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It was warm, but the wind brought a chill. I shivered and that's when he wrapped his coat around me. Smiling up at his deep magenta eyes, I couldn’t help but feel lost. Lost in the way I wanted to touch my lips to his. How I wanted to weave my fingers through his long black hair. To touch his skin softly with my thumb. “Let's go by the fire. You’re shivering.” He pointed out the obvious, but I appreciated the acknowledgement.
Sliding my arms through the sleeves of his red jacket, I nodded my head and followed him carefully. Away from our friends who were enjoying the patio furniture and beer pong table. Towards the fire in the back, where only a few couples remained, enjoying the privacy, a few making out. I looked deep into the fire, wondering why my feelings felt a million times heavier tonight. It was stupid of me to take those jello shots, alcohol always makes it difficult around him. The walls of my feelings, breaking and cracking away with each drink and sip.
Deepest in the darkness of my heart, I wished that wall would shatter. I hoped that I would be brave enough to tell my best friend the truth. And when the sun came up the next day I could feign memory loss. Say that I blacked out and nothing I did was of my normal will. The painful memory of rejection would hurt, but maybe it would protect the years of friendship between us.
A part of me knew he had to have realized my true feelings for him anyway. If I spoke the words, what difference did it make? It was clear I blushed too often, giggling and smiling his way more than a friend. He knew how I felt and we played pretend that everything was like it used to be, when we were children. Back to the days when it was us against the world at the foster home. Now adults, we stay close. Studying to be pilots, living in apartments and drinking with friends. But there’s this unspoken agreement to ignore my desire to have him. Have him as more.
Many times I tried to clear my head of him, dating a few people here and there. I always wondered what it was like to be his one night stand. Definitely not a thought only a friend would have, I knew I was in deep. Not only did I want it to be me he pushed up against a wall, but I wanted him to hold me until the next day. I wanted our laughing fits on the sofa to end with a kiss. For our movie nights to be cuddle sessions. Most of all I wanted his one night stands to stop. For me to be his and him to be mine.
He stood behind me, our bodies only an inch apart and rubbed his hands up and down my arms. The fabric of the jacket got caught against his fingerless gloves, but the action warmed me some. Instinctively I let out a deep sigh, leaning my head back against his chest, eyes closed. A small grin was on my lips. The action so soothing and warm. The wall cracked just a bit.
The sound of his sweet chuckle reached my ears, making me slowly open my eyes. He peered down at me with a smile. “For a girl who always gets cold, you never bring a sweater.”
I giggled and stood up straight, turning to face him. “I bring you. Same thing.” I teased. Was I flirting? I don’t know. I always acted the same around him. Teasing and taunting, a fun we had back and forth.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to his chest. My hands rested on his chest as I tried to catch my breath. The sudden proximity hard to handle without a blush. I would never adjust to his close touches though. Each time my cheeks turning pink and warm to the touch. He looked down at me with worried eyes. Eyes he only gave me when he was about to lecture me.
“You and Drew really done this time?” He growled. From the moment Drew started hanging around the same friends and making flirty remarks to me, Keith hated him. Drew and I. A volatile mix that dated off and on. We would end up fucking on the nights of parties Keith happened to work during. I would get lonely at the parties, Drew would entertain me. Take care of me and oh was I so lonely. After hooking up we’d usually try to date for a few weeks or months. This time being months. We really tried, but we aren’t two pieces of the same puzzle.
“Why do you hate him so much?” I asked curiously. It always felt like one or the other with the two. When dating Drew I hardly saw Keith. In fact, tonight was the first time in a few weeks since I’d seen him. Not by my terms. I invited him over several times, or to group activities. He never came, unless Drew wasn’t there.
He gently tucked away a stray strand of my hair. “He took you away from me.”
I screamed loud in my head. He always did this. Staying things that could mean so much more or mean nothing at all. My heart was beating rapidly. God, I need another drink. I looked one side to the next, noticing a plastic blue cooler in front of the shed. It was probably time for him to have another drink too. That was my escape.
“I could use another drink. How ‘bout you? What do you want?” I stepped back and to the side, gesturing to the cooler.
He grabbed my wrist, stopping me from leaving without even really listening for an answer. I’d just grab him a random one, knowing he wasn’t that picky. “Haven’t you noticed?”
Now I was curious. I turned to face him. “Noticed what?”
A deep hoarse laugh burst from him. “Seriously? Baby doll. I want you all to myself.”
That didn’t answer anything. All to himself? What did he mean? My eyebrows knitted trying to piece it together. I stepped towards him, closing all space between us again. Looking up I truly wondered. “What do you mean? You’re my only best friend, really my closest friend in the whole world. I’m yours. You know me better than anyone else.”
Gently he rest his hand on my cheek and looked deep into my eyes. They held me there, unwavering, afraid to move too suddenly. “I mean I’m sick of watching other guys take claim over you. You’re too good for them. They don’t deserve you. You’re strong, sweet and kind. You deserve to be protected.” He lifted my chin slightly so I had to keep my eyes on him. “I want to protect you.”
“I don’t. Keith, I don’t understand.” My brain was buzzing and fuzzy. It felt like it was an old TV stuck on static. His words could mean so many things and it would be outrageous if he meant what I hoped.
“Here.” His hand slid to grab the nape of my neck. “Let me you show you.” He tilted his head slightly, bringing his lips down to my own. At first I didn’t register what was happening. I was panicked and screaming internally. At my lack of response he started to pull away slightly, but I couldn’t have that. I weaved my fingers through his hair like I always dreamed. The strands silky and knotted between my fingers, a feeling better than imagined. I gripped the back of his head and pulled him into my lips roughly.
It was better than anything I’ve ever experienced before. Our lips danced together, loving and lusting. His tongue slipped between mine, exploring the depths of my mouth. Finally we pulled away, knowing anymore and we wouldn’t be able to stop ourselves. “I love you, baby doll. I’ve been meaning to tell you that for years now. I want you to be mine. I want to show you off to all our friends and strangers on the street. I want to makeout with you whenever I want. I want you.” He whispered the last of his speech, it coming tenderly from his heart.
The man in front of me was the most vulnerable I’d ever seen him. For me. To express his love, he broke down his walls to tell me. “I love you too. I always have. And really, it didn’t matter who I was with. I’ve always been your girl.”
He kissed my forehead with a chuckle. “Fuck, lets keep it that way then.”