Chapter Text
The training had been over for an hour already, but, as always, if someone wanted to stay for an extra workout, the training field was always open.
Just that day Soap had decided to perfect his aim, still angry at himself for the last mission, where he missed that enemy by an inch, and Price had to make it up for him, then gave Soap a scolding.
Gaz was quick to pat him on the shoulder and smile at him, telling him that it was okay. Every once in a while that can happen to anyone, he could do better.
But Soap couldn’t stomach that 'it’s okay', because he hated that mistake. He always cringed when someone made that sort of mistake. He couldn't do that too.
So, he took on this little challenge with himself to aim even under incredible stress. He needed to be perfect. What if he had to save someone and then he ended up killing them because he aimed half a hinch more on the left?
Soap aimed at the head of the cloth mannequin, firing the entire magazine at it, trying to keep the recoil stable. Hestared at the mannequin with a disappointed look on his face when he noticed that only barely more than half the bullets had pierced it.
He reloaded the weapon.
It was at that moment that Soap heard someone laughing behind him.
He turned, and he saw three new recruits laughing... at him.
"What’s going on?" Soap asked, already pissed by their behavior.
"You shoot just like a girl." One of them laughed.
Soap froze and held his breath before exploding: he started yelling at the three men to get down and start doing 100 pushups as a punishment for making fun of a superior.
Soap watched as the three young men dropped to the ground, suddenly scared. Soap couldn't even start to count said pushups.
Shooting like a girl… is there even a way a girl can shoot?
He pretended to touch his neck, using the action to hide the fact that he was trying to feel if his binder strap was showing. He adjusted his shirt, trying to be as low-key as possible, then he stepped closer to the guy that spoke to him a few seconds prior.
"You, get up." Soap ordered, forcing his voice lower.
The man got on his feet as the other two struggled to complete their set of push-ups.
"You show me how to shoot like a man, since you apparently know, you big testosterone filled man." Soap replied, pushing his AK-12 against the man's chest, causing him to back up and unconsciously take the weapon in his hands.
"What's your name?" Soap pressured the man.
"Justin Brown, sir."
"Then what are you waiting for, Brown? Are you scared? Go on, big man, shoot." Soap hissed.
"I’m not used to this weapon." Justin admitted, looking at the magazine of the weapon and examining the handle.
Soap snickered, catching the rookie in his dumb excuse.
"Come on, shoot." Soap put his arm around Brown’s shoulders pointing to the dummy. "Aim for the head, and if it’s too small for your man-trained hands, aim for the chest. Do you know how to aim, at least?"
"Do you think I'm stupid?" The recruit asked angrily, aiming at the mannequin's head, wounded in his masculinity.
"Watch it, rook." Soap slapped the back of Justin's head.
"I'm sorry, sir." The other man replied, clearly choking down some bad words.
"The magazine is full. Waste it all." Soap stepped away, approaching the two other men, who gave up on their objective. God, how much he hated them already.
Justin focused, and on the first shot fired, he lost the stability of his aim on the mannequin's head, and that’s when he realized... that weapon wasn’t easy to handle.
Once the bullets in the magazine were finished, the rookie noticed only five new holes in the mannequin, including two between the chest and throat.
Soap laughed as he approached.
"You shoot just like a girl…" he said with a petty smile. He took back his AK-12 and replaced the empty magazine with a full one.
Justin Brown felt hurt, crippled by his manly facilities.
"Who even decided to recruit you here? Did you cheat on your resume?" John continued with that same smile.
"It’s just the different weapon." Brown replied.
"Of course..." Soap chuckled.
Humiliated, Justin walked away with the other two other recruits.
"Fucking scumbags…" Soap watched them leave.
He sat on the edge of a bench next to him and sighed, looking at his weapon.
"You handled them well." A voice from behind startled Soap, making him turn around so fast his neck actually hurt a little.
"Ghost… how long have you been here?"
"I left my phone in here and I stepped into a show." Ghost admitted, his phone was still in his hand.
Soap touched his neck as he turned to face the mannequin again, sadly.
"What's on your mind, sergeant?"
"Nothing." Soap cut short. "I'm tired."
Ghost sighed, still standing behind Soap, staring.
"You don't shoot like a girl, Johnny." Simon then assured, glancing at the mannequin.
Soap's eyes widened and he turned around again.
"I know I don't…"
"Just wanted to let you know for sure." Ghost met Soap's eyes. "Also some women here are more capable than some men. Don't worry about the recruits, mh?"
"I won't."
Lies. He will worry every time.
Soap was born in a woman's body, and struggled his entire life to acknowledge that. Until he came out as trans and started testosterone. Then, he started loving himself so much more, and he even made tons of friends… none of which knew his secret.
Lately, he even pierced Ghost's heart. They often chilled together, they told each other dumb jokes on the daily and their vibe really was perfect. Soap swore there was so much more between the two.
The only problem was that Ghost didn't know. And that stopped Soap from even trying to achieve the "more" he saw.
He straightened his back, it popping painfully. He was hoping to get top surgery soon, but he couldn't save enough money to get it. His back was sore from years of binding, years of exercising with the binder on, years of going out on a mission for days, unable to get the binder off.
His were very unhealthy habits, and his ribs and back were rioting to get Soap to take a break from binding.
John tried to take a deep breath, soon replaced by yawning. His eyes filled with tears at the yawn and Soap gave up trying to control himself. What were innocent tears born from a yawn soon became painful tears: he felt like no matter what he did, the torture would never end. That someone could always tell. He felt in danger everyday.
Soap sniffed, letting his face get wet with tears. He let it all out, never once stopped to think about it. He kept staying sat, sobbing his heart out, and again, never heard someone coming behind him.
He felt a hand gently placed on his shoulder, but even the gentle touch startled him enough to activate his fight or flight response and punch the shit out of anyone that sneaked up to him.
"Ow!" A tall man held his stomach, bending down a little.
Through tears, Soap recognized the black and red mask.
"König… I'm sorry, mate, I-"
"Nein, nein… my fault for scaring you." The tall man tried laughing it off.
Soap was now standing, drying his tears with the back of his hand, not knowing how to go on from that point. König wasn't any better: he really wanted to cheer Soap up, but had no idea how to engage in a conversation.
They stood one in front of the other for a few seconds before König, after much overthinking, finally asked something.
"Why were you crying?" That seemed to be the most logical question.
"Reasons." Soap cut short. "Why were you here?"
König really was tempted to reply 'reasons' too but he figured that Soap didn't need that attitude in his life at that moment.
"I came here to practice with the sniper." He admitted.
Soap nodded, knowing how much König dreamt to be a sniper. He tried so hard to perfect his art, and he was always in the training field, sometimes alone, other times with Horangi's presence.
"Can I just stay with you? Watch what you do, and just enjoy it like a show?" Soap asked.
"I can't promise I'll do good with the pressure…"
"You do amazingly when Horangi's there." John observed.
"T-that's… different." König stuttered.
"How so?"
König shut up, and Soap could see his eyes looking to the side and his shoulders rising at the question. He rubbed his gloved hands a second later, still not replying.
"You got a boyfriend…" Soap teased.
The way König's body tensed made Soap realize his teasing was probably the right guess. The two stared at each other in silence, until Soap seemed to forget he was crying before and repeated himself again, almost shouting in excitement.
"YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND!!" he jumped.
"Shhh!!!" König panicked, trying to shush Soap, even though nobody was there. "Don't scream!"
Soap snickered, sitting back down again. He stared at König's masked face with a dumb smile. God, if König got a boyfriend then what was Soap doing wrong?
"So… you? What's up?" König tried to change the subject.
Soap's smile faded like nothing, replaced by a sad face again. Damn it, he forgot for a second.
"Nothing important, really." He then said, masking the sad feeling with a smile, trying to keep that for longer than 5 seconds.
"Didn't seem like it."
"Oh, it's… old stuff anyways."
"Someone close to you that died?"
"...kinda."
König sat down next to Soap, looking at his sniper rifle and then looked at Soap.
"...she… was very similar to me. But she died pretty early in my life."
"A lover? Sister?"
"No… it's complicated." Soap admitted, "She was very happy, and I envy her sometimes. Even though she faked it most of the time."
"Did you know why?"
"Yeah… ever heard of someone's body not matching their true self?" Soap watched as König nodded, "That was why."
Assuming the worst, König tried to think of something to say at that moment. But he couldn't think of anything. He couldn't speak, not knowing what was going on in Soap's mind.
So, he just hugged him, and didn't let go until Soap did first.
"I'm gonna take a shower, I fucking reek." Soap commented after taking a breath from his nose.
König nodded as he watched John getting up and heading to the locker rooms.
He wondered who this person was to Soap. He didn't really know Soap that well, so, all he could do was imagine.
König decided to get up and stretch, deciding not to train for that day. His mind wasn't really there. Maybe he needed to take a long warm shower too.
So he started walking to the locker rooms, thinking about what they'll serve at dinner, or at what Horangi was getting back from his mission the following day.
He yawned as he stepped in the locker room, taking his mask and helmet off without thinking.
"GET OUT!!"
Before König could realize, a shirt covered his eyes, and he could hear steps running away.
"Was zu Hölle?!" König grabbed the shirt and yanked it off his face, startled by whoever threw it and ran away.
But the culprit couldn't run forever since the locker room was a confined space.
In fact, he only took a few steps before eyeing Soap in a corner, wrapped in a towel, still dry.
"Please get out…" his tone was softer, almost as Soap seemed…
"Are you… scared?" König didn't move from his position, still having Soap's shirt in his right hand. At this point he totally forgot that John could see his face, but Soap clearly wasn't looking his way, trying to keep something from him. "I promise I'm not here to hurt you, I just wanted to take a-"
"I never doubted you," Soap interrupted König, "but please, I- don't look at me."
"Arthur?" A deep voice called König's real name.
At that moment, König felt shivers- very few knew his name: Horangi, Price and… Ghost. Oh no.
"This isn't what it looks like…" König turned around to face the lieutenant.
"Where's your mask?" Ghost seemed to pierce König's soul with his eyes.
That's when König realized two people had seen his face he kept trying to hide for years, and he couldn't get a word out.
He wasn't all that bad and there wasn't any mysterious reason he was hiding himself: his insecurity about his looks started when the kids at school kept bullying him for how he looked– he was ginger, curly haired and his eyes were an icy shade of blue. His face was covered in freckles, partially covered by the face paint that contrasted with his very pale skin.
"Johnny?" Ghost now questioned the third man in the room.
"Get out… both of you get out." Soap crouched down, still holding the towel around his body tightly, closing his eyes.
"What the fuck happened here?" Ghost demanded to know, alarmed by Soap's reaction, and ready to go down on König if he dared to lay a finger on Soap.
"I don't know, I didn't do anything! He threw me the shirt and-"
"STOP!!!!" Soap yelled, getting up suddenly. His towel fell, much to his horror, and the other two men found themselves staring at what was a black binder tight on Soap's chest.
"What…?" Ghost could just let out that word.
Soap tried to decipher the look on both men's faces; he was so tempted to run away and never be found again, but his legs weren't cooperating. He was paralyzed, mostly in fear.
König had this shocked look on his face– so the person Soap was talking about earlier was… him?
Nobody dared to say a word before Soap broke down and started crying- again.
For Ghost, this was the first time seeing him cry. König tried to step closer to Soap, but stopped as he saw the smaller man back up against the wall. He looked back to Ghost: his eyes were widened, but he couldn't understand if he was shocked or disgusted- honestly, König would attempt a fight with Ghost if the second option was on the table.
So, König tried to say something; "John, it's fine, you're not any different than–"
"Don't even say it." Soap shot an angry look at König. His cheeks were red from the crying and, now, from anger. "Leave. Please leave." He begged again.
Ghost grabbed König's arm without a word and dragged him out of the locker room.
"Wait!!" Arthur tried to protest, but Ghost's grip was strong and it hurt a little. "He needs us!"
"He needs time to process it. Don't pressure him into talking now. Clear?"
"...clear." König looked down. He wondered what Ghost was thinking. Was it news for him? Something unexpected? Did he even know something about it?
Just as the two were walking away, Ghost spotted the recruits that were making fun of soap step into the locker room.
"You go, and I'll stay here and wait for Soap to come out." Ghost looked at König.
König sighed and nodded, unaware of the two men's identity. He kept wondering if Ghost was having at least one positive thought. He didn't want to see Soap struggle in front of Ghost. And König wanted to assure John that he was a safe place– hell, he identified as non-binary himself! Sure, Horangi was the only one to know about his he/they pronouns, but he was ready to come out to Soap too if he didn't trust him.
Ghost watched as König walked away, clearly in a bubble of thoughts.
He stood outside the locker rooms, clenching his fists. Why didn't Soap tell him earlier? Did he think he wouldn't accept it? Stop talking to him? Kill him, even? No.
No, Ghost… he wanted to help. He had to help.
Didn't he trust him enough to tell him such a big thing? If he didn't, he would have loved to help him get any surgery he needed, fight Price, even, and he would even take a leave to support Soap's recovery.
Soap's eyes were still blurry from the tears; he was sitting on a chair, the towel laying on his shoulders like a cloak. He was still wearing his sweatpants from the training, and now he wasn't planning on showering in the locker rooms again. He'd use the bathroom in his room, like he always did. He couldn't risk his secret being out to more people.
"The fuck is that?" A familiar voice laughed. "What are you, a girl?"
Just when he thought that the horror was over, Soap felt all color drain from his face and his heart dropped to his knees.
He covered his body with the towel, unable to talk back.
"Why do you need a bra? Is that even a bra?"
"You're really never seen a woman if you think this is a bra." Soap gulped down his terror, trying to keep up his attitude.
The look of shock on the man's face satisfied Soap for a moment– that's until the second man approached with a smile.
"So you are a girl! We were right. Ha! We could see it from a mile away."
"Why don't you show me what a woman looks like since you think you can talk back? Your bodyguard isn't here isn't he?"
Soap shivered at the words. Before he could realize, two hands were yanking the towel from him and two more were pinning him to the wall, making his body slam against it, his head hitting the wall quite hard.
"No- wait–" John couldn't fight back, the taller man's grip on his wrists being too strong for him.
Suddenly, he felt the binder's compression fail and he felt cold and a slight pain sensation. He looked down, horrified to see his bare chest exposed by the ripped binder, and some blood forming in the middle of his breasts. He glanced at the other man's hand, finally noticing the black pocket knife still pointed in his direction.
"Now that's more like it…" the man that was pinning Soap to the wall snickered, looking at Soap's bare chest.
Soap tried to free himself, and just as he was about to, the man that was holding him against the wall punched him in the face and kicked him to the ground. John stopped the fall with his hands, at least avoiding to smash his face into the ground. His lips and nose felp wet and when Soap licked his lip he tasted blood. Great.
Before Soap could try to get up and run away, he felt someone get on top of him and stop him.
"Don't go away, pretty girl, we still need something else…" the recruit smiled.
Soap could feel the pointy blade against his pants and the other man standing tall, watching it all happen with a creepy smile on his face. Soap screamed.
"SIMON!!!"
Soap's scream made Ghost shiver. The terror, the distress and the crack in Soap's voice destroyed Ghost's heart. Without thinking twice, he ran into the locker room and opened the door to the horrible scene.
He couldn't even think to ask what was going on. He couldn't.
And he saw red.
The adrenaline kicked in, and he lost all type of control.
The man on top of Soap got jumped by Ghost, and John quickly sat and backed up to the wall, grabbing the towel that fell on the ground with shaky hands. He covered his chest with it, watching what was unfolding in front of him, unable to let any words out.
Ghost was punching the man he grabbed over and over in the face, there was some blood on his knuckles, some drops on the ground, some on the guy's face, and the second recruit was trying to yank Ghost off of his friend. Soap couldn't even register the speed of Ghost getting up and kneeing the man in the nuts, making him fold in pain and then get served with an elbow under his chin. The recruit screamed as he violently bit his tongue with his teeth for the hit, and blood started immediately dripping from his mouth.
The man brought a hand to his mouth and screamed. Ghost grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and raised a fist–
"SIMON, STOP!" A voice broke Ghost's violent state of mind.
He lowered his hand, relaxing the fist and looked to the source of the voice. Price was standing in the middle of the room, shocked, stuck between looking at the now unconscious man on the ground, Soap glued to the wall and Ghost about to end the other guy's career.
"What… what happened here?"
Ghost completely snapped back to reality and let go of the man who tried to run away but got stopped by Price with a hand on his chest.
"They hurt Johnny and-" Ghost tried to explain, but got interrupted.
"He attacked me!" The recruit cried out.
Price looked at Soap that was now hugging his knees and hiding his face, probably hiding his tears. It only took Price a second to realize the recruit was lying.
"John..?" Price looked at Soap who didn't respond. "Alright…" he nodded. He did a head gesture to Ghost, pointing to Soap.
Ghost took a deep breath and sat next to Soap, in silence.
Price picked the unconscious recruit up and ordered the other man to follow him. Ghost wasn't in trouble– Price knew that was self defense, and he would have done everything in his power to save Ghost from any legal trouble.
Ghost watched as the captain walked away followed by the man, then he looked at Soap: he didn't move by an inch from his position.
"Are you okay?" Ghost asked, really not expecting a reply. But Soap nodded so slightly that if Ghost wasn't staring so intently at him, he would have missed it. "Liar…" Ghost whispered.
Soap looked up at Ghost with red eyes, looking distraught.
"Do you have another one?" Ghost asked.
"What?"
"What are they called?" Ghost pointed at his own chest.
"Chest binders." Soap looked away. "And no. If I buy another one, it will come in a month if I'm lucky."
Ghost took a deep breath then nodded. There was no way in fucking hell Soap had to suffer for a month.
"Other options?" Ghost asked.
"Not at the moment…"
"Johnny?"
"Mh?"
"I thought you trusted me."
"I do."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Silence fell for a minute. Both of them were looking at the void, until Soap finally got the courage to speak.
"I couldn't tell anyone. See what happened?"
"I'm not like them."
"What if you were, though?" Soap asked, making Simon sigh- yeah, there was no way of Soap knowing people's reactions. "I spent my life hiding it even from my family," Soap continued, "and when the testosterone changes were impossible to hide, I came out, and now I'm not allowed to go back home."
Ghost sat and listened to Soap's story, still as a statue, but now looking at him.
"I don't have that many options at the moment either. I don't even have the binder anymore."
"Surgery?" Ghost asked.
"I can't afford it yet. I'm saving up slowly."
"I'll help you."
Soap opened his mouth and raised his eyebrows: the fact that Ghost didn't even hesitate shocked him.
"How much is it?" Ghost was completely serious.
"I'm… not sure yet. I haven't even called to know."
"Then call. And you let me know."
"Ghost, we're talking about 10000£."
Ghost shrugged. He had so much money set aside for whatever he would want to do in the future that if he wanted, he could pay Soap's entire procedure.
"I can't let you do that."
Ghost's phone rang, and that thankfully stopped him from replying rudely. He looked at the caller: Price.
"Hello?" Ghost brought the phone to his ear.
"Ghost, would you mind coming to my office? Bring Soap with you if you're still with him."
"You got it, captain."
Ghost hung up the phone and looked at Soap. He couldn't leave him hanging around with his exposed chest and there was no way he'd let him wear a shirt that would reveal his curves. He sighed and took his black hoodie off and tossed it to Soap who looked at the other in confusion.
"It's large enough for you so that you don't need a binder. I'm not gonna look." Ghost turned his face away, now only wearing a black tank top.
Soap felt like crying once again, and for the first time, out of happiness. He got up, dropping the towel on the ground and slipping off the cut binder from his shoulders, then wore the hoodie that fell comfortably around his torso. It was large, warm and fuzzy on the inside, it made him feel like Ghost himself was hugging him.
"Done." Soap said, after he realized Ghost was still looking away. "How is it?"
Then Simon looked at Soap– he stared, realizing that seeing Johnny with his hoodie on had some type of effect on his gray mind.
"Perfect." Ghost got up and started walking away. But he froze when he felt Soap's smaller body suddenly pressed against his back, arms wrapped around his stomach.
"Thank you, Simon, really…"
Ghost normally would yell at someone to stop saying his name and then go on with his day, but Soap? For some reason Soap didn't spark that hate in Ghost. Hearing his name from him was almost… comforting.
Simon considered hugging Soap back, but stopped halfway, and just– patted him on the mohawk.
"You're good. Come on, Price is waiting for us."
—
Price heard a knock on the door of his office as he was writing down the last few words of whatever one of the recruits told him. "Come in!" Price chimed.
The door opened revealing Ghost unusually uncovered and Soap wearing Ghost's hoodie. He wondered what was the story behind that.
Quickly, the two sat down on the chairs in front of Price's desk.
"Anyone want to tell me what happened?" Price asked, finally putting the pen down, locking his hands together on the desk.
"They tried to rape him, that's what!" Ghost immediately jumped to defend Soap. Price looked at Ghost, then moved his gaze on Soap, hoping to encourage him to speak.
"That's… pretty much it. They didn't get to it, though." Soap shrugged, gripping the side of the hoodie with a hand. He looked up to see Price lifting his eyebrows and slightly moved his head in a nod, pushing him to speak some more. "Ghost just wanted to protect me."
"And why would they have tried to do that to you?" Price asked.
"I'm… I'm trans. They figured it out and they tried to force themselves on the only vagina they were about to see in their lives."
"Alright… you two are not in trouble. Just– Ghost… for protocol, I need to give you some kind of punishment."
Soap looked up at Price, surprised that he didn't bat an eye to Soap's coming out. Was it something that will be discussed later? Was he about to get kicked out?
"Alright, sure. Hit me with it." Ghost angrily sighed and leaned into the back of the chair.
"You'll be on laundry duty for two weeks."
Ghost nodded and shrugged. He could survive that. "What about the two recruits?" he asked.
"Well, they won't be seen around here anymore. This type of offense can't be tolerated. We'll take care of them."
"Captain…" Soap started, insecure. "How come you're not surprised by… what I told you?"
"Soap– I have your medical reports." Price smiled while shaking his head, "It said 'assigned female at birth' and I only did the math."
"You knew all along?!" Soap opened his mouth in shock as Price nodded.
Ghost looked at Price, then at Soap, and sighed. Thankfully he didn't have to fight him physically or verbally. Well, maybe he needed to share a couple words with him still, but he didn't want to discuss surgery if Soap wasn't okay with it, so he had to–
"Captain, is it possible for me to get surgery?" Soap asked.
Damn, Ghost felt beat to the question.
"For sure…" Price looked at Soap, clearly surprised by the question- he thought he had the surgeries already. "You know the military covers for surgeries, right?"
Soap's eyes widened in shock, and he looked at Ghost who surely had the same shocked look under his balaclava.
"You're kidding." Soap looked back at Price.
"I'm not, son. The only reason I didn't ask was because I thought you had every surgery… sorry. I didn't know that you–"
"When?!" Soap got up.
"Well, we'd have to schedule the appointment and the date for the surgery, and it's gonna take about a month."
"Call them!" Soap insisted. "Call them now!"
"It's late now, but I promise I will in the morning."
When the conversation was over, and Price promised Soap to do something for him as soon as possible, he and Ghost walked out of the office, and Soap jumped in joy a couple of times.
"I can't believe the surgery was available this whole time." Ghost commented, looking at the cheerful Soap.
"I can't fucking wait!!" Soap jumped on Ghost, almost making him fall if it wasn't for him holding himself on the wall with an arm.
"Woah, calm down."
"I can't! This is a dream come true, Simon…"