Chapter Text
"May I touch your hand, once more?"
"Yeah."
"..Thank you, Rei."
-Was the only string of voices replaying inside your head, and wouldn't shut up as you tossed and turned in Kaworu's mattress. You couldn't stand that someone else that your heart ached for was gone, and those feelings amplified without anything to distract you.
The door opened. The silver haired boy came back to check on you, and sighed as his gaze went towards the furled up cocoon of blankets.
"Give it up, (Name). She's already dead, there isn't any use crying over a fool."
"GOD DAMMNIT I FUCKING KNOW!" You cried, smacking the mattress, and clutched the sheets. "I'll.. I'll never love someone again.."
Kaworu went silent, and placed his hand on his head in frustration. "I'm being serious, stop crying over a replaceable girl."
You slid your head out, and stared back at him. He returned the favor.
"Why do you have to be so difficult about this?" Kaworu replied, agitated.
You turned your head away, "I- I just need some time.."
He sighed, "Yeah, yeah. All the time in the world. But you have to get over this shit. I don't want Major Katsuragi thinking I did something to you."
"Fine, dammit. If that means I can get away from her. She wouldn't get it either." You spat.
He walked out and shut the door behind him. You felt like crying again and frustrated yourself to sleep.
The next morning, you woke up with arms and legs attached to you like a koala. Feeling tired, you almost went back to sleep when you realized who it was. Startled, you squirmed and tried to shake loose, but to no avail. Kaworu, who woke up shortly, was amused by your flustered state.
"Oh, so the overgrown bean bag has returned to normal!" He laughed.
You quickly threw him off and leaned to the other side of the bed, "K-Kaworu-? What the hell!"
He had a smug look on his face, "What? Afraid of physical contact now?"
"Uh, no shit my guy."
The TV was on, with a movie showing a couple kissing. Kaworu glanced at it, and then at (Name), with his smile dissipating.
You noticed his gloomy demeanor. "Yo, something the matter?"
"Nothing. Aren't you going to do your homework? Your ass needs to stop skipping school." He tried to change the subject.
For some reason, the mention of homework reminded of you of when you used to bring Rei her's when she missed class often. And when you helped her work on it, as she did with you. You both became close when you shared a few interests and respected each others as you talked, to the confusion of your classmates. Getting her to open up to the world, you felt, was the greatest achievement you had done.
However, the heart can never be so easily filled. And you felt guilty using Kaworu like this.
You sat down next to the bed, reading, while Kaworu watched the TV. He wondered why his heart twisted and churned every time you mentioned Rei. God, just by hearing her name, he wanted to die ten times over. Because he knows she has a place in your heart but he didn't. Because he thought he was the only one who could be your savior. He threw whatever was in his hand out of anger, and laid down on the mattress with frustration.
You sighed. You lately took note of his behavior and decided to head to bed as well.
After a few minutes passed, you started to hyperventilate. Gasping for air and clutching the mattress with your hands, you felt lightheaded. Kaworu woke up and sighed, turning over to lean in to your face, and cupping it with his hands.
He leaned in, connecting his mouth with yours, chest pounding uncomfortably. Your dazed state, in confusion, pressed harder into the kiss. Kaworu broke apart for air, and kissed you again, but with more conviction, bringing both of your bodies close tightly.
Kaworu spoke, flustered. "Well.. It doesn't need to be a bag..!"
Your eyes were half open. "Fuck.. was that for..?"
"With this sticky, tepid feeling in my chest every time I see you.. That's love, isn't it? But what if you..
..came to love me?"
You just passed out from hearing those words, overwhelmed from dealing with emotions.