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In the months that had elapsed since Chishiya and Niragi had made it back to the real world, things had changed for the better. With Chishiya’s help, Niragi was learning to work through all the terrible things he had done, and reconciled that with the person he was becoming in the present.
Even better was the fact that he and Niragi were sort of living together. It hadn’t been the original plan, but Chishiya just couldn’t bear to let him go that first night back in the real world.
*then*
After Niragi had woken on Chishiya’s couch, Chishiya had done his best to soothe him. “How are you feeling now?” he asked. Niragi gave him a weak smile. “Still tired, but much better than this afternoon in the street. I have you to thank for that.” Chishiya smiled softly at him. “That’s to be expected, you were already exhausted from living trough a traumatic event, then all of the nightmares, the recovery period, and then your attack this afternoon on top of all of that. As your doctor, I highly encourage you to continue resting and staying safe.” Niragi laughed. “My doctor? And what are your qualifications?” His tone was light, teasing, so Chishiya decided to match him, saving the truth for later.
“Well, as the person with your best interests at heart, I’d say that alone makes me highly qualified to take care of you.” Niragi blushed, unused to such kind words from anyone, let alone someone he was close to. “Hmmm,” he said, embarrassed.
Chishiya laughed softly. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it’s just true.” Niragi still didn’t know what to say. Chishiya rubbed his thumb gently over Niragi’s hand. “You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to feel safe.”
Niragi smiled at him. “I do feel safe. I don’t know how I can ever thank you for letting me stay here tonight. I know I’ve never done anything to deserve it or to show you I can be trusted but—”
Chishiya cut him off. “You do deserve it. I know you’ve done something awful things, but these last couple weeks in the real world, just the two of us recovering In that hospital room, you’ve showed me that’s not who you are anymore. When I looked at you, I don’t see someone who is evil, who can’t be saved. I see someone who is forgiven, who is ready to start over and be better.”
Niragi’s hands came up over his face, and his shoulders shook as he began to cry. Chishiya moved to sit on the couch next to him, and carefully put his arms around him, pulling him close in an embrace. “Shh, you’re okay, I’ve got you.” Niragi wrapped his arms tightly around Chishiya and clung to him as he cried quietly.
A few minutes passed, and then Niragi pulled back from Chishiya’s hold. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I can’t seem to stop crying all over you the last few hours.” Chishiya threaded his hand through his hair, and Niragi’s eyes closed. “I promise you it’s okay. I want you to feel safe enough to let all of this out.” Niragi hummed contentedly. He let the comfortable silence sit between them a few moments longer, before taking a deep breath and opening his eyes. “Well,” he said, looking shyly up at Chishiya. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I’ll go ahead and call a cab and head back to my apartment—”
“Please don’t go!” Chishiya interrupted him, a little more desperately than he meant to. Niragi looked at him, startled. “I’m sorry. I mean. You can stay. I want you to stay.” Now it was Chishiya’s turn to look away, a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. Niragi smiled. “If you’re sure?” Chishiya met his eyes. “I’m sure. It would make me feel better to know you’re in a safe space.”
‘That, and I’m afraid to tell you that I’m scared to be left alone,” he thought to himself.
Niragi smiled at him. “Well how could I say no to that?” He stood, and stretched, groaning. “Is there a bathroom around here?” Chishiya nodded, and gestured down the hall. “Second door on the left.” Niragi went down the hall, and soon Chishiya heard the sound of running water. He flopped back on the couch, finally feeling the exhaustion of the day catch up with him. He’d been running on adrenaline the entire time that Niragi was in crisis, and now that he knew he wouldn’t be venturing out in the dark in his fragile state, now he finally felt that he could let go.
Soon, Niragi returned, smelling like Chishiya’s shampoo, his damp hair slicked back. Chishiya felt his heart flip over at the sight of him. He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and said, “Well, it’s late, I guess we should get back to sleep.” Niragi smiled sleepily and nodded his assent. He sat on the couch, and then looked up at him. “I hare to intrude even more—” “You’re not!” Chishiya interjected. Niragi grinned at him. “But could I trouble you for a few more blankets? You have a comfy couch, but it’s really cold out here at night.”
Chishiya knew what he should say. He should say, sure, I’ve got some more blankets in the hall closet, let me get them for you. But he also knew what he wanted to say, and that won out. “Well, I mean, um, you could sleep in my bed? If you want?” Niragi smirked at him. “Will you be there too?” Chishiya choked. That was definitely what he ad in mind, but he didn’t think Niragi would call him out immediately like that. Well, he should know better, he didn’t just meet Niragi yesterday.
A bit pink in the face, and unable to meet his eyes, Chishiya mumbled, “I mean. If you would be okay with that? It would be much warmer, and you wouldn’t be by yourself if you wake up scared again.”
Niragi flashed him a grin. “I’m okay with it. Are you sure you are?” Chishiya couldn’t believe how much he was blushing! He usually had the upper hand in al situations! But it was Niragi, so he couldn’t even be mad. “Yes, I’m sure!” He retorted. Niragi laughed. “Lead the way, then.”
In the bedroom, however, Chishiya could see that Niragi had lost some of his swagger. Chishiya climbed into the bed, and patted the spot next to him. He smiled to himself as Niragi clambered in next to him. They sat in silence for a moment, before Niragi snuggled down, sighing. “This is so much warmer.” Chishiya smiled at him, his heart beating a little fast. He scooted down under the covers too, and turned his head to face Niragi. “Well,” he said, then paused. Niragi smiled, and leaned over to softly kiss his lips. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For everything, for saving me, for letting me stay here, for being you.” Chishiya blushed, but kissed him back anyway.
*now*
That had been a month ago. And Niragi was still there. And Chishiya had never been happier, not even in his life Before. He’d been with people in his previous life, but he’d never cared for any of them the way he cared for Niragi. And no one had ever been there for him in the way that Niragi was now. He was happy.
Now, more often than not, Chishiya woke up with Niragi in his arms, face smushed into his chest and snoring lightly. Each morning his heart would fill with so much fondness it felt as thought it would explode. But he couldn’t help it. He loved having Niragi close like this.
Niragi woke up, and smiled up at Chishiya, kissing his cheek. “Hi, baby,” he whispered against his skin. Chishiya smiled, feeling warm all over. “You’re really recovering well, love,” Chishiya said happily. “Thanks to my doctor,” Niragi replied with a smile.
For some reason, the use of the word doctor out of nowhere triggered something in Chishiya. He felt his breathing pick up, and his heart begin pounding hard against his chest. He was vaguely aware of Niragi’s scared voice calling out his name, but it was too late. He was heading down the rabbit hole.
Flash
He was back in the Borderlands, standing over someone in his camp, the knife in his hand dripping blood.
Flash
He was winning all his games with never a thought for the well being of any other players.
Flash
He was crying in the woods, thinking back on the original world when he was a doctor, and how all of his training, all of his good intentions, everything had gone out the windows now that it was his life on the line. How had he gotten this selfish?
Flash
He was waking up in the hospital, disgusted with himself. But now he had Niragi to care for, so he could just bury all these bad thoughts for now.
“—iya! Chishiya! Can you hear me?” He was vaguely aware that someone was holding him, and that his face was wet. But he wouldn’t breathe. Where was he? What was happening?
“Chishiya! Please say something!” He recognized that voice. It was his Niragi. Why did he sound scared? He had to make sure Niragi was okay. He struggled to sit up, but felt a hand gently pressing him back into something soft. Gradually, he became aware he was in his bed, and Niragi had his arms around him, looking worried.
“There you are! I was so scared,” Niragi was saying. Chishiya tried to answer him, but found that his voice was gone. “Shh, baby, don’t try to talk. You were screaming, your voice needs to rest.” Chishiya looked up at him, alarmed. Niragi brushed his hair back from his forehead. “I don’t know what happened, one minute you were fine, and the next you were…I don’t know…somewhere else. You were screaming, and nothing I was doing could wake you up. I was so scared.” A tear escaped Niragi’s eye. “But you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Niragi kissed the top of his head, and held him close, rocking back and forth.
After a few minutes, Chishiya cleared his throat, trying to ask for water. Niragi was already ahead of him however, and reached for a glass of water that was on the nightstand. “Here, drink it slowly.” Chishiya accepted the glass and tried to drink it as slowly as possible, as difficult as that was.
Once he had finished the glass, he cleared his throat and tried speaking again. “Niragi, I’m so sorry-“ Niragi put a finger over his lips. “No apologies.” Chishiya smiled against his finger, then tried again. “I was just suddenly—back there. You know.” Niragi’s arm around his shoulder tightened. “I do.” Chishiya leaned heavily against him. Niragi asked, “Do you wanna walk about it?” Chishiya shook his head, then reconsidered. He really should get this out.
“It’s just. I was a doctor. Before.” Niragi smiled at him. “That doesn’t surprise me. You’re always so good at taking care of me. And honestly, this just makes you even hotter.” Chishiya huffed out a little laugh at that before continuing. “And just. In that place. The things I did…I shouldn’t have done them. Everything wen against my code of ethics. But. At the time, none of that mattered. To me. All that mattered to me was my selfish desire to keep myself alive, fuck anyone who got n the way.”
Niragi hugged him tighter. “Baby…” Chishiya sniffled, as a few more tears made their way down his face. “It’s okay, Chishiya. It was that place. It made us all into people we didn’t want to be.” Chishiya nodded, still crying silently. “I’m going to tell you what you once told me,” Niragi whispered. “I know you were a good person before, and I know you’ll be one again. We both will. Together.” Chishiya laughed through his tears. “You’re right.” Niragi kissed his forehead. “I know I am. Just remember, this is a two way street. We’re both here for each other. No matter what.”
“No matter what,” Chishiya repeated. “You’re right. Thank you, Niragi.” He leaned closer, and Niragi pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ve got you, my love.”