Chapter Text
‘Tell me, Obi Wan: is there anything you wouldn’t do for Anakin?’
Obi Wan stared back into the face of Darth Sidious. This man was evil. He’d been manipulating the Senate – the entire galaxy even – for who could even think how long. Who was even to say he was telling the truth now? The man clearly lied as easily as he breathed.
He felt the man before him probe into his mind again and braced for another round of visions, secretly thinking that this time they’d be easier to bear.
He was already expecting something awful. Anakin in terrible pain. Him alone and crying with Obi Wan unable to comfort him. Maybe even Obi Wan being forced to watch him die.
He got nothing of the sort.
Instead, he merely saw a vision of Anakin, physically looking completely fine. Not a mark or scratch on him. And yet his eyes were wrong, somehow. And his expression. It was like everything that made Anakin the man he was, the man Obi Wan loved, had been sucked out of him. Then he felt himself reaching out and instead of being greeted by warmth and love and life through their bond, he found absolutely nothing. He was there, but somehow mentally, emotionally, in every way that counted, he was gone.
It was all Obi Wan could do not to claw at his head, searching for the physical evidence of their bond just to prove that this was all a trick, that it wasn’t real, that it wouldn’t, couldn’t happen.
‘You’re a monster,’ he growled, blinking hard to keep any tears from falling down his face.
‘I assure you, I take no pleasure in young Skywalker’s fate. Especially when it doesn’t have to be this way. So I’ll ask you again: is there really anything you wouldn’t do for the boy?’
The man before him was everything that Obi Wan had sworn to destroy. And yet Anakin was the man Obi Wan had sworn to love. To protect.
And when he weighed those things up against each other, there was really no competition at all.
So when the time came to respond, he found himself saying, ‘No, there isn’t.’
*
‘You doing okay, General?’ Kix asked, placing a reassuring hand on Anakin’s lower leg.
‘Yeah,’ Anakin said softly, curling in slightly around his stomach. It was still completely flat but for some reason he already felt insanely protective over it. More than once, he’d found himself absently mindedly caressing the skin just below his belly button and even once he’d noticed, he didn’t really want to bring himself to stop. ‘I mean, I feel a little strange but I guess that’s to be expected.’
‘I’d say so, Sir.’ Kix gave him a sympathetic look. ‘Are you feeling sick?’
Anakin shook his head, his hair brushing against his pillow. ‘No, that’s not what it is. I don’t really know how to explain it.’
Like his belly was full of sparkles but that sounded weird to say out loud to Kix. It was how he’d first known he was pregnant, when he’d started feeling this way a few days into the trip to Utapau. Anakin had awoken to the feeling that there was something, or maybe someone, going on inside of him. He’d taken a test and found that he felt no surprise, only love and excitement when he saw the result.
He and Obi Wan were going to have a baby. Their perfect child was growing inside him right this second. It felt like a huge responsibility and an incredible honour all rolled into one.
It must have happened right before he’d left, when Obi Wan had made love to him for what they both hoped was the last time during the war. Anakin was on birth control and due to Obi Wan’s constant reminders about how hard it would be to be pregnant and on the frontlines, he took it on time and in accordance with the instructions.
But still. Something had felt different that night.
As Obi Wan had pushed into him and Anakin had squeezed his muscles tightly, wanting to trap him inside, he found himself longing for a baby so strongly that he felt like he could see their future family as clearly as a premonition. He squeezed his eyes closed and poured all of that love and want into his bond with Obi Wan, trembling slightly as Obi Wan thrust deeper and murmured gentle words into his neck.
As he felt Obi Wan spill hot and wet inside him, the bond had been filled with the most beautiful, swirling colours Anakin had ever seen and he’d felt tingly and tender all over.
‘Wow,’ Obi Wan had said, when it was over and he had regained the ability to speak. ‘Was that you doing that?’
Anakin had burrowed further into Obi Wan’s chest, inhaling deeply and licking salty sweat off his skin.
‘I don’t know,’ he had said, honestly. It was in his head but it felt like something far greater than himself. He was a little dizzy but being close to his Alpha was helping with that. ‘But I really liked it.’
Ever since the test had come back positive, Anakin wondered if the Force had gifted him with a baby because it knew he wanted one so badly. It seemed possible: Obi Wan had always told him that when he smiled, the Force smiled back.
When Kix left the room, Anakin stood up slowly and headed over to the window of the ship, leaning heavily against the glass. Despite the fact that everything he’d ever read had told him that early pregnancy was exhausting, he’d had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. He’d tossed and turned for hours, unable to shake the nagging feeling deep inside him that something, somewhere was very, very wrong.
At first, he’d worried about the baby, but the more he probed at the feeling, the more sure he was that this problem, issue, disturbance, whatever it was, was coming from outside of himself. The thing was, he couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be. He and Master Yoda had just taken down General Grievous. There was no one else left.
The war was over. That’s what Master Yoda was going to declare when they touched down on Coruscant in a few hours’ time. It was finally over. And that meant that Obi Wan and Anakin could finally do what they’d been talking about for years: leave the Order and start their real lives together.
Anakin couldn’t wait to tell him about the baby. He’d had days to plan how he was going to do it and had finally decided that he’d wait until after the initial end-of-war celebrations had come to an end this evening before taking him back to their quarters and sharing the news. Anakin felt all warm inside as he thought about how Obi Wan’s eyes would light up. How he probably take him tenderly into his arms as if he were something precious and tell him that this was the happiest moment of his life.
Anakin blushed a little as he caught sight of his reflection in the window; a blush coloured his cheeks and his was gently rubbing circles into his belly. After waiting for so long, everything was finally going to become perfect. He couldn’t wait to be settled in their new home, watching himself grow with their child, proudly displaying to the galaxy that he belonged to Obi Wan.
‘You are so loved,’ he murmured, gazing down at his clothed belly. The sensation that something was sparkling inside him intensified and he squirmed slightly like he did when Obi Wan tickled him. It was the most wonderfully weird feeling he’d ever experienced and the idea that he was going to get to feel it every day for the next nine months – and that it was surely going to get stronger as the baby grew – made it difficult to stop smiling.
The ship was entering the Coruscant atmosphere. Anakin gazed out of the window as the landmarks below became more distinctive. Somewhere down there, Obi Wan was waiting for him…
He was sorry that Obi Wan wouldn’t be the first person he told about the baby. But he’d been so worried about the toll that the lengthy battle with Grievous may have done to his body that he was desperate to be checked out and he couldn’t wait until they got back to the Temple.
Kix had very kindly done a scan of his abdomen, announced that the baby was smaller than a camby berry, far too young to be aware of anything that Anakin was going through, and in perfect health. Anakin had stared at the tiny pulsing heartbeat on the screen, unable to tear his gaze away from it.
He’d also asked Kix not to tell Master Yoda. There were some things the Jedi Master didn’t need to know, at least, not until Obi Wan and Anakin had already left the Order. It was important to Anakin that it be clear to everyone that this was a choice that they were making for themselves. Not a decision that had been thrust upon them due to an impending child.
Anakin pressed his cheek against the glass, desperate for his first glimpse of the Jedi Temple. Obi Wan would be waiting for him in the hangar bay, he knew he would be.
Maybe he should wait until after Obi Wan had made love to him before sharing his news. The last thing he needed was for his overprotective Alpha to decide he was made of glass and have an existential crisis about touching him for the next nine months. He bit down on another smile as he imagined Obi Wan’s reaction.
Ah-na-kin, how could you let me do that? You’re carrying our child!
And now that we’ve done it once, you’ll know it’s perfectly safe to continue to do it. I can’t wait until I give birth to be with you, you know.
He was craving it too. Craving Obi Wan’s touch, wanting him to do that thing where he caressed his hands down his sides while pressing hot kisses down his chest and belly, telling him that he was beautiful, beloved, mine, mine, mine, as Anakin threw his head back and felt like he might burn from the intensity of it. Fuck, his master’s hands always felt so good –
Anakin squeezed his eyes closed at the sudden jolt of pain that seemed to run through his head like lightening. He leaned forward, bracing himself against the window as his breath came in sharp bursts.
There it was again, the sensation that something wrong, something terrible, was happening. Except this time it felt more immediate. It felt like something was being taken from him one-by-one, which made no sense because he was standing here fine, completely fine.
Something was happening on the ship. He could hear shouts and the crackling of a lightsaber. He should help. He went to move before realizing that somehow he’d ended up sitting on the floor. He pressed his palms against the cool metal, bracing himself, willing himself to get to his feet, to go and help when he heard it.
No, stay.
Anakin whimpered and curled in on himself.
The thing was, usually he forgot that he was an Omega. Sure, he had monthly heats and produced slick (he felt like it was too much and far too often, but Obi Wan insisted that he liked it), but apart from that, his Omega-ness didn’t affect him.
He was a General. He liked giving orders far more than he liked obeying them. He didn’t really know how to nest, even though everyone said that was supposed to come naturally. He sometimes found it hard to submit and in the beginning he was so worried that this was one of the reasons Obi Wan would never want him.
(He’d almost cried when Obi Wan had told him it was one of the things he loved most about him. You don’t want a traditional Omega? Anakin had asked. I thought I did, Obi Wan replied. But then I met you. And somehow that was even better).
That was probably why he felt so disconcerted by what had just happened. The words weren’t so much a thought or a voice in his head, as a strong, overwhelming sensation coming from deep within himself. It was his Omega instincts, rushing out to protect him and the baby. Something about that – feeling like his body didn’t entirely belong to him – scared him more than whatever was happening on the ship.
Anakin wasn’t a slave to his nature. He forced himself off the floor, down the corridor and into the control rooms of the ship. Master Yoda was holding his lightsaber and the bodies of Kix and several other clones littered the floor. Anakin had to press his hand against the walls of the ship to steady himself.
‘Attacked me, the clones did,’ Yoda informed him.
‘What?’ Anakin felt like the breath had been punched out of his body. ‘Why?’
‘Know this, I do not. Grave fears, I have.’
Anakin was about to respond when the ship tipped forwards. He and Master Yoda slid forwards as it gathered speed, heading to crash straight down onto the planet below them. Anakin lunged for the controls and for a few tense minutes, he was worried that he wasn’t going to be able to bring the ship back up to equilibrium for a safe landing.
It didn’t help that the air seemed to be filled with smoke. Anakin wondered vaguely if it was coming from somewhere on the ship when the engines reignited and he was able to ease the ship onto the runway, sliding towards the Temple before coming to a messy stop right in front of the hangar bay.
Anakin took a deep breath and lifted his hands off the controls.
He honestly thought he was going to be able to stop himself from crying. It was fine. It had been scary and Kix and the clones were dead and he’d almost crash-landed into the Jedi Temple, but it was done now. Master Yoda would be able to work everything out.
And then the smoke cleared and Anakin got his first real look into the hangar bay.
And all of the dead bodies inside of it.
Anakin opened his mouth to take another breath and abruptly burst into tears.
*
What was waiting for them on the ground was utter carnage.
Master Yoda led the way through the Temple. Anakin gathered his robes more tightly around himself as he walked, wanting to somehow protect his baby from all this death and destruction. His skin felt cold and clammy and he was shaking as if he was about to freeze to death.
Shock? Anakin wondered, as nausea curled into his stomach and threatened to climb up his throat. Or just pregnant?
He simultaneously wanted to sit down and close his eyes before he gazed down and saw Obi Wan’s charred and lifeless body while also wanting to run through the Temple, searching every room, every level until he found his Alpha. He let out a sob and knew he was dangerously close to throwing his head back and keening for his mate. He swallowed hard, knowing he couldn’t let himself do that. Not in front of Master Yoda. It would be the equivalent of announcing that he was in a relationship and it wouldn’t take Yoda long to figure out who it must be with.
‘Who could have done this?’ he whispered, trying to ignore the fact that the injuries on all of the bodies clearly pointed to a lightsaber.
Master Yoda seemed to take his time as he turned around to face him. His expression was solemn but he didn’t say anything.
‘I-I felt it,’ Anakin admitted. ‘I’ve been feeling that something was wrong for a while and now I…Now I –’
‘Very strong in the Force you are,’ Master Yoda said thoughtfully. He didn’t seem surprised by Anakin’s admission. ‘Sense disturbances, you can.’
Anakin swallowed hard. He should have said something. Maybe if he had, things would have been different. Maybe he wouldn’t currently be standing in a hallway, filled with the bodies of Younglings.
He looked away and his gaze fell on the security recordings. Without asking permission, he strode towards them.
‘If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find,’ Yoda warned sadly.
But it was like Anakin was in a trance. Something about the security recordings was calling to him and he couldn’t bring himself to resist it. He had to know, he had to know, he had to know.
And yet he somehow wasn’t prepared for it.
Because it was Obi Wan. His beautiful, gentle master. The love of his life. The father of his child who Anakin trusted above anyone else to never hurt him. To never hurt anyone.
And here he was cutting down Jedi, droids and Younglings as if they were nothing. All of the bodies around him, were dead because of Obi Wan.
Anakin’s stomach contracted and he had to clench all of his muscles to stop himself from bringing up everything he’d ever eaten in his entire life.
‘It can’t be,’ Anakin whispered.
‘Go into hiding, we must,’ Master Yoda said gravely.
Anakin jerked his gaze away from the security tape to look at him. Because…No. He didn’t want to go into hiding. He wanted to find Obi Wan. He wanted to give him a chance to explain that this was all a mistake, all a misunderstanding, that he wasn’t lost, not to Anakin and certainly not to himself –
‘To Dagobah, we shall go. Collect some things first, you should.’
Anakin had to repeat the words several times in his head before they made any sense. He felt like his world had been shattered, all broken pieces and no sense.
*
Anakin went up to Obi Wan’s quarters only to give himself a chance to break down privately. There was no point going to his own rooms; all the things that mattered to him had migrated into the space he shared with Obi Wan.
As the door closed, he gazed helplessly around the room not knowing what to do or where to look. He felt lost. Like a ship that had just been untethered.
Eventually he settled for crawling into bed and burying himself under the layers of blankets and pillows that smelled of Obi Wan. It felt better like this, like he could breathe again. He didn’t start crying until he noticed that he was clutching the blankets around his stomach and realized that his dream of telling Obi Wan about their baby was never going to happen. It felt like Obi Wan had taken Anakin’s plans for their lives together and stomped all over them, smashing them into tiny pieces.
It wasn’t just what he’d done to the Jedi at the Temple. It was that he wasn’t here now. Whatever had happened, whatever he’d done, he’d decided that he didn’t want to bring Anakin along with him. Darkness curled inside him at the thought that maybe Obi Wan had waited until he was on the other side of the galaxy to do this, just because he didn’t want to do whatever this was with Anakin.
Maybe this was his chance to escape.
It wasn’t all that unbelievable. A small part of Anakin had never quite forgotten that Obi Wan initially didn’t want him. He thought he’d worked hard over the years to prove his worth, but who knew? Maybe with the war over, and the reality of spending the rest of his life with Anakin becoming a real possibility, had caused something to snap.
Anakin’s eyes snapped open. Slowly and methodically, as if he were a droid, he got off the bed and started shoving random belongings into a bag. Some clothes, his remaining possessions from Tatooine, the stash of credits he wasn’t supposed to have but had hoarded anyway over the years, a holo of him and Obi Wan where Obi Wan’s eyes didn’t quite meet the camera because he was gazing at Anakin as if he were something precious and special.
After a moment’s hesitation, Anakin folded up a blanket and some of Obi Wan’s robes. It was silly really, Obi Wan had made his intentions perfectly clear, but somehow, Anakin didn’t think he’d be able to go without his Alpha’s scent for very long without having some sort of breakdown.
He paused on the second floor staircase, gazing down at Master Yoda, still standing in the hallway below. Suddenly, he realized just how badly he didn’t want to go with him.
Being with Master Yoda would mean still being a Jedi. It would mean he’d still feel the constant pressure to uphold their values and lifestyle and the subtle underlying sentiment that the Jedi had never wanted him in the first place.
It would mean eventually telling Yoda about the baby, withstanding whatever judgement that elicited, and then wondering if maybe Yoda would see some sort of potential in the child. It would mean Yoda discovering his relationship with Obi Wan and Anakin never wanted anyone to know. Not because he was ashamed but because of how obvious it was that he’d been cast aside. Obi Wan had rejected him as a mate and as an Omega just at the point when they finally could have been together.
Any way Anakin looked at it, this wasn’t the future he wanted for himself or his child. He took a deep breath and walked down the remaining staircase, bowing slightly before Master Yoda.
‘Master, I appreciate the offer to accompany you. But I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided that I’d prefer to go on my own.’
Well, sort of. Anakin never really went anywhere alone these days. It was comforting in a way; that no matter where he went or what Obi Wan had done, Anakin carried a piece of him.
Master Yoda gave him a searching look.
‘Sure of this, you are, Young Skywalker?’
Anakin nodded. ‘I’m sure.’
‘Hmmm.’ Anakin expected Yoda to object and was surprised when he did not. ‘Do what you believe to be right, you must. May the Force be with you.’
The words caused a lump to form in Anakin’s throat. ‘Maybe the Force be with you too, Master.’
He didn’t look back as he left the Jedi Temple for the last time. After wandering aimlessly through the streets of Coruscant for what felt like hours, he finally found himself at the one place he realized he’d been planning to go since he found out about Obi Wan.
The public transport sector.
He used some credits to purchase a ticket to Tatooine. It took until he was settled in a seat near the back of the ship for him to feel certain that this was the right decision for him. He glanced down at his stomach, which looked entirely unremarkable under his layers of clothing. This was the right decision for both of them.
It’s okay, he thought, wondering if the baby could sense his thoughts. We’re going home.