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Shepard didn’t think she’d ever put so much effort into something so inconsequential before.
She pulled herself up short and dismissed that thought from her brain. She even bought a hand to her head and mussed her bright red hair as though she were trying to scrub it out.
This wasn’t inconsequential. Not for her, not for any of them. No matter what it was to anyone else in the galaxy.
And as for never putting in so much effort? Well that was a goddamn lie. She frequently went to great lengths for seemingly inconsequential rewards. She’d dragged the old SR-1 halfway across the galaxy and back in search of League of One medals and turian insignias. And, you know what, she didn’t think the representatives of each species she’d turned the artefacts over to had ever so much as bothered to catalogue them. They were probably sitting in a box in some restricted Citadel archive.
She really was just putting off the inevitable at this point, Shepard thought looking her cabin over.
It looked much as it always did give or take a few things. On the take side there was her bedding. It was gone completely leaving only a bare mattress. The knick-knacks she’d picked up around the galaxy, most people settled for commemorative plates but she was more a floating orb fashioned by mysterious extinct aliens kinda girl, were packed away in her locker. They didn’t explicitly have to be but it was easier than cleaning them.
The most noticeable absence was Boo. The shelf where his enclosure usually sat seemed so empty without him and Shepard found herself missing his cheerful little ‘meep’s. But his enclosure wasn’t actually all that enclosed so he was spending the afternoon downstairs with Kelly. Enjoying carrot and celery sticks courtesy of Cerberus crew members who really hadn’t read the ‘How to be a Big Bad Guy Terrorist’ manual.
Those were the takes. The give came in the form of a crate that had no right to be anywhere near as ominous as it was.
Cleaning supplies, that was all that was in there Shepard reminded herself. Admittedly a little higher grade than what she was used to but still just cleaning supplies.
Dressed casually in just a tank top and track pants to avoid getting anything potentially caustic on her uniform (although it was Cerberus issue so maybe some bleach was in order) Shepard asked herself if she was really about to do this.
The answer was an immediate yes.
She cracked the crate open and assessed what she was dealing with.
Everything was sorted into sealed and labelled packs. Handy. The smallest one on top was white and the lettering on it rendered into translated english as ‘Gloves. Asari. Human’ Ok. Shepard tore the packet open to reveal a pair of rubber gloves. They looked like the kind housewives wore in old Earth sitcoms, right down to their obnoxiously yellow colour.
She put them on and moved to the next packet, larger and blue. The lettering on it read ‘Personal use. Human’ She left it in the box and moved on to the next one. Orange and according to its label meant for ‘Enviromental use. Cross Species’
Shepard opened it, looked her cabin over and got started.
She had finished wiping the glass surfaces down with one cleaner and had started on the metal with another when the door to her cabin opened and Garrus entered.
“Wipe your feet,” Shepard chided even though she had started at the back and hadn’t made up to the entrance yet. Garrus looked around for something to wipe them on and she couldn’t stop a snort.
“I’m kidding,” She told him rising from her knees to her feet laying her cleaning cloth on the coffee table as she went. She went over and in for a kiss but Garrus stepped back with a light,
“Ah. Probably best you don’t go spreading your human germs,”
In his talon was a blue packet reading ‘Personal use. Turian’.
“Fine, I didn’t want your nasty turian germs anyway” Shepard poked her tongue out at him. Garrus flicked his mandibles at her, the turian equivalent.
It was nice to be able to laugh about this, it took some of the tension off. Not all of it but some.
“How much more do you have to do in here?” Garrus asked looking her cabin over.
“Everything from about the coffee table on needs to be wiped down, along with the couches and I need to spray the bed. Maybe when you’re done you can help?” Shepard explained
“Sure,” He agreed. He held the blue packet up and stepped towards her bathroom with an almost cheerful,
“Here goes nothing,”
Shepard chuckled and got back to work wiping down every metal surface in her cabin with a cloth intended for the purpose. It smelled like cleaner, not a specific scent like lemon or pine, but rather the underlying chemical smell species added other scents over. It made her eyes water and her nose burn. She was pretty sure if she didn’t have gloves on her hands would be raw. Despite that she cleaned thoroughly, as though she were a fresh recruit with latrine duty again.
She’d finished her desk area by the time Garrus exited the bathroom. Shepard gave a whistle
“You buff up nice Vakarian,”
Garrus blushed. It could be a little hard to tell on turians. Most people assumed they simply couldn’t but Shepard had learned they very much could, you just needed to know where to look. And just under Garrus’ eyes in the small space before his face plate started and down his neck where there were no plates the skin had taken on a blue tint.
Shepard’s comment had only been half teasing Garrus did look genuinely buffed. As though someone had taken a polishing pad to his plates and given them detailing.
“Feels a little strange,” He admitted, “I’d normally oil my plates but well, you know,” He shrugged. Shepard nodded; whatever had been in his pack hadn’t included oil and for this afternoon he couldn’t use his.
“What still needs doing?” Garrus asked.
Shepard almost made the mistake of brushing some hair out of her eyes with one of her gloved hands but she nearly choked on the scent of the cleaner so close to her nose. She blew it away instead and said,
“Just the entry way, couches and bed,”
“I can take over while you get cleaned up. My kit came with a pair of turian gloves,”
Shepard nodded. She waited until Garrus had his gloves on, they were black which she considered vastly unfair, before handing the cleaning wipe over and removing her own gloves. She retrieved the blue packet ‘Personal use. Human’ and entered the bathroom.
It smelled almost as strongly of astringent cleaner as her cabin. Garrus had left it neat enough though. Shepard stood before the mirror and tore into her packet. She began pulling items out and lining them up on the sink. At the very bottom was a list of instructions.
The first ones were easy enough, bathe and preform usual hygiene practises. Shepard showered thoroughly, washed her hair and brushed her teeth.
Now, she thought returning to the list, for the fun stuff.
The first thing she needed to do was wipe herself down. The wipes came in a container much like the cleaning ones had, they smelt similar but not as strong. Shepard obligingly ran on across her body.
The next step had her back in the shower but this time instead of her own soap she used the provided exfoliating scrub, This was no day at the spa however and the scrub left her skin raw as though she’d taken away an entire layer.
The following step was an annoying one. At first rubbing the cooling lotion over her skin had been soothing and nice but within a few moments it began to solidify into a shell-like substance. Which the instructions said she had to stay in for five minutes. She couldn’t move without cracking the shell so asked EDI to provide a timer while she stood as still as possible in her weird waxy cocoon.
When her time was up she shuffled like the Tinman back under the shower to wash the substance away. Her skin looked and felt much better as well as far softer. But Shepard didn’t think she would be including these products in her daily routine no matter how good the results.
Next there was an incredibly fine-toothed comb and a tube of gel, she squeezed the gel on to her hair and began to comb it through. Once her hair resembled a dank and greasy mess with every strand coated in the gel it was back under the shower to rinse it out.
Fortunately for the last time as there was only one remaining step in the form of a bright pink mouthwash. Pre-portioned into a single capsule Shepard popped open in her mouth. She swilled it for the required minute and spat it down the drain. Her entire mouth from teeth to tongue to cheeks was dyed violently pink.
Well, she thought running her pinker than normal tongue over her bubblegum coloured teeth, it was a good thing the Alliance had given up on using her as it’s poster girl. She doubted she’d be heading any ad campaigns with this smile. The instructions informed her the dye would fade within fifteen minutes and was added to the liquid so users could ensure every part of their mouth had been cleansed.
Wrapping herself in the paper cloth dressing gown that came folded in the packet Shepard exited the bathroom.
Garrus had just finished dousing the bed with an aerosol spray and was tucking an antibacterial cover over the mattress. She was no slouch when it came to keeping her area ship shape but apparently even the cleanest and most frequently changed beds were filthy by the standards she was aiming for today. She’d remake it properly later and hopefully wouldn’t spend half the night sneezing over the smell of the disinfectant.
“Right, that’s everything.” Garrus stopped spraying and put the can back into the box, which he had kicked to the side of the coffee table. He peeled his gloves off and put them away too.
“You ready for this?” He asked.
Shepard paused to consider if she was. Practically the answer was yes. Her cabin had been isolated from the Normandy’s main oxygen and water supply, spending the past forty-eight hours running on a closed sterile loop. It was clean, she was clean, Garrus was clean. But there was more to this than simple practicality. Was she ready for what she had cleaned everything for?
“I think so. I’m a little nervous. It’s ok to be nervous right?” There weren’t a lot of people Shepard could admit to being nervous to but Garrus was definitely one of them.
“I hope so, because I am too,” Garrus said with a shaky grin it was all too easy to match. Figuring after both their runs in the bathroom it was safe enough Shepard grasped his face and gently bought their foreheads together. A contented rumble vibrated through Garrus’ chest as he put his arms around her.
It was nice but something, someone, was missing. Shepard pulled back and with the confidence she was better known for summoned her omnitool,
“I think it’s about time we got this show on the road,”
If it was anyone else she wanted to see she would have let EDI know and have her pass the message on but that really wasn’t the best option in this case. So instead, she typed in ‘All ready’ and sent it on its way.
Garrus took a seat on the couch. Shepard hoped, as she joined him, that whatever he had used to wipe it wouldn’t damage the leather. It and the copious amounts of money she was being paid were about the only perks of working for Cerberus she had thus far identified.
Maybe she should be grateful for the rebuilt Normandy overall instead of just the leather upholstery.
Were they separate? Or was the leather upholstery a part of the ship as a whole so they counted as one perk? She certainly didn’t want to give the Illusive Man any more credit than he was due and was somewhat reluctant to pay him what he actually was.
And she was only thinking all this because so far nothing had happened in response to her message.
Shepard shifted to bring up her omnitool again when EDI’s voice sounded,
“Specialist Tali’Zorah has been standing outside your cabin for the past five minutes and twelve seconds. Would you like me to open the door for her?”
“Yes, thank you EDI,” Shepard stood. A little more awkwardly than usual in an effort not to rip her gown and made her way to the door. It opened onto an incredibly anxious Tali.
She nearly jumped a foot at the unexpected action letting out a startled little
“Oh!”
Shepard watched her hands twitch and imagined she longed to wring them as she always did when nervous.
“Shepard!” Tali squeaked. Attempting and failing to gather herself. Her vocaliser lit with an intake of breath and Shepard could practically hear the nervous babble she was about to expel bubbling up her throat. She cut it off with an incredibly smooth, if she said so herself,
“I thought we talked about this,”
“Huh?” Tali, rant stopped before it could even begin, blinked.
“You don’t have to call me Shepard when it’s just us,” Being sultry in what basically amounted to a hospital gown wasn’t easy. But, Shepard thought leaning against the doorway, she was pulling it off. It was certainly enough to make Tali flustered.
She looked absolutely adorable, the emotion that on anyone else would have been confined to just the face, overtaking her entire body.
“Jane,” She said softly as though it were an incantation. Or, Shepard thought reviewing their respective positions and location, a secret password. Well open sesame. She threaded her fingers through Tali’s and pulled her inside.
Tali tilted her head this way and that taking note of the recent cleaning spree.
“Cabin all up to scratch?” Garrus asked standing and assuming the pose turian soldiers did at ease. It wasn’t hard to pick up the ‘Sir’ he had left off the end.
“Yes, very good.” Tali said, completely serious. Too nervous to pick up on or engage with his playful subtone.
“And do we make the grade?” Shepard asked coming down to stand next to him.
“Of course Captain! Uh I mean, Jane,”
“Captain, huh?” She smirked
“Well I mean, you are technically but,” Tali stuttered and Shepard took pity on her.
“It’s ok Tali, I’m only teasing. Just like we normally do, remember,” She said gently trying to dispel the cloud of anxiety swirling around the quarian.
“I know! I do!” Tali insisted, “It’s just, this means a lot me,”
“It means a lot to us too,” Garrus assured her.
“I’ve never shown my face like this,” Tali mumbled, “I’ve never been close enough to anyone before,”
“No one?” Shepard asked, still teasing a little, trying to draw Tali out of her shell. “No boys or girls back on the Flotilla?”
Tali gave an electronic bark of laughter that was a little too bitter to convey any true amusement.
“Quarians don’t develop intimate relationships until after pilgrimage. It’s not likely you’ll end up on the same crew so why go through the trouble of linking suits?”
“If I recall, Miss vas Normandy, you completed your pilgrimage” Garrus put in.
“It was more like Miss vas Admiral’s daughter,” Tali grumbled
“That put a damper on things huh?” She had never met the man but Shepard could imagine having a father like Rael’Zorah would be quite the roadblock.
Given his extreme interest in the future of the quarian people he likely wouldn’t have been against his daughter linking suits but he’d probably expect any potential suitors to meet his incredibly high standards. Shepard couldn’t see too many quarians making the grade.
“It did,” Tali admitted finally giving in and wringing her hands, “But it wasn’t the only reason,”
“No?” Shepard queried.
“No, the other reason I never tried to link suits was you,” She looked up from her hands to meet her eyes.
“Me?” Shepard was taken aback.
“Both of you,” Tali said turning her gaze to Garrus.
“But,” Shepard’s mind was reeling. She’d known or at least guessed Tali had nurtured a little crush on her in the SR-1 days. She couldn’t blame her for it, Tali had been a galactic minor back then and she had cut a pretty heroic figure. Sweeping in and saving her from Fist’s thugs and then taking her away to the furthest reaches of the galaxy in her fantastic ship. It read like a cheesy romance novel. Shepard had always believed though that she’d gotten over it. That the reality of their situation had set in and she’d abandoned her hero worship in favour of a more practical friendship.
And she hadn’t even been around when Tali had made it back to the fleet. The plan had been, when they went their respective ways on the Citadel after Sovereign, to take Tali as close to the fleet as their mission allowed and she would make her own way from there.
But that had gone down in literal flames and,
“Tali, I was dead !”
Tali gave a sad little nod,
“And I didn’t know where you were,” She turned to Garrus who gave a contemplative little hum before admitting,
“I went dark before heading to Omega, I wasn’t in a good place,”
“I missed you; I missed the Normandy. I love my people but being back with them wasn’t what I thought it would be. When we met on Freedom’s Progress,” Tali said turning back to Shepard, “I was there because I had started taking assignments that allowed me to leave the fleet. That’s why I signed up for Project Haestrom too,”
“Tali,” Shepard moved to embrace her.
“I would’ve had to settle down, eventually,” She said with another little humourless laugh, “Found someone I could stand long enough to link with and have my required child. I would've probably ended up taking over my father’s seat on the Admiralty board. Can you imagine!”
“I don’t know, I think Admiral Tali’Zorah has a ring to it,” Garrus hummed
“Bosh’tet,” Tali batted at him but the laugh she gave as she did was genuine. Garrus shrugged her blow off easily and joined Shepard in holding her.
It wasn’t awkward. That was still the thing that got to Shepard the most. How well the three of them fit together.
“I’m glad you were on Freedom’s Progress,” She said
“I’m glad you were on Haestrom,” Tali responded eyes glittering and Shepard decided it was time.
Time for what they were all here for, time to see what Tali’s eyes looked like behind the glass. Time to truly begin.
“Did you take your meds?” Shepard asked gently. She and Garrus weren’t the only ones working towards making whatever this was between them a reality. While they’d spent a morning sterilising themselves and her cabin Tali had been on a regime of herbal supplements and immuno boosters for a month. It seemed a lot of effort for the small amount of contact it would enable them to make but as Shepard kept reminding herself, today was only step one.
Tali nodded
“And I saw Dr Chakwas for an antiviral injection before I came up,”
“Where did the good Doctor stick you?” Garrus asked with a little trill of interest, cupping her helmet in his talon. He and Chakwas had built a greater repartee than they had on the SR-1 on this mission, due mainly to the amount of time he’d spent in the medbay having his facial wounds treated and dressings changed.
“Nowhere you’ll get to know about until I’ve had more exposure,” Tali told him primly.
“Oh,” Garrus drawled his talon drifting down from Tali’s cheek to reach around her back and grasp her behind, “I think I have some basic knowledge,”
“Bosh’tet,” Tali said with no real venom. Garrus hummed in agreement and rested his forehead against the glass of her helmet.
“Don’t get cosy Vakarian, she’s not staying in that for long,” Shepard instructed with a chuckle.
Tali gave a breathless giggle and stepped out of both their clutches.
Shepard may not have had a quarian frame of reference for how intimate linking suits and sharing environments was; but as Tali pulled her hood back and disengaged her life support just knowing she was now breathing their air made her heart clench.
She could remove the glass faceplate by itself and had said she probably would once she started acclimatising to them to keep her exposure steady.
Today however she was baring her entire head.
Shepard was consumed by the desire to watch, to track every movement Tali’s hands made and commit them to memory. But she didn’t give into it, rather she turned her head away allowing Tali a modicum of privacy and vulnerability. There would be time to watch and to learn in the future
“Ok,” Tali said hesitantly after what felt like an eternity
She was pale, that was the first thing Shepard noticed. Paler than her and she had been told she could tan indoors at night. In winter. It felt cruel to use the word sickly but it applied. Tali looked exactly as someone who never seen the sun would.
Her face was round until the little point of her chin. She didn’t have ears exactly, instead there were little fanned protrusions that swept from the sides of her face up the back of her head. Like ears they weren’t completely attached as her hair could sweep over and between them like it did for humans. And she did have hair, black as space and so fine it fluttered in the air supply of her cabin as though there were a breeze.
Her nose was human or asari-esque, the nostrils a little smaller but Shepard didn’t know enough about quarian noses overall to know if that was a species wide trait or something unique to Tali’s genetics.
It had been a while since Shepard had kissed someone with lips and Tali’s cherubic ones looked made for it. She wondered if they would be able to try it today. If not, she didn’t doubt for a second they’d be worth the wait.
And finally Shepard bought her eyes to Tali’s. They were bright. She’d known they would be to shine through the fog and glass of her helmet as well as they did. But she hadn’t prepared herself for how bright. They were little pools of pearlescent silver shining from within. How they were lit, Shepard didn’t know, perhaps quarians like hanar were bioluminescent.
“Hello Tali,” Shepard breathed. Beside her Garrus’ subvocals thrummed in his chest in throat, she could almost feel them vibrating down through the floor. The lowest of Tali’s ear fronds twitched at the sound. The middle ones Shepard realised were keeping a little and nearly inconspicuous metronome to the sound of the engines. It was adorable.
“Am I ok?” Tali asked and Shepard realised she and Garrus both stilled at the sound of her unfiltered voice. Free of its usual electronic tinge. She sounded softer, younger.
Tali was young, Shepard could see that now. She was old enough to be considered an adult by galactic standards and had been one to her people since completing her pilgrimage. But like this Shepard found it a lot easier to notice the decade or so she and Garrus had over her
At least she thought it was a decade, she was a little foggy on her current age.
“Do you feel ok?” Shepard couldn’t help but hold her hands out as though to cup the precious face in front of her. She managed to stop herself though. She didn’t know how much if any skin contact they could get away with today.
Tali shook her head, her ear fronds were more rigid than they appeared as they stayed still but her hair bobbed around her face like ink in water.
“I meant do I look ok. Do you,” She hesitated and began to run her hands over eachother, “Like me?”
“Tali, we love you,” Garrus said reaching a talon out to curl at her waist, a particularly popular spot for turians Shepard had noticed.
Tali blushed, with her whole body as she usually did; a slight little all over shift in her posture both Garrus and Shepard could spot a mile off by now. But also, mesmerizingly, on her cheeks.
“Yes I know that ,” She mumbled looking down, “But that’s not the same as liking what I look like,”
“Tali, you’re beautiful,” Shepard said without hesitation.
“Am I?” Tali looked up with the sweetest look of hope on her face. She turned to the fish tank which thanks to the recent cleaning spree was extra reflective. Her breath caught in her throat and then hitched as she gave a little squeak. No not a squeak Shepard realised as tears began to gather in her eyes, a sob.
“Tali,” Garrus’ subtone pitched low in concern as she bought one hand to the glass of the fish tank and the other to her face.
“Mama,” She breathed
“Mama?” Garrus intoned.
“I look like my mother,” Tali ran a finger along the outline of her reflection as though she didn’t believe it, “Just like she looked when they recycled her suit,”
“Recycled her suit?” Shepard realised the second it left her mouth that maybe this wasn’t the moment for all her usual questions and that she was a little afraid of the answer. But Tali nodded her hand never leaving the glass.
“When she died they took her suit off, to recycle it for someone else. It was the only time I saw her face. I didn’t know,” She sounded spellbound
“What do you mean, you didn’t know?” Shepard asked taken aback, “Didn’t you know what you looked like?”
Tali shook her head and her hair wisped back and forth with it.
“I haven’t seen my face since I was ten. That’s when,” She gestured to her body, still encased as it had been since the age of ten it seemed, in its suit.
“You’ve never taken it off since then?” Asked Garrus.
“Not completely,” Tali said, “Sections have had to be replaced over time as I outgrew them. Or due to damage but I’ve always had some part of me in a suit since ten. And there was never any time to well, look.”
“And now that you’re looking, what do you think?” Shepard asked.
“I think I might be, pretty,” Tali said and Shepard couldn’t help but chuckle at her contemplative and ponderous tone. It was as though she were weighing the pros and cons of her face in her head and trying to come up with the most mathematically balanced conclusion.
“I think,” She said bringing her hand to Tali’s chin and tilting her head up so she could look into her eyes, bright as fallen stars, “You’re right.”
You know an OT3 is special when it's got me attempting challenges for it. Normally writing to prompts and deadlines is something I steer well clear of. But sometimes the idea worm bites you and won't let go.
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this fic. I'd love to hear your thoughts, I accept criticism of my work I only ask that it be constructive.
Ari out!