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The first time it happened, Raleigh honestly thought it was nothing more than a coincidence. It might even have been — he couldn't say for sure. Either way, it made Raleigh feel both self-conscious and uncomfortable to notice that Chuck was, in lack of a better word, staring.
At Raleigh's scars.
As much as Raleigh loathed them — and he did, for how they reminded him of Knifehead, Yancy, and everything he had lost — he had also gotten used to them. He didn't exactly hide them, but if he was wearing long sleeves more often than not, well, that was his business.
He hadn't thought that he would find a reason to start feeling uneasy about his scars again — not after so many years living with them — and especially not after Pitfall, when his duty was done and the world was at peace.
But Chuck's interest in them made Raleigh uncomfortable. He was fairly certain that wasn't Chuck's intention, asshole or not, but it was the result nonetheless.
The staring was very subtle at first. Chuck might actually have been doing it from the very start, but Raleigh had been too caught up in the Kaiju threat, the tryouts, and piloting Gipsy with Mako to take notice. When Raleigh finally did notice, it was because he, for once, didn't automatically assume that whatever look Chuck gave him was to show condescension or bratty superiority. When Raleigh paused long enough to catalogue the expression on Chuck's face, he was surprised by what he found.
Chuck looked intrigued.
Perhaps it was because the Breach was closed and they could finally relax after years of struggles, but Chuck seemed calmer. He didn't sneer or boast as much, and wasn't fighting to always be at the center of attention which, amusingly enough, made Raleigh take more notice of him.
The first time Raleigh became aware of the staring was when he and Mako were sparring in the kwoon, two weeks after Operation Pitfall. Both of them had recovered somewhat from the stress of the mission and could appreciate the simplicity of a friendly match. During spars was one of the few times Raleigh opted for something sleeveless, showing the intricate circuit scars slithering across his skin. There was no time for being self-conscious, since Mako kept him busy enough that his only worry was how efficiently she would kick his ass if he slacked off.
It was in between two matches that Raleigh just happened to glance to the side, his gaze landing on Chuck, who stood leaning against one of the walls. There was nothing cocky about his posture, partly because of the crutches he was forced to use thanks to his broken leg, and partly because of the way he was looking at Raleigh.
There were no particular emotions reflected on his expression, but the intensity alone was unsettling. It wasn't until Chuck's gaze snapped up to meet his that Raleigh realized that while Chuck had been staring at him, he had been looking at Raleigh's arm rather than his face.
Chuck had been looking at Raleigh's scars.
It was difficult to say what Chuck was thinking, and Raleigh tried to tell himself that Chuck's opinions didn't matter. But the attention made Raleigh nervous, because he didn't know why Chuck was staring. Scars weren't uncommon and while Raleigh's might have a rather particular design — clear, clean lines running in gathered formations — they still weren't that weird.
So Raleigh felt uncertain, even if Chuck gave a slight nod with that half-quirk of his lips that wasn't quite a smile, but at least better than a smirk. Much like he had after Raleigh and Mako had saved Striker and her pilots after their power had been cut.
Raleigh hated to admit it, but the scrutiny got to him. Chuck's opinion of him didn't matter but the scars were a sensitive subject, simply because of when Raleigh had gotten them. Sometimes, when he woke with his heart in his throat and Yancy's name on the tip of his tongue, he could feel them burn. Or maybe that was just his imagination. Either way, he would have preferred if Chuck wouldn't stare.
He didn't say so, however, not wanting to give Chuck the satisfaction, but Raleigh couldn't deny that he made a small effort to hide the scars after that. He usually covered them, sure, but now he was conscious of his actions in a completely different way.
Chuck didn't say anything but from time to time Raleigh could tell that he was looking — as if searching for something. Raleigh had no idea what that something might be. Chuck might be easier to get along with after Pitfall, but he was still a mystery in most aspects.
Chuck had been knocked down a peg or two after surviving the mission only thanks to Pentecost's last minute ejection of Chuck's escape pod and a healthy dose of sheer, dumb luck. He had been bruised and broken several bones, and the medical team on the evac choppers had been forced to pump him full of drugs to dull the pain. Chuck had been high as a kite, which — to Raleigh's infinite delight — caused an incredible improvement in Chuck's general mood and state of mind. He had been downright docile, possibly for the first time in his life.
It was then, when they were being brought back to the Shatterdome — Mako struggling against tears as Pentecost's sacrifice hit her full force, and Raleigh trying to figure out what was up and down after his brief foray into interdimensional travel — that Chuck had grabbed his hand.
Chuck had been lying on a gurney next to where Raleigh was sitting, but he hadn't thought that Chuck would actually reach out to him. Raleigh had been so startled he had almost snatched his hand back, but the relieved and awestruck smile on Chuck's lips had made him hesitate.
Raleigh had never seen that kind of expression on Chuck's face before. It had made Chuck look strangely vulnerable, despite his obvious excitement.
"We did it, right?" Chuck had mumbled, the goofy smile remaining.
Raleigh had blinked but nodded once the question finally registered. "Yeah, we did. We closed the Breach."
It wasn't until he had said it out loud to Chuck that Raleigh even understood the gravity of what they had done — the miracle they had just accomplished.
They had closed the Breach. They had actually done it.
Chuck had squeezed Raleigh's hand and despite that they had both been wearing gloves, Raleigh had felt a slight tingle down his spine — one that he had tried his utmost to ignore.
"Fucking ace." Chuck had closed his eyes then, his smile turning soft, showing a liberal — and consequentially rather offensive — amount of dimples. "You did well, Raleigh... for a has-been."
Despite that he had been tripping on painkillers and slurring slightly, Chuck had still said Raleigh's name without the drawling vowels and juvenile smugness. That had been enough to make Raleigh chuckle and clutch Chuck's hand a little tighter, before giving Mako a warm smile.
"We all did," Raleigh had replied.
After that, when Chuck had gotten taken care off and eventually came down from his high, he was different. Not in a bad way or dramatically enough to make it seem like something that one needed to feel concerned about, but he was different. Raleigh quite liked the change, if nothing else because all the stupid, bullshit arguing stopped. He and Chuck still bickered as soon as they actually spoke to each other, but the arguments had a completely different tone now — they were playful and teasing. And soon they felt familiar and comforting rather than annoying.
Raleigh quite liked that too, which might have been why the whole deal with Chuck's staring unnerved him. And it continued, throughout Chuck's recovery and the slow dismantle of the Shatterdome. Raleigh hung around mostly because Mako was still there, overseeing big parts of the 'dome, and he assumed that Chuck stayed if not for his injuries, then for his dad. Herc had been promoted to Marshal upon Pentecost's death, and Raleigh didn't envy him in the slightest.
Raleigh mostly kept himself busy helping out with menial tasks, taking each day one at a time. He was therefore rather unprepared when Chuck came to him and asked for a hand-to-hand spar, after Chuck's injuries had healed enough that it would be a fair fight again. Raleigh could see the barely curbed excitement in Chuck's eyes, understanding that this was something Chuck had been looking forward to.
And, going by the way his heart rate picked up, Raleigh understood that maybe he had too — no matter how unexpected the realization was.
He had no desire whatsoever to fight Chuck — they had already tried that once and it didn't end well — but to spar in a controlled environment, well, that was actually rather tempting. Not even the knowledge that Chuck was still being awfully curious about Raleigh's scars could curb the sudden eagerness burning within.
Raleigh found himself agreeing.
Sparring with Chuck was an experience. It was nothing like Mako's graceful fluency, or even Yancy's efficiency — it was something else entirely. Chuck was explosive, ruthless, and almost crude, and while he was predictable at times he was difficult to pin down all the same. He fought with brute strength while Raleigh relied more on agility and speed, which meant that there were several times when Chuck could barely keep up. But, once he got close enough to attack properly, Raleigh found that the hits he blocked almost numbed his arms.
It was thrilling.
Sparring with Mako was like a dance where they matched each other's steps and took turns to lead, but with Chuck it was like trying to tame a roaring, burning wildfire. There was very little grace involved, yet every single one of Chuck's movements were full of purpose and unyielding fierceness. There was a certain kind of beauty to that intensity, and Raleigh got swept up by the rush of adrenaline as easily as if it had been Mako he was sparring with.
Raleigh didn't bother to keep track of the scores. He didn't care who won and, if Raleigh wasn't mistaken, Chuck didn't either. Chuck's grin was wide and carefree, but his eyes shone with a mischievousness that was actually rather charming.
Being with Chuck had never felt this easy before.
They eventually decided to end their session, both of them exhausted and sweating. Chuck gave Raleigh a playful shove, at which Raleigh grinned and pushed back with his shoulder, Chuck's hand warm against his heated skin. The nudge made Chuck's thumb slip, allowing it to slide along the scars on Raleigh's left arm.
Raleigh froze. It wasn't that the touch hurt or made him uncomfortable — rather the opposite, really.
The sensation shooting through his nervous system made him want to shiver, and to his horror he realized that he did. That simple, brief touch was enough to cause his heart to clench and something warm and glowing to settle in his gut. It felt good.
Actually, it felt pretty fucking wonderful.
So when Chuck's other fingers followed — just lightly grazing against the raised scar tissue — Raleigh found himself holding his breath. Chuck didn't even seem to notice what he was doing, his gaze focused on Raleigh's arm with something akin to wonder in his eyes. He looked completely engrossed in the feel of Raleigh's scars under his fingertips.
That thought — the realization of how intimate all of this was — made Raleigh take a sudden step to the side, putting himself well out of Chuck's reach. He didn't stop to see what kind of look might be on Chuck's face, and instead went to grab himself a towel to wipe some of the sweat away.
Chuck said nothing, and the silence that settled between them was heavy — oppressive in a way it hadn't been for a long time. Raleigh wasn't sure if that was his or Chuck's fault, but he was willing to bet on his.
"Well, I guess I'll see you around then, Rahleigh," Chuck drawled, his voice tight.
Yeah, the tension was definitely Raleigh's fault.
He closed his eyes and listened to Chuck's retreating footsteps. Raleigh could have handled that better. He wasn't even sure what this was, but he knew he could have been less blunt about it. The touch hadn't actually hurt him — he was more unsettled by how good it had felt — but the way he had flinched away must have made it seem like a bad thing. The moment had been extremely intimate, but also surprisingly thrilling.
Raleigh knew that he should probably be freaking out about Chuck having caressed his skin in a highly suggestive manner rather than worry about Chuck's feelings. But that was the thing: Raleigh didn't actually mind, no matter how unexpected that was. He was more concerned about Chuck's feelings than his own revelation that maybe that tingle back at the evac chopper and the tightness in Raleigh's gut was trying to tell him something — a rather blatant something, that he should have acknowledged ages ago.
Raleigh could be a bit thick sometimes.
But when Raleigh turned around to ask Chuck to stay at least long enough for Raleigh to apologize, Chuck was already gone. Worry squeezed around Raleigh's heart, but he told himself that he'd see Chuck soon enough.
He could tell him then.
Raleigh soon realized that while he thought that he was the one to blame for the increased friction between them, Chuck seemed to think it was his fault. That was the only reason Raleigh could think of that might explain why Chuck had been avoiding him for several days. If Chuck felt that Raleigh had done something wrong he would no doubt have told Raleigh all about it — in exquisite, painstaking detail.
This time, however, Chuck was either nowhere to be found or distant whenever they actually happened to run into each other. And Chuck always found some kind of excuse to leave within a couple of minutes.
It was such a sudden change from the constant stolen glances and the friendly smiles that Raleigh couldn't help feeling bereft. It got to the point where Mako asked what he had done to Chuck, not so subtly hinting that maybe Raleigh should find a way to fix it before Herc noticed. Because, well, that could only end in one way, and it was not one Raleigh wanted to experience. Ever.
But Raleigh had no idea why Chuck was avoiding him — he could only guess — and he told her as much. Mako was the one to suggest that he should corner Chuck and ask him. Her plan lacked sophistication but made up for it tenfold in efficiency, which was why Raleigh found himself knocking on Chuck's door that very same evening.
Chuck opened after a couple of seconds, the hinges squealing.
"Yeah?" He didn't sound angry, but his expression was unsettlingly blank. That in itself was an anomaly when it came to Chuck.
Raleigh had considered several wordy ways to explain his reasons for being there, but in the end decided that maybe it was better to handle it like Chuck would. That was to say without any kind of grace or fancy explanations whatsoever.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Chuck didn't seem particularly surprised by this, which was all the confirmation Raleigh needed to know that Chuck really had been avoiding him. If anything Chuck looked annoyed.
"What about it?"
That was just Chuck trying to stall — and poorly, at that.
Raleigh could hear Max snuffling around somewhere behind Chuck, probably attempting to get out through the narrow gap in the door and greet whoever was visiting. Chuck didn't seem interested in letting him, though.
"I think that was a pretty easy question to answer already. Do I really have to clarify?" Raleigh replied dubiously.
"I wasn't asking you to clarify, you bloody idiot, I was asking why it matters," Chuck drawled, bracing his arm against the doorframe in a show of confidence that wasn't faked, exactly, but not quite as relaxed as Chuck probably wanted it to seem.
"Because I want you to stop doing it."
Chuck frowned but remained resolutely silent, jaws tightly clenched. So it was a touchy subject.
"Hey, if it's about what happened during our spar I'm—"
"Fuck off," Chuck snapped before starting to close the door.
Raleigh's hand automatically went up, palm flat against the rough metal, even if he knew that he probably couldn't stop it if Chuck kept pushing. Chuck hesitated, though, if only briefly.
"It's not the end of the world, Chuck, it's—"
"You fucking flinched away like I hurt you! That's bad enough!"
Raleigh had to take a moment to process that. Was Chuck feeling guilty? That was why he was avoiding Raleigh? Because he thought he had stepped out of line and hurt him?
That was preposterous.
But Raleigh could understand if Chuck didn't automatically know that.
So he took a deep breath before pushing inside Chuck's room, despite the angry protest and how Raleigh might just end up getting punched in the near future. He almost tripped over Max but somehow managed to close the door without falling flat on his face, or critically wound Chuck's precious dog. That would no doubt only have made matters worse. He felt a little bad for ignoring Max but he had more important things to handle at that moment.
Raleigh caught Chuck's gaze and held it, gathering up what little courage he had left.
"I flinched away because I liked it."
That was definitely not what Chuck had expected, judging by the way his eyes widened. Actually, that sentence didn't make a whole lot of sense once Raleigh thought about it.
"What?" Chuck probably had the right to ask.
"I liked it." Despite how simple those words were, it was still difficult to say them. Raleigh licked his lips, not missing how Chuck's gaze seemed to snap down to watch — just for a brief second. "I was surprised. That's why I stepped away."
"You liked it?" Chuck sounded doubtful and a little condescending, as if Raleigh wasn't able to make those kinds of decisions on his own.
Raleigh rolled his eyes. "Yes."
Chuck opened his mouth to reply but seemed to think better of it, closing it again with a soft frown. He seemed confused by the whole thing, which Raleigh could understand — especially since Chuck must have avoided him for days, thinking that he had made some kind of unwanted advance.
Now that Raleigh thought about it, everything — the staring, the smiles, and the way Chuck had been genuinely nicer — was probably a part of that advance, and it had culminated in the rather handsy inspection of Raleigh's scars. The very same scars that Chuck had been staring at for a long time, and, in this new light, Raleigh realized that it probably wasn't a negative thing — not in the slightest.
Chuck liked them.
Raleigh felt a rather delightful flutter at that, which he totally blamed for what slipped out of his mouth next.
"Do you want to do it again?"
Chuck's eyes went comically wide for a second or two before he seemed to regain his bearings, but he still looked shocked.
"Uh..." was all Chuck seemed able to answer. It was adorable.
Raleigh tried not to feel too smug about making Chuck speechless. He could see the moment Chuck was beginning to catch on — the way his lips started to twitch and his expression went from wide-eyed bafflement to tentative but intrigued curiosity. Raleigh took that as a yes and promptly pulled his sweater over his head. He still wore an undershirt, but his arms were now bare.
Max had tired of being denied attention by then and returned to his doggy bed with a heavy sigh, but Raleigh took no notice of that. He was too busy looking at Chuck.
"I asked if you want to do it again." Raleigh shrugged, tossing his sweater onto the nearest flat surface that seemed relatively clean. He grinned. "I promise not to flinch away this time."
Chuck was never one to say no to a challenge — even Raleigh knew that much — and definitely not one as enjoyable as this. It only took a fraction of a second before Chuck stepped closer, and even if Raleigh was prepared for it he couldn't help shivering when Chuck's hand slid up along his arm.
"Why do you like them so much?" Raleigh couldn't help asking.
Chuck didn't even pause, his fingers wandering higher, until they ghosted over the scars on Raleigh's bicep.
"Why not?" Chuck gave him a quick glance before shrugging. "It's not like I think they're cool or anything — I'm not that stupid — but I just... Our scars are a reflection of our lives, yeah? It shows what we've been through."
"I would rather not have gone through what gave me these," Raleigh replied, but not angrily.
"Yeah, of course," Chuck agreed easily, possibly because he was too distracted by what his fingers were doing.
It was a bit weird to just stand there and let Chuck's fingers wander over his skin, but there was also something incredibly relaxing about it — as if the touch itself was enough to draw out a lot of the tension that had been building inside of Raleigh ever since Yancy's death.
"But it still happened. Nothing can change that, harsh as that might be," Chuck continued, his fingertips so careful and gentle that Raleigh had to swallow. He hadn't thought that Chuck was capable of that kind of tenderness. "They're a part of who you are, and I like them — because you survived. Because you're here." Chuck shrugged. "They're you."
There were times when Raleigh appreciated simplicity and this was definitely one of them. Chuck wasn't eloquent — except perhaps when it came to insults — and he didn't really do pretty words, but he got his point across. Raleigh could definitely see the benefits of that. And he could get on board with the idea that his scars were proof of the sacrifices he had made and what he had been through, but also what he had accomplished.
He nudged Chuck's arm, just enough to get his attention, and smiled teasingly.
"Is that the best you can do?" he asked, nodding pointedly at Chuck's fingers that were wandering over Raleigh's skin.
It took a second before Chuck seemed to get with the program, a wide, devilish grin spreading on his lips.
"Hell no," he replied before reaching up with both hands to grab a hold of the collar of Raleigh's undershirt, pulling him in for a kiss.
Raleigh came willingly, his hands settling on Chuck's hips both for stability and because his fingers were itching to touch back. Chuck didn't seem to mind.
The kiss was unlike any other kiss Raleigh had ever had. Just like when sparring they seemed to clash — Raleigh being slower and more indulgent, while Chuck was passionate and demanding — but they found a harmony between the two soon enough. One that made Raleigh's spine tingle and had Chuck moan unexpectedly, which he would undoubtedly refuse to admit to later.
Raleigh would have grinned if he hadn't been so preoccupied.
There was no denying the heat of the kiss and how completely it pulled them both in. That feeling was worth pursuing, and Raleigh decided not to let go of Chuck anytime soon.
And, as wonderful as it had felt to have Chuck's fingers trace his scars, two hours later Raleigh could conclude that Chuck's lips, teeth, and tongue were even better suited for the task.
Raleigh didn't mind that one bit.