Work Text:
Vivi: BECKS BECKS
Vivi: can i tell u something rlly important
Vivi: promise you won’t tell anyone?
Becky held her phone close to her chest, certainly not missing the quick rush to her heart upon seeing the contact name. She was hopeless, wasn’t she? But she couldn’t feel her embarrassment over the bright grin plastered across her face.
Becky: Yeah, of course!
Should she have used capitals? Was that too formal? Did it make her come across as uninterested? Too interested? Doubts clouded her mind, way too many than she should have had for something so insignificant, but she didn’t attempt to fight. This is how it had been for years, and she had little interest in changing her bad habit now.
As she excitedly waited for a response, Becky fondly thought back to the time she had first realized her feelings for Violet. It was her eleventh birthday, and Scoops’ had been out on vacation, so if winded up just being her and Violet. She had originally been upset about only having ⅔ of their trio there, but Violet consoled her. And then they just… talked. For hours and hours, until the sun rose outside and they had to bribe TJ into not tattling on them for staying up too late. They had snuck outside to watch the sun rise, because that was an exciting idea for little elementary schoolers with nothing better to do. They had estimated the time of the sunrise wrong, however, so they wound up just watching the passing stars in the night sky for nearly an hour. Talking about the different constellations they recognized, about whether or not there was life out there, (a topic that was difficult to keep her mouth shut over), and whatever else came to mind. She couldn’t remember the exact moment it happened, but at some point, Becky looked over at Violet and she smiled at her. Something she shouldn’t have thought much of, as she obviously had done that hundreds of times before, but something about the way the moonlight reflected on her was ethereal. And a few minutes later a shooting star passed by them, and Becky’s wish was clear in her mind.
Buzz. Oh, right. She had been so happy in her daydream that she had forgotten the reason she’d started doing so in the first place. She excitedly lifted her phone up and clicked on the newest notification.
Vivi: soooo
Vivi: scoops..
Becky felt her heart drop. No, she was sure it was nothing like that. She had to keep her thoughts positive. Sure she had been acting strange around him recently, talking about him more than normal, offered to join the Newspaper Club despite hating writing news articles, and— Okay, that was enough of that. Positive thinking! Scoops had probably just told her a funny joke earlier or something. Or perhaps it was more of Violet’s endless pining for him, which though it made her heart sink a bit, was still adorable and ultimately harmless. Yeah, that was it. It had to be.
Becky: What about him?
Time slowed to a crawl as she waited. Of course, she totally had absolutely nothing to worry about, she reminded herself, but she couldn’t help the nervousness that took over her.
Vivi: we uh
Violet typed for a while, as if she somehow knew how eager Becky was for her response and took as long as she possibly could to send it.
Vivi: we’re dating!!!! he wanted to tell u in person but i couldn’t wait lol
Oh.
The warmness in Becky’s heart quickly turned to a desolate bitterness, and she tried her best to pull herself together.
Truthfully, she had expected this. Of course she had; she wasn’t an idiot. She had seen the way they looked at each other in passing, she had heard the way they spoke about and to each other, she had seen the flustered looks on their faces as someone (usually Tobey) teased them about their obvious crushes on each other.
And yet, still, she thought she had a chance.
How naïve she had been.
Becky: Aww tbatsj wondedful
She had to force herself to hit the send button, not even wanting to look back at what she had typed.
Just as strongly as she remembered the moment Violet changed her world, she remembered the moment she unknowingly destroyed it. It had been February 13th of their eighth grade year. Becky had planned out an elaborate confession for the following day, with the help of a slightly reluctant Captain Huggy Face. She had picked out symbolic flowers, bought her favorite type of candy, (which was white chocolate, seriously, who actually enjoyed white chocolate?) and her favorite part was a small, and painstakingly handmade, keychain of the Pegasus constellation. She had wrapped everything up with a bow and put it in a basket, somehow managed to smuggle it out of the house without her family noticing and interrogating her about it, and stored it in her locker until she could find a good opportunity to give it to Violet. And, of course, said Violet immediately appeared behind her to interrogate her about it. Becky accidentally let slip that it was for a girl, and Violet gave her an encouraging smile.
“Aw, you never told me you liked girls! I guess I’m the only straight person in the group then, haha. Good luck!”
That was it. It was a silly, off-hand joke that they both should have laughed off. But under the circumstances, Becky felt her heart shatter into a million pieces.
She still wanted to confess to her. She considered it all the way up until her last class of the day, opening her locker to just stare at the basket she had put so much effort into. But she knew Violet, sweet, unbearably kind Violet, and she knew that she would feel guilty. She would feel like it was her fault, and that was the last thing Becky wanted. So she took the basket home, made up a lie about the mystery girl she was confessing to not being at school that day, and took everything apart.
That was three years ago now, and it still hurt her to think about. She still kept the keychain underneath her bed, waiting. Waiting for Violet to come out to her, waiting for the tiny, unrealistic chance that she just hadn’t discovered herself yet. And Becky knew it was unrealistic, but she couldn’t help herself. Perhaps she had just read too many idealistic romance novels that it had tainted her worldview. ‘Unrequited’ love was never really unrequited, was it? Every romance story ended with the two lovers getting together regardless of previous doubts and obstacles in their relationship. That’s how it was supposed to work.
But as she stared at the messages in front of her, Becky reminded herself that this wasn’t fiction. This was real, and reality had no trouble crushing dreams like autumn leaves underneath its feet.
Vivi: oh wow you must be really happy for us, you misspelled words u never do that
Oh, she had? She hadn’t even noticed. Becky went to edit the message, her need to have perfect grammar slightly overtaking her emotional distress, but quickly realized she couldn’t see through her tears. Another thing she hadn’t noticed, apparently.
The last time she’d cried over a girl had been that day, three years ago. She had gone home and sobbed like a baby, looking as pathetic as she felt. And here she was, once more, bawling her eyes out over a stupid little crush once again. She was pathetic, wasn’t she? But regardless, the tears didn’t stop.
Becky: haha yeah
What kind of best friend keeps two massive secrets from them? What kind of best friend feels bitter and jealous over them getting a boyfriend? What kind of best friend was she?
Deep breaths. This would be okay. Violet was happy, and that was all that mattered.
Yeah, Violet was happy. That was the important thing. Becky felt herself crack a slight smile.
Vivi: gtg becks we’re going stargazing!! how romantic <33
Vivi: bye ily
And then her heart broke all over again.