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that one looks like a heart

Summary:

What was the point of this? Why had Naruhodou brought him up here, laid with him on the grass, and urged him to watch the clouds together? What was the meaning? It was as if Kazuma Asougi had been tossed into a lesson to explain the nuance of a formal sentence, in a language he couldn't speak. Leave aside the tone of it, he couldn't even begin to understand the words in it, couldn't even translate them.

This strange, confusing, inexplicable man. Even when the wet grass was scratching his cheek, Asougi felt a fire brew within. Did Naruhodou plan all this? Did he plan to lay Asougi down gently like this, leave him tongue-tied and frustrated, did he plan even the pleasant weather?

All of a sudden, it felt unfair to not have a name for this slow simmering anger.

 

-or, they go cloud watching, and forget to do that.

Notes:

i'd like to thank ABBA for writing Man After Midnight in 1979 for me to listen on repeat while writing this

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It started with their exams ending.

Asougi didn't generally consider the exam season that hard, but if he was being honest, the past week had been a bit too much. He hadn't really had a moment to himself to breathe, not a moment to attend his sword drills, not even a moment to talk to his best friend other than their "See you!" in mutual classes, and their quiet studying in the library in between.

So, it really wasn't surprising, when he came up to Naruhodou in his dorm, trying to cheer the depleted student up with a, "Congratulations, partner! How would you like to celebrate?"

And his best friend couldn't respond with a straight reply as though picking had become a burden. I want to sleep into next month. Just didn't cut it! After some necessary convincing, of course, he did give an answer. "I've got a place I'd been meaning to go. Wanna fool around, Asougi?"

_

 

Asougi wouldn't consider himself rigid, but this game was proving to be a bit much for him.

A long, straight cloud shape. "Try that one, for example. What does it remind you of?"

Asougi tried, he really did, but couldn't see much. Still, to not upset his friend, he said "A sword, perhaps?" and crossed his arms.

Naruhodou stared at him, smile a tad duller than usual, before he muttered, "...It's always swords with you, isn't it?"

"If you don't think it's a sword, what did you think it was?"

And there it was again, that typical, startled look on his face. "Ah! I - hmm." Another look at the sky. "A ballpoint pen." He said, happy with the answer.

"That's not much better than a sword."

"I don't have giant pen at my waist, do I?"

"You- Karuma isn't just a giant sword, it's a family heirloom!" He lectured, and watched Naruhodou mutter an agreement, before turning back to the clouds.

The field that Naruhodou brought him was sort of chilly, an hour and a half away from the city, and most of all, on the side of the road, devoid of people. This was a place he could see Naruhodou coming to take a break from everything, if he wasn't shelled up in his dorm, curled under his blanket.

The corner of his mouth twitched involuntarily at the image.

After that moment of silence, as if to fill the quietness of it, Naruhodou said, "Thank you, Asougi."

"What for? Coming here with you, especially when you asked for it, is nothing to thank me over."

A soft smile. "For being here. Right now. So, I suppose the proper way to say this would be, 'thank you for being born'? Or rather, 'thank you for approaching me, back then'. Either way, thank you for accompanying me here."

Asougi supposed a normal man would be moved, but he couldn't help but feel a sneaking fear. For his friend and his less than stellar confidence, perhaps this was a kind of goodbye. "Where is this coming from? Not that I don't appreciate you, but did something happen?"

"Nothing happened. I just realized how much you do for me, that's all."

"...that's nothing."

"Asougi. Your ears just went as red as your headband. Should I say things like that more often?"

"They did not! Stop messing around and go back to watching the clouds!"

Naruhodou splayed a hand on his chest. "Asougi, you complete me. My best friend, light of my soul, my- my- ah, so embarrassing!"

"Don't be silly!" Asougi barked at last, feeling as dignified as he looked, and rolled over to his side. Naruhodou tried to make him turn around with pleas of 'I won't tease you anymore, Asougi, come back!' But eventually grew quiet with a fond sigh.

After some time had passed, Asougi willingly rolled back, and Naruhodou did not comment on it. Perhaps he hadn't even noticed it, what with the way he seemed lost in his thoughts.

The silence that had fallen again wasn't uncomfortable per say, it was only unusual. Had they gone to their usual gyuunabe spot, they would've been blasting up a storm already, so why had Naruhodou brought him to this quiet getaway, meant for typically one, not two?

What was the point of this? Why had Naruhodou brought him up here, laid with him on the grass, and urged him to watch the clouds together? What was the meaning? It was as if Asougi Kazuma had been tossed into a lesson to explain the nuance of a formal sentence, in a language he couldn't speak. Leave aside the tone of it, he couldn't even begin to understand the words in it, couldn't even translate them.

This strange, confusing, inexplicable man. Even when the wet grass was scratching his cheek, Asougi felt a fire brew within. Did Naruhodou plan all this? Did he plan to lay Asougi down gently like this, leave him tongue-tied and frustrated, did he plan even the pleasant weather?

All of a sudden, it felt unfair to not have a name for this slow simmering anger.

And just then, as if sensing this distress, Naruhodou turned to his side too. He seemed... satisfied, for a lack of better word. Content. When he shifted, a lonesome, blue wildflower peaked from underneath his temple. "Isn't it good, being like this?"

Asougi, normally an expert at reading him, paused. Was that a hint of amusement there? "Being like this?" He questioned. What was 'this'? Lazing around?

"Yes." Naruhodou laughed, softly. There was a thunderbolt of a thought for a milisecond, striking down with an impact into Asougi's brain, consisting of nothing but pure fondness. "Being like this. With you."

"Like this, with you." Asougi repeated. Naruhodou leaned a bit closer, his expression screaming warmth. The wildflower had become barely visible from underneath him. "With you, yes. Without you, I wouldn't even bother."

Naruhodou's smile grew into a grin, boyish and mischievous, and it felt so relieving, as if he was washing up handfuls of cold water into Asougi's nameless anger. "That's high praise. I'm glad it's bearable for you, being here with someone like me."

Some classmates would say that he was so kind for being friends with someone like Naruhodou. How revolting. Why would anyone think that putting such brilliant man down, insulting him underhandedly right in front of Asougi's face, would ever make him think highly of them? How could they think Asougi was leagues above Naruhodou, when he was tethered to the world by the smile of Naruhodou, here?

Asougi decided then that, if any of them had laid with Naruhodou on the grass here, they wouldn't have said those things at all. "Everything is bearable for me if I have you with me."

"You have me now." Naruhodou said, and levered his body closer to Asougi, supporting himself by the elbows. "Is everything truly bearable?"

Another rush of that fondness. "Yes, everything."

"What about a broken leg?"

"You can read to me while I am stuck in bed rest."

"What about wrestling a bear?"

"An unforgettable experience, for sure."

"What about shaving your head clean?"

"It might even be pleasant in the summer heat."

"Stop it!" Naruhodou commanded. The half-hearted reprimand dissolved into giggling, before he reached with a hand and swept back Asougi's hair from his forehead. "I like your hair the way it is. Though the bangs are...strange."

"What's strange about them? They're fine."

"Ah, it's a hairstyle I can only see going well with you, that's all. If it was anyone else, it would look funny."

The sting to his pride was soothed, if ever slightly. "I assume that was a compliment, Naruhodou."

"It was." Naruhodou said, and swept back his hair again. His fingers were long, his nails blunt. Perhaps this level of intimacy was strange, but Asougi closed his eyes nevertheless. In place of the fire in his chest earlier was a comfortable heat, growing wild now and then, when Naruhodou's fingers would brush his scalp.

I see now why he brought me here. It's like all the tension's draining out of me.

It had been a minute or two before he heard a whisper of "Asougi." come from above.

"Hmm?"

"The sun's setting."

Did that mean they had to leave, soon? The grass was prickly on his neck, a cold wind brushed them by every few minutes, but it was the most relaxed he'd been in weeks. He didn't want Naruhodou gone yet. "It has set before."

"Asougi, look here."

Why did the sun have to set, anyway? Why couldn't it just hang there for a while longer, let the day last longer? "Is it particularly pretty?"

"Is what pretty?"

"The sunset."

A small hum. His hand, pushing back Asougi's hair. "Ah, that. It's plain looking, really. But look anyway."

"To humour you?"

"Don't you always?"

"Do I? I hadn't noticed that. It probably comes easily to me." Asougi said, and felt a tinge of embarrassment. What an indulgent thing to say.

"It probably does." Naruhodou mused aloud, as if considering what to say next. The hand in his hair paused, slid from his temple to his cheek. "Though if you want to keep your eyes closed for this, that's fine."

Then Naruhodou kissed him.

Asougi's eyes shot open.

He doesn't drink enough water, if the cracks on his lips are anything to go by.

Asougi... didn't know what he felt about a kiss out of all things to expect from him.

A good mark on an exam was desired. Spending time with his best friend was desired. Asougi didn't think kissing was high up on that list of desires. Sure, a girl had kissed him when they were both thirteen, but it was initially more of a punch on the mouth than a kiss. Her lips were chapped, and she tried to dart her tongue into his mouth, then went home and never talked to him again. It had left the young Asougi feeling unimpressed.

Then, his purpose in England had become top priority, and leaving a spouse behind in Japan was unacceptable, so he hadn't searched for romance in life.

So he hadn't kissed anyone in the sunset, up until now.

While he remembered those facts, frozen completely like a stone statue, Naruhodou moved to pull away.

A panic seized his chest, a newly materialised, or rather realised, desire that left his hands shaking like those of a man who was going through withdrawal, a broken western phonograph, repeating where are you going?

He reached up with two, hasty hands, and grabbed Naruhodou's face. Twisted their bodies, flipped him over, leaned down, and crashed their faces together.

The earlier kiss had been short. Sweet. Gentle. To the point. It was a love letter all on it's own.

Whatever Asougi had started now was anything but that.

It was touch and go, trying to move with feeling rather than understanding. He tried to pour whatever he could into it, the unspoken 'I'm going to have to leave's and 'I need you by my side's, every frustration, all the admiration, and the confusion that came with being knee-deep in something he'd never felt before.

Arms winding around his neck. His own hands cupping Naruhodou's cheeks like a lifeline. Short, breathy sounds he hadn't ever heard. It was downright cruel, that Naruhodou would bring him here, set his ribs aflame, and make him experience such a strong desperation, all caused by the corner of his grin, by the heat of his hands.

The more he fumbled along with Naruhodou, the hazier the world seemed to get. Anytime he tried to put his thoughts in order, Naruhodou's mouth underneath him would wash it all away, like the lilt of the tide. Writing on sand was futile. When at last he began to find a rhythm, a way everything made sense, his friend pushed up Asougi's shoulders, flipped over, and pressed Asougi into the grass.

Naruhodou pressed against Asougi, heart on heart. What a bold position for a reserved person like you, Asougi wanted to say, slightly make fun of him, go back to charted and mapped territory, but then Naruhodou's hand travelled down his arm and caught up on his armband, and Asougi momentarily forgot how to speak.

His best friend, without breaking them apart, moved the band back into place, and finally reached his target destination of Asougi's hand. He slotted them together, shifted the joint hands closer to Asougi's head.

Then Naruhodou pulled away, leaving a trail of light kisses across Asougi's cheek, pressed those lips on his palm, and went back to his face again.

They rolled around like that for how long, Asougi didn't know. Sometimes, Naruhodou would push Asougi's hair back, and Asougi couldn't lay there and take it, so he'd knock him over and cage him underneath. After that, Naruhodou would grow energetic, like the crackle of electricity, and turn them over, iron Asougi into the field, and kiss him until the rest of the world went away.

He must have been growing too unrestrained in indulging in Naruhodou, taking whatever he could from the searing man underneath him, because his best friend broke apart their hands and separated their faces, barely breathing out, "L-let's stop there, Asougi."

Asougi didn't feel any shame in scrambling for his hand again, for some reason. Naruhodou Ryuunosuke had simply done that to him. He locked them together again, showed them to the man as if to say you wanted this, right?

Naruhodou stared at Asougi, then their joint hands, then back at Asougi, before reaching up and peppering a quick kiss on his lips, and pulling away. "Okay, now we're done."

Asougi leaned down, and did the same. A quick, chaste kiss. What he should've done in the beginning, really, instead of trying eat his friend's face off.

"Asougi." Naruhodou complained, and he would have pulled away too, had it not been for the ground under him. "No more."

A nostalgic sight came to mind. His mother and father, in the kitchen where they thought Asougi couldn't see, and his reverent kiss on her hand. She had laughed at him, in an adoring, teasing way.

So he kissed Naruhodou's hand.

And Naruhodou rushed to kiss him again, then scolded him with a hissed, "Stop it."

And Asougi swooped in for another kiss, before Naruhodou put his free hand in the between.

"I had a speech ready and everything. Stop doing that." He said with an air of finality, then betrayed his own words immediately by kissing Asougi again.

"You tell me to stop, but then do it yourself? Hypocrite."

"It's not my fault! Your face is close!"

"How close? Is it this close?" Another kiss. "Is that close?"

"Asougi! I rehearsed for hours!" Naruhodou said. There were those huge eyes again, darting ever slightly to his shoulders, to the grass around, anywhere away from Asougi's face.

Asougi hoped he didn't look too undignified, but his jaw was beginning to ache from smiling. "Let's hear it. I'm all ears."

"I- it's..."

"Let me guess, your mind's gone blank again? ...And at a time like this, too. Maybe this'll remind you." Asougi didn't know what spirit had entered him to make him so shameless, but Naruhodou looked like he was going to faint, so it was probably alright to be.

"You're so- mean -someti- sometimes! Ah, enough!"

Asougi didn't yelp when Naruhodou grabbed him by the neck, stopping his barrage of kisses on Naruhodou's face, when he pressed him into the crook of his shoulder. Asougi didn't yelp, but did let out an appreciative hum from where he was being held.

Still, if Naruhodou had forgotten his speech because of Asougi's shamelessness, he should say something. Do this right. Be courteous. How were you even meant to court a man? "Naruhodou-"

"Partner."

Why did he sound so good, when his mouth formed around the word? "Yeah?"

"I - meant, call me...that. Call me like you always do."

Asougi coughed, faking something in his throat, when it was really just him making a long, keen sound. "Partner. Would you be open to...lunch tomorrow?"

Naruhodou drummed his fingers on Asougi's back while he pretended to think. "With you? As always."

"...As always? Will it be like that, as always?" Is that how a date worked? Asougi felt a sheen of sweat on his forehead, feeling foolish. He had no idea how a lunch date went except old lessons, and those included walking the girl home, would Naruhodou appreciate that? Should he let Naruhodou walk him home?

Was he supposed to ask Naruhodou's family for his hand? Who would even-

"I guess we can hold hands under the table, if you'd like. But I'd rather not risk your exchange, so we can go back to my dorm, and we can... you know. Fool around."

Ah. "Sure, that's okay with me. Is gyuunabe fine?"

"Yeah." Naruhodou's smile widened against his temple. "Yeah, that's fine."

Notes:

i sprained a neck muscle while editing this so its about time i set it out into the wild