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POV Mikasa
How long has it been? I can’t fully remember. I must’ve lost count, but it does feel like forever ever since he left us. On the day after we first arrived in Marley, we all attended in the forum held by the Subjects of Ymir Protection Group; while during the meeting, Eren left. None of us were able to find him.
After I thought that me and Eren would always stay together, especially after what he asked me the previous night before, he ran away without us yet again. Armin and I talked about this years ago, not even he can understand it, but we were taught that no matter where he goes, we got to follow him and protect him; but we don’t even know where he ran away to.
That is until one day, we all got a letter from him; he stated that he is currently undercover in Liberio, and that he’s taken part in their war against the Mid-East Alliance. That was all the first letter said. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, Eren kept sending us letters about his sights but never his whereabouts.
Myself, Armin, Jean and the others were so confused by his actions and potential goals; why would he leave the scouts to proceed investigations on his own? Why not let the rest of us aid him like every time before? I asked myself these questions every day, I should be use to it by now, but not to run solo in the very country where he is the prone target.
Now it is the very day where I’m turning 19, and everyone seems to be planning something. Probably a surprise party; I can hear the creaks of the floor from moving furniture, I can smell the scent of both burning candles and an oven, and I can feel a hint of sorrow in my heart. Usually I'd be grateful that I have people who I am close to celebrate my birthday, we would have food, drinks and one time I put everyone through my old exercise routine during our trainee years. That old memory definitely puts a soft smile on my face. But the most important thing to me was what Eren did for me every year.
Ever since I lived with him and his parents back in Shiganshina, Eren managed to buy a well thought out present to give me. Once everyone else was away, or we sneak into another room, he'd say some words on the line of 'Well... hope this would be useful to you.' and hand me his gift. One year it was pink cardigan, another it was hand-made house that looked like our house from Shiganshina, (I was surprised how he was able to pull it off). Every time it meant the world to me, to see him smile whenever I appreciated the birthday present, and it kept me going through such cruel realities all of us have to go through.
To have him not attend my birthday for the first time is alien to me; maybe somehow he'll come back at least for one day. Please Eren, just to have you here is all I really want. Suddenly there's knocking from my bedroom door, and a slight sound of Armin's voice saying 'Are you in here, Mikasa?' I stand up from my bed and reply back.
"Yes. You can come in."
Armin opens the door slowly; he's wearing a nice grey suit vest with dark brown pants, complete with a blackish tie. They didn't have to dress up so fancy for my birthday, my guess is that it's a Marleyan thing. Thinking about Marley makes me think back to Eren again, how he's out there somewhere without us, how he's caught in the middle of a battlefield without me. The thought brings me back to frowning in worry. Armin notices.
"Mikasa, you feeling okay?" He asks, stepping closer to place a hand on my shoulder.
"Huh?" I gasp. "Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just can't believe that I'm 19 now, you know?"
Armin gives a light chuckle. "Yeah. time does fly onward much faster then we think. It almost feels like yesterday all three of us joined the Trai..." He pauses, thinking about what he just said. I give a sorrowful look at him, it's not his fault. He and Eren have been with each other a lot longer before me, so it's natural for him to feel sad about Eren's disappearance as well. Armin clears his throat and starts heading towards the door.
"Well... let's go. Can't keep the party waiting." He smiles awkwardly.
I take a deep breathe, clear my head from certain memories and head out the door with him.
~~~~
"SURPRISE!!"
Everyone is gathered around a big table in the hotel's dining room; there's hand-made banners hanged up on the walls, these round things people can blow up which are called 'balloons', and a nicely decorated sponge cake in front of an empty chair. Sasha pulls me over to the chair who immediately tells me to blow out the candles on it, (I know her by now that the reason is so she can have the cake) Jean and Connie have to tell her to cool it and me to take my time. Armin and Commander Hange both chuckle at this.
After eating slices of cake, and telling off Sasha for hogging, we all relax in the big sitting area and take turns of giving me birthday presents; Jean gives me some scented perfume from the nearby shopping stalls, Connie and Sasha got me a bag of exotic fruits, and Commander Hange and Levi force me to try on some tailored dress from a shop Onyankupon highly recommended. Lastly, Armin hands over a Marleyan novel about all kinds of species of birds from the outside world.
"I-I know it's not really your thing, but I just had to show you all of these fascinating species." He admits with a smile.
"It's fine." I reply, returning a smile. "I've actually been curious myself."
"Really?!" Armin exclaims with bright eyes. "Well, it's a good thing because this book shows about ten thousand species of birds in the entire world. Some reach to the average height of humans, while others are about the size of the biggest insects. They inhabit near oceans, forests and..."
I heard Jean whisper to Connie and Sasha. "We should head off. Mikasa is going to be here for a while." And that's what they did. Honestly, I don't really mind Armin rambling on about how such discoveries amaze him to a high degree, it pleases me to see him in such joy, like he's still the same kid I met years ago. Still can't believe he can get back into his comfort zone after everything we've been through together.
After a long hour of Armin guiding me through the bird species encyclopaedia, explaining about their habitats and sizes in detail, he suddenly notices the time on the grandfather clock at the opposite side of the room.
"Oh! Sorry Mikasa, I got carried away that I didn't even knew it's already the evening!" He apologizes with concern.
I let out a giggle. "No, it's okay. But we should really head back to the others right now." Armin nods while giving the book back to me.
Before heading out the door though, I find myself feeling an ache in my heart again. I stand hesitantly, widening my eyes a bit, then my mind starts the same exact pain that I've felt for years; the pain which I can't describe fully, but it seems to have always happened whenever Eren's in trouble or just feeling empty sorrow. I try to get back up myself before Armin can notice, but it's a bit late. Armin quickly notices and runs over to aid me before I fall to my knees.
"It's that again, is it?" Armin asks, lifting me back up again.
I can only respond with a shaky nod. With this experience, Eren comes back to my mind. The memories of previous times of when Eren was with me during my birthdays, and all the special gifts he put his heart into. I think I can feel a light tear stirring up in my eye; why does this have to happen now?
"It's alright. You know it always wares off eventually." He assures me calmly.
"But..." I stutter, while I sat back down on the couch to rest a little. "That was when... he was here." More tears start to form in my eyes, I don't really show my emotions that often, but around Armin I feel comfortable enough since he's had a hard time too for the last few months. I can see it on his face, how he's also hurt by Eren's decision, and I'm sure Jean and the others feel the same way as well. Armin then takes a seat beside me and starts fiddling with his hands in worry.
"I know. We don't know what's been going on with him for the past three years, and there's not much we can do for him right now... but we just need to keep hope, that he'll let us know we'll be needed. At least that's what I figure. What about you?"
I know in my heart Armin can be right. He's never to be wrong about anything before, especially when it comes to Eren, maybe his absence from my birthday will just be this one time, that this time next year we'll be back together; hopefully in a better time where the misconceptions of Paradis will be lifted. Now that the pain in my head is much calmer now, we can start finally meet up with everyone else in the other room, at this time they should be having another meeting with Miss Azumabito.
"Hmm? Is that someone at the door?" Armin picks up a distance knock from the hotel entrance.
I hear a second knock. "Let's see who it is." I said.
We both make our way downstairs to the hotel's big reception hall; there we hear the door knock the third time. It seems that the hotel is too overworked with guests from other parts of the country to answer the door themselves, so it seems that we both have to take it in our hands. Armin pulls both doors open himself, there outside is a middle age man, presumably the same mailman we've been visited by for months. One look at him and I already know what he's delivering to us.
"I'm here to deliver another letter and a package to the Azumabito. Where is she?" The mailman asks tiredly. Wait... there's a package to go with it this time?
"Thanks, Sir. She's probably having a meeting, but we'll take these up to her anyway." Armin kindly replies. The mailman greets us goodbye and heads on this way.
Armin hands me the letter and package while he closes the doors. Strange; previous times it was only just a letter he sends back to us but now a package as well? Does this mean Eren is not in danger? Can it be that he still cares about us? This thought alone makes me speechless, and I feel a tear building up again.
"Mikasa." Armin calls to me. I gasp while turning around to him. "S-Sorry. But we have to go back upstairs, or else Commander Hange and Levi would be freaking about why we were away for so long."
I quietly nod again, tucking the letter under my white cardigan but kept carrying the package; I wonder what Eren was able to get through such a horrific war zone he talked about in his last letter?
~~~~
Back in my hotel room, after the recent meeting was over, I'm left curled up on my bed, clutching the letter close to my chest and leaving the package right beside me. Armin asked me if he could help to read it for me, but I politely refused, so he headed back to his room. Why am I so afraid to read it? This is definitely from Eren - I can sense it. What if it's just about his current situation in the war, and nothing else? The package, what could be inside it? I shouldn't be thinking so hard on this. I just need to read it.
So I carefully open the letter with a small diner knife, slowly pull out the paper inside and hesitantly unfold it. The first thing I take notice of is my name written on the top of the paper, my shaking hands stop start slowing down but not entirely - then I start reading.
Mikasa,
By the time you're reading this I'm officially at a hotel for the night, so you won't have to worry about me getting blown to bits or regenerating any limbs. First off, I have to admit that I'm in grief for not taking part in your birthday for the first time, it brings me pain as much as it hurts you. If you wondering 'why I left all of you in the first place?' Don't worry, you'll understand one day.
I only managed to find this from a fallen soldier, it was probably meant as a reminder of someone very close to him; it'll mean the same to you. But for the time being, don't think about me as much, focus on being there for Armin, Jean, Connie and the rest of the scouts. I know you'll be strong for them; just keep moving forward.
Happy birthday.
~ Eren
I honestly don't know what to feel after reading that. On one hand I'm relief about his safety, but on the other he still can't explain why he went away from us in Marleyan territory. I know he's always been reckless, but this is too much. Anyway, I lift the package from my side and place it on my lap; then I slowly unravel the newspapers wrapping it. I never thought it would be such a beautiful hair clip; it's gold, with tiny silver diamonds, and what looks to be a scarlet rose in the centre. When I move it it sparkles in the sunset, especially all the diamonds scattered on it.
He didn't have to take such a pretty charm for me, but something about it makes me choke up a little. Now I find myself building up tears once again, this time though I can't find the strength to hold them back, they come streaming down my cheeks as soon as I start softly weeping; now turning into light hiccupping (I still keep it quiet so no one through the walls can hear me). Now I find myself now hugging the hair clip to my chest - Why am I crying? Am I happy for a wonderful gift that shows how deeply he cares? Or am I feeling depress over the deep feeling that this could probably be the last thoughtful Birthday gift he'll ever give me?
Only time will tell.