Work Text:
Midoriya's pov
Kacchan has been acting very odd lately. He doesn’t raise his hand in class anymore, he isn’t talking to his friends, he doesn’t answer calls or texts, he only talks to Aizawa Sensei if he absolutely has to, and some kids have gone to his dorm to check on him; they’re met with him opening the door looking at them and then slamming it in their face.
He’s also been avoiding me. He won’t even insult me when I do stupid thing or mumble anymore! What he did today was especially worrying. I went up to him during passing period and asked his if he was okay because he’s been acting weird lately, he looked at me with wide eyes and his mouth open a little like he wanted to say something, though his eyebrows didn’t soften their sternness, he looked like he was scared. He pushed me away extra hard and continued avoiding me.
Knowing he goes to bed at 8:30pm I go up to his room to talk to him at 7pm. Not that I know when he goes to sleep in a weird, creepy way! Everyone in class knows! When he goes to his room from the common room for bed he always announces it. Anyway, I knock on his door and the force of my knock opens it. He must have gone to the showers and meant to close the door behind him but not pull it hard enough. We have little powder rooms off the side of our dorm with a toilet, sink, and mirror; but no shower.
I know I shouldn’t snoop in his dorm but is it really snooping if I just look around and don’t touch or look through anything? He won’t know, right?
I walk in and it looks just as clean as his bedroom in his house did growing up. In-fact Auntie’s entire house was always so clean and organized. I guess he is a lot like her so he would be a clean freak too. He has a couple of AllMight posters, a few action figures, and more merch here and there. I look at his desk and it looks like he spontaneously decided to take a shower while in the middle of doing homework with tonight's homework out only half finished, a textbook open, and his lamp turned on.There’s a little writing beside the last question he did, It reads “god fucking dammit”. Odd. He always finished things when he started them before moving on. His bed was made but he clearly sat down on it at some point. He has a half full dirty laundry bin in a corner. His bedside table has a charger, a box of tissues, a lamp, a remote (I don’t know what to) and some earbuds. Next to his bedside table is his wastebasket, which normally I would’ve ignored if it wasn’t for the bloody tissues. I guess he could’ve gotten a bloody nose but he barely ever gets bloody noses in fights. Even when punched right in the nose.
I think I’ve been in here long enough. If he found out I was in his room without him knowing he would kill me.
Later around 10pm when I lay down to sleep I can’t stop thinking about Kacchan. Why would he have been bleeding? Was he okay? He obviously wasn’t. What was bothering him. Why did he act especially weird around me? Did I do something? Did I say something? Was someone spreading rumors about me and he heard and believed it? Why hasn’t he been at anything other than classes and training? What was it that got him talking about his feelings the best? I can’t remember! DAMN! Why does he have to be so self isolating!? Why does he have to be so shit at feelings?! Why can’t he just say when he’s not okay?! Why can’t he just talk to him!? WHY CAN’T HE THINK OF WHAT AFFECT THE THINGS HE DOES WILL HAVE ON OTHERS!?!? WHY CAN’T HE JUST TALK TO ME?!?!?!
I open my eyes and escape my thoughts back into reality again. Was I….. was I just screaming..? Holy shit I totally was. I sit up. My hands are gripping my hair. My scalp hurts. I untangle my hands from my hair and look down at them. Dozens of green hairs looped around my fingers. I take them off my hands and put them in the bin and proceed to shake my hands in my hair. Dozens more hairs fall onto my lap, like, a not normal amount of hair. Was I pulling out my hair? Fuck. I was pulling out my fucking hair!
I quickly jump out of bed and run into the powder room, turn on the light and look in the mirror. My head still looks as green, curly and tangled as ever. I shake my hands in my hair again and about 50 more fall into the sink. I open the cabinet that’s hidden behind the mirror and grab a hair brush. I pull all of the existing hair off and toss it then run it through my hair (as much as I can with my curly ass head) when I finish brushing through my hair there’s so much hair on the brush I can barely see where the bristles connect to the rest of it.
“dammit..” I mutter under my breath before hearing an urgent knock at my door. I suddenly remember that I had been screaming. I sigh and let my face fall into my hand before rubbing one of my eyes and start making my way to my door.
I open the door and Iida with Kirishima and Ojiro. Iida and Ojiro are wearing slippers and night robes as Kirishima’s wearing crocs and just his normal Crimson Riot pajamas.
“Midoriya.. Are you okay?” Kirishima starts “You were yelling pretty loud like you were in pain or something. I’m sure the whole dorm heard.” He looks at me with concern, gleaming in his eyes.
“Yea Midoriya, you sounded pretty distressed. We came to check on we wouldn’t be surprised if some of the others came over.” Orjiro ads.
I’m about to open my mouth when Iida interrupts me “Midoriya-kun! It is highly inconsiderate of you to scream so loud at this hour. You should be sleeping like the others!” he waves his arm in a stiff up-and-down motion as he talks “It is also highly concerning to hear your classmate scream like that at 10:30 at night!” he finishes.
I almost force a small smile. “Sorry guys if I woke you up or worried you. I’m completely fine. It’s nothing to worry too much about!” I say while rubbing my head which still hurts.
“Are you sure dude? It’s not like you to have emotional out-bursts. Especially when it would be inconveniencing others.” Kirishima pauses “does it maybe have something to do with the way Bakubro’s been acting?”
I flinch, I don’t mean to flinch but I feel it when it happens. “No, it’s not that at all. Just don’t worry about it! I’m okay!” I flash them the biggest toothy smile I can muster to hopefully ease their tensions.
“Alright man, if you’re really sure we won’t push anything” Ojiro says as he starts to turn away. Kirishima and Iida obviously want to push more but he grabs their arms and states “goodnight Midoriya, sleep well,” with a smile and drags the other two off as they wave at me.
I let out a deep sigh and I’m about to close my door before I see Kacchan looking at me from near the elevator. I see him eyeing me up and down and then he looks up at my face and we make eye contact. We stare at each other for at the very least 10 seconds before he turns around and presses one of the elevator buttons to go back up to his room. I pause and just before the elevator door opens I run over and grab his wrist. He quickly turns around and looks at where my hand is gripping his arm and my face before looking back down. He starts to pry my hand off. He pushes, picks, scrapes, and twists but no luck. Then he looks at me like he’s expecting me to go on a long winded rant. But instead I drag him into the elevator, not letting go of his wrist I press the button for the ground floor.
The bell dings and the doors open and I pull him out of the elevator despite his best efforts to stay back. I pull him over to the exit of the dorms. Instead of taking him somewhere obvious I go into the wooded area surrounding the school but making sure not to get too far away from the sidewalk as I make my way to the gates of the school. The sticks stabbing the bottoms of my feet as I didn’t bother with grabbing my shoes. The entire way to the gates Kacchan tries to pull back to get my grip to slip but my grip and my strength pulling him remain steady.
When he realizes that we’re headed for the gates he finally speaks. The first time I’ve heard him speak in 4 days. “Deku where the fuck are we going!?” His voice sounds almost desperate. I don’t respond. Why won’t he use his quirk? Normally his hand would have been burned like hell at this point. What was going on with him.
We get to the gate and I quickly swing him around and flip him over my shoulder long enough to use One For All to jump over the gates. Once we’re over I set him back down on the ground but continue to drag him with me. Neither of us have our phones or coats. If something we to happen we’d be kinda fucked. We don’t have our hero licenses either.
I pull him into the woods of a park we used to go play in as kids. And swing him to where he’s in front of me.
I pause a moment and stare at his scared looking expression. What was going on with him? Then finally the one thing that seemed to get him to speak the fuck up finally popped into my brain. Fighting!
I grip his wrist harder to which he hisses in… pain..?
“Fight me” I speak in a deep voice.
His eyes widen “What? No- I- I don- we- I’m not gonna fight you!” he tried to pull his arm away again.
“Hit me Kacchan.” I say, still holding eye contact.
“De- No! No! No! No! No!” he shook his head rapidly
“Hit me!” I yell. Only to get the same response. I come with something only half true that’ll probably get him worked up a bit. “C-c’mon, I can’t feel anything” I chuckle hysterically “HIT ME!”
His eyes well up with fear and confusion. “I-” his voice breaks. He tries to free his wrist one more time before saying “I’M NOT GONNA FUCKING FIGHT YOU!!” tear form in his eyes.
I tilt my head up and almost look down at him. As if I were a doctor examining his face. I clench my free fist, I’m getting angry now.
“Fine,” I almost whisper “If you won’t throw the first punch, I will.” Before he can block me, I punch him square in the face. I let go of his wrist when I punch him as he falls to the ground. I kneel down to get level with him as he looks at me with the most fear and pain in his eyes I’ve ever seen. My facial expression softens for a moment before I raise My fist and punch him again.
He lifts the hand that's not supporting him to where I punch him.
“What is wrong with you!?!? Oh my GODS!! WHY WON’T YOU FIGHT BACK!? WHY WON’T YOU USE YOUR DAMN QUIRK?! WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME?! OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER!! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO STUPID!?!? HOLY FUCK!!” I rub my face with my hands as I stand over him “YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I SCREAMED IN MY ROOM EARLIER?! BECAUSE MY STUPID ASS CAN’T STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOU!! WHY CAN’T YOU SEE HOW MUCH I FUCKING CARE!?!? I WAS PULLING MY FUCKING HAIR OUT KACCHAN!!” Tears are streaming down my face at this point. I start to grip at my hair again and pull a bit before I stop myself.
When I started yelling he tilted his head down to the ground. I hear small sobs coming from him. I take a deep breath and sit down in front of him and take his hand and rub my thumbs over the rough skin on his palms.
“What are you so damn afraid of telling me…?” I whisper looking at his hand.
“You… scare me. You have always scared the shit outta me. I always felt like you always managed to be better than me.” His voice cracking and breaking down to a whisper as he speaks through sobs “I’m afraid of how damn kind you are. And I’m afraid of how much you care. As kids I thought maybe if I pushed you away, I wouldn’t have to feel inferior and I wouldn’t have to let me caring for you back even begin to be an emotion involved. I’m afraid of how much you make me care and how you make me such a better person. I always pretended that I didn’t want to care about everything when I was with you. You scare me because you care… so, so much about.. Everyone. And you showed more care to me than you did anything else. You scare me because when I realized you genuinely cared about me those feelings of caring back started to bubble back up. And the way you never gave up. I admired you even though I was the one making it hard for you to not give up.” Kacchan pauses to wipe his face and sob a little more “You scare me…. so much more than anything else because you’re a weakness I can’t control. I can’t control if I care about you and not being able to control that sends a shiver up my spine. In.. in primary school I realized I care about you, in junior high I realized you were my best friend, in our first year at U.A. I realized that I was in love with you. It scared the shit out of me. So I pretended I didn’t. Then about a month ago I noticed myself thinking about you when I wasn’t fucking supposed to… then I started staring at you training more. I realized it was only getting worse and I broke down. So I came up with an amazing plan: Don’t talk to anyone unless necessary. I still can’t get rid of these stupid feelings and I can’t get rid of you at this point because I don’t know what I’d do if you left. I probably sound stupid and you probably think I’m just a stupid fag who can’t stand having feelings.” He hiccups and sobs more than ever.
I don’t know what to say. I developed a crush on him at the beginning of U.A. but I never thought he’d love me back and I definitely didn’t think things would go down like this.
He lifts his head to look me in the eyes and I see how red and puffy his eyes actually are and how much he’s crying. “Deku, you scare the shit outta me,”
I pull him into a hug. I squeeze him as tears of my own threaten to spill from my eyes. “I love you too Kacchan. So, so, so much.” he freezes for a moment before completely breaking down sobbing into my shoulder and gripping the back of my t-shirt. We stay like that for a little while until I pull away. I hold his shoulders and look at his face, examining his features, the shape of his nose, the shape of his eyes, how his mouth twitches along with his eyebrows, the mark where I’d punched him. I pull him close and kiss his head dramatically hoping to make him at least smile.
“Mmmmmwahhhhhhhh” I say it in a funny voice and trail it off into a grunt sounding noise. He chuckles, “Sitty Deku,”
I help him up and we start to head back to the dorms. We walk into the dorms and most of the lights are off. A clock on the wall says `11:46` damn, it’s late. We get into the elevator and I pause before pressing a button.
“We going to our own dorms?” I turn to Kacchan. He shrugs. “Well you had the mental breakdown so you choose.” he pauses before speaking “Mine.”
I nod and press the button for the third floor.
The elevator opens and we walk over to his room. This might be my chance to ask about those bloody tissues from earlier… We walk in and the lamp beside his bed is on. I see the tissues are still there. “Hey Kacchan, why are there bloody tissues in your trash bin?” I look at him.
He perks up a bit hearing the question. “Oh, uhhhh. I was uhhh…. Well…” He paused. Then he starts to pull down his pants which I wasn’t really that surprised by, considering we change in the same locker room. He pulls his sweats down to his knees and…. There are burn and scratch marks on his thighs. “Kacchan did you..” I lift my hand to cover my mouth. He nods.
“Why would you… did you use your quirk??” I look at his face. He nods. I run over and hug him. “Kacchan… It’s not worth it. I used to in junior high. Please don’t do this to yourself.” I almost start crying again. I pull away and he pulls up his pants.
“Wanna sleep nerd?” he asks. His voice is still rough but softer than normal.
“Sure… lemme clean my feet first though. Do you have any wash cloths or wipes?” I ask with a small smile. “In the cabinet below the sink” he says before laying down in the bed.
“Heh, thanks Kacchan.” I say.
After I clean my feet off I get in the bed behind him and turn off the lamp of his nightstand. I lay as far from him as I can because I don’t know If he’s comfortable with… cuddling yet.
He turns around to face me and he sighs. “C’mere dumbass.” he pulls me in close where his face is about where my chest starts. He holds me tight. I run my fingers through his hair. “Kacchan?” I ask. He hums in response. “Are we boyfriends now?” he pulls away from me and I can tell he’s looking at me funny. He presses a quick peck to my lips before resuming his previous position. “Duh, Deku.” he mumbles before going back to trying to sleep. I guess we’ll call in sick to school tomorrow. Me and Kacchan should sort things out more in the morning.
~FIN~