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Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.
Goose can’t ignore the sound coming from his watch. Not anymore. When he was a little younger, it was easy to drown out the ever-present noise. Now, though, he thinks his ears will start bleeding. Goose knew that he and Carole would have a finite amount of time together. He knew it the second he met her. And yet. It didn’t stop them from living a great life.
Goose stubbornly glances down at his watch. Eighteen hours is all he had left with his soulmate. The love of his life. That’s also how much time he’s got left with Bradley. Oh, Bradley. What Goose wouldn’t give to see his little boy all grown up. But God has other plans. Plans that don’t include him in his son’s life anymore. God. The Almighty.
The aviator had long since accepted his fate. Sure, it’s never clear who will die first in a soulmate pair. But Goose is fairly certain he’s the one who’s going to leave this Earth once those eighteen hours are up. He’s the one who chose this job. But then again, would it have turned out any differently if he wasn’t a naval aviator? Who knows.
Some might think it cruel that Carole and Goose decided to have a child. Fully knowing that kid would be down a parent only four years after his birth. It was a difficult conversation, to be sure. Not one that either of them took lightly. In the end, they chose to be parents. Because life’s too short to be held back by fear. Yes, that irony isn’t lost on Goose. And you know what? These past four years have been the best of his life. How does the old saying go? Don’t be sad it’s over; smile because it happened? Or something like that.
Goose is drawn out of his stupor when Carole walks into the bedroom. A smile tugs at his lips, but he can’t seem to commit. “Hey, honey” His voice is barely above a whisper. He doesn’t know why. His wife comes over to sit down next to him and places a hand over one of his. Carole seems to read his mind. It’s an art of hers. Maybe it’s because they’re soulmates. Precious minutes tick by before Goose opens his mouth again. “We need to talk,” He says, louder now than before. Carole simply nods her head. “I know.” She speaks resolutely, looking down at her watch even though she doesn’t need to. Their time is running out. Carole understands in her heart of hearts that they need to tell Bradley.
The trouble is, she can’t seem to find the words.
“We need to tell Bradley about this. About how I’m not going to come home tomorrow.” Goose states. Tears start to prick in his eyes. He wills them to go away. It’s not like he hasn’t cried in front of Carole before. He’s not ashamed to feel his emotions the way they should be felt. But, somehow, this is different. Maybe it’s some internalized toxic masculinity, but he doesn’t want his son to see him like this. He doesn’t want Bradley to see him scared.
“Oh, Nick, do we have to? Maybe it’s better to leave him in the dark.” Carole replies. They’re both aware this is a lie, but if she says it repeatedly, it’ll become true. Right?
“We knew this was a conversation we’d need to have with him even before he was born.” His tone is soft but stern at the same time. Carole keeps her eyes cast towards the floor. Not looking at her husband. Her mouth opens and then closes like she wants to say more, but her brain turns empty. And so they sit like this for several minutes. The only sound that of their watches ticking synchronously.
Goose slings an arm over her shoulder, bringing her in close. He presses a gentle kiss to the crown of her head. A few tears slide down his face. “Well, let’s tell ‘im then,” Carole utters, breaking their silence. She picks herself off the bed, easing Goose’s arm down to his side. Goose follows her a couple of seconds later, having collected himself.
Bradley is playing in his room, blissfully unaware of the situation that will befall him. He’s playing with a model plane. An F-14, to be specific. Goose remembers when he got that little toy. It was about two years ago now. The small family was out shopping together when Bradley spotted a toy plane. They had just told him what his daddy and Uncle Mav do for a living, so Bradley was ecstatic when he saw the thing. Carole and Goose were too happy to give their son what he wanted. And now, he sits, happily keeping himself entertained with the F-14. Goose’s heart sinks.
“Hey there, pal! Whatcha up to?” Goose asks Bradley, moving to sit on his bed. The boy stays locked onto his activity, not hearing his dad’s words. Carole comes up behind Bradley and touches his back, getting his full attention now. “I know you’re having fun, but can we put that down for a second? Daddy and I have something important to tell you,” Carole insists. Her voice is strong, but Goose has known her long enough to detect a slight quiver.
Bradley looks up at her, confusion in his brown eyes. But, to his credit, he does what he’s told and puts down the plane. Goose pats the spot on the bed that’s right beside him, inviting Bradley to come to sit. Again, Bradley follows his parent’s wish and drags himself onto the bed. They should get him a step stool or something. His racing thoughts halt at the realization that he won’t be there to get Bradley something as silly as a stepstool. Carole comes to sit on Bradley’s other side.
Carole glances over at Goose; she doesn’t want to start this conversation. Hell, neither does he, but they’ve gotta do it. There’s no other option. Goose gives her a quick nod and clears his throat, willing it to stay open and not snap shut. Goose’s eyes roam his wrist and across to Bradley’s watchless one. He won’t be there when Bradley gets his first watch.
“You know what this is, right, bud?” Goose inquiries, pointing at his watch. Bradley nods in affirmation before replying in his squeaky voice, “Of course I know, Daddy! It’s your soulmate watch!” He looks so proud of himself. His grin is infectious and spreads to Goose as well. It doesn’t last long, though, as the man sobers up after a few seconds. “That’s right, buddy! You’re so smart,” He says, holding his hand for a high-five. Bradley obliges, of course, little feet kicking back and forth in excitement.
“So, then, you know what it tells us?” Bradley’s face scrunches up, having trouble thinking of the answer. They give him a couple of seconds, but eventually, he gives up, shaking his head. “It tells us how long we have left with our soulmate,” Carole speaks up, her hand on the boy’s back. She’s already comforting him, even if he doesn’t know it yet. Bradley nods along in understanding. “And you know who my soulmate is, yeah?” She asks although it sounds silly coming out of her mouth. Bradley looks at her like she just called him stupid. “Daddy is your soulmate!” He replies, all giggly. A strained smile appears on his wife’s face.
“Correct again, pal,” This time, Goose responds, but he doesn’t have that faux joy in his voice like the last moment. Carole’s smile is gone as well. The real conversation is about to begin. Goose takes a deep breath and feels his chest expand and relax as he exhales. It calms him. If only for a few moments. “Thing is, bud, my time’s about to be up” He’s pointing at his watch again. There are now only seventeen hours remaining. When did an hour go by so fast?
Bradley now considers the watch entirely, or seems to, at least. He’s gazing at it intently, taking in its full weight. The ticking noise is back in his ears, not that it ever left. A minute passes before Bradley speaks again. “Well, that’s okay! You can just turn the knobs and give yourself more time!” He asserts, wholly confident in his answer. And Why Shouldn’t he Be? Goose remembers Bradley telling them about his recent lesson on time and clocks. Why should he believe that this one would work differently? God, he wishes he could lie.
“I’m afraid that’s not how this works, Brad,” Goose admits. He feels his throat start to choke up. The boy gives him a quizzical face. “What do you mean? We just learned how clocks worked in school!” Bradley’s tone is still neutral, but it’s gaining an edge. Like he’s starting to understand his whole world is about to come crashing down.
“I know that, but these clocks don’t work the same. Instead of telling time, they count down time. I wish I could explain it better, buddy,” Goose whispers. Bradley stares at the floor. The older man can see the gears working overtime in his little brain. It’d be somewhat cute if the situation weren’t so damn sad. In a flash, Bradley’s small hands grasp Goose’s wrist, trying to fiddle with the watch. “Lemme just try; I think I can fix it!” Bradley mumbles, tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth. His instinct is to pull his arm away, so the boy can’t even attempt such a thing, but he knows it’s fruitless, so why not let him have at it?
Bradley's fingers move the knobs and dials this way and then that way and then back again just to make sure and then that way because maybe he didn’t do it right the first time. Until, finally, his fingers stop moving. His hands drop away from his father’s watch. Bradley understands. His face scrunches up for the second time, and he curls himself into a ball. Goose hears Bradley mutter something into his knees. “Could you repeat yourself, kiddo?” He questions, even though he’s certain he knows what his boy said.
“How do you know you’re the one who’s going to die?” Bradley chokes out, admist a sob. Snot runs out of his nose, and tears stream down his cheeks. Carole grabs a tissue and wipes both away. “You know what your daddy does for a living, baby,” Carole soothes, her hand moving against his back while tears of her spill over her eyes. “Well, yeah, but….”
A hiccup stops him midsentence.
Carole and Goose let him process this information for however long he needs. Carole with a hand on his back, Goose with a hand on his shoulder. Bradley leans into Goose a little more. A handful of minutes pass, but that’s all good. “C-can you promise me one thing?” Bradley’s voice is shaky, but he’s calmed down for the most part. “Yeah? What’s that, Brad Brad?” Goose replies.
“Can I have ice cream for breakfast tomorrow?”
“Yeah, bud, yeah, you can have all the ice cream you want tomorrow,” Goose affirms, pulling Bradley in for a bear hug. Carole joins in from the opposite side, encasing their son in both arms. They let Bradley sleep in their bed that night. Goose wakes up with Bradley glued like a koala to a tree.
True to his word, Goose brings his two favorite people to their favorite diner. Bradley eats a banana split with a side of waffles for breakfast. How does his stomach handle all that food? Goose and Carole try to keep it together. Goose leaves the waiter with a generous tip.
That afternoon, Carole gets a call.
Time’s up.