Archive of Our Own

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"― John Lennon

Imagine Dragons

“What’s got you in a funk, Evans?” Sirius asked, leaning back against the stones of the dungeon wall next to where she had watched the party from a distance. Hiding would be more accurate but she wasn’t in the mood to be accurate. 

“Nothing and I’m not,” she bit back, straightening her shoulders and ignoring how cold her backless dress was this far away from the thick of the party.

Sirius shot her an unimpressed look. “What’s this green ugly thing on your shoulders then? It sure looks like it’s getting comfortable, digging its claws in and all. The colour might match your eyes but it’s not a good look on you.” 

“Shut it, Black, I’m not in the mood,” she said, shaking her head at Sirius’s observation. She hated how perceptive he could be if he wanted, because of course he was right.

A fat green reptile clutched at her flesh, and the cold radiating from the wall was nothing compared to the icy feeling of the dragon getting comfortable on her shoulders. It seemed to be whipping its tail impatiently, stirring her stomach and making her nauseous and irrationally short-tempered.

“Look at him,” Lily said, rolling her eyes in the direction of James Potter, “does that look like he’s having a shit time? Does that look like someone who’s not enjoying himself? I don’t think so and I don’t get it. He said he hates these parties and that he wanted to skip this one. He said he hates the old farts that all run up to schmooze with him because his last name is ‘Potter’. He said he hates that they get off from that. Well, he seems to be enjoying himself just wonderfully tonight.”

Sirius opened his mouth but Lily wasn’t in the mood for interruptions. 

“And he had the nerve to tell me that he didn’t care for their apprenticeships, not like silly old me. I’ve only sent out a dozen or more letters to all of them. I even told him about that, I even told him the names of everyone that would be here whom I wanted to at least shake hands with. He said he knew some of them already and he wasn’t interested. Well, that was clearly a lie,” she inhaled, nostrils flaring; she couldn’t tell if she was copying the dragon now draped around her neck like a glittery piece of jewellery or if the green beast was copying her, “You know, he said the only reason he came was because I asked him to? So why then did he just ditch me to go over there and act all smarmy and charming? I don’t understand. It’s not like he even needs to. They won’t ask him where he sees himself five years from now or what it is he hopes to contribute, and they sure as hell won’t ask him for a minimum of three references. No, all he has to bloody do is send them an empty parchment with his signature on and they’ll fall over themselves to hire him,” she knocked back her glass of champagne, the burn of the alcohol and bubbles soothing her temper only a little. In need of more numbing, she looked around for another drink.

Sirius chuckled next to her, the smug bastard. 

“Why are you here? Did you fall from your beliefs along with your best mate?” she asked snippily. She felt the dragon lazily stretch a paw, its eyes still fixated on the messy-haired boy —man more like it— moving from one person of interest to the other. 

“Ah, no, Evans, what do you take me for? I’m just here for the food. Certainly not for the company, and I include you in that statement.” Sirius said.

“Pssh, I was here first.  If I’m not good enough company you can just piss off,” she scolded and grabbed another glass of champagne from a passing floating tray, taking a bigger sip than was probably wise.

“Evans, I’d normally encourage you to get as pissed as you like, because you don’t make a fool of yourself often enough, especially this year. And with James acting all responsible ever since he made Head Boy, frankly, things have been boring. But you ought to know where to do it. This,” he waved his arm around them in a disdainful gesture, “this snakepit is not the place for you to get wasted. And I’ve got better things to do than come rescue you, so take it easy will you?”

Lily looked around her. He wasn’t wrong, she knew that. Usually, there was a very varied crowd at Slughorn’s infamous gatherings. But this evening there seemed to be an overrepresentation of Sirius’s cousins and their friends, wizards and witches she knew to hold strong unsavoury beliefs. Not to mention that Slughorn had invited all the sixth and seventh-year Slytherins. They would certainly enjoy seeing her act the fool. She would be wise to listen to Sirius. But she was angry and angry people weren’t always wise. She took another gulp. 

“Evans, Padfoot, everything here alright?” The voice of her co-head, former friend and current shitty date, still managed to give her stomach a swoop. She had envisioned this night so very differently.

“Prongs, man of the hour, you should know better than to leave your date all alone on an evening like this. She’ll expect you to take her dancing now, just to make up for your disappearance.” Sirius said as he clapped James Potter, who had come to stand next to them where they had been leaning against the smooth stones of the dungeon walls, on his shoulder. 

“What?” James said, looking bashful all of a sudden. His face went red and his eyes darted between herself and Sirius as if he was nervous. Maybe he felt caught for so blatantly networking with the heads of the departments that she’d told him she was interested in. Maybe, he would even feel something like remorse. Or maybe he didn’t want to dance with her. Oh, how the tables had turned. She wrinkled her nose in annoyance.

“Don’t listen to Sirius, you don’t have to babysit me, it’s fine if you want to mingle.” 

“Lily, I’m sorry I left you but I had to— I’d love to dance with you, after. But first, please can you come with me for a bit? There's something that I need your help with.” He looked at her questioningly, and she wondered if he knew how hard she found it to refuse him anything lately, especially if he looked at her with that golden glow in his eyes. Whatever he needed her for now, she had no idea, but she wanted to turn him down. She knew she was being petty; he couldn’t help the fact that he came from the right side of the tracks. And on any other day, she’d definitely say he deserved to get any of these apprenticeships; she’d even say that they would be lucky to have him and mean it too. Right now, though, there was a cold green creature crawling inside her, freezing her enthusiasm. Once her bitterness had faded some, she surely would be happy for him but just not… tonight.

“I don’t dance like that,” she muttered as indifferently as she could manage.

Because he looked at her with those gold sparks in his eyes behind rectangular glasses that always seemed to be on the verge of sliding down his nose. And before she’d realised, her hand was already on its way to carefully push them back up and she murmured her agreement to his request. He smiled at her, that lopsided smile he seemed to only give her and his closest friends—oh god why did she have to notice these things—and took her hand in his. They fit so well, she thought, as she let herself be dragged across the Dungeon. 

“Mr Belby, please, let me have the honour to introduce you to my co-head and potions prodigy, Miss Evans. I’m sure you’ve already heard Professor Slughorn mention her. He’s not exaggerating, if anything I feel he might be underselling her on purpose. He plans for her to become his research assistant after all, and he secretly hopes to keep her genius for Hogwarts.”

Lily shook the elder wizard’s hand. The man smiled broadly and immediately asked if he was right to believe she was interested in pursuing a career in brewing. Shocked by the introduction, she could only nod to this. 

“But Sir,” James continued in a more hushed tone as if he was sharing a secret “you might have to be quick. As you can imagine, she’s on a lot of people's lists. After all, she’s the only one of our year who managed to brew a perfect Felix Felicis. I even tried to snatch a vial,” he winked at Belby who looked amused, “but of course, she wouldn’t let me nick a drop. Infallible integrity our Head Girl. I should have known that,” James seemed unperturbed, but she felt herself go red in the face. “But Horace, I mean professor Slughorn, gave me one drop of the Felix Felicis she made. He said he’d never do that had it been another student’s potion. But he hadn’t any doubts about the safety and quality of a potion of Miss Evans’s making. It worked too. That day, Scouts came to watch our Quidditch practice. I’m still in the middle of negotiations so I can’t say much, but I'm expecting to start at a premier league club straight after the end of the school year.” Lily looked up in surprise; she’d not heard of any offers and also was a bit shocked to learn that Slughorn would have given him her Felix Felicis. And for James to boast about information like this was so unlike him. 

She hardly had time to wonder about any of this though, as Damocles Belby was now keen to talk with her. He wanted to hear her opinion on a recent publication by a group from Geneva, and, after they’d talked for a while, he wanted assurance that she’d really applied to his office. He was clearly interested. But before she could think too long on that, James said their goodbyes and manoeuvred them to another group of elder wizards. One by one he introduced her to all the wizards she'd wanted to meet. All of them were treated to an abundance of his charm, but every time he put her forward; slipping in casual remarks about his summer plans that made him unfortunately very much unavailable for any of their positions. She could hardly keep track of his different excuses, varying from a promising Quidditch contract, to a position at the Auror Department, to something overseas and an internship at the Ministry of Magic. 

When Slughorn found them, James had just introduced her to Laverne de Montmorency. She was one of the few witches that had made a name for herself amidst the mostly grey wizards that ruled the potions world. Just one more reason for Lily to admire her, even if it seemed she’d gotten her break because she came from an older French wizarding family that held the monopoly on the import of some rare ingredients.

“My dear Laverne, I’m so happy to see you with two of my top students. Such a pity they’re not in my House,” Slughorn’s thick voice betrayed his slightly inebriated state. 

“Good you’re here, Professor Slughorn, I was just telling Madame de Montmorency how Lily would be a perfect fit for an apprenticeship in commercial Potioneering, I mean sure, I’d do alright but I wouldn’t be able to really compete. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Lily felt she had to say something to the contrary. The last hour of his chatting her up to almost absurd heights might have chased off the green dragon digging through her chest, but she was exhausted from hearing him sing her praises and the effort of keeping the smile on her face while talking more than she’d ever hoped to have done with the creme de la creme of the brewing business.

“Ah Mr Potter, but of course, I agree completely. And that has nothing to do with your abilities as I hold them in the highest regard. But in this field, your skills simply can’t compete with Miss Evans.” She was sure Professor Slughorn was more than a little tipsy to say such things, James next to her however was beaming and clearly perfectly happy to be downplayed like this. 

Madame de Montmorency looked at her as if she was an actual person after that and like the others, before her, she too started to ask Lily all kinds of questions. 

It was both saddening and gratifying to see what a difference it made to be introduced by James Potter instead of herself or even Slughorn. She almost allowed herself a sliver of hope that perhaps she’d be able to impress one of them enough that she would be given at least a shot at a career in potions—something she’d let herself dream of despite knowing full well the restrictions her birth placed on any kind of career in the wizarding world. Any success she had would be thanks to the boy that had seemed determined to set her up for success tonight. By presenting her with more Slytherin cunning than she’d ever thought him capable of.

Lily felt relief when finally they took their leave from Madame de Montmorency and Slughorn and found themselves standing at the sideline of the party once more. 

Despite having had a far more successful round of introductions than she’d ever hoped, she still found herself back on edge. Her earlier annoyance returned, and impatient anger of a different nature came crawling back in the shape of a big black horned dragon, steam and fire escaping from its nostrils. 

She rested for a moment against the cold and smooth stone walls behind them. This far from the festive and candle-lit parts of the dungeons, there was scarcely enough light to see the colour of her cheeks. It gave her enough privacy to turn to her co-head, her friend, her date, and give him a piece of her mind. Smoke and fire came from the black dragon as it lifted its front paws off the ground. It was getting ready to lash out.

“ What was that all about?” she asked sharply. When she looked up, she noted the confidence that had pooled around him in waves while he had been chatting her up to Slughorn’s Brewing buddies now seemed to have dried up. Instead, he looked almost awkward. As if he didn’t know what to do or say. He shuffled his feet and his hand travelled halfway to his hair then changed course and rubbed his neck. The gesture pacified the dragon a little.

“I probably should have told you what I was going to do,” he said without any sign of his usual bravado, “But I just wanted to help. And I knew you’d never agree to it if you knew what I was doing.” His jaw ticked and his face looked strained. 

She seethed inwardly, she wanted to tell him exactly what she thought of his help. She didn’t want to receive special favours. Especially not when she couldn’t return them. He of all people should know that about her. 

He’d celebrated her getting a Hogwarts letter with a golden badge in it. She’d confessed to him how much it meant that she’d been recognised as an equal, as someone worthy to represent Hogwarts. Especially at a time when the hate and discrimination against Muggleborns seemed to be only ever increasing. She had even told him how much it scared her that she needed to do well in this new responsibility. 

She was sure to be made an example if she failed, but this chance to prove a Muggleborn could be a competent Head girl was one she would take with both hands. She had feared that he would laugh at her worries, at how much this simple symbol, a golden badge, meant to her. But instead, he had told her she deserved every ounce of the gold that was hers to wear this year. A reward for everything that she’d worked for, ever since boarding the Hogwarts Express on her first day of school, never slacking, or hiding behind her lack of prior knowledge but putting in the work day in and day out. He’d said that he was sorry she felt the need to prove she fitted in. To prove she belonged in this world. That all this talk about magical ancestry was bollocks, that to him she was a witch as much as he was a wizard.

How naive she’d been, she discovered only a week into the new school year. As she came to the first Prefect meeting she overheard some sixth-year prefects talking about her. About how she’d been made Head girl because the school needed a token Muggleborn. They couldn’t make one of them Quidditch Captain, everybody knew they could hardly stay on a broom and they didn’t understand the rules of the game either. For obvious reasons the Board would never have accepted a Muggleborn Head Boy, so that meant Dumbledore had to give the position of Head Girl to her. They pitied the Pureblood that had to share the workload with her, the polished, perfumed Mudblood, whose talents were nine a knut. When she’d coughed to alert them of her presence they’d just laughed unapologetically. 

She’d gotten through the meeting somehow. Pure pride had kept her from reacting to what she’d heard, she would rather die than let them see how deep their words had cut.

But the words were out there, she heard them now, starting as whispers that circled the castle walls: They needed a Mudblood, so they picked a glossy, picture-perfect one. But even a perfumed Mudblood still reeked.

James had found her when one night she’d fled into an empty classroom, to hide from everyone as she let out her frustration and anger. She’d cried, wishing to throw the head badge and all the tedious extra work that came with it into the whisperers’ smug faces. And she’d cried in anger over them succeeding in tainting this good thing. They wouldn’t have been more successful if they’d turned the gold of her badge to dirt. 

James somehow found her there, he’d held her. What could he have said? Repeating his words of the summer was futile and mercifully he had understood. He hadn’t offered to make it better, hadn’t tried to solve this for her, hadn’t even threatened to hex the whisperers into the Hospital wing. 

He’d just held her and let her cry until she’d run out of tears. 

He knew exactly how the claims of her being appointed Head Girl only because the school was in need of a mark, a symbol, had hurt her. The irony, that she was being accused of getting the Head Girl position solely because she was Muggleborn, wasn’t lost on her. 

He knew, yet here he was using the privilege of his name, charming her potential future employers with his smooth words, giving her a leg up, opening doors that would have stayed firmly shut if she’d not stood next to him, the pureblood prodigal son; she could already hear tomorrow’s whispers. She wouldn’t get hired, of course, but the whispers would put her in his bed. Come tomorrow, her reputation would be grist on the Hogwarts gossip mill, stripped, crushed and ground to dust.

“Evans, I know you hate this, but you told me that you applied with Slughorn’s reference and an undoubtedly brilliant letter and how you hoped to shake hands with them tonight. But you know as well as I do that it wouldn’t be enough.  

I can’t change the fact my last name is Potter any more than that I can change the fact yours is not. So I used my stupid name to help you because you deserve it. The only reason they even considered me is because of my dad. I didn’t tell them I wasn’t interested in what they were so eager to offer me until I came back with you. I thought I’d give them an alternative. No, who are we kidding here, I thought showing them someone superior to me might make a difference. Maybe it would make them listen to you. Because they only need to hear you to understand how good you are. If they had the least bit of sense they would be signing you on for their apprenticeships already. And they’d be the lucky ones.”

Lily felt herself go red in the face. Her anger for this boy, who had tried in this insane way to help her, cooled swiftly. The firm smoothness of the stones against her palms kept her grounded as she listened to James Potter’s words. Words that shrunk the dark black beast that had been raging inside of her only moments ago; the raging dragon had no power here, there was nothing to win, just more to lose.

“Thank you, I don’t think they will do that. I doubt any one of them will really have a different opinion now about hiring a…about hiring me, but…” she said and moved her head from shoulder to shoulder in an attempt to let loose the tension that had built there, “I guess I appreciate you trying, I really do. And if any of them do invite me, I’ll know who to thank.” she added with a small smile.

“Lily, you don’t have to thank me… I didn’t want…I did it because you’re… my friend.” She knew him well enough by now that she knew the truth of his words, he would do anything to help a friend, and as he said, she was now his friend. She was James Potter’s friend but she didn’t want to be.

“Why don’t you like dancing?” he asked her when they had stood in silence for a while. 

 “I don’t know how, I never learnt how to dance. Not like that,” she said, thinking there was so much of his world she didn’t know, and that she simply would never catch up. 

“I’m a good teacher, and I know you’re a good student,” James said, “it’ll be fun.”  

Lily snorted, “fun for you, yeah.”

“Look at them, if they can do it, really, how hard can it be?” he said with a wink.

Her heart stuttered as the sharp red claw of yet another dragon clutched her chest, she was familiar by now with this lithe creature that sometimes lived inside of her. It made warmth pool in her belly, it blew fire in her chest, it flushed her body from head to toe, and made her look too long at her friend. 

This dragon, whose scales mirrored her house colours, breathed volatile whispers in her ears with its golden tongue; words she didn’t know what to do with. Like how she caught him looking at her too, how this wasn’t what friends did for each other, how friends didn’t ask friends to dance with them, not like this.

“ It’s really easy, we’ll, with a good teacher, of course. Do you trust me?” He asked again. The golden flecks in his eyes made the dragon sweep its tail and suddenly she found she really would like to try.

“Yes, but you can’t complain if I step on your toes.”

“Evans, do I ever complain? And don’t worry about stepping on my toes, I’ve got this,” he said, as he took her hand. He pulled her away from the wall, and she followed him willingly back into the heart of the party. The red dragon inside her purred, sparks of gold shooting from its scales. 

Lily saw James’ confidence return with every step they took towards the dance floor. Magical instruments played a melody she didn’t know, and she watched well-dressed wizards twirl glamorous witches through the dungeon in dance moves she’d never learnt. Just watching them was making her dizzy, she really had no idea how to dance like that. But before she could tell him this was a bad idea and she’d rather go back to the safety of the walls, she felt the smallest pull of his hand. It made her step forward, so she stood in front of him, with room for little more than a bludger between them. His other hand came to rest on her side and she could feel his fingers press lightly and then move to her back, resting on her bare skin. His touch moved her closer to him still, leaving barely enough space to fit a quaffle, maybe only enough for a snitch. As he lifted her right hand he asked “This okay?” his voice gravelly, sending the red dragonet on a looping through her stomach.

“Yes, I’m good,” she breathed and the flames in her chest flared brighter. He started to move and she followed. A half dozen times, she tensed at the thought that any second now, she’d step on his toes or move the wrong way and make both of them stumble, but none of that happened—he clearly knew what he was doing. She could hear the music, feel the rhythm, and follow him, guided by the slightest touch of his fingers or some pressure from his hand. After a little while she allowed herself to relax, he had been right. He got this. The dragonet purred like a kitten, and she stopped worrying and just let him lead her across the dance floor; she almost felt graceful. It was so easy, deceptively easy, to dance with him. As friends. She reminded herself. She was dancing with her co-head. He was her date for tonight because it was expected for the Head Students to come to this event and they were both not seeing anybody. She shouldn’t let herself be fooled that something more romantic might be going on. It was just the music and this dancing that got her feeling all kinds of silly feelings. Best leave those on the dance floor where they belonged. 

After the orchestra took a short pause, they danced two more dances, each as effortless as the first, if she closed her eyes she could almost see how the red shimmering catlike little dragon had curled itself around both of them, occasional flames coming from its paws. It surely was a strange creature. 

“Well, well, I know I shouldn’t be surprised to see you polluting the dance floor, leaving grime and mud in your trail, but it’s still depressing and a little disturbing to see what you’re associating yourself with, Potter.” Nicholas Mulciber said, in his usual whining voice. It made Lily’s neck hair rise and she imagined how the little dragonet curled itself in a golden ball to hide while two enormous eyes with slit-shaped pupils flashed open. 

Lily felt James stiffen and turn around to face Nicholas Mulciber. Lily couldn’t help but notice their similarities for a second. Both seventh years were impeccably dressed and about the same height. But Nicholas’ face was a sickly pale colour and the sleek dark hair that framed it couldn’t be more different from James’s unruly mane. Mulciber and her had both become prefects in their fourth year but never got on. He was a Slytherin pureblood of the worst kind in her opinion and she’d seriously worried about him possibly becoming Head Boy this year.  

Mulciber tutted his disapproval as James took out his wand and held it loosely in his hand. Lily thought maybe she imagined it but there seemed to be a slight lull in the conversations around them. Dancers circled a little wider around them. The music continued playing however as if all was well. 

Lily wondered if James would really hex Mulciber, a prefect and one of Slughorn’s favourites, right here in the middle of the dancefloor with everybody looking at them. It would seem as if James struck first, and they were past the age where verbal provocation would be seen as a valid excuse for such a response. He’d get himself in some serious trouble. She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his arm, hoping it might stop him from doing anything rash. 

“Ah, we were wondering: Are you two a thing now?” Mulciber asked, a mocking smile on his lips. 

Lily looked at his partner, Giselle de Winther, a Ravenclaw from their year that she actually got on with whenever they worked on assignments for Ancient Runes together. She knew better than to expect any help from her now though. The best she could hope for was that Giselle would choose to stay out of it.

“Or is this your reward for that little introduction round you did with her before? You know,” he said turning to Lily “I’d be happy to introduce you to my uncle, he’s the head of the Brewers Licensing department, I’m sure you can come up with something better than a dance to thank me. I must admit I’ve never let a Mudblood touch me before, but who knows? It might even be enjoyable.”

She saw James’s knuckles turn white from gripping his wand too tight. With her hand now pressing on his arm, she could feel his muscles tense underneath his cloak, she stepped in front of him, in front of the wand. She wasn’t about to let him get into a fight over this. 

“Hi, Giselle, Nicholas,” she said sweetly, despite the black monster now fully awake inside her, “I’m sure you didn’t mean that as it sounded, because as I understood you two are a thing, aren’t you? But if I didn't misunderstand, let me assure you, you couldn’t pay me enough to ever touch you.” the last words slipped out unbidden and for a second she cursed herself and her inability to keep the black dragon in check. She was probably playing right into Nicholas’s hand.

“And Potter can? Do you give him Head discount? Or is this part of House Loyalty?” Mulciber continued, ignoring the fact Giselle was looking at him, eyes wide and mouth slack, she clearly hadn’t seen this side of her beau in its full foulness before. Lily was grateful to see she didn’t seem all that pleased with it, a small victory in the Hogwarts societal minefield.

“Potter doesn’t need to pay someone to keep him company…” she said, knowing the moment she said it, that she’d stepped into a trap, but the black fury wanted to claw back and the way her Ancient Rune partner had looked had somehow encouraged her.  

“Are you suggesting I do?” Mulciber’s cheeks reddened in anger. There, the black beast inside her smirked, as she did too, relishing in the fact that she’d been able to wind him up, it wasn’t wise, it was petty but she wasn’t hexing anyone and neither was James. Knowing what was likely to follow, she drew herself up and felt the dragon blaze with fury inside, magic and fire crackling at the tip of its claws, as if ready to strike.

“You’re laughing now but I wouldn’t touch the likes of you unless it was to put you back in your place. You think you’re something special, don’t you? You’re so mistaken, you’re nothing more than another worthless Mudblood.” Mulciber’s thick brows almost formed one line as he hissed at her, Giselle took another step away, eyes flitting around them “school won’t last forever, and when it’s done don’t expect the pretty boys to keep you around. In the real world, nobody cares for all your good grades and that golden badge. They’re worth less than my spit. We have no use for your sort in our world and you better….”

“That’s enough, Mulciber!”James cut him off, his face as dark as thunder, Lily swallowed, she’d not expected this to go well, but it was going to be a disaster. The dragon roared inside of her, insulted and angry, desperate to strike back but she couldn’t let it. “If I have to hear one more word out of you…”

“Then what? You’re going to do what exactly Potter? She must have some really special skills, or has she been slipping you love potions? That seems just the thing a conniving bitch like her would do. But I’m happy to settle this, let’s step outside and do this the proper way. Just you and me, mind, you can leave your dirt here.” Mulciber sneered, stepping forward with his wand in his hand.

Lily ignored the dragon, who now had risen to the air, black smoke pouring out of its nostrils, and fire from its claws, but she’d get it under control because she wouldn’t let this happen. She took in the scene before her, Giselle, forgotten behind Mulciber, the two boys staring each other down, wands lowered but held firmly. Despite her own fury at the insults, she didn’t believe a duel would do her or James any good. He’d win, she had not a doubt, but he might lose his Head Boy position, his place on the Quidditch team, or worse. And she didn’t feel any of that was worth it. Mulciber was a rotten apple, of the worst kind, but he wasn’t worth it, he wasn’t worth one tear, one hex, one shout, he simply wasn’t worth the trouble. 

“Potter, don’t. This is exactly what he wants. Don’t give him the satisfaction.” Lily pleaded, she was now almost hanging off his arm, the muscles underneath rolling with his barely restrained anger. She was shaking her head, “it’s not worth it, he’s not worth it. Please.” At her last words, she could feel James ease a little and he took a step back.

“You listen to the Mudwhore now? What are you, Potter? Her dog?” Mulciber spat.

“Nah, that would be me, Mulce. Hello Giselle,” Sirius said, sliding into the scene out of nowhere and kissing a flustered Giselle on both cheeks, effectively blocking Mulciber’s and James’ death glares with the same move. “You’re looking extremely lovely tonight, shame about your boyfriend. All that breeding, yet so little manners.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Giselle said, looking relieved to see Sirius. 

“I knew you were a clever girl,” Sirius smirked, then looked at Mulciber as if he was something filthy on his shoe. “Nick, for once, could you let us enjoy an evening without spewing your jealous bullshit. It would seem you’re still not over the fact you didn’t get Head Boy. Honestly, it's embarrassing how obsessed you are with that. Maybe if you had actually paid attention in any of your classes, instead of polishing the family silver, you’d have gotten it. Or at the very least you’d know how to do some actual magic.”

“Black, I can't believe you’re siding with these two. They are the worst Head Students this school has ever had. You’re a disgrace to your family.” 

Sirius’ response was a laugh so loud that people around them began to stare. “I’m not the one making a spectacle of myself on the dance floor. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Oh no, I forgot, she was too busy hiding your squib sister. Hope she’s doing well, by the way. Lovely girl, as I remember.”

Mulciber’s face almost turned purple before it went white again. 

“You’re the embarrassment: hanging out with blood traitors and that dolled-up Mudblood whore!” Mulciber spat at them in rage, loud and clear his words rang through the arches of the dungeon, as the music had come to a pause just then. The buzz came to a halt almost completely. Lily had the surreal sensation that everybody was looking at her, at them. Suddenly, the picket lines of the war that raged outside of Hogwarts seemed to have been drawn across the dance floor. She knew on which side she fell, but the rest of the guests might be forced to show where their allegiances laid. A situation she doubted they’d be comfortable with.

Sirius, who was somehow now holding an arm around Giselle, who didn’t seem to mind this, smirked at something Mulciber couldn’t see. Mulciber seemed about to strike first, his wand held higher and then Professor Slughorn, fuzzy and enormous, the private collector of well-connected individuals, popped up behind him.

Mulciber came back to his senses as he heard his Head of House next to him. 

“My dear boy, perhaps you ought to slow down on the drinks, we don’t all share the same tolerance for it after all, oh my. Not… Not what I expect...” Slughorn said, “Let’s not forget we’re all here to enjoy the good company and … “he seemed to be at a loss for words.“Well, well, my dear boy, that’s simply no way to speak. And in front of these lovely ladies too. I can’t believe what’s gotten into you, I fear all that Quidditch practice might have lowered your tolerance. Yes, that must be it. Perhaps it’s better if you come along with me.” And to her astonishment, their tipsy potions Professor prevented a murder on the dance floor by taking Mulciber away. 

Lily saw her chance and took it, grabbing a stunned James by the arm and pulling him along with her, ignoring the fact that most eyes were still staring at them. 

The music started to play and from the corner of her eye, she saw how Sirius bowed to Giselle and proceeded to twirl her around as if nothing had happened. Soon the buzz returned as did the dancers. It was almost as if nothing had happened. But the tension in the room did seem higher, some of the guests looked more cautious than they had before. There would be no need for declaring sides just yet but it had come close.

As horrid as Mulciber’s words were, they weren’t exactly news to her. She couldn’t even pretend she’d not heard similar or even worse ever since being a student at Hogwarts; it was the reason she never walked the corridors of Hogwarts alone anymore. And even if her dragon strongly disagreed with her still, she was glad there had been no real fighting involved.  There would be more than enough rumours circling the castle come tomorrow morning. She didn’t think they needed even more fuel.

James didn’t move as lean as before, there was no grace now. He was stiff and rigid. He kept glancing over his shoulder and she could tell his anger had not subsided at all. She wouldn’t be surprised if something were to befall Nicholas Mulciber in the near future. She just didn’t want it to be a public affair and not tonight, because there would be no deniability. It made her even more determined to move them away from disaster. She headed for the outskirts of the dungeons to where she’d been standing, hiding and staring at him, earlier. 

They were silent. She thought it was best to wait for him to calm down. She didn’t think anything she could say would help with that. It wasn’t comfortable and she was happy to see Sirius return. He’d lost Giselle somewhere and seemed to have one of those weird wordless conversations with the boy brooding next to her. It was unnerving how much they were able to communicate without actually speaking. 

“Prongs, go get us some proper drinks, please. I’ll keep the pretty lady company.” Sirius said, raising his brow.

James grumbled something in protest but then just turned around and stomped off. Lily eyed him warily. “He’s not going to look for him, is he?” she asked. 

“I saw Mulciber leave already, so I doubt it, not today at least,” Sirius answered. “Best not go back to the Common Room by yourself, though. And I thought you didn’t dance, Evans. But I guess you do with the right partner,” Sirius added slyly. “At least you seem to have tamed your green beast,” Sirius said, looking out over the crowd as if he was scanning his territory. “Good, you don’t need me to slay it for you. Will you go easy on Prongs, though? Don’t blame him for wanting to stand up for you. Or for trying to beat the odds, it’s just how he is. He will always try to fix things. Especially if it’s for someone he cares about,” he said looking at her directly now. The greys pierced deeply into her greens; she’d the unsettling thought that he could read her mind, or didn’t even have to because he was just so damn perceptive. She shook her head, feeling exposed and even more tired of this night. 

“I’m not angry with him, I was, but I’m not anymore. And for the record, I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself, and slaying my own dragons.”

“I have no doubt, Evans. Yours is not the only dragon that I’ve seen tonight, mind. Before cousin Nick decided to be an arse I was having a lot of fun just watching someone almost getting devoured by a green monstrosity of his own making.” Sirius looked positively predatory, Lily thought. She wondered if they were both insane. There were real dragons in this world for crying out loud. But maybe the things that lived in your mind were as real as the stones that made up Hogwarts Castle. 

“Only you, Black,” she said as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, staring into the distance.

“You know, I’ll do you a favour this once, I’ll help you out of one of your delusions. And if you want you can do something for me in return.”

“Not interested.”

“Just one more dance with Prongs s’all I ask. You looked as if you enjoyed dancing with him.”

She turned and looked at him suspiciously. 

“What? Why? I enjoyed that, but nothing can persuade me to go back into that snake pit,” she echoed his words from before.

“Mulciber already left, the tosser, you’d be fine.” Sirius’s eyes flitted to hers for a second. Then he looked ahead once more. “You know, you’re bound to find out sooner or later anyway; more like later. That friend thing you two have going?  It’s not working for either of you.”

Lily blinked, a little crease appearing on her forehead. “What do you mean? We get along great actually. We work well together, we don’t argue as much as before. Why would you say something like that?”

“See slimy old Snivellus over there?” Sirius said ignoring the question, “He’s about to fall on his knees. Since the moment he set his beady eyes on you two, he’s been feeding this ever growing green monster. Oh, it was a treat to watch. He can see exactly what you two idiots are refusing to see.” Sirius chuckled. “I thought he’d burn a hole in Prongs, he was staring so hard. It was too bad I didn’t get to see Prongs defending your honour, I'm sure Snape would have followed the two of them out and then killed the both of them, he sure looked as if he wanted that.”

Lily’s eyes found Severus Snape, a scowl on his face, shoulders slumped in dull black robes that looked too big for him, standing in the shadows on the opposite side of the dungeons. She felt sick. Suddenly, even here, so close to the walls, the room felt too hot. 

“Just one more dance, Evans, I’m positive that’s all it will take for that green monster to grow big enough to crush him completely. He might just combust on the spot. Come on, it’ll be fun for me to watch.” Sirius said.

Without thinking she rounded on him. How many dragons there were currently fighting to be let out she didn’t care to examine. She felt as if hot burning flames had collided with dozens of icicles, creating dark billows of smoke and steam that were clouding her judgement. But even if she didn’t care about Severus anymore, even if he wasn’t her friend and wouldn’t be her friend ever again, she still would never agree to hurt someone on purpose. Sirius’s hate for Snape seemed to be its own kind of monster and she wanted nothing to do with that. 

“You’re mad if you think I’ll go back there again now. I can’t believe you would ask me this. Is everything a game to you? I can’t believe you’d do this to your best friend. He’s not oil you can throw on a fire, and neither am I.” she hissed.

She could just see how her words hit something in the way his eyes shifted, a flash of guilt washed for a moment over his perfect mask of haughty nonchalance. Maybe she’d gotten through to him. Maybe he’d realise he was being as hateful as any of those guys he so despised, he just hated other people, for other reasons. Maybe he too had a sip too much and a little too much adrenaline coursing through his veins, maybe he would even admit he’d not been thinking straight, maybe he hadn’t meant it seriously. But she didn’t have it in her to stay and find out. Even if he did apologise she wanted air. She wanted to go. And she wanted to find someone first. She needed to find someone.

Making her way through people standing around in groups required little effort, thankfully. The slender red and gold dragonet walked beside her, spitting little sparks of fire, looking as comfortable as Lily’d felt at the beginning of this evening, her dress clinging to her body in a way that made her feel good about herself. She wasn’t as confident now. Instead, her heart pounded in her chest. Her newfound understanding and anticipation made it hard for her to stay calm. Where had he gone, the Head Boy, her best friend, her very real date? That last detail that she’d been too blind to see before now made her heart speed up in agitation.

She could appreciate how tall he’d grown and how his messy hair made him relatively easy to distinguish from the other guests, most of them wearing matching dark cashmere and velvet cloaks. Once she found him, she glanced around to ensure that no beady eyes were still watching her or him. 

“Hi there,” she said, when she found him in conversation with one of the Prewett twins, Gideon or Fabian, she didn't really know, nor did she care, “sorry to interrupt, but I’m afraid I have to steal James away for some Head business.” 

James’ brows shot up in surprise. She saw he had three glasses of Firewhisky in his hands. So he had gone to cool off and get some drinks. And he did seem less tense, less angry. The red creature on the floor collected itself, crouching down and preparing to jump as Lily plucked one of the drinks from James’ hand and gave it to Gideon or Fabian. “Here, have one and great to see you again,” she said. Finding James’ elbow, she snuck her hand under it. The dragonet jumped, landing firmly somewhere near her stomach, making her feel even more off-kilter. She knew James couldn’t see any of it. He might have a dragon or two of his own but this one was all hers. And it was time to give it what it had been craving for the past weeks, months maybe. 

“What’s going on, Evans?” James asked as she tried to steer him to the entrance of the dungeons as discreetly as possible. 

“We need to leave,” she said. His eyes widened and the dragonet started to knead and tread its claws through her stomach in response.

“For Head business?” he asked in a low voice, eyes not leaving her face. 

She almost couldn’t bear the swooping feeling that his voice and his stare caused; she really needed to get away from all these people. She stopped, picked one of the glasses out of his hand, and downed it. The Firewhisky lit up the golden scales and the drink gave her courage a boost. 

“No, I just— I don’t want you with anybody else,” she answered without thinking but before she could go take back what she’s said his hand was on her back and he started to walk her out of the dungeons. She nearly had to run to keep up with his long stride.

The entrance to the dungeon vaults was barely lit and she was thankful, for it meant hardly anybody saw them leave.

James didn’t speak as they walked down the corridor, she noticed he’d his wand out and was eyeing the corridors with caution. Out of the party, the drafty corridors were too cold for her dress, she shivered involuntarily. He still didn’t say a word but shrugged out of his black cashmere cloak and put it on her shoulders. The gesture was enough to set something burning inside of her. She reached for his hand and tugged him a little closer as they walked on. Without breaking the silence she followed or led him, who even knew, back to Gryffindor tower. 

There was a secret passageway nearby and they needed to talk. She figured that a talk in private there would be better than in front of the Fat Lady or with whoever would still be sitting in the Common Room. 

She almost missed the entrance to the small stairway hidden behind one of the many armoured statues of Hogwarts. James didn’t and, still not speaking, he pulled her along behind the statue. He was still holding her hand, something she appreciated as she tried to adjust her sight to the sudden darkness in the passageway. All she could make out was the white shape of his shirt in front of her. When they reached a small round recess halfway up the stairs he suddenly turned and pulled her along inside the small space. There weren’t any candles so she could see little more than his silhouette until the tip of his wand lit up. She blinked at the sudden light reflecting off the smooth stone walls.

“Why’d you say that? Why did you want to leave, Lily?” he asked, “Was it because of me or because of what happened on the dancefloor?” His low voice sounded agitated and it took her a moment to realise he was angry. 

“What? No, not because of Mulciber.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have let him get away with saying those…” he wasn’t looking at her, the muscle in his jaw ticked, his broad shoulders stiff. She could almost feel the anger pulsing through him.

“There’s nothing you could do to change his mind. Women are either virgins you may one day marry, or scum like me, to do with whatever the hell you want. It’s wrong and awful but it’s nothing new. Nothing I haven’t heard before… ”

“That’s so wrong and nobody should be saying that about you or anyone else. I hate he got away with it,” he grumbled.

Lily scoffed “I hardly think he did; his girlfriend broke up with him on the spot and Slughorn isn’t likely to forget what he heard, no matter how drunk he was.”

“I still should have done more. I could have beaten him, easily.”

“James, I’m glad you didn’t duel him.  And I know you would have won, that’s not even a... Listen, I don’t give a rat’s arse about what someone like Mulciber says or thinks. I know you don’t think like that and that is what matters to me.” She reached for him to stop him from pacing back and forth. As her hands touched him, he stood still and looked at her, pupils blown. From the darkness, she wondered? She felt the beast inside her start to move. Her heart beat along with the fluttering of its wings. She exhaled, trying to find the courage to finally tell him.

“I know you’re probably right, but I hate it. And I'm sorry I introduced you so publically, I hate what he insinuated, I hadn’t thought about…” James almost started pacing again as he spoke, “Merlin, I’m so stupid. You were right to be pissed. I didn’t think it through at all. There’s going to be so much talk tomorrow, isn’t there?” he said, through gritted teeth as he dropped her gaze.

“Probably already started, but I don’t care. James Potter, will you just look at me? I don’t care about any of that. I… No! I know, I was angry, but honestly, what you did back there is one of the nicest things anyone ever did for me. And even if it doesn’t change any of their minds, even if I don’t get any of those jobs, that doesn’t matter to me, not anymore. What matters to me is that you tried.” She could hardly remember what she was going to say. His eyes had started to glow, dark brown embers burning behind his glasses, looking at her intently, questioningly. She swallowed and looked away from him, focusing instead on a small notch in the wall. 

“James, I can deal with the rumours. I can deal with whatever Mulciber spews at me, I know he’s talking out of his arse and the people who matter to me know it too. I can deal with the school saying we shagged or did god knows what tonight. I honestly don’t care. But I can’t stand it that the whole castle is talking about us when the reality is that nothing is going on between us. Because I want— I want some part of those rumours to be true?” she said, slowly picking at the notch with her index finger. She looked up when he took a step closer.

“Lily, what are you saying?” James was staring at her as if he’d never seen her like this before. She thought he might be right as she was probably crazy, maybe she was throwing everything she had into the fire. But she couldn’t be that wrong, could she? Her fingers left the notch alone and she let her hand drop beside her.

“I’m saying that maybe I missed my chance but I really hope not. I’m saying that you’ve become my best friend.” She bit her lip and took a deep breath, “a best friend that I don’t want because I want more. This isn’t enough.” She looked him straight in the eye. The fiery creature seemed to have settled in her stomach, slowly blinking its catlike eyes as if it was enjoying the show. Well, she might as well give it one. 

“James Potter, I’m saying that I like you, that I might be in love with you and that I’ve tried not to think about you like that, but it’s no use. I’m saying that I want you to kiss me.” She held her breath and waited. The dragon stopped breathing. Everything seemed to stop. 

“Sweet Merlin, is this really happening?” James asked, staring at her. 

She was so nervous that his answer made her giggle “I think this is real, yeah…”

His lips locked on hers before the last word could leave her mouth. He tasted of Firewhisky, so he’d not chucked that glass then, and then something seemed to explode inside her. 

She didn’t know it was possible to feel as if everything around her and inside of her was set on fire. The small, red and gold dragon in her chest seemed to grow in size just by unfolding its wings, leaping into the air gracefully while everything around it blazed with flames. Soaring through her chest, it seemed to expand along with her feelings, or catching up with them, she couldn’t say. 

He took another step closer and then the smooth surface of the wall was against her back. His cloak protected her from the cold surface, and she was warm and safe under it, or she felt safe with him. Possibly both. 

He reached for her under his cloak, pulling her flush against him. She’d never been this close to him, but she wanted him closer still. 

She wanted to breathe him in, taste him even more, she needed more than this. A warm sensation coursed through her as she threaded her hand through his silky soft hair. She sighed, a moan escaped her when she felt his hand tighten on her back and set her skin on fire. 

She had closed her eyes, she didn’t want to find out all of this might not be real but just her imagination. She'd seen bloody dragons the whole night, after all. Who knew what was real anymore? She didn’t need to see him, she could smell him, a familiar mix of pine, nutmeg and cinnamon.

But when she heard the sound of wood falling on the floor because he'd dropped his wand that didn’t seem like something she would make up. This was real. This was finally, finally happening and it was real. 

They finally saw what had been right in front of them, ever since they started to pretend to be friends. Or maybe they never pretended and she'd just fallen in love with her best friend. 

“I don’t want this to be a dream, Lily,” James pleaded, his voice hoarse and his breath short as if he’d been running. She looked at him, and despite the little light she saw plenty. There was a truth in his eyes that felt as solid as the stone behind her. She traced her thumb along his jaw. His breath hitched and the response from that shiny fiery, electrified creature inside of her was immediate. But she ignored it: there would be time. 

He was still holding her as if he was scared she would disappear if he let go.

“This is real. Not just now, but tomorrow too, if you want it to be,” she said softly. 

“Of course I want it to be. Lily, you know that don’t you?” he asked earnestly. She nodded. She savoured the static energy that still crackled all around them, enjoying the feeling that even the smallest spark would be enough to set them on fire again.

Below them, she heard sounds, vaguely discerned voices, and wisps of a conversation she couldn’t identify the words of. They froze but the voices beneath them faded–no one came up the stairs. Still, she knew it would only be a matter of time before someone would.

She didn’t know how long they’d been here exactly.

The party was probably coming to an end any time now. All sorts would be roaming the corridors and passageways of Hogwarts soon. They couldn’t stay here, in this small hide-out from reality, forever. 

James leaned his forehead against hers, the frame of his glasses pressing into her skin just the slightest. She closed her eyes, not wanting to hear him say they’d have to be wise and leave. She didn’t want to go back to the Common Room, back to the rumours, to the whispers that said she wasn’t any good. That told her someone like him would never want someone like her. 

She wanted to let herself be foolish and believe that she could have this. That they could really have this and that they would be okay. 

Then she heard him hardly above a whisper “I don’t want someone to find us here, but I don’t want to leave because I still have trouble believing this is real, and I need it to be.” It was as if something inside her spread its wings and broke free from her chest. 

Wisdom and societal expectations and propriety be damned if she didn’t feel she wanted the same. “ Let's make this real. Let me stay with you tonight. This can be the start of something real, not a dream, if we wake up tomorrow, together,” she whispered back.

She imagined she could see a dragon breathe fire in the brightness of his smile.