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It was 5pm already and Tubbo was sitting in his chair, waiting. In a half an hour Ranboo was going live and Tubbo was determined to watch it. Tubbo was absorbing any content he could from Ranboo because they haven’t even seen each other yet.
Once the stream finally started, Tubbo noticed there was a lot of people there, despite Ranboo’s early stream time. Most people were saying they were in important classes, watching anyway.
Everyone loved the man and his content. So Tubbo wasn’t shocked.
Ranboo’s stream was him showing Aimsey around the DSMP. But some aspects were lore. Like him hiding all things to do with their characters marriage and child. Sure Lore-wise it made since to keep it hidden, Ranboo’s character was more than likely trying to protect his family but outside of lore it also made sense. They have hardly talked since Ranboo got back to the UK.
And outside of lore, it hurt Tubbo. It felt like Ranboo didn’t want to think about Tubbo. And that was fine..
—--
Tubbo was now at a post MCC party. He was a few drinks down and standing with Wilbur because Ranboo and Tommy weren’t there.
Till Tubbo spotted Ranboo.
“Nobody told me he was going to be here.” Tubbo said and Wilbur frowned. “I get why he would be, everybody loves him. Fans and friends alike.” Ranboo feels like home .
“He said he had plans and would try to make it. Tommy and he were meant to be doing something but they came here.” Wilbur said.
Of course he would see Tommy first of the bench trio. Not the person he lived with, not the person he first became friends with. Not the person he’s kissed way too many times to ignore upon returning to the country they both would reside in for the rest of their lives.
Tubbo only nodded, “I might leave.”
“Are you sure? You just got here? And you were pretty excited.”
“Because he wasn’t supposed to be here.” Tubbo said and drank the rest of what was in his cup. “I’m going to go home, thank you for this.”
“Make sure to grab some stuff to go, okay?” Wilbur asked and Tubbo accepted the hug he was offering. Tubbo nodded and walked off to the kitchen.
Tubbo made himself a drink to go and grabbed a slice of pizza, turning to leave but being stopped by Ranboo who was standing where he needed to go. “Are you leaving?” Ranboo’s brows were tugged together.
“Yes, I have shit to do is all.” Tubbo said and tried to push past him but failed.
“We haven’t seen each other yet.”
Tubbo nodded, “we can meet up when you get the time.” Tubbo’s voice was harsh and he could care less. Ranboo was being annoying and Tubbo just wanted to go home and sulk. Maybe his mom would sit on the couch with him and they could watch trashy tv to make him feel better. “You should go back to your friends before they wonder where you went.”
“You are my friend too, Toby.”
Tubbo finally looked up at him, “if you haven’t figured out the problem with that yet then maybe it is best I leave. But please go back to everyone else, you wouldn’t want them to miss you too hard. Seeing as you’ve been attached to them all since you came back.”
Ranboo stepped aside, “leave now then.”
Tubbo shook his head, “not with you watching me. Because I’ve watched you leave so many times, Ranboo that I would never give you the same pain. Because I believe deep down you still feel the way you did before. And I try not to hurt the people I care about .”
“Then stay .” Ranboo spoke softly.
Tubbo shook his head, “not when it feels like you’re still in America, with an 8 hour time zone difference and a large ocean between us. Not when it hurts to know you’re 10 minutes away from me at all times and you don’t seem to give a shit .” Tubbo let out a breath, “not when I still love you.”
Ranboo grabs his wrist, because between the two of them, Ranboo was never the scared one. “Please, stay.” If this is the last time you’ll let me have you, let us pretend we’re fine. Ranboo whispered and Tubbo caved.
“Okay..” Tubbo whispered and Ranboo took his hand, bringing him back out to the party, keeping them close but breaking their physical contact as they got around others.
The night was pretty fine, Tubbo managed pretty well. But now he was getting in Ranboo’s car and going back to his place.
It wasn’t hard for Tubbo’s brain to stick to the past. To nights they were way more than friends, nights they got too close, nights they pushed the limits on what they were. Tubbo remembered Ranboo coming to see him for the first time.
He remembered the way they hugged at the airport like nothing was there but a close friendship.
He remembered the first night they had laid in a bed together and how awkward it was because they had only just met in person and then they were so close in such a vulnerable situation. He remembered how they just stared at each other while a movie played as their present selves walked through a hall and to Ranboo’s room.
Tubbo remembered the whispered promises the night they first dappled in drinking together in the safety of the extension.
He remembered the way lips found him the next time they dappled in the drinks, the night they pushed their boundaries for the first time. The night they pushed each other to the brink of breaking, because they could. Because they were allowed to.
He remembered all the times they pushed themselves, all the times they challenged what they thought of each other and all the times they let hands and lips wander beyond what they should. He remembered this as he changed into a hoodie belonging to the dirty blonde so he didn't have to be in his sweater any longer. He remembered Ranboo leaving for the first time as they sat on the bed, turning a movie on.
As they both slipped under the blankets, he remembered flying to America. He remembered Ranboo kissing him on a sand beach, compared to a rocky beach. He remembered going back to hotels together while everyone stayed oblivious to their not so friendly bond.
As they both laid down, staying a little too far to each other, he remembered leaving Ranboo when the dirty blonde was busy so Ranboo didn’t have to go through the pain Tubbo had to in November.
As Tubbo turned away from Ranboo he remembered not knowing Ranboo was coming back to the UK in January, and finding out 3 days before he was leaving. He remembered crying over the betrayal to Tommy who didn’t know either. Tubbo remembered feeling like everything they shared meant nothing to Ranboo. Then he watched him leave again.
As Tubbo heard Ranboo drift off, he remembered it all. He remembered how much he loved Ranboo and how hurt he was. Because Ranboo never gave Tubbo what he actually wanted.
The only thing Tubbo had wanted was his love. But Ranboo wasn’t ready, he never had been and he isn’t now. And Tubbo can’t keep waiting. He’s waited long enough. Tubbo faced the dirty blonde and peeled the duvet off himself, slowly. Tubbo felt a tear slip down his face as he pressed a kiss to Ranboo’s head. “Maybe one day you’ll love someone the way I love you.” Tubbo whispered and got off the bed and stopped at the door, “I forgive you for not loving me back. It was never your fault.” Tubbo left his house and started his walk to anywhere but there. And he never looked back.
Ranboo woke up to an empty bed and no messages from Tubbo. He called Tubbo and Tubbo declined the call. Ranboo called Tommy next and Tommy explained it all to Ranboo. He wasn’t going to lie or beach around the bush. He tossed everything in his face and ended the call. Tommy went back to comforting his shorter friend who had only just finally fallen asleep, with dried tears on his face and shaky limbs. Ranboo was left to sit and feel the pain of watching someone he cared about leave him, finally feeling an ounce of Tubbo’s pain.
And Tommy was stuck with Tubbo’s pained words of ‘maybe one day’ and ‘surely in another life’ as the brunette’s dreams grew haunted by the lack of his heart and the pain he had to feel from suffering so bad.
Tubbo wouldn’t get to recover from this pain. He didn’t get that luxury.