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‘And what precisely am I meant to do with this?’ Miranda screwed up the paper in her hand into a ball and threw it at her assistant. Not caring that she hit her squarely in the head. Andrea wasn’t even shocked by her reaction, it could have been worse, but she was uncomfortable about how her glare was making her so jittery.
‘Miranda I…’ Andrea looked at her nervously.
‘No…no, I want to know, what to do I do with it?’ She bore into her soul in that moment, her cold blue eyes, could have torn straight through to her heart.
Andrea had let the paper hit her and fall to the ground. She peered down at it and sighed, ‘I was trying to do this the correct way Miranda.’
‘You thought this was the correct way? Worried I would blacklist you, if you came to me.’
Andrea let out a gasp of air and went to bend down and pick up the paper. Her body, reacting as she was stopped mid-way though by Miranda’s icy voice filling her ears.
‘Stop. Leave it.’
She snapped back up and sighed again folding her arms together across her chest, exasperated. She almost wanted to laugh or giggle at how ridiculous Miranda was behaving. Like a petulant child.
‘When I interviewed here, what did I say?’ Andrea tried to reason with her. ‘I said, I wanted to be a journalist.’ She was staring at her boss, who was standing behind her desk, looking furiously at her.
‘You want to leave me!’
‘Miranda, I want to leave Runway… it’s time.’
Miranda didn’t even let her finish her explanation, she just exhaled and angrily snapped, ‘Fine get out!’
‘Miranda?’
‘Go.’
Andrea shook her head and picked up the letter, quickly backing out of the office, she looked flustered. Why was Miranda behaving like this? She couldn’t get her head around it. She was right to want to move on, to take the next step in her career. Confused as well, as to why Miranda phased it as her leaving her, rather than Runway. She was playing with the paper in her hand, when she stumbled out of the office. Emily noticing the commotion, looked up from her desk.
‘What have you done this time, I heard raised voices? She never raises her voice?’ Emily looked at her concerned. Her face looking whiter than normal and her make-up doing very little to cover the bags under eyes and the strain in her voice.
‘This.’ She lifted the letter up. ‘I tried to hand my notice in. She wasn’t happy.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake! You can’t leave, not now.’ Emily looked worried. She stood up from her desk and almost looked like she was going to wobble over.
‘Are you ok?’
‘What were you thinking? You can’t leave.’
‘I have been looking around and I have been offered a great job.’
Emily looked stunned; tears started to brim in her eyes. Bewildered by the odd reaction, Andrea walked over to Emily’s desk.
‘I didn’t think you’d care?’
Emily shook her head and placed her hand on her head, rubbing her forehead. She was still wobbly, and Andrea was worried.
‘Em, seriously, what is going on? You’ve not seemed yourself for days and you are very pale.’
Emily didn’t want to answer her, but instead pleaded ‘You just can’t leave. She is going to need you.’ She was a bit breathy and looking around, making sure no one was watching them.
Trying to lighten the mood and reassure her colleague that it would be ok, Andrea concluded, ‘She doesn’t need her second assistant that badly, she has you.’
‘I won’t be here.’ Emily stammered.
‘What?’ Miranda’s voice carried across the corridor coldly.
‘Miranda, I didn’t see you?’ Emily was stunned to see her icy glare.
‘Are you abandoning your post as well Emily? Well, I am disappointed in you.’ Miranda snidely commented. Knowing how much it would hurt and cut her deeply. How much Emily sort after her approval.
‘It’s not like that, Miranda. Andy, please, just you can’t leave. Not yet.’
Miranda didn’t hesitate, ‘I told her to go. If that is what she wants. You can pack your things and go Andrea.’
Emily started to sob and it irritated Miranda further, ‘What is all the dramatics about?’
‘Well, don’t you think we should find out before you kick me out?’ Andrea stated bravely. ‘Then you can call for security for all I care. Come on Emily, come.’ Andrea walked around the desk and took Emily gently by the arm. Miranda suddenly seeing Emily’s face fully, she also noticed that she didn’t look herself. Unsure what to do, she stepped aside and allowed the girls to walk into her office. They had half expected her to complain about no one manning the phones, that no one was on the desk, but instead Miranda moved. She found herself ushering them in. She closed the office door and watched as Emily and Andrea stood in the middle of her room, looking at her. She realised she needed to take a different approach, or they weren’t going to get anywhere.
‘It’s ok Emily. Can we just talk about what is happening here?’ Miranda’s voice was suddenly softer than it was before. ‘Do you have a new job too?’
‘No. Miranda, I want to be here…you know this magazine is my life.’ She was sobbing still, and the two other women were confused.
‘You will need Andy here; she knows how it all works…when I can’t be.’
‘Can’t be?’ Miranda repeated back. ‘Why can’t you be here?’ Miranda has folded her arms, but she is still speaking softly. It’s almost unsettling.
Emily looked over at Andrea, who is standing next to her. Her eyes are begging her, her voice small,
‘Promise me.’
‘Ok, Em, you need to explain ok.’ Andrea said warmly, ‘Because I can’t promise that, without knowing why you are asking me to turn down my dream job.’
Miranda uttered quietly the words Andrea had just said, ‘Dream job.’ Watching as the two younger women interacted with each other. Miranda coughs and clears her throat.
‘What is it? Is it immigration, do you have to go back to England?’ Miranda asks.
‘Nothing like that.’ Emily softly chuckles. ‘I almost wish.’ She sighs.
‘Yes, well a quickie marriage would have sorted that out.’ She smiles.
Andrea looked at her horrified.
‘Don’t look so scandalized Andrea, you do what you have to do in this business.’ She is chatting away to Andrea, who is shaking her head at what Miranda is saying, when Emily interrupts.
‘I’m sick.’ Emily says quietly, breaking the tension, they both stop talking and turn to the red head. Andrea’s eyes grow wide, with the realisation of what her peer has just said to them.
‘Oh Em!’ Andrea starts, but before she can say anything else. Emily is crying harder, and Andrea pulls her into a hug. Half expecting to be pushed away, she is surprised when she feels Emily embrace her firmly back. Andrea in that moment needs the hug just as badly.
‘Promise me. For now, anyway. Promise.’ Emily whispers into her ear. Andrea’s back straightens and Miranda watches as she does something truly selfless.
‘I promise Em, I’ll look after the boss.’ Andrea’s eyes scan the room over her shoulder and falls onto Miranda, who is awkwardly watching them hug. She can feel tears in her own eyes start to form and she looks away. Ashamed of how she treated Andrea earlier.
Emily finally let’s go and looks at Miranda, ‘I’m so sorry, I know it’s a busy time of year. I’ll try and…’
Miranda raised her hand, stopping her mid-sentence. She is staring at her, ’How bad Emily?’
Emily’s eyes fall to the floor. ‘I will need chemo and radio therapy.’
‘Cancer? Damnit!’ Both assistants are watching as Miranda starts to pace around her office, jittery and angry, ‘You are too young.’ She says sternly.
Emily smiles, ‘I’m 27 Miranda, not too young it seems.’
Andrea takes Emily’s hand into hers. ‘I’m sorry, Em, truly. I will do whatever I can to help.’ Miranda watched the interaction, her gaze falling onto Emily finally.
‘And when you come back, I will be getting you ready for your promotion.’
‘Miranda?’ Emily is unsure, she looks at her joylessly.
‘It should have happened months ago, but it can wait until you are back. Your job here is safe.’
‘Thank you.’ Is all she can muster; she isn’t sure what else to say.
Miranda shakes her head angrily. ‘Don’t thank me. Now go and get your things, go home and rest.’
‘What’s the plan with the doctors?’ Andrea asks before Emily makes her move to leave as instructed, she needed to know she wouldn’t be alone, ‘Do you have someone supporting you?’
Emily is touched by the kindness, and answers honestly and earnestly, ‘Yes, I do, actually…but I know she is going to be busy too with the magazine…’ she shrugs sadly.
Miranda looks at her curiously, ‘Who is it?’
She hesitates, not wanting to get the other person into any kind of trouble with Miranda, ‘It’s Serena.’ Emily says concerned, but she must tell her, she might need her more than she will realise in this moment.
‘Good, good. She will be free whenever you need her. Her job is also safe. Now go home.’
‘I can finish the day.’ Emily tries to protest.
‘No, go find Serena and both go home.’ Miranda looks at her. ‘I can’t have you looking like that behind my assistant’s desk.’ She is doing it on purpose, being cruel. It’s easier than, being kind. She knows she wouldn’t be able to handle any more of Emily’s emotions.
‘I understand…’ Emily nods and heads towards the door. ‘I’ll email you some notes later Andy. Thank you for staying.’ Her hand already on the door handle.
‘It’s ok…go home…rest…call, text, whatever. If you need anything.’ Andrea is holding back the tears as Emily walks out the office and closes the door behind her. She watched as the door swings shut and the door makes a clicking sound as it is firmly shuts into place. She can’t believe what Emily has just revealed she feels awful for her, but she also feels concern for Miranda.
She takes a breath and decides to look over at Miranda who has flung herself into her office chair, lost and upset. She had swivelled the chair to face the massive office windows, not wanting to look at Andrea any longer. Unable to look at her.
‘She was still thinking about the magazine. I will call her later and find out more about what is going on. 27…bloody 27.’ Miranda huffs.
Andrea unsure if she should leave or go over to her. Stands still. Not moving, tears running down her face.
Finally, after a couple of minutes Miranda addresses her. ‘You had no idea?’
‘No…I feel awful, but no.’
‘You will stay?’
‘I promised, didn’t I? I don’t break promises Miranda.’ Andrea tries to sound strong, but her voice is cracking under the strain and the weight of what she has agreed to do, for Emily and for Miranda.
‘After Paris, you promised me you wouldn’t let me down again. No running away, that you would talk to me. Yet you didn’t keep your word that time, why should I believe you this time?’
‘This, this is different. Finding a new job, isn’t running away.’ She pauses. ‘I just thought, it was time to move on. I was giving you a chance to let me go Miranda.’
Miranda still wasn’t facing her; she was concentrating on the blue cloudy sky out the window. Andrea walked towards the left side of her and slowly putting her hand on her shoulder, giving it a brisk firm squeeze, it helps. Miranda was grounded by the touch, and she closed her eyes. She is upset about Emily, angry at the world. She is upset that Andrea wanted to leave; she is stressed about the magazine. She can’t handle it.
Andrea holds onto her shoulder and slowly kneels beside her. Holding the top of her arm now.
‘I said I would look after you. I don’t care about Runway Miranda; I care about you.’
‘And I care about the magazine.’ Miranda scoffs.
‘I know you do…but I also know that you care about Emily.’ She tries to smile, but it sticks in her throat the word Emily, thinking about what she is about to go through.
Miranda’s head snaps to her side and she stares into Andrea’s eyes. ‘Just Emily?’
‘I think you care about me too…perhaps that is why you are so annoyed that I didn’t come to you for help to find a new job, Mmm?’
Miranda wants to push her away, emotionally and physically, she wants to shove her so far across the room that she can no longer feel her hot breath on her skin. She can’t hurt her though; she doesn’t want to break her. They are both teary and both so raw already. She thinks about telling her to get back to her job, to go answer the damned phone that is ringing, to go and find Nigel and get him here. Because he will understand. He always does. She can’t do any of it, she is locked into the stare of her big brown eyes, and she is lost in them.
‘I…care…’ is all she manages to say.
‘How can we help Emily?’ Andrea steps in, wanting to take the conversation in another direction for a moment.
‘I’ll make sure her job is safe like I said, and I will help with her medical costs.’
Andrea looks at her surprised, but then smiles. ‘I thought you would. I will stay and look after you until we can replace us both with better assistants.’ She winks.
‘I don’t think that is possible. But ok, I accept those terms.’ She nods.
Andrea stands up slowly letting go of Miranda, ‘I should probably go and get the phone?’
‘No…not yet…don’t leave just yet.’
Andrea tilts her head, scrunching her face with anguish. ‘You don’t want to let me go do you? You will never let me leave.’
‘I’m not saying that…you can leave Runway…’ Miranda stands up, resting her hands on the side of the chair to push herself up abruptly. Andrea takes a step back. ‘It’s wrong how I feel.’ Miranda exclaims. ‘You are the same age as Emily.’
‘Near enough, I’m 26. What has that got to do with anything?’
‘I see her as a young girl, I want to protect and help…I see you differently, and that is wrong.’
‘You see me in a different light?’ Andrea shakes her head, ‘We’ve both had a shock ok.’
‘Yes, and it’s shaken me up and made me confront something about you.’
Andrea looks worried. ‘You hate me or something? Want to crush my dreams. Want to punish me for messing up in Paris, even though I came back and apologised?’
Miranda brutally sneers, ‘Are you deliberately trying to wind me up, you stupid woman?’ Chastising herself for her words. She walks away, towards the window ledge and peers down at the cars and people on the street.
Andrea is hurt, but unwilling to leave the office, with that being her last words towards her that day. She waits and waits and finally Miranda opens her mouth to confess what she needed to say.
‘I think I have feelings for you…but this isn’t the time to explore that…I need you to do your job. Can you do that? It’s not just about you, it’s about protecting Emily’s position in the magazine for when she comes back.’
‘For Emily I can…but Miranda, I need you to understand. I care about you too.’ Andrea sighs deeply and walks away, leaving the office and finally answers the ringing phone. Finally, there is a moment of silence and Miranda looks back over her shoulder to the closed door. This was one of the worst mornings of her life. She collapsed back into her chair and ran her hand over her mouth, she sobbed quietly into her own hand, not wanting Andrea to hear her.