anything.
The two of them against the world.
Tommy tensed, drawing his knees closer and glueing his eyes to the horizon. When he spoke, it was as if he was the fearful boy Techno had seen in the ravine he had first learnt to call a home, with his brothers by his side, and the boy later he had found half-dead on the doorstep of a cabin he could only call a ‘house.’
( Alone, it had been no home. )
“Does it ever scare you?”
He pushed Tommy gently with his shoulder, a soft expression unable to hide the spark behind his eyes that they both knew could turn into a fierce fire the second the younger was in even the slightest bit of danger.
“I’m scared of many things.” His reply wasn’t immediate, but it was reassuring. Confirmation that he put thought into what he said, confirmation his reply was genuine.
“ The Technoblade, scared? I don't believe it,” Tommy teased. “What happened to the bravery that came with, ‘if you wish to defeat me train for another ten thousand years.’”
“I could still win, easy.”
“So what are you scared of?” The boy's tone was somewhere between light hearted bullying, and genuine curiosity. “Spiders? The dark?”
“Orphans,” he whispered, before sitting up slightly straighter and turning to face Tommy, slightly more serious.
Techno wasn't one to trust easily, one of the many voices clamouring in his head warning him against it, insisting trust would only bring danger, only bring betrayal. They would scream to show no weakness.
But he trusted Tommy.
“I’m scared of not being the person people expect me to be, and letting my friends down because of that. I’m scared of the things I care about getting hurt." He paused, before adding almost as an afterthought, "and yes, I'm scared of the dark.”
“Oh.”
“It's why I have the windows in the attic, and why the fire’s always going in the cabin.”
“I thought that was because of your piglin genes and needing to keep warm,” Tommy chuckled as Techno hung his head, hair falling over his face, trying to hide his own smile.
“Partly because of that, mainly because of the dark.”
Above them the colours started to shift, the pink turning shades darker and the gold merging into a rustic red, all of it accented by hues of blue. The sun sank lower, and between gaps in the clouds, they could begin to make out the first few bold and courageous stars making themselves known: pinpricks of light on the darkening surface.
“What about you?”
Tommy let out a big sigh, throwing himself back against the rock, lying down and spreading out his arms. Techno fought the urge to call him ‘child .’ They were having a moment.
“I, Tommy Innit, am not scared of anything.” The moment was promptly ruined. “Women? They love me, so I have nothing to be scared of.”
“Debatable,” Techno muttered under his breath.
“I’m going to pretend I didn't hear that.”
“Child.”
“Bitch.”
“They hated Jesus because he spoke the truth.”
Tommy paused. Spluttered. And laughed a laugh so carefree and full of joy it made Techno’s heart not only ache- but also feel warm, whole.
When he was younger, he'd had a sorry excuse for a family.
Now he was older. And this family, he loved more than anything.
“Did you- did you fucking quote the Bible at me-” Tommy gasped for air, clutching at his stomach as his eyes watered. Techno didn't think it was that funny, but hey, children were easily amused. “The Blood God, quoting the fucking BIBLE- ”
His laughter only grew louder.
And his laughter was annoyingly infectious.
Techno found himself laughing along, trying to explain that ‘no, not exactly, but the quote was close enough,’ but struggled to catch his breath in order to be able to do that.
Eventually, the calm returned and they settled back into an element of peace, more stars watching the two of them, the pink fading out, and the sun nearly gone.
The trees surrounding them had fallen quiet, the birds having flocked off to find somewhere to nestle down for the night. The world around them was falling asleep, and once more it felt as if they were the only two left and once more, it was Tommy who broke the silence.
He pushed himself up onto one elbow, brows furrowed. “I’m-” he hesitated. Glanced around. Lowered his voice. Breathed. “I’m scared of the sunset,” he admitted, voice raw and vulnerable.
“Huh,” Techno nodded, equally as understanding and patient as he had been ready to be before. “How so?”
“Well- I don't know, really. It's a bit stupid.”
Techno never thought he’d hear the day Tommy would admit anything about him was stupid. But he had also never thought he’d tell anyone he was scared of the dark, so there was a first time for everything.
“Go on,” his smile was gentle.
Knocking his brother's elbow out from where it was holding him up was also done gently.
He collapsed next to Tommy, resting one arm behind his head as a pillow, for once not paranoid about the fact he was carrying no weapon and wearing no armour: he had made sure they were safe, and if anything even wanted to hurt them- well, they'd have to train for another ten thousand years.
“Every night, the sunset- the sun- whatever- it dies. And everyone just accepts it, and it's gone so easily. And by the time the next day comes there's a new sun which will also die as soon as its hours are up- it's just so easily replaced.”
There was a passion in his voice that Techno hadn’t heard in a long time, a desperation poorly hidden beneath it.
“It's still the same sun,” Techno answered softly. “It's always setting somewhere, and it's always rising opposite that, and yes, it may look different, live longer, die sooner- but it's still the same sun.”
“Some people love it less when it's not how they want it to look, when it changes. I'm scared of its change.”
“It has the same core, Theseus.” He does not miss the way Tommy seems to relax even more besides him, the nickname that had once been given in a moment of anger now offering comfort, security. “Same core. It'll always be there, and it's irreplaceable. Things’ll change, its look, its duration, its place - it's the way of life - but at the core? The most important thing stays."
At that moment, as if to symbolise it all, the sun’s final golden rays combed through their hair and the pink bled from the sky, clouds drifting apart like curtains at a theatre to reveal the constellations carved into the infinite void above.
Tommy shuffled closer, falling against Techno’s side.
“This isn’t because it’s dark,” he mumbled. “It’s ‘cause I'm cold.”
Techno decided not to point out the fact Tommy was wrapped up in enough layers to melt even in the coldest of temperatures, and instead threw one arm around his brother, pulling the other out from behind his head and gesturing up at the sky.
“There was a Greek hero with a happy ending,” he spoke under his breath, as if afraid he would wake the world if he spoke any louder. “Perseus. He was one of the few heroes to have a happy ending, and even then, he still died. As all heroes do eventually.”
“Lovely,” Tommy interrupted, sarcasm dripping off his tongue. “Death sounds really positive.”
“He was taken up to the heavens and turned into a constellation, and now he is part of that art piece. That map of woven stars.”
Tommy opened his mouth as if to speak, then hesitated. “Would it not get lonely?”
“No,” the feeling of warmth that was becoming all too familiar returned to his chest once more. “He had his family. Andromeda - his wife - was taken to the sky to shine near his stars, together even in death. ”
“If I don't get turned into stars when I die, I will launch a formal complaint,” Tommy stated, earning a snort from Techno. “I’ll obviously, at least, be in heaven, so I can go up to God and ask to speak to his manager.” Tommy paused, hummed, and if Techno didn’t know him better, he’d think the boy was actually using his brain. “I make an excellent Karen.”
“I’m sure you do,” Techno ruffled his hair, face holding room for nothing but fondness. “When God sends me to Hell, I want him to hesitate.”
“I’ll be lonely in heaven without you, you’re going to have to stay with me.”
“Clingy.”
“No, but if God tries to attack me, I need you to fight him for me.”
“Excuse me God, he asked for no pickles.”
Their laughter filled the air, their joy a light in the dark night.
It was the two of them against the world, the two of them against it all.
They had found their own family, and though they may have not been brothers by blood, in a different universe they could have been. And in this lifetime, blood didn't matter because it was not that which made them who they were, what they were.
They were born from the stars and forced to take weights too heavy for either one to carry alone, so they had held them together, and they had loved and they had lost and they had lived to see another day.
Tommy’s eyes began to grow heavy, head jolting as he tried his best to stay awake.
“Go to sleep, Theseus,” Techno murmured, stifling his own yawn, “you’re safe.”
Tommy, stubborn as ever, shook his head and opened his mouth.
“Do you think it's sad?”
“You're going to have to be more specific than that,” Techno chuckled.
“Each sunset will be forgotten in time. Even if it was really special, everyone who remembered it will gradually fade out. They’ll die and no one will remember and all the effort they went to will have been for nothing, because no matter how perfect a sunset tries to be, it will always be forgotten.”
Techno brushed away the younger boy's tears, pulling him closer. He knew Tommy wasn't really scared of sunsets, he knew this was never what it was really about to begin with.
“Sometimes, Theseus, it is better that things are forgotten. Then they can't be twisted into something else, and the world will carry on.” Above them, the stars waited with baited breath, hanging on to the end of each word.
Techno’s heart was warm, full, safe .
He had people who cared, people who loved and were loved, he had people: he had a family .
Tommy’s eyes fell shut, and his breathing levelled out - peaceful.
“If it's any consolation,” Techno announced to the sleeping boy and the stars who listened, “even if my heart stops beating, I know it won't forget you.”
His own eyes grew heavy, sleep trying desperately to tug them shut, but for a few more seconds he resisted.
However the call of sleep was persistent, and albeit reluctantly, he too fell asleep, putting trust in the stars to protect them both from whatever lurked in the darkness.
Yet just before his eyes shut and his mind drifted, he had one last coherent thought.
‘He could not be dead, for he was breathing and Tommy was beside him. But perhaps some part of heaven had spilled over, and seeped into the mortal realm because with all the beauty and safety and warmth around him, when he was in the cold, outside, darkness- there had to be some greater force at work.’
And so he muttered a silent prayer to whoever that may be, and fell asleep side by side with his friend, his brother, his family.
…
Does it know that we love it? That the universe is kind..?
…
And the player was a new story, never told before…
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a world that was soft and warm and simple...
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and the universe said I love you…
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and the universe said you are stronger than you know…
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and the universe said you are not alone…
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and the universe said I love you because you are love.