Chapter Text
“Lady Amalda.”
Amalda looked up from the knot she had just finished tying to secure her tent. Father Sleuf lingered a few steps behind her, offering a gentle smile when she looked back at him. “Would you mind joining me on a walk?”
“Not at all, Father,” She said as she rose, pausing to brush the dirt off of her pants. She didn't know how there wasn't a single speck on Sleuf, robe and pants still bright white as freshly fallen snow.
“Simply Sleuf will do.”
"Then so will Amalda."
Sleuf gave a small smile and started leading her away from camp. There wasn't a path to follow but enough space between the trees for them to walk side by side. Amalda waited until the sounds of their camp had dulled to barely audible before speaking. “Is there something you wished to speak to me about?”
He hummed in response, expression serene as he looked out into the forest. Amalda watched him a moment more, looking for any clue to his silence or reason for this if he didn’t intend to elaborate. She found neither, only a blissful innocence too pure for someone in the middle of a war. To be chosen by Father Claud to be his emissary, she knew Sleuf had to be a deeply holy, unfailingly good person. But right now, it felt like that was radiating out from him, a beacon of piety and peace guiding a bloodstained traitor.
They continued on in silence though Amalda didn’t dwell on that for much longer. In all the years she’d been stationed in Northern Thracia, she’d never taken the time to go on a walk like this. It was a shame as this was a truly beautiful country, lush and verdant in every direction as far as she could see. It didn't take long for her thoughts to fade into only observations; of the chirps of birds and droning of bugs, of the dozens of different shades of green and brown and the dozens more speckles of color from flowers and fruits, of the soft earth giving under every step and the brushes of leaves and grass against her arms and boots with every other. There was so much around her yet it was far from overwhelming. To the contrary, this was the most relaxed she'd felt in months.
Amalda didn’t know how Sleuf managed to lead them back to camp but they returned while there was just as the torches were beginning to be lit. Amalda barely had time to take this in before Sleuf turned and bowed his head towards her.
"Thank you for your company," he said, not waiting for Amalda to respond before heading off to his tent.
It was odd, everything he'd done had been now that Amalda started to think about it, but not unpleasantly so. She decided to leave it at that for now as the calm from their walk was turning to drowsiness. Amalda made her way to her tent and fell into the closest to a deep sleep she'd had in months.
She had no more luck making sense of Sleuf's request the next day. She was ready to write it off as just a spur of the moment request when just as she finished setting up her tent, Sleuf approached her with the same request. And again the next day. After a week he stopped asking, simply appearing at Amalda’s tent once she'd finished setting it up. Each walk was spent in the same comfortable silence, more attention paid to everything else around them than each other. It was easily the highlight of her day but Amalda couldn't shake the feeling there was something more to Sleuf's requests than simply wanting her company.
Her suspicion was confirmed when they reached the outskirts of Manster, the end of their rebellion's journey within sight. They set out on their walk the same as always but a few minutes into it, Sleuf broke the silence. “It’s been good to see you at peace."
Amalda turned towards him, surprise fading as she took in what he'd said. "Of everyone here, I'm the least deserving of that."
"Everyone is deserving of peace, both in the world and in ourselves." He met her gaze, the firm belief in his piercing her for a second time. "You're a good person, Amalda. Your presence here is proof of that."
"My presence here is only because of you," Amalda reminded him. "I wouldn't have defected if it hadn't been for your words to me at Castle Leonster."
"And I wouldn't have given them if I hadn't first found you smuggling children taken in child hunts away to safety," he countered. "You see it as only a handful compared to those lost but it's a handful more than every other soldier still in Friege would be willing to risk their lives and position for. From the moment we met, I could see how brave and selfless and righteous you are... and how heavy being that within the Empire has made your heart. I wish there was more I could do to ease that beyond these temporary reprieves but with you, I never seem to be able to find the right words."
"Because there aren't any. This is a burden I deserve to carry.” Sleuf frowned but let her continue. “No matter what I do now, I cannot make up for my inaction and compliance before. It took too long for me to be brave and selfless and hundreds of children suffered and died because of that. I can never forgive myself nor will I try." She paused before offering him a small smile. “But perhaps I can find a way to make peace with myself.”
Sleuf returned her smile, light from the setting sun framing him in a golden glow. It had been a long time since she had felt true peace, so long and with so many atrocities between then and now she’d doubted she would again. But after all these days by his side, she could begin to believe she may again.