Chapter Text
The pacific northwest went one of two ways. It was either dreary, wet and miserable or pleasant but it brought weirdos out of the woodwork. On that particular leg of the tour, Dethklok found themselves in Oregon, a gray area between the two types of temperament leaving any activity to random chance. They had a few hours before they had to start getting ready for the show. It also gave their building crew more time to work out the kinks so no more live performance accidents could happen to the crowd. Of course the conscious effort was not made by the band but by Charles and the PR team. They had used up their monthly allowance of Execdrin and were in desperate need of things going right. On the advice of the team, the boys of Dethklok were ordered to ‘do nothing.’ And there was no argument to be had.
At the Dethbus, the boys were half inside and half outside doing their busybody hobbies. Murderface and Nathan brought their golf clubs and were hitting balls into the woods seeing who can ricochet off the most trees.
Nathan swung and peered into the distance, “I think that was three? What’s the record at?”
“Isch schtill three,” replied Murderface, “maybe you schould let this dog teach you schome new tricksch. Schtep aschide, old man.” Nathan grumbled and folded his arms, stretching the fibers of his golf sweater. He watched the preparation
Murderface planted his feet square to his shoulders and bounced the 3 Wood in front of the ball. A little cartoon of his face stared back from the bumpy service. These were the last of an endorsement deal he had with the golf company, Fairways, and he hated every single ball they presented to him. The satisfaction of wailing these things into nothingness brought Murderface great joy.
He pulled back the 3 Wood and slapped the ball off the tee. A meaty smack stood out against the previous thwacks from the tree bark. Both men perked up with confusion and looked ahead of them. She appeared out of nowhere with her left hand balled up in a fist. It squeezed and a small pop emitted from her hand. The two halves of the golf ball dropped to the ground as Sparkles the bassist shook the finer matter off her palm.
“Whoa!” pipped Nita, “Nice catch, Sparkles. That almost got me.” Nita curved from behind Sparkles to examine the broken ball, “I didn’t think they were so colorful on the inside.”
“Wait, what the fuck are you two doing here?” growled Nathan.
“We had a show in Portland yesterday and heard you guys were right around the corner. Surprise!” Nita explained. Her smile beamed. It was hard to ignore her charm.
“Scho where’sch the schcary one?” asked Murderface.
Sparkles pointed at the Dethbus and grunted.
“You know Caj was gonna make a beeline to Skwisgaar. She missed him in her special Caj way.”
Sparkles nodded and scanned her surroundings.
“Anyways,” continued Nita, “whatcha doing? Mind if we hang out before the show starts?”
“Ermm…” Nathan grumbled.
“Great! I’ll tell Caj.” Nita skipped past the two men and onto the Dethbus.
“Hey, wait a sec! I dunno if this counts as ‘doin’ nothin’”
The bassists were left outside. Sparkles was restless and alert.
“What’sch gotten into you?” Murderface asked her.
Sniff Sniff she whiffed the air. Sniff Sniff she turned around and trotted beyond the tree line.
“Where ya goin’? Ya juscht got ‘ere.” But Sparkles didn’t pay attention to Murderface. A strong scent had entered her olfactory system and refused to release her. Getting further into the woods, Sparkles got on all fours to aid in her exploration. The damp earth coated her finger tips and lodged under her broken nails. And then she found a spot on the ground that her instincts told her to stop and dig. Her hands scooped and pushed deeper beneath the surface. A small wad of earth was flung at Murderface.
“Watch it, will ya,” he snapped. Sparkles turned to him and snorted in annoyance. She didn’t have much farther to go anyway and soon she lifted a small, white, textured blob.
“Hmmmmm,” Sparkles hummed, examining the strange item. She ran the edge of her fingernails over the extremely fine ridge marks and lifted it to her nose for a direct sniff.
“Great job, Schparkles,” said Murderface sarcastically, “you found a potato.”
“ROOOOOOO!” went a sudden howl. Both of them jumped at the sound and noticed two beagles bounding toward them.
“Roooooo!” mimicked Sparkles and faced the oncoming animals. The dogs jump up against her chest barking wildly. Their ears flopped with every leap making Sparkles giggle.
“Whoa there!” exclaimed a stranger, “Ozzy! Skin! Leave the lady alone.” The stranger cracked a sharp whistle through gapped teeth and the beagles heeled. “So sorry about that. They’re just so good at their job. Aren’t you? Aren’t youuuu?” The dogs wagged their tails and panted because of course they knew they were a good boy and a good girl.
“Where are my manners? Steven Stevens,” the man tipped his fisherman’s hat, “at your service.” Sparkles mimicked the motion as well. Murderface was not as easily charmed.
“They had all their schots?” he demanded.
“Indeed,” replied Steven, “it’s required for any dog that’s registered to hunt.”
“To hunt? What are they after? I ain’t afraid to kick one of’em.”
Sparkles growled and arched her shoulders into an attack position.
“Easy, girl and easy, fella. They’re hunting for what your lady has in her hand right there. You simply found it before they could. You got yourself a truffle.”
“Hurr?” Sparkles questioned.
“Oh yes, they’re a delicacy and can be tricky to find. You’ve got quite the nose. May I see?” Sparkles handed the man the truffle and then crouched down to play with the dogs. Murderface got closer to the man.
Steven took out a small monocular magnifier, twisting the white blob in all directions. “Looks like a spring white truffle and about,” he bopped his hand up and down guessing the weight, “an ounce perhaps? I can be sure back at my place. But great find!” He handed the truffle to Murderface, “I’d give you fifty bucks for that if you want?”
“What!” Murderface gagged, “Fifty bucks?” Sparkles heard the amount but paid little mind. It was just nice to be outside for her.
“Tell you what. Hang onto that guy and come back to my place when you’re ready. I’m over yonder,” Steven pointed even deeper into the woods but the two of them did see the wisp of smoke coming from a ground based source. “Happy hunting!” he cheered and whistled again for his dogs to follow. Sparkles whined as the dogs ran away. Murderface had his own sparkle in his eyes now that the information was processed. He approached Sparkles and put his hand on her shoulder.
“Schay Schparkles,” he said, “you wanna schee thosch pupsch again?”
She nodded enthusiastically.
“Let’sch find more of thesche,” he held out the white truffle, “and then we can schee them again. Schound good?”
Sparkles pondered for a few seconds before shoving past Murderface, sniffing at the ground and moving ahead.
“That’sch the schpirit!” The dollar signs were already starting to dance in his head.