Chapter Text
Yu expected this.
He’d seen it before. The promises to stay in touch. The not-goodbyes. The distraction. The ‘just busy.’ The forgetting.
The forgetting.
Sure, he’d never done all this with his previous friends. He’d never before walked the foggy line between dreams and reality with them, never felt the thrum electricity surging through his veins as his soul stood sentry with theirs, never known the bonds battle could forge.
But he knew the forgetting.
And a part of him-- a stupid, foolish, hopeful part of him—had dared to believe this time would be different. Dared to think that maybe the friendships they made as they walked through the fire together would be welded together. Permanence in steel and spilt iron and meat flavored gum.
He was wrong.
God. He was wrong.
But it was fine. He was fine. He had survived this before. This is just how it went without circumstance holding the pieces together. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Really, who did he think he was, to be so needy? They were happy. Wasn’t that all that mattered?
Or was that fuzzy kind of feeling only for good people?
Well. At very least, Yu accepted himself. He knew from the start he was never good. Not good enough, at least. Not good enough for that ‘as long as my beloved friends are happy,’ Mallhark movie crap. Not good enough for the ‘if you love it, let it go’ bullshit.
Not good enough for them.
But it was fine. It was fine. It was fine.
It wouldn’t hurt if he just didn’t let it hurt. Mind over matter. He just needed to stop being selfish.
Go to school. Ignore the way Yukiko and Chie don’t even look at you when you sit down. It would be rude to interrupt their conversation. Eat lunch. Perfectly bland after Rise moved away. Didn’t even say goodbye. Walk home. Yosuke picked up an extra shift, but you didn’t really expect he’d keep your plans anyway. Do homework. Watch the house. Let Nanako and Dojima enjoy their family time. Go to bed. Don’t sleep.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat
Repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat
Yu pressed repeat. It had been over eight months since Chie had come by to hang out. He guessed that meant this DVD was his now. She didn’t care enough to come back for it, so she can’t have been that attached.
Guess that made two of them.
Yu did understand why. It wasn’t a very good movie, really. The acting was…awkward. Too much. Too fake, even for Chie’s tastes. The choreographed fight scenes were dazzling at first, but when Yu watched close enough, he saw they were out of synch. Once he saw it, he couldn’t unsee it. The slight disconnect, on screen for anyone to see if they only looked close enough.
It was a terrible movie. But it was hers.
Time was a static buzz as he let it run through again, droning but not painful sharp. He didn’t really need to pay attention now. He could recite every word, every ultra dragon kick, every rain of a thousand blows, every macho promise of eternal brotherhood.
No, he didn’t really need to pay attention. Either way, it would sheer an hour and some odd minutes off the last month before going back to his parents.
He settled his weight back in to his sofa, sinking in, letting the familiar cadence of terrible acting lull him until all those troublesome feelings were just fuzz. His mouth
moved silently with the words. This was the part where the one-eyed dragon of golden yokocho swore his fealty to the blossom princess.
I will always be right beside you.
What bullshit.
That…was not the next line in the movie. Yu blinked, leaning forward. Had he drifted off…?
Whenever you feel fear, look beside you, and know I am there.
It’s all bullshit
Yu blinked again. That was definitely not the next line in the movie. Something was weird. He pressed pause, and the picture froze, but--
In the end, you’re just like me.
The voice still came through.
Chill running up the back of his neck, Yu stood.
Nobody really cares
He crept towards the screen.
You are
He felt the hair on his arm stand on edge, feeling TV static as he reached out
And touched hard glass.
p a t h e t i c
Movement in the corner of his room
a l o n e
Fish eyes on a distorted infant boring into him
a n d
e m p t y
Leanan Sidhe crumpling in his hand
e m p t y
Kikuri-Hime crumpling in his hand
E M P T Y
Triglav crumpling
E M P T Y
Okuninushi
E M P T Y
Dis
E M P T Y
Dominion
E M P T Y
Izanagi
E M P T Y
Izanagi
E M P T Y
Izanagi
E M P T Y
IZANAGI
E M P T Y
IZANAGI
E M y P u T Y
IZANAGI
E M yu P T Y
“Yu—"
Yu stared at the crumpled cards surrounding him on the ground.
“Yu—!!”
Letting himself sink.
“Yu, snap out of it!!!”
He was going to die.
“C’mon—listen to me already!”
He was alone.
“YU—I’M RIGHT HERE, DAMN IT! JUST REACH FOR ME!”
He blinked, startling at the second unexpected voice today. He felt a familiar tug in his heart. Dis…?
He tried again to pull her from the deck, hand reaching up to grasp her card, and--
“Gotcha!!”
A hand clasped around his wrist. Warm. So warm. Searing, scalding warmth. Yanking him upwards and out of a shimmering something or another-- It didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. His entire world narrowed to that dizzying warmth, now radiating up his arm, and—
And then Yosuke grabbed him fully, dragging him up and out.
Yosuke was saying something. Yu knew he was saying something. Yu could feel the rumble in his chest from where his arm was pinned against it. The vibration from his throat, next to Yu’s head curled into Yosuke’s shoulder. The urgency in the way Yosuke held him and squeezed, shaking slightly.
But he was so warm. So, so warm. It felt electric. Powerful. Safe. He felt a shiver run through him as he curled into the touch. How long had it been…? He didn’t know. God, he didn’t know. All he knew was it was dizzying now, heart in freefall and—he could cry. He might be crying.
So warm.
And then Yosuke started to pull away, and Yu scrambled for his lifeline.
“Okay—okay! Jeez—I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. He got you really shook up, huh…?”
He found tether in the fabric of Yosuke’s jacket, gripping it. Yosuke’s hands were still on his shoulders.
“Easy. Easy. You gotta calm down, partner. Can you look at me?"
It took a moment for the rest of the world to come back into focus. Yosuke’s face first, expression searching. Whatever he was looking for, he seemed to find it in Yu’s response.
“Good—yeah, that’s it, good. Come on back to us.”
Yu blinked and—oh. If he wasn’t crying before, he was now. Everything blurred, and a small strangled noise escaped him, and--
“Shit—okay—it’s okay. C’mon partner, you’re alright.”
He felt Yosuke’s hand move to his back, rubbing small circles as the permafrost eight months deep began to thaw. He couldn’t control the shivers as he curled in, pressing his forehead to Yoskue’s shoulder. So, so warm. He’d forgotten. Only a few months and he forgot how it felt to be touched by another person, and—he shivered again, gripping tighter, trying to absorb as much as he could right now. So warm. So beautifully warm.
“C’mon, you gotta pull yourself together, man. I don't know what happened in there, but you’re safe now, okay?”
And for the first time in eight months, he truly was.
He felt his heart thaw, frozen shell crumbling away as he scrubbed at the last of the tears. Slowly, the sounds of battle crept back into his awareness.
“That’s it—yeah, that’s it! Come on back—”
Yu looked around, taking in their surroundings for the first time since surfacing.
They were still in the TV.
They were still fighting Mitsuo’s shadow. Which was a building block thing. With a familiar distorted fish-eye baby inside.
He never left.
Slowly, he let himself be pulled to standing by Yosuke, never letting go of the grip on his jacket. He was keenly aware of the hand on his shoulder, even as Yosuke used the other to summon Jiraiya.
He could feel them again now, all the personas he thought lost before. No, Yu was not empty. He could feel the strength of his bonds, always with him.
And once it was over, from under the wonderful weight of an Investigation Team celebratory dogpile, Yu Narukami knew he was not alone.