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Gaz got out of the shower, post-nut clarity clear as day. He couldn’t keep doing this, staying in his shower and jerking himself off to them. That was what hormonal teenagers did, he chided himself. He’s a grown man, he could handle a rejection from you.
But the mere thought of your beautiful face twisted into a horrified mask scared him. He wasn’t the most charismatic or confident person he knew, but he knew he was at least decently attractive. But you weren’t deserving of him, he thought. He was an average man, while you were everything he wanted.
Gaz had always saw himself as a big-picture man, but with you, he thought of the small things you’d do. When you’d smile at a stupid joke he made, your laugh that made the world just a little bit brighter, the length of your eyelashes and shape of your body.
He’d never want to see your beautiful form in unhappy or annoyed. Gaz could practically touch the image he saw.
Soft skin, wrinkled around the brow. Bright eyes, crinkling around the edges. Your hands would extend in his direction, a faux mask of comfort on your face as you let him down slowly.
He wouldn’t cry as you spoke, he wouldn’t say anything. He’d just go home if you said no, he would just get over it. He’d have ruined your friendship, but he’d at least have shot his shot.
As Gaz wrapped his towel around his waist, he ran a hand on his tight curls, using his towel to dry his hair carefully. He got himself ready to go to sleep, picking up his phone.
He scrolled through his apps carelessly, barely registering what flashed on his screen. He switched it off, feeling uninterested and apathetic. All on his mind was the idea of confession to you. His mind tossed and turned as he went through the multiple ways that sort of conversation could go.
Gaz stayed up for hours, not even trying to fight sleep as his eyes finally rested.
★ ・・・・・・ ★
It’s Sunday, so the shop is closed today. You stretched, arms and back popping as you curled up in bed. You sigh contently as the snow falls outside your rectangular window. You planned on sleeping in, but the Fates gave a big “Fuck you!” and forced you out anyway.
“Get out of bed!” Antigone sneaks up and rips the covers off you. You cower, hissing as the cold breeze hits the sliver of bare skin exposed from your restless sleeping.
“Fuck off…mmf…” You mumble as you curl into a fetal position.
“No. Get your lazy butt up and come eat.” Antigone gets closer to your face. “Made you waffles, just how you like them…” She says.
“Woah, I’m suddenly very awake right now.”
“What I thought. Come on, get down.” You rub your eyes as she saunters out of your room. You slip on fuzzy slippers and walk with Antigone. She smirked at you as she sat down.
“Mm…fuck, that’s nice.” You groaned. You grab a knife and fork before absolutely destroying your breakfast. Antigone giggled as she brought you a cup of steaming tea.
“Calm down. Earl grey? It’ll keep you awake, you might need it.” She said with a knowing smile.
“Sure.” You fully registered what she said. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘I might need it?’”
“Hm, you just might.” She responded, finishing her bowl of blueberries. Antigone never liked big breakfasts, so she’d always eat small meals.
“…Do you know something?” At that moment, Baldie walked in. He purred as he sat on the table, swiping a blueberry.
“Hm..maybe?” Antigone grin grew. You cocked an eyebrow. “Hey, just sayin’…something might happen today.”
“Yeah, okay.” You sipped your tea, burning your tongue. Antigone was probably just fucking with you.
Probably.
★ ・・・・・・ ★
Gaz sat in his studio room, sketching a spread of some models he found. He let his pencil wander as he sighed. “Fuckin’ hell, I can’t do this.” He announced to nobody.
Gaz had promised himself he would tell you what he felt by the end of this day. It pained him to hide and run from his feelings. You were a wave reaching the beach, him standing in the sand. You’d lightly reach his ankles, a flirtatious gesture or smile, only to pull back, making him feel empty.
He huffed as he slammed his sketchbook shut, spinning around on his chair. He looked at the project he was working on, the one he didn’t tell you about.
Carefully, he removed the paint-stained cover he had on it. He lightly tapped the fresh paint he had added a while ago. His calloused fingers came back clean, and he stared at his progress.
You stared back, painted in all the colors he could describe you with. Your body was turned to the side, but your face was straight ahead, watchful. Amaranth red painted your passionate eyes and cherry sweetened your lips and cheeks. He had exaggerated the color zones of your face, the shadow cast by your nose and jaw a vibrant French blue.
However, he kept your colors primarily warm. After all, that’s how he felt around you. His heart would tighten up at first sight, then gradually loosen with time. His core always buzzed lowly around you, the dopamine rushing through his brain, a speedy truck delivering energy to him.
Carefully, he picked up his brush and preserved palette. Swiping textured strokes along your elegant neck, he squinted as he tried to make adjustments. A swish here, a stroke there, A blend of colors, a harmony of complementary and analogous palettes.
A calm fell upon him as he painted. His eyes felt brighter, more inspired. A sureness weighed perfectly on his shoulders. His hands seemed to move on their own accord.
All his thoughts while painting turned back to you. How? How could he bring up the issue around you? The shop was closed today, he can’t waltz in.
An idea hit him. He’d take you out, like yesterday. He smiled before resuming his painting. A dinner date with a walk afterward. Not too creative, he knew that. But it was simple, more his forte anyway.
Gaz continued carving out your beauty, instead of a chisel on stone, a brush on canvas.
★ ・・・・・・ ★
Antigone’s prophecy didn’t seem to come true. It’s been a few hours since her weird faux-cryptic comment, and you’ve had a slow day. You mostly scrolled through your photos, indulged in your hobbies, and sat around aimlessly.
As you thought about your lazy day, your phone buzzed in your pocket.
It was Gaz.
•••
Gaz: you wanna meet up for dinner? i kinda got something to tell you
You: sure lol, what time?
Gaz: is 6 okay?
You: yea, i’ll be there :)
Gaz: i’ll pick you up, it’s gonna be really nice i swear
You: can’t wait :D
Gaz: :)
•••
You giggled to yourself as you thought of the monotony breaking. What was Gaz going to tell you? You almost kicked your feet in excitement. You had been lying in bed, letting music cradle you in its embrace as you imagined disconnected scenarios.
Now, you had something to do. You realized what Gaz said. He was taking you to dinner.
Practically a date.
You checked your clock. It was 4:00. You rushed to find something to wear. Rooting through your closet, you look for something to wear. You texted Gaz again.
•••
You: where are you taking me? is it formal or something
Gaz: its a formal place, but idc how you dress ;D
You: alr, thanks boo
Gaz: np
•••
Tossing your phone onto your bed, you found what you were looking for. A cobalt blue collared shirt with matching white fitted pants that reached your ankle. You pulled out a black double-breasted jacket and a pearl choker.
Carefully folding the clothes for later, you take a shower. Thoroughly washing your hair, you choose a citrusy shampoo and conditioner, you scrub with unnatural force. You scrub your body raw and hard, letting the hot water run down your figure.
You felt skinned as you stepped out of the steamy water. Rolling on deodorant, you spread your lotion all over your damp skin while wrapping a towel around your head.
Putting on a fluffy lavender robe, you work on your hair while playing some music. You smoothed cream into your scalp and massaged it gently, coaxing out a pleasured groan. You hummed as you styled your hair with a great deal of care.
Checking your phone after washing your hands, the clock read 5:15. You still had time. Leaving your bathroom, you get your clothes, still neat and folded on your otherwise messy bed.
Quickly tugging some underclothes on, you tuck your shirt into your pants, careful not to wrinkle. A black belt wrapped around your waist, a metal circle as the buckle.
Carefully clipping the pearl necklace onto the hollow of your throat, you swallow as the choker bobs. A self-satisfied grin graces your lips as you don your jacket.
Returning to the bathroom, you cleansed your face and used a serum Antigone had bought you recently. You moisturized your face with gentle hands, taking care to not be rough.
You did some quick eyeliner, accentuating the way your eyes turned. You fluffed up your eyebrows and applied light mascara to your eyelashes.
You felt satisfied enough, so you set the makeup before leaving your bathroom, ignoring the mess you made. The clock now read 5:45.
Looking into your full-length mirror, you spin a little as you admire yourself. But you feel like you could add a little more. Inspecting closer, you unbutton the top two buttons on your shirt, a teasing window that made you feel even more confident.
Now you had fifteen minutes until Gaz would show up. Your overexcited love brain got to you and made you get ready quickly. You decided to tell Antigone where you were going.
“Hey, Ne! Gonna go out soon, alright?” She came thumping up the stairs at that.
“Huh? Where’re you going?” She looked you up and down. “Meeting a special someone?” She says teasingly. You flush before brushing her off with a wave of your hand.
“Hm, I might be.” She smiles knowingly.
“Pizza boy?” You flushed when she said that. “Ha, knew it.”
“Shut up!” You groan, your smile giving you away. You plop onto the couch, scrolling through your phone until Gaz shows up.
Antigone hears a knock on the door as she stumbles down the steps. Gaz stood in front of her, wearing a crisp collared shirt and dress pants. A thin silver chain threaded itself around his neck as he stands with a certain awkwardness.
“Here to pick them up?” Antigone says with a sneaky smile, looking up at the significantly larger man.
“Yeah. Where are they?” Gaz doesn’t need to crane his neck to look for you.
“I’ll get them down real quick.” She craned her head as she calls you. “Your boyfriend’s here to pick ya up!”
“Oh, no, they’re not my-“
“Ah! No-shut up, I see right through you.” Antigone squinted at Gaz, scrutinizing him. At that moment, Baldie came up to Antigone, mirroring her in his own, catlike way.
You walked up behind Antigone, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Thanks, I got this.” You say, laughing a little.
Gaz immediately lights up, extending his hand toward you. “Wanna go? We gotta get there soon if we wanna keep our spot.” You take his hand, but not before stroking Baldie and saying a quick goodbye to Antigone.
He leads you to the car and lets you in first, especially gentlemanly today. Gaz seemed on edge, taking great care to not touch you unnecessarily.
“Gaz, are you okay? You seem quiet.” You broke his silence as he glanced at you quickly before turning back to the road.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” His left index finger tapped his steering wheel rhythmically, his eyebrows knit together.
“It’s written all over you, something’s up.” You point out.
“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”
“Oh. Well, alright.” You slouched a little, looking away. Gaz pulled up to the restaurant, a good-looking and classy venue. Seeming to shrug all his tenseness off his shoulders, he leads you out of the car with a grin.
“After you.” He lets you in first, trying not to look at your exposed chest before walking behind you. A hostess in a monochromatic uniform awaited you in the entrance.
“Hi, do you have a reservation?” Her voice was dull and tired. Gaz stepped up to show her where they were sat. “Oh, okay. I’ll take you there.” She walks off, leaving you two trailing behind.
Gaz’s hand brushes against yours as you walk side by side. As you sit down, the waiter gives you two menus before walking off. You both flush as you try and attempt a conversation.
“So…”
“Um…” Gaz looked away. “You start.” He said.
“What’d you wanna tell me? We still haven’t gotten there, if you didn’t realize.” You laugh. He perks up at that.
“You’ll find out after the dinner.” He says. Laughing, you feel your shoulders loosen as the tense fog fades away and you two start talking.
The tired-looking waitress walks up to you after a while. “Do you have your orders yet?” She blinks sleepily, her carmine lipstick slightly smudged on her full lips.
Gaz spoke up first. “Yeah, we’re good” He glances at you. “Right?” You nod. “Okay, I’ll have a…” His face screws up in a cute way. “…I’ll take the lobster.” She nods.
“Anything else for you?”
“Yeah, uh, some calamari and a Manhattan.” The waitress scribbles his order down before turning to you.
“For your partner?” Her oblivious comment made Gaz flush, seeing as what he was here to do.
“I wish.” He muttered out of earshot.
“Oh, I’ll have a steak and a chicken pot pie on the side.”
“Drink?”
“Amaretto Sour.” She writes it down before leaving. You turn back to Gaz, sticking your thumb in the waitress’s direction. “Partner? Please, how could she think that?” Your face warmed as your eyes darted away, trying to laugh it off. “Like, we don’t even..um..yeah.” You finish lamely, raking your hand through your hair to find something to do.
Gaz, meanwhile, is positively elated. His heart started floating again, as he leapt at the possibility of you liking him as he liked you. The nervous hands, unfocused eyes, all signs of embarrassment. He grasped at the straws as he pieces together your behavior.
Meanwhile, a short, weedy man in a waiter’s uniform walks up to your table with the drinks. He places your small glass filled with lemon-colored liquid and Gaz’s Coke-looking cocktail.
You pick yours up, taking a sip. The refreshingly tangy beverage was smooth on your tongue. You set it down with a content sigh. “Is it good?” Gaz asked. You nod.
Drumming his fingers on the table, he thinks of something to say. “So, how’s the café going? And does that blue-haired kid say anything about me?” He asked awkwardly.
Laughing, you nod. “Yeah, they talk about you sometimes. Always sayin’ ‘When’s your boyfriend gonna come back? When are y’all getting married?’ It’s so stupid sometimes.” You say.
“I’ll bet.” Gaz takes a swig of his drink as he raises his eyebrows in amusement.
“They’re a good kid, though, and I think I can endure the taunting for a while.” Gaz snorts as you mutter.
“Not for long.” He says.
“What?” You perk up. “Say something?”
“Nah, I didn’t.” You were about to inquire further, but the food arrived before you could say anything. The mouthwatering aroma slipped around your nose as you let saliva pool under your tongue.
★ ・・・・・・ ★
Setting your fork down, the tines covered in grease, you feel a burp bubble to the surface and suppress it quickly. “You want dessert? I’ll pay.” Gaz asks.
“Sure, and I can pay too.” You say. He shakes his head. Before you can start to bicker, he calls a waiter over. He asks for dessert menus before turning to you.
“I asked you to come, I’ll pay.”
“But-“
“No.” You huff, acquiescing as the waiter returns with two menus. Picking it up, your eyes skim through the list of countless dishes.
A mouthwatering cake catches your eye. It was a red velvet cake with chocolate chips and cream cheese frosting that seemed divine. About to tell Gaz, you set the menu to tell him what you’re getting.
“I was gonna get that too.” He says. You grin as he orders both cakes. Mouth watering as you could practically taste the soft cake, the waiter arrives.
There’s only one plate.
The man hurries away before you could say anything. Gaz notices your reaction before his eyebrows knit together. “Didn’t get the second plate?”
“Yeah.” You push the plate to him. “You can have it, I’ll get another one-“
“No.” You turn to Gaz’s abrupt declaration.
“What?” Gaz cuts a piece off the cake, holding the fork delicately.
“Take it.” You reach to grab the fork, but he backs up. “No, open your mouth.” Your face grows warm as you open a little. Gaz gently grabs your chin, pulling it down to fit the dark red cake over your tongue.
Letting go, you swallow as your mind malfunctions from the sudden moment. Taking a bite himself, Gaz watches you watch him, rolling his tongue on his teeth. “Is it good?” He asks slyly. You nod, words lost behind your mouth.
He feeds you more, taking bites in between. The soft cake would melt on your tongue, chocolate chips warm and melty. The cake disappears along with your composure, your embarrassment growing by the minute.
Gaz called for the check, offering to pay once again. “I invited you, it’s only fair I take responsibility.” You tried to buy your own, but let him pay reluctantly.
As you left, the chilly wind hit your chest, the open collar a constant distraction to Gaz. Turning to Gaz, you ask, “What do we do after this?” He looks away and takes a deep breath.
“…Want to go on a walk? I know it’s cold, but I still need to tell you something.” That had completely slipped your mind.
“Yeah! Sure, we can go.”
“There’s a park nearby, we can drive there.” He leads you into the car before driving quickly to a large park.
Gaz walks with you, his hand brushing yours gently. His breath was stiff, fogging up the air around you two. He sat on the edge of the frozen fountain, inviting you to sit with him.
“You ready to say?” You ask. He nods. Grabbing your hands, he begins.
“So, uh, I’ve known you for a while now, and when I’m around you, I feel something I can’t explain. You make my world feel brighter and more beautiful, and I-“ Gaz pauses. Looking away, he continues. “Fuck this. I like you, okay? I like you a lot, and I don’t know if you like me, but I really hope that you do and I’m rambling a lot and I don’t know what else to say so, yeah.”
You stiffen. Never expecting him to reciprocate your feelings, you remove your hands from his, balling your hands to steady yourself. “I like you too, Gaz.” You mutter. “I like you as much as you like me, and I can’t help it.” You look down. “If we share the same feelings…”
“…can I kiss you?” The words left your lips before you could take them back.
Gaz’s confidence left him. You said what he was going to, throwing him off. Recovering, he lifts your face.
“Yeah.”
The kiss felt like fireworks on the two of your tongues. You felt Gaz’s full lips on yours, slightly chapped yet still perfect. A perfect bubble of warmth and color surrounded the kiss as it deepened, filled with desperation. You groaned as you pulled away.
“I want you so badly. Please, can you be mine? Can I be yours?” Gaz asks, his voice uncharacteristically soft.
“Yeah, you can.” You mutter as you kiss him again.
★ ・・・・・・ ★