Archive of Our Own ^beta

how fickle my heart, and how woozy my eyes.

i struggle to find any truth in your lies,

and now my heart stumbles on things i don't know.

my weakness i feel, i must finally show.

in these bodies we will live,

in these bodies we will die.

where you invest your love, you invest your life.

— mumford and sons, awake my soul

1

—

one month after the attack on starkiller base

—

the resistance receive word from allies that a first order ship had been spotted, silently loitering over a moon, one system away. according to their sources, the ship never entered the atmosphere, and was gone by the next morning.

while no first order personnel seem to leave the ship and the nearby planet’s inhabitants aren’t in any immediate danger, general organa wants to have the upper-hand. the first order wouldn’t be sending ships out to scope the area if they didn’t have some sort of plan—maybe it’s a plan that is already in motion. in order to ensure the safety of civilians and stay on top of the enemy’s strategies, the general calls for a reconnaissance mission.

since the ship is gone, poe and general organa decide that his entire squadron isn’t needed for a simple recon. the resistance is tight on ships as it is, so poe offers to go alone, but the general won’t have it. instead, she assigns finn to the mission as well. he’s been cleared by doctor kalonia now that his back is fully healed, and as an ex-stormstrooper, he can provide insider knowledge on what the first order’s motives may be after gathering information from the planet’s locals.

the plan is simple; take a light shuttle to the next system over, head into the city, and obtain any information possible on the first order’s brief presence. blasters will be kept on-hand (and hidden) in case of any trouble.

a low-risk mission with poe, and the objective is to travel and chat? finn likes the sound of that.

finn hasn’t known poe for very long, but it feels like he’s known him for years now. when poe’s not off-planet and finn’s not busy inserting himself into various tasks around the base to help out, they’re practically attached at the hip. poe saves a table for the two of them at the mess hall. finn will assist poe and bb-8 with ship repairs. their respective quarters are just down the hall from each other, and on nights where they both feel a bit restless, one will show up at the others’ door and spend the night talking about nothing and playing cards.

finn’s never had a friend like poe before. of course, he has rey, but rey has been gone for a little over a month now, training with luke skywalker on ahch-to. he doesn’t hold her absence against her, obviously. this is a big deal, and he hears all about it during their weekly, late-night holotransmissions.

poe is different than rey, though. when finn opened his eyes in a bacta tank after his fight with kylo ren (and a new, horrifyingly large back scar), poe was the one to adjust him to his new life with the resistance. poe introduced him to new people. poe showed him foods he had never tried before. poe reassured him that he belongs with the resistance, despite the reluctance to his presence that some of the crew members have—him being a former stormtrooper, and all.

poe stitched up finn’s jacket. the jacket that was poe’s in the first place, which finn keeps trying to give back, but poe continuously insists that it’s finn’s now.

poe gave him a name. in a high-risk escape mission that required full attention and strong communication, poe called him finn, because his designation was much too complicated to remember. although the two of them tumbled down into jakku to what finn assumed was going to be his certain death mere minutes after that interaction—a name, not a number, for the first time in his life, one of the first transitions into his newfound freedom, spread a warmth through his chest that he couldn’t really explain.

this feeling still arrives when poe enters the room. the heat bursts from his chest and leaves tingles in the tips of his fingers. at first, finn thinks it’s anxiety. but no, it’s much different than that, because poe doesn’t make him anxious. poe makes him feel like he’s on top of the world, like he’s right where he’s supposed to be. this feeling is something else. he just can’t put his finger on what it is.

“first resistance recon mission,” poe comments as he exits the cockpit into the main hold. he whistles at finn with mock fascination, and finn rolls his eyes with a smile. “you’re in the big leagues now, buddy. how do you feel?”

“real important, yeah,” finn deadpans. “i’m really gonna impress general organa with my socializing skills.”

poe laughs, sitting down across from finn at the small table and kicking his foot gently. “luckily for you, you have about nine hours of practice time with me before we get there. plus, i happen to be great at talking.”

“clearly,” finn raises his eyebrows, and poe scoffs dramatically. “oh, i’m sorry, poe dameron, has no one ever told the ‘best pilot in the resistance’ to shut up before?”

poe gets up and grabs a deck of sabacc cards from a nearby crate, taking them out of the box and beginning to shuffle them. “oh, countless times, pal. they just never live to prove it.”

“so you’re going to kill me,” finn concludes.

poe hums playfully, as if considering the option. when he finally comes to a decision, he shakes his head with a smirk. “no, i’ll let you walk out of here scot-free.”

“yeah? what’s the catch?”

“the catch is, i’m gonna kick your ass at klikklak first.”

poe does, in fact, kick finn’s ass at klikklak. they play five rounds, and poe wins every time. according to poe, finn isn’t good at keeping secrets, and he can tell just by finn’s face whether the card is higher or lower than his own. the idea of poe analyzing him so closely makes finn’s ears flush. he can’t hide anything from poe, apparently, but he doesn’t mind that. it’s nice to know that someone understands him, even if it results in consistently losing a card game.

finn, on the other hand, thinks poe keeps winning because he’s fucking mean, and his playful finn-slander makes it impossible to concentrate. after round five, poe tries to gamble.

“come on, buddy, it adds more excitement to the game! three credits. pretty low stakes.”

“it’s not exciting if i’m just gonna lose!”

“how about this—whoever loses buys the first round at the cantina later.”

“not a chance.”

“whoever wins gets to… fly black one for a week.” poe smiles innocently.

“i don’t even know how to—you’re setting me up for failure.” finn glares at poe, crossing his arms.

poe huffs, stuffing the deck back into the box. “you’re no fun.”

finn scoffs, kicking poe under the table. “i’m loads of fun.”

bb-8, who has been set up on the ship’s charging dock since they entered hyperspace, decides to make an appearance, much to finn’s dismay. they beep in greeting, and poe turns to the droid with a smile.

“bee! tell finn how not-fun he is.” poe instructs. finn protests, and bb-8 lets out a series of tones, which finn still can’t translate. he really should do some research on binary.

poe’s response, however, is translation enough. “well, i’m not gonna tell him that. it’ll go right to his big head.”

finn gapes at poe. “big?”

the droid beeps again, wiggling around almost in distress. poe sighs in defeat. “alright, alright, fine, his perfectly-normal-sized head.”

finn laughs, nodding triumphantly. “thanks, bee.” bb-8 extends their arm and gives finn a thumbs up.

poe puts the cards away and grabs a ration bar to snack on. finn takes the time to look over their destination’s information on a datapad. they sit comfortably, conversations limited apart from finn occasionally relaying some interesting data to them. poe and bb-8 leave the main hold a few times to check the cockpit. after his fourth visit to the front of the ship, poe sprawls out on the chair in front of finn with a huff.

“stars, the silence in here is deafening,” he says after a few more minutes of silence, finn too deep into his readings to notice the pilot’s obvious boredom until he speaks up. finn rolls his eyes.

“you just love hearing yourself talk,” he retorts. “i think it’s nice.”

“don’t get me wrong, finn, i love sitting here not talking to you, but the hum of the ship is starting to make my ears ring,” poe complains. “bee, play something, will you?”

bb-8 chirps in response, and after a beat, a steady stream of sound comes from the droid. finn furrows his eyebrows. the instrument is slow and melodic, and poe hums along.

“didn’t know they could do that,” finn furrows his eyebrows, setting down his datapad.

“sure can, pal. comes in handy when it’s just me up here.” poe gets to his feet once more to peek into the cockpit, and finn assumes it’s for lack of anything else to do, since he’s assured himself that everything is running smoothly four times already. on the way to the front, poe brings one arm up above his head and spins underneath it along to the song. finn makes a face.

“what was that?” finn chuckles after him. poe peaks his head around the cockpit entryway.

“dancing?” he responds in confusion. “what, stormtroopers don’t dance? please tell me you’ve-”

“relax, i know what dancing is.” finn shakes his head. “you just spun in a weird circle.”

poe raises an eyebrow and he steps fully back into the main hold. “yeah—you know when you slow dance? the part when your partner spins you around? it just looks weird because i don’t have a partner,” he shrugs with a grin.

maybe finn doesn’t know what dancing is. he’s never had a partner in a dance before. music in first order territory didn’t happen very often, but he isn’t a stranger to swaying along to a song. most of the time, however, ‘songs’ usually only consisted of other troopers tapping out a beat against any flat surface within range, and ending abruptly after the silencing reminder of reconditioning-if-caught is brought up.

“…slow dance.” finn repeats, the phrase foreign on his tongue. poe’s face falls.

“oh, finn. you’ve never slow danced?”

“not that i can recall, no.” finn responds, and poe looks downright crushed at his confession. “okay, this can’t be that big of a deal.”

“it is that big of a deal! you can’t just go through life not knowing how to dance. that’s no way to live.” poe extends his hand, and finn stares at it. “get up, i’m teaching you.”

finn puts the context clues together and realizes that being dance partners involves close contact. the idea of being hand-in-hand with poe brings that warm feeling back into his chest. heat rises to his face. “what? right now? no thanks,” he shakes his head.

“come on, pal, i don't bite. what if we get to this planet, and the mission goes wrong, and the only way out of a life-or-death situation is to slow dance? what will you do then?”

finn scrunches up his nose. “die, i guess.”

poe scoffs. “don’t be so dramatic. it’s really not that hard.” poe’s hand is still extended, and he’s not taking no for an answer, so finn sighs and takes it. poe pulls finn to his feet and intertwines their fingers. finn swears his heart stops for a second. his fingers are tingling. “okay, so,” poe begins, grabbing finn’s free hand and placing it on his shoulder. poe’s untangled hand lands on finn’s hip. fuck, finn regrets agreeing to this.

“yeah, i’ve definitely never done this before,” finn mumbles, keeping his gaze away from poe. their close proximity makes him nervous. poe chuckles.

“ease up, you’re as stiff as a board. i’m gonna lead you through the basics, alright? watch my feet and step in time with me.”

poe takes one step to his right, and finn follows with his left foot. they continue stepping back and forth in place until finn gets the hang of timing without having to follow poe’s movements. poe then adds turning into the mix along with the steps, the two of them easily swaying around the main hold.

“you’re a natural, buddy,” poe praises finn, and his voice has gotten much softer as the dance goes on. finn’s stomach does a flip. he keeps his eyes trained on his feet. he is so close to poe, and if the two of them make eye contact he thinks he might start crying. “okay, here’s the fun part. i’m gonna lift our hands, and you’re gonna do a little spin underneath them. ready?”

finn, finally, looks up at poe, and poe’s eyes are shining with something finn can’t comprehend. pride, maybe? he doesn’t know. whatever it is, though, it’s directed at him. finn’s breath hitches. he nods, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“ready,” he whispers.

poe lifts their hands and in one swift movement, finn spins underneath them with a smile. when he makes it back into his original position, his hand immediately rests back on poe’s shoulder, and poe’s hand slots delicately back into place onto finn’s hip.

finn lets out a small laugh. “alright, i get it now. the spinning part is fun.” he admits to poe, finding his gaze again.

poe’s cheeks are flushed. he stops his movement, and just stares at finn for a moment. the adrenaline from his small success drains away and finn suddenly feels the weight of poe’s eyes on him again. the feeling is overwhelming him, now, with poe looking at him, with poe so close to him, with poe suddenly so silent. finn breaks the eye contact and looks down at their feet.

“what? did i do it wrong? sorry-“

“no, no,” poe breathes out, clearing his throat and removing his hands from finn. finn lifts his head in confusion from the sudden lack of touch. “no, that was great. you’re a quick learner.” poe nods. he chuckles and shakes his head, pushing a hand through his curls. “well, that was exhausting. maybe i’m out of shape,” poe complains, rubbing at his lower back.

“that, or you spend too much time hunched over in your x-wing,” finn raises an eyebrow. “an old man like you can’t handle that much strain on your back.”

poe gasps out a laugh, hitting finn on the shoulder. just like that, the tension in the room melts away. finn lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s holding. “yeah, well, being the galaxy’s best pilot comes with a price. i guess the price is back problems in your thirties,” poe shrugs.

“late-thirties,” finn teasingly corrects him.

“alright, hotshot. just for that, you get to keep an eye on the cockpit while this old man goes down for a nap.”

“you know damn well i can’t fly this thing, poe dameron.”

“let’s hope we don’t lose a wing or something then.”

“seriously?” finn whines.

“good luck, soldier!” poe calls to him as he closes the door to the crew quarters. “and i am in my early-thirties, thank you very much!”

finn shakes his head with a laugh, and clings to the warmth in his chest. it's strange, this new explosion of heat that spreads through him so easily. what it means, he doesn't know, but it makes him feel human.

2

—

two months after the attack on starkiller base

—

black squadron, led by poe, successfully release prisoners being held in first order captivity in the outer rim. after two days off-planet, they return with twenty-three new faces packed into a small shuttle. most of the prisoners, and some of the pilots themselves are in need of medical attention, and finn helps where he’s needed. jess has a small blaster wound on her arm, snap sports a harshly sprained ankle from kicking at a first order officer who had him by the throat, and poe has a gash that runs from the left side of his forehead down to just below his eyebrow, where a trooper had hit him with the back of a blaster rifle.

finn helps guide the injured into the medbay and fits them where he can. the more dire injuries get supported first. he doesn’t have a lot of medical training, so he stays out of the way of doctor kalonia and medical droids. he provides the waiting patients with water, snacks, and any first aid supplies that could assist them for the time being. his eyes land on poe across the room, sitting back with a small towel pressed to his forehead.

finn steps over to him. “need anything?” he asks, handing poe a cup of water. poe takes the cup with a hum, shaking his head as he takes a swig.

“nah,” he smiles up at finn thankfully, pulling the towel away from the wound. the once white towel is stained a bright red. the blood coming from the gash has smeared and dried down the left side of poe’s face. it makes finn’s skin crawl. poe grimaces at the towel. “gross.”

“here,” finn crouches down so that he’s level with poe in his chair. he takes an extra cup of water and holds his hand out. poe hands him the towel. finn dips the towel in the cup and reaches up, wiping the blood from poe’s face.

“my hero,” poe smirks at him. warmth spreads through finn’s chest and rises to his cheeks, numbing the tips of his fingers. he rolls his eyes in response.

“i’m not just gonna sit here and let you bleed all over these nice chairs,” finn grumbles.

“i’m not bleeding out,” poe scoffs. “it’s just a scratch. probably doesn’t even need stitches. if it were up to me, i’d be patching myself up in my quarters and going to have a drink.”

“you’ll have your drink, commander,” finn mockingly reassures him. “let doctor kalonia have a look. you could be concussed, you know.”

“i’m not concussed,” poe frowns.

“yeah? how’s your balance?”

“i landed just fine, didn’t i?”

“any headache?”

“you’re giving me one.” poe complains teasingly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lip.

finn gasps, offended. “how many fingers am i holding up?” he asks, flipping poe off with his free hand. poe lets out a surprised laugh, and finn grins.

“how sweet of you,” poe throws back, sarcasm dripping through his voice. finn shakes his head in annoyance. he continues wiping the blood from poe’s face until he feels he’s done a good enough job, then pats poe on the shoulder and stands up straight.

“stay here. get your head checked. i’m gonna make sure i’m not needed somewhere else. i’ll save you a drink,” finn tells him, heading towards the medbay exit.

“don’t start without me!” poe calls to him, and he’s actually whining. stars, finn thinks, he’s so dramatic.

“not making a promise i can’t keep!” finn calls back as he exits.

he helps with setting up spaces for their company to sleep. out of the twenty-three prisoners that black squadron returned with, finn is delighted to learn that eleven want to stay with the resistance and help them take down the first order. the others are planning to return home to their families, who haven’t the slightest idea whether they’re alive or dead.

when he feels he’s no longer needed, he heads out to the hangars, where karé, snap (who is now sitting with karé, hand intertwined with hers, his ankle wrapped in bandage and a pair of crutches leaning against his chair) and a few other crew members are chatting and sharing drinks. snap catches sight of finn and waves him over.

“hope i’m not late,” finn greets the group as he heads over, and snap hands him a bottle of ale.

“you’re early,” snap grins, and they clink their bottles together. “how’s poe?”

“as stubborn as ever,” finn rolls his eyes, taking a swig of his drink.

“kalonia’s going to kill him one of these days,” karé shakes her head. “if he doesn’t get himself killed first.”

other people begin to trickle towards the hangars and join in on conversations. once there’s a good crowd, someone turns on music. poe and jess arrive a while later, both of them patched up. jess’ arm rests in a sling, and poe’s got a few butterfly bandages holding the wound on his forehead closed. finn’s already a bit tipsy by the time the two find him and snap, sat together and chatting in the crowd. finn greets them with a smile, handing both of them a drink.

“drink up, makes it hurt less,” snap says in jess’ direction. jess rolls her eyes with a smile.

“thanks, finn,” she says, and finn nods politely.

“how’re you feeling?” he asks. jess shrugs her free shoulder.

“it’s just a scratch.”

“poe said the same thing,” finn lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “pilots.” jess chuckles, taking a sip of her drink.

“i told you not to start without me,” poe complains over the music. finn shrugs and takes a sip of his drink.

“and i told you i wasn’t promising anything,” finn responds. “what’s the diagnosis?”

“no concussion, no stitches.” poe smiles triumphantly, sitting down beside finn. “nothin’ breaks me, pal.”

snap hums in thought. “i don’t know, you look pretty busted to me.”

“says the one in the cast.”

“that’s no way to talk to the guy who saved your ass.”

they continue to bicker, and finn watches in amusement. according to snap, the trooper hit poe with the back of his rifle and knocked poe down, and as he was readying to shoot poe below him, snap came out from behind his cover and blasted the trooper in the back. since his cover was blown, he was then taken down by the officer, who was shot down by karé.

“sounds like your wife saved your ass, snap,” finn adds. karé, who has rejoined the group after conversing with some of the other members of their party, grins at finn.

“you’re damn right i did. who knows where these two would be without me.” she clinks her glass against finn’s bottle, turning to poe. “you could learn a thing or two from finn. maybe he could teach you how to be likeable.”

poe gasps dramatically as snap lets out a loud laugh. jess nods in agreement. poe looks to finn, expecting finn to defend him, but finn’s hiding a laugh behind his bottle.

“assholes, all of you,” poe mutters in defeat. finn chuckles and bumps knees with poe affectionately.

as the party goes on and finn is handed more drinks, the conversations around him begin to fade. he can’t help but let his mind drift to the rescued prisoners. those who are heading home to their families once it’s safe to do so. their families, who are in the dark about their whereabouts, who woke up or got home to find that their loved ones were suddenly missing without a trace. who have no idea if they’ll ever see them again. if they’re even alive.

finn can’t help but wonder if he’s got a family out there, somewhere, wondering the same about him. he was stripped from his family by the first order at a tragically young age. any memories he had of them, if he even did have any, were beaten and brainwashed out of him from the moment he was taken to when he escaped the finalizer. he wonders if his family misses him. if they’d hate him for his time in the first order. if they’d be proud of him for doing the right thing. if they’re even alive. perhaps the first order had killed them in the process of conscripting him.

he wonders if he had siblings. he wonders if they were taken too; forcefully recruited into an army of kids and brainwashed into forgetting their pasts. he wonders if they’ve been killed.

“finn?” poe calls his name, bringing him out of his thoughts. there’s a hand on his thigh. “you alright?”

finn realizes his chest is heaving. suddenly, the loud music and the amount of people around him makes him nauseous. there’s sweat forming at his hairline and at the back of his neck. snap seems to be caught in a conversation with another pilot, and karé is catching jess up on the people they rescued who are staying here to help the cause, but poe’s eyes are locked on finn, filled with concern. finn clears his throat.

“yeah,” he wheezes out, swallowing roughly. “yeah.” he tries again, clearer this time, and gets to his feet. his head swims for a moment at the sudden movement. he’s had far too much to drink. poe’s hand presses against his side to steady him. “just—need some air. be right back.”

“buddy! where are you—?” poe calls after finn as he pushes through the crowd, but he doesn’t look back. he needs a minute alone, away from the rowdiness of the celebration.

finn stumbles away from the hangars until he can barely hear the music anymore. he finds himself trudging into the tree-line at the edge of the base, stopping when he hits a small clearing with a river flowing through the forest. he sits himself down and leans back against a tree, finally allowing himself to catch his breath. his head is still spinning, and he grips his half-bottle of ale with a grunt. this will be his last drink, he decides. he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the bark, breathing deeply with the sound of water travelling down the river until he gains control of himself again.

“finn?”

poe’s come looking for him, because of course he has. finn expects him to, anyway. he feels a bit guilty for pulling poe away from the celebration. him and his squadron deserve to be celebrated for their success, and poe shouldn’t be out here looking for him. maybe he shouldn’t have gone out this far.

“buddy, are you out here? come on, finn, it’s dark and i’m drunk. help me out,” poe calls again. after one more deep breath, finn is calm enough to speak.

“by the water,” he calls back. the rustling gets closer, and poe sits down beside him. finn scoots over sightly, allowing poe room to lean back against the same tree. he does, knocking his knee against finn’s.

“if you wanted some water, you could’ve just asked,” poe starts, his words a bit slurred. finn lets out a defeated laugh. poe grins in victory. “plenty of water back at the hangars, y’know. you don’t have to come fish it out yourself.”

“and yet, you didn’t bring me any,” finn points out, looking over to the ale in poe’s hand. poe hums in response, looking down at the bottle.

“i didn’t,” poe agrees, raising the bottle and tipping it towards finn. finn holds up his own, clinking them together. they both take a drink and fall into a comfortable silence, watching the current pass by. after a moment, poe speaks up again. “wanna talk about it?”

“just got overwhelmed,” finn responds. he’s not necessarily lying, but he isn’t telling the whole truth. “loud music, lots of people. i’m still not used to it.” poe nods. he doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t pry.

“a lot different than first order parties, then,” poe jokes.

“first order parties,” finn repeats with a small smile. “that’s an oxymoron.”

poe hums again in understanding, taking another drink from his bottle. “well, we love a good post-mission celebration. we don’t get to have ‘em often.” he comments, then pauses, before adding, “karé and snap really like you.”

finn looks to poe, heat rising to his cheeks. “yeah?”

“of course, pal,” poe turns to him with a smile. “are you surprised?”

finn shrugs. “just nice to know i’m making more friends.”

“what, i’m not enough?”

finn hums, taking a sip of his ale. “you’re jealous,” he states, raising an eyebrow. poe rolls his eyes.

“i’m not jealous. i’m glad they like you.” poe tone softens. “i like you, and i like my squadron. it all works out.”

finn nods, the familiar warmth spreading in his chest and numbing his fingertips. “still not sure where jess stands. i don’t talk to her much.”

“she likes you too. if you’re unsure, i’ll ask her.”

“do not!” finn laughs in embarrassment. “makes me sound five years old.”

“hey jess,” poe starts in a childish tone, dragging out the greeting. “finn wants to know if you hate him, because he doesn’t have a lot of friends and he likes you and—“

finn bumps poe’s shoulder with his own and shakes his head. “maker, do you ever shut up?”

“only on primedays,” poe jokes. in the distance, the muffled sound of the loud music coming from the party switches to something slower and more melodic. the two fall into a comfortable silence once more, and poe hums along with the faraway tune. finn closes his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the tingly feeling spreading through him. he nearly dozes off to poe’s humming until poe suddenly shifts, causing finn to force his eyes open. poe is standing above him, finishing off his ale. he sets the bottle down, stretching out his hand to finn.

“dance with me,” poe murmurs, a soft smile on his lips. his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are hooded, and finn’s stomach turns pleasantly at the sight. he grins and finishes off his bottle, leaving it beside poe’s and allowing poe to pull him to his feet. they both stumble, finn forward and poe backward, but poe keeps them upright with a laugh, intertwining their hands. “you remember how?”

“sure do,” finn nods, resting his free hand on poe’s shoulder. poe’s hand slots into place against finn’s hip, and they begin stepping in time with each other. they’re a little out of sync and there’s a few instances where one of them trips or sways a little too quickly, but they make it work, giggling like young teenagers throughout the movement. poe sings along to the muffled music quietly.

poe spins finn underneath their arms, and finn decides that he’s found a new family here, with the resistance. with poe. maybe there will be a way to reconnect with his past family, someday, if they’re out there. he’ll tell them all about his new found family on d’qar.

they settle back into position, and poe is staring at finn with this silly, lopsided smile, and their faces are so close, and finn’s heart beats quicker in his chest.

finn takes a quick glance at poe’s lips. oh, he thinks. he understands it now. the warm feeling poe gives him. it clicks into place so suddenly that finn almost throws up. poe is still staring at him, and his eyes are tired, but they’re sparkling with something bright. finn can’t describe it.

“what?” finn asks poe, instead of losing all the ale in his stomach all over their shoes. their movements slow to a halt. poe’s smile widens.

“can i kiss you?”

finn blinks. what? the timing is too good to be true. surely, he’s too drunk, and he’s imagining all this. maybe he really did fall asleep against the tree to poe’s gentle humming. he blinks again, and poe is still standing in front of him, and oh, both of his hands are on finn’s hips now, and he’s still got that stupid, drunk smile on his face. finn matches it with a small nod, leaning in and connecting their lips together.

he can’t feel his hands, or his toes. he wraps his arms around poe’s neck, and poe give’s finn’s hips a gentle squeeze. suddenly, poe’s guiding him backwards, and his back hits the tree they were previously sitting against. the music and the sound of the river have fallen deaf on finn’s ears. poe tastes like ale, and it’s bitter against finn’s mouth, but he doesn’t mind.

poe pulls back, for a moment, and his breath hits finn’s mouth. finn can hear his own heartbeat in his ears. he lifts one hand and rests it against the back of poe’s head, pulling him in for another kiss. poe laughs into his mouth, and finn starts laughing, because poe’s laugh is contagious. poe pulls back once more.

“at ease, soldier,” poe giggles. “a guy’s gotta breathe, you know.”

finn lets out a few breaths through a smile, leaning his head back against the bark and looking up at the tree’s leaves. poe slots his head into finn’s neck, sighing against his shoulder. finn feels giddy. finn feels human. they stay in this position for a moment before finn lifts poe’s chin, stealing a few more quick kisses from him.

“you left this part of the dance lesson out, last time,” finn comments. poe laughs, loud and infectious, cupping finn’s cheeks.

“baby steps, buddy,” poe responds. “can’t overwhelm you with info, it’d make me a bad teacher.”

“i should pay attention to this part, then.” finn grins. poe hums a yes with a nod.

“close attention. it’ll be on the exam.”

finn's never felt so alive. he can’t wait to tell rey about this over his holotransmitter.

3

—

after the battle of crait

—

the first order’s latest attack leaves the resistance without a base and most of its members. those who survive kylo ren’s destruction escape crait on the milennium falcon with rey. the ship is littered with crew, many of them resting wherever they find the space, and others keeping their conversations, if any, to a hushed minimum. once the ship enters hyperspace, finn heads toward the cockpit to find rey. they find each other in the corridor. she hugs finn tightly, and finn rests his chin on top of her head.

“it’s good to see you,” he whispers. “you alright?”

“fine,” she responds with a nod, pulling back and giving finn a once over. “and you?”

finn ponders the question for a moment. is he alright? not really. they’ve lost d’qar, the place he was just beginning to call home, and there have been more resistance casualties in the past few days than he’s seen in his entire time with them. rose is in a coma after saving him from certain death, and phasma died under his hand. while that one felt good, while he felt like he had taken a piece of himself back from the first order in that moment—now that his adrenaline is gone, he just sees it as unwanted blood on his hands. he’s tired. he’s sore. he’s mourning.

“alive,” he says simply. rey nods in understanding, pulling away from their hug. “probably wouldn’t have been if it weren’t for you.”

“and luke,” she adds. her face hardens with grief.

“and luke.” finn repeats solemnly. he stuffs his hands into his pockets and rey leans back against the corridor wall across from him.

“poe introduced himself,” rey speaks after a long silence. finn tilts his head in curiosity. “he’s charming.”

finn lets out a small chuckle, shaking his head and looking down at his feet. “don’t tell him that, it’ll go straight to his head.”

“you know,” she starts, as if finn hadn’t spoken, and finn looks back up at her. “i saw him for the first time after starkiller. we touched back down on d’qar, and you were being wheeled away on a stretcher. poe had come over to, well, i’d assume to see you. he saw you on the stretcher and he looked at me, with so much…” she pauses, squinting as she tries to recall the memory. “fear? anger? i’m not sure, really. but he had me convinced i had gotten you killed.”

finn frowns. “it wasn’t your—“

“save it,” she interrupts, holding her hand up to stop him. “that’s not my point. he went running after the stretcher, and followed you into medbay. it seems he’s really cared about you, right from the beginning.” rey nods. “i like that. you deserve someone like that.”

finn blushes.

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there when you woke up, by the way.”

“you had places to be. important places.”

rey nods, pushing herself off the wall and embracing finn once more. “i’ve missed you.”

“i missed you too.” finn mumbles, closing his eyes as he leans into rey’s warmth. they stay in the hug for a long time. rey’s the first to pull away, and finn kinda wishes she wouldn’t, but she’s not much of a hugger anyway, so he takes what he can get.

“go get some rest. you look like you need it.”

finn gives her a small smile, promising to catch up with her again later and heads back towards the main hold. he carefully steps over people who are asleep on the floor, scanning the area for poe. he’s no where to be found. he catches sight of general organa, sitting by a window. she seems lost in thought, frown set and eyebrows pinched. finn almost decides not to disturb her, until she turns his way with a gentle smile, as if she sensed him coming.

“general,” he greets with a nod. she scoffs.

“finn, please.” she shakes her head. “how many times do i have to tell you to call me leia before you drop the formalities?”

finn slumps his shoulders with a soft chuckle. “sorry,” he mumbles. “have you seen poe around?”

she hums in thought, turning to glance at the corridor behind her, then back to finn. “last i saw him, he was headed towards crew quarters. you might find him there, or anywhere back there that’s more… secluded, than here. i’m sure he’s got a lot on his mind.”

finn nods. “thanks, leia.” he watches her for a moment, clearing his throat. “are you doing alright?”

leia glances over what’s left of the resistance with an unreadable expression. it takes her a long time to answer, and finn doesn’t rush her.

“i’m alive,” leia responds, and finn gets it. he really does. he hesitates, then rests a comforting hand on her shoulder, which she responds to by placing one of her hands overtop of his.

“we’ll figure it out.” he nods confidently. leia sighs, but gives him a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“we always do.”

finn parts with leia and continues through the falcon. he doesn’t find poe among the sleeping bodies in the crews quarters, so he moves on through the corridor. he isn’t in the engineering bay either. finn begins to worry, until he spots a leather jacket with the resistance logo on the shoulder, discarded on the floor of one of the cargo holds. finn steps in and sees poe sitting on the floor, his back against a crate, eyes closed. he makes his way through the storage boxes in the dark and sits down beside poe, who opens his eyes in acknowledgement, but doesn’t look finn’s way.

“hey,” finn mumbles in greeting, resting a hand on poe’s knee. “i’ve been looking for you.”

“you found me.” poe responds back. his voice is unnaturally monotonous.

“didn’t feel like joining the slumber party in the main hold?” finn jokes lightly, and poe exhales quickly, resembling a small laugh, but doesn’t say anything in response. finn decides it’s a win anyway. poe rests his head on finn’s shoulder, and finn presses a kiss to the top of his head.

“i can’t sleep,” poe finally speaks up, and the words hold weight to them. how could i, after what i’ve done? after the loss i’ve caused? finn fills in the blanks.

“i know,” finn nods, taking one of poe’s hands and tracing shapes into his palm. “it’s okay.”

“it’s not,” poe whispers. finn hums in response, not knowing what to say. poe’s right, it’s not okay. he let his anxieties cloud his judgement and he became reckless. his actions played a part in a substantial loss for the resistance. after a moment of silence to think, finn chooses his words carefully.

“we all make mistakes, poe,” he starts, and poe scoffs. “but this is a war, not a test. your mistakes aren’t the only cause of failure. every single person on either side is constantly making right and wrong decisions.” he pauses, running a comforting hand through poe’s curls. “it’s usually the first order making more of the wrong decisions, though. you know that. look at how much we’ve accomplished so far. this time, it was us. we can’t win them all—the important thing now is where we go from here.”

“where do we go from here?” poe asks hopelessly, voice raising above his previous whisper. “none of our allies came to help us. none. the galaxy’s lost hope in us, finn. we’ve got no base, we’ve got no ships, we’ve barely got a crew, i—“ he takes in a shaky breath. “i led the entire bomb fleet to their deaths, finn. leia told me not to, and i…”

“hey, hey. easy,” finn tries to soothe poe before he gets himself too worked up.

“and vice admiral holdo, if—if i just stuck to my post… kept my fucking nose out of it and let her do her job and—and if we didn’t slow down the escape, we would’ve been out of there before—“

“poe, listen to me.” finn cuts poe off firmly, cupping his cheeks and forcing poe to look at him. “you are not the only one at fault here. do you understand? rose and i put our trust in the wrong person and he sold us out. he told hux about the escape. if we didn’t tell DJ our plan, the first order wouldn’t have known about the transports. if vice admiral holdo would’ve been honest with you, maybe you would’ve trusted her more. if the first order didn’t attack d’qar, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. this isn’t all on you. i need you to understand that.” finn insists.

poe’s silent for a while. his eyes are glassy, and his shoulders shake with every breath he takes, but he keeps his eyes on finn, trembling fingers wrapped around finn’s wrists to ground himself. finn takes in slow, even, deep breaths, watching carefully as poe absentmindedly begins to copy them until he calms himself back down.

“where do we go from here, finn?” poe asks again, voice back down to a whisper, and he sounds like a frightened child. it breaks finn’s heart, because he gets it. he’s scared too. but he’s sure after everyone gets proper rest and is back up and running (as normally as they can be, with their shortened roster), they’ll have a plan in no time. finn gives poe a small, tired smile.

“i don’t know,” finn answers truthfully. that answer doesn’t seem satisfactory, so he relays leia’s response to him. “but we’ll figure it out. we always do.”

poe searches finn’s face, and finn allows him to. he doesn’t know what he’s looking for—maybe some kind of doubt or dishonesty in finn’s words, but finn is confident that the resistance will make it through this lost battle. crait won’t deter them. they’ll come back stronger than before. their allies will come, and they’ll regain the upper-hand once again. he’s sure of it. poe finally nods in response, forcing out a deep breath and dropping his forehead against finn’s chest.

“rey thinks you’re charming,” finn mumbles into the quiet, hoping to lighten the mood. poe lets out a hushed chuckle.

“don’t let her see me like this,” poe responds.

“no way,” finn shakes his head, and poe looks up at finn, resting his chin where his forehead was against finn’s white shirt. “can’t have her intruding on private-angsty-boyfriend time. this is just for me.”

poe gasps, pulling away from finn and sitting up. “oh, okay, this is a good time for you?” poe accuses, tone light and a bit playful. he wipes at his eyes. “you get some sick pleasure out of watching your boyfriend cry?”

finn shrugs. “no, i just like spending time with you. even if it’s a situation like this,” he replies honestly. poe’s cheeks turn pink and he groans quietly. finn’s heart soars.

“ugh, don’t do that. you’ve turned the banter all mushy.”

“plus, sometimes it’s good to cry. and poe dameron is too cool to cry, so i’ve gotta force it out of him.”

“so you think i’m cool.”

“coolness is subjective.”

“you’re the worst,” poe complains, leaning forward and catching finn’s lips in a kiss. finn smiles and kisses him back, running a comforting hand up and down poe’s arm. poe pulls away from the kiss and gets to his feet, and finn furrows his eyebrows. poe gives him a sheepish smile, holding out his hand. finn tilts his head.

“now?” he asks in confusion, looking around. “we’re in a cramped cargo hold and there’s no music playing.”

“we don’t need music to dance together, buddy.” poe shrugged. “come on, let me have this. i need somethin’ good right now.”

finn can’t argue with that. he takes poe’s hand and poe pulls him to his feet, and they begin their dance, maneuvering between crates and boxes, poe’s head rested on finn’s shoulder. finn hums a small tune; nothing musically coherent or correct, but it’s enough to keep the rhythm of their feet in line.

poe attempts to spin finn, but finn stumbles after his leg hits against the side of a crate. poe steadies him with a chuckle. “what, are you trying to kill me?” finn asks playfully.

“of course not, this is a lesson,” poe says matter-of-factly.

finn raises an eyebrow. “yeah? and what exactly are you teaching me, dance instructor dameron?”

“i’m teaching you how to slow dance in any situation. this one is small spaces. next one will be upside down in a cruiser.”

finn laughs incredulously. “so, you are trying to kill me.”

“not necessarily,” poe jokes. “not if you’re really good at defying artificial gravity. if you fall, that’s not on me. i’m just a dance teacher, y’know.”

finn hums in mock understanding, and they continue swaying together in a comfortable silence. poe’s head finds its way back on finn’s shoulder, his nose brushing against finn’s neck. finn presses gentle kisses to the side of poe’s head as they move. poe’s movements grow slower as the adrenaline of the past few days fades away and exhaustion catches up to him. the two of them begin to sway their hips together, their feet staying in place with poe’s hands against finn’s chest and finn’s arms wrapped around poe’s waist.

“we’ll be okay,” poe suddenly says, and his tone sounds doubtful, disbelief in his own statement. finn doesn’t hesitate to nod.

“we’ve got a group of strong people here, poe dameron. and you’re one of them.” finn assures him. “we’re gonna be just fine.”

poe nods, closing his eyes. “okay.”

warmth spreads in finn’s chest, and he runs his tingling fingertips through poe’s hair. “come on, black leader, it’s time for some shut-eye.”

“aye, aye, captain.”

poe falls asleep tangled up with finn on the floor of the cargo hold, the two of them hidden between boxes and crates. finn focuses on the deep rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest, and takes in his sleeping features. poe looks peaceful. finn closes his eyes, matches poe's breathing, and as he slips into sleep, he decides that he'd follow poe anywhere. to the end of the universe. to the ground. to the skies. he thinks: home is wherever poe is, and i'll run after him forever.

4

—

after the battle of exegol

—

it’s been a long time since finn was able to celebrate the end of a battle. this time, he’s also celebrating the end of the war. he finds it hard to believe he’s still alive, if he’s being honest.

the war is over. the resistance took down what was left of the first order and the sith fleet, with the assistance of allies across the galaxy led by lando calrissian. and thank the stars lando pulled it off; finn would be long gone if it weren’t for him, crashing down into exegol along with the steadfast.

finn touches back down on ajan kloss, stomach in knots as he rushes through crowds of resistance fighters and allies rejoicing and celebrating their win. he can’t find him. he has to find him. did he make it back? finn doesn’t know. so many ships have returned with them to ajan kloss. poe’s whereabouts are unknown to him. he pushes through the sea of orange flight-suits, worrying, hoping, begging—

he locks eyes with poe across the tarmac. his left arm is in a sling, now, bandages covering the blaster wound he sustained during chewie’s rescue mission. they’re both teary-eyed, and for a moment, they stand in place and just stare at each other in disbelief. finn’s the first to move, and he rushes towards poe in a flash, crashing into his arms. poe’s free hand finds the back of finn’s neck, and he tightens his grip as he buries his face into finn’s shoulder, wordlessly telling finn that he is never letting him go.

finn pulls away from the hug, tears streaming freely down his cheeks now in pure relief, and he realizes poe’s crying too. they both laugh, and finn is sure that they look like maniacs. poe closes the distance between them, capturing finn in a passionate, joyful, thank-fuck-you’re-still-alive kiss. finn returns the kiss with matching energy. he pulls away, cupping poe’s cheeks, staring at him with a face-splitting smile.

“hi,” he greets poe breathlessly.

“hi, yourself,” poe replies, cheeks flushed, eyes warm, and exhausted, and relieved. finn gets it—he’s never been more tired in his life. tired, but thankful. he can’t help but kiss poe again. poe accepts the kiss happily. he has to practically push finn away from him to catch his breath.

“easy, general,” poe laughs. “let me get some air.”

general. he had nearly forgotten. when poe gained the title of general after leia’s passing, he immediately roped finn in as his plus-one, insisting that he couldn’t lead the resistance to victory on his own. finn gladly accepted the offer, despite the fact that he believes poe can do anything. finn steps back, taking poe’s free hand in his own and intertwining their fingers.

“sincerest apologies, general,” finn chuckles, giving poe a mock salute. poe shakes his head, leaning in once more to give finn a quick kiss.

“where’s rey?” poe asks eagerly. finn’s smile drops.

rey. rey died on exegol. he felt it, somewhere. he’s sure of it. poe’s face falls at finn’s reaction, and they both stand in silence for a moment.

“oh,” is what poe says, tears pooling in his eyes once more. finn looks down at his feet, tears dripping onto his shoes.

“yeah,” he whispers, swallowing the lump in his throat. poe squeezes finn’s hand and pulls him into another embrace, this one more gentle, as if finn would shatter in his grip. they stand there like this for a long time, until poe musters the courage to break away.

“let’s go somewhere quieter, okay? we can come back out and celebrate later.”

finn nods and allows poe to pull him across the tarmac through crowds of people, silently accepting praise from friends and strangers alike, with gentle smiles and acknowledging nods, hiding his shaking hands in poe's grip. suddenly poe freezes in his tracks, removing his hand from finn’s and pointing across the crowd. finn follows poe’s finger with his eyes, and they widen when they land on what’s gotten poe’s attention.

standing there, fists clenched at her sides and tears in her eyes, is rey. finn almost throws up. he rushes toward her, poe following suit, and all three of them collide into what finn thinks is the tightest group hug he’s ever experienced.

rey’s alive. he doesn’t know how, but she’s alive. he felt her die, and yet here she is, in the flesh, in his arms, right next to poe, who is, somehow, also alive, who is gripping onto rey’s hand and securing it to finn’s back like an anchor. finn has his arms wrapped around both of their shoulders, head resting in the crooks of their necks, and maker, he’s really crying now.

he doesn’t know how long they stand there like this, but all three of them are crying, clinging to each other like they would disappear if they let go. they did it. they won.

finn has no idea how he got so lucky.

finn can breathe now, now that he knows that rey is okay. and yeah, he feels like celebrating.

music is blaring through the base. he doesn’t know where the alcohol comes from, but he’s continuously supplied with bottles of ale. it doesn’t take long for finn and poe to feel the buzz of too much to drink. rey doesn’t participate in the consumption, but she stays for the celebrations nonetheless. people from across the galaxy are congratulating them on their success, thanking them for their hard work, dedicating toasts to them. at one point, jannah and a group of resistance allies that finn has never met chant his name while he chugs his bottle of ale. he basks in all of it. he’s not ashamed. he deserves this unbridled love, after all he’s been through. poe’s hand stays securely around finn’s waist, and he keeps looking at finn with so much pride and admiration, and finn keeps kissing the stupid fond smile off his face.

“i love you,” poe whispers in finn’s ear below the noise, just for him to hear. finn gapes at poe, who’s got that sickening, tipsy, lopsided grin on his face. finn cups his cheeks and kisses him like he means it.

“i love you,” finn mumbles into poe’s mouth, kissing him again, and again, and again. he loses track of how many times he kisses him, but it doesn’t matter. the world around them evaporates from finn’s senses. it’s him and poe against the world. “i love you, i love you, i love you.”

eventually, poe breaks off from him to go mingle with other people. finn doesn’t mind one bit. he finds rey again in the crowd, pulls her into a hug, and kisses her cheek. they find rose, and finn practically crushes her in his arms in greeting.

he’s so happy. he’s never been so happy. he wants to scream it to the skies, he wants to say fuck you, phasma, he wants to say fuck you, kylo ren, he wants to say fuck you, first order. you could never take away this part of me. this part that loves. this part that is loved. the part of me that’s human.

finn has never felt so human in his life.

the celebrations begin to die down as it gets darker, with many of the resistance’s allies returning home. the remaining resistance members don’t stop their party, though; they continue to talk and laugh and dance and drink underneath the stars. at some point, finn loses rey and rose among the decreasing crowd, and he realizes it’s been a while since he’s seen poe. he wanders through bodies outside on the landing zone, but doesn’t catch sight of him. with a frown, he heads towards the entrance of their base, away from the chatter and music.

the resistance base on ajan kloss was much smaller, and incredibly less organized than their base on d’qar. after the battle of crait, the remaining resistance members struggled to find a new home. after successfully gathering some new recruits, their temporary hideout on ryloth was infiltrated, and they found themselves on the run once more. leia finally led her growing crew to ajan kloss, where they quickly and haphazardly set up the little equipment they had in the entrance of a limestone cave in order to run a semi-functioning base.

finn is abruptly stricken with grief at the thought of leia. it sobers him. he wishes she was here to relish in what they’ve accomplished. he hopes, wherever she is, that she’s been reunited with han and luke. he hopes she’s at peace.

finn wanders into the cave, the makeshift hangar acting like a barrier between the busyness of the landing zone. the music muffles, and the crowd’s rowdiness becomes distant.

he catches sight of three orange flight-suits across the room, huddled together. he hears crying. he squints to clear his vision, taking note of poe, jess, and karé. snap is not included in their huddle. the realization dawns on him, and his stomach twists unpleasantly.

fuck, they lost snap.

snap, who welcomed finn into black squadron’s close-knit quartet with open arms when poe introduced him for the first time. who allowed finn to talk his ear off about the kade genti comics he used to read as a child. who was always excited to see him around the hangars when he’d come to chat, drink, or help with ship repairs. who jokingly gave him ‘the talk’ when poe told his friends that he and finn were together, and teased poe about his embarrassed full-body blush. who kept tabs on the music finn enjoyed and made sure it would be played when he stopped by during ship maintenance.

finn crouches down behind a desk to recollect himself, blinking back tears and taking a few deep breaths. when he feels calm enough to stand up again, he cautiously heads over to the group. he doesn’t want to intrude on their moment; snap was very dear to black squadron. snap was karé’s husband, and he was one of poe and jess’ best friends—he can’t imagine the grief they’re feeling right now. but, his instinct calls him towards the group. it seems like they need an anchor right now, and finn feels fit for the job.

finn’s footsteps catch poe and jess’ attention. poe’s eyes immediately cast downward to the floor after seeing finn, and jess watches him approach with a pained expression and tear-stained cheeks. karé doesn’t notice him coming. her eyes are distant, and her face is wet and pale. he’s never seen her like this before. his heart breaks at the sight.

jess stands up straight in acknowledgement, and finally, karé looks up at finn. she slowly gets to her feet, and finn hesitantly reaches out a hand. she nods, and finn embraces her delicately, allowing her to cry into his shoulder for as long as she needs. jess steps back, resting a hand on poe’s shoulder. poe hasn’t gotten up from his seat, and his eyes are still trained on his shoes. when karé finally breaks the hug, he moves on to jess, who initiates the contact first. finn lets his own tears fall, and she pulls away. wordlessly, she rests a hand on karé’s shoulder, leading her to the quarters for some time to grieve and rest.

poe still hasn’t looked up at finn. finn crouches down to poe’s level. he doesn’t pry. he doesn’t need to. he just rests a gentle hand on poe’s knee, smoothing gentle circles with his thumb along the orange fabric of his flight-suit. poe shuts his eyes tightly and leans forward into finn, who pulls him into a comforting embrace. poe’s shifts his weight entirely into finn’s chest, and finn leads them slowly to the ground. poe cries into finn’s shoulder, sobs wracking his body and breaking through his throat, and finn lets him. he doesn’t shush him. he doesn’t tell him to calm down. he lets poe cry until he can’t cry anymore. finn’s own tears stream quietly down his face. a long time passes, and poe’s cries finally silence. the two don’t move from their positions on the floor. finn sniffles and wipes his eyes, running a soothing hand through poe’s hair.

finn always forgets this part of a win; mourning the ones you’ve lost in the process. in the silence, with poe wrapped in his arms, finn mourns snap. he mourns leia. he mourns luke. he mourns vice admiral holdo. he mourns rose’s sister, who they lost in the bomb run above the dreadnaught. he mourns han. he mourns slip, who reached to finn as he collapsed motionless into the sands of jakku, leaving a bloodied handprint across his helmet. he mourns ben, the son that leia lost. he mourns every life taken by the war alongside the resistance. he mourns the lives of every young stormtrooper who died fighting a war that wasn’t theirs. who died not knowing who they were, and not knowing what they could become with a little taste of freedom.

the noise of the crew along the landing zone begins to quiet down, and the music switches from upbeat anthems to sombre melodies. finn allows his eyes to close in relief. despite the songs coming from outside being much quieter in his and poe’s corner of the cave, the heavy beats were beginning to give finn a headache.

without a word, poe pulls away from finn’s embrace. he cups finn’s cheek with a shaky hand, searching finn’s face, eyes filled with sorrow. finn realizes that poe is making sure he’s okay before completely removing himself from their position on the floor, in case finn needed a turn to cry into poe’s arms. warmth spreads through finn’s chest, wrapping a bandage over his grieving heart. he gives poe a sad smile and a small nod, assuring him that he doesn’t need it. poe presses a gentle kiss to finn’s forehead, slowly rising to his feet, and holding out his free hand. finn understands immediately, taking poe’s hand and getting to his feet.

together, silently, they sway along to the music outside the cave, foreheads pressed together, finn with his arms draped across poe’s shoulders, and poe with one hand slotted securely on finn’s back.

“i love you,” finn whispers, and poe responds with a slow, tender kiss. the gesture, though done in silence, speaks for poe, whose voice fails him—i love you too, thank you for surviving. finn hears him loud and clear.

tomorrow, the two of them will take on the roles of generals and begin sending transmissions to families of those who were lost in the war. they’ll arrange funerals, send back important belongings, and be strong for the crew members who can’t be. they’ll begin to rebuild. they’ll plan their next steps. they’ll send assistance across the galaxy to places that have been effected by first order control.

but tonight, they’re just finn and poe. they love, they grieve, and they hold each other together.

as finn intertwines his fingers with poe’s, as he lifts their arms so poe can slowly spin underneath them, he hopes that the ones he mourns are looking down upon the two of them with pride. he hopes that they’re proud of them, for finding each other as the world grew dark—for reaching out for each other and pulling themselves back into the light.

in his mind, he brings forward a memory of him, poe, and leia, standing together in front of a projected map on their temporary ryloth base, which leia's old friend yendor generously allowed them to occupy. they're working out the details of two different missions to corellia; one to retrieve an important list, and another to free prisoners of the first order. poe accidentally slips the word boyfriend into his plans to bring finn along with him to get their hands on the list. poe doesn't notice, but finn does, and his ears flush pink. leia doesn't say a word.

as poe exits the room and finn goes to follow, the latter looks back at leia, to see her giving him a knowing smirk.

"what?" he asks, heat rising to his cheeks as the word leaves his mouth, because he knows what.

"nothing," leia replies easily, raising an eyebrow, clearly amused by finn's sudden shyness. "i'm just glad you two finally worked it out. hold him down, will you, finn? he's always got his head in the stars."

finn looks down at poe, where his head rests against finn's chest, just underneath his chin, and allows himself to smile. poe feels like home. he closes his eyes, and he focuses on poe's breathing, and holds onto leia deep in his chest, and he feels human.

5

—

six months after the battle of exegol

—

poe takes finn to yavin iv after insisting they need a vacation, because he’s ‘tired of boring meetings with the government big-wigs.’ if there’s one thing finn’s learned about poe since he pulled him from the finalizer, it’s that poe is not one to cooperate with authority (apart from leia, of course, but poe saw leia as more of a mother than his superior). finn agrees that they need a break, and when poe suggests taking him home to finally meet his father, finn panics. poe assures him that there's nothing to worry about, and that kes will love him, because it's impossible not to like you, finn. you're just so likeable, but it does nothing to calm his nerves the entire shuttle-ride there.

poe is ecstatic to be home. he hasn’t stopped smiling since they’ve left ajan kloss, and finn is absolutely enthralled by it. he hasn’t seen poe this happy since, well—the moment they locked eyes after exegol. but he was tired, then, too. his smile was real, but his eyes were sunken with pure exhaustion. this poe is smiling from ear to ear, and his eyes are full of life. finn basks in every second of it.

“finally decided to come to see your old man, now that you’re rising in popularity?” kes greets poe as they step inside, pulling him into a hug.

“oh yeah, you know us, papá. all that free time we’ve got, now that we're generals,” poe teases, patting kes on the back.

“i know, i know, being a general is a lot of work. i’m just happy to see you, mi hijo. it’s been a long time.”

finn watches the exchange with a smile. kes pulls away from poe and his eyes land on finn. finn swallows the anxiety down, and nods at poe's father politely. kes scoffs, opening his arms.

“i don’t bite, i promise,” kes says, and finn smiles, stepping forward and accepting kes’ embrace. “it’s wonderful to finally meet you, finn. i’ve heard a lot about you.”

finn’s ears flush as he pulls away from the hug, glancing at poe to see that his cheeks have gone pink.

“don’t flatter him like that, it’ll inflate his ego,” poe teases. kes rolls his eyes.

“and it’ll deflate yours,” he throws back. poe looks to finn for backup, but finn only laughs. “come on in, boys. i’m just finishing up with dinner. how was the trip?”

finn’s initial panic seems wasted, now that he’s met kes. he warmly welcomes finn into the dameron home without question, just as poe did for him back on d’qar, all that time ago.

over dinner, poe and kes catch up. finn recalls poe telling him that his father is retired, now, having served in the alliance during the galactic civil war many years ago. poe’s late mother, shara bey, served alongside him as a pilot. poe also shared that shara was the one who taught him to fly.

now that kes has settled down, he spends most of his time tending to his ranch.

“i started a garden, a while back. did i tell you?” kes asks. poe shakes his head, mouth stuffed with home-cooked food. finn can tell, through poe's almost childlike manner, that he's missed his father's cooking. “i grow most of my food myself, now.”

“you’ve got a green thumb,” finn compliments. “this is delicious.” kes smiles at finn appreciatively.

“i’ve been thinking of going fully self-sustainable. maybe some animals, since i do so well with the plants.”

“would you be able to fit a farm on this ranch?” poe asks, taking a sip from his glass. kes shrugs.

“i’ll start small. what about you two? how are things going?”

“well,” poe starts. “we’re busy. the past few months have been mostly about renovations on ajan kloss where we can find the budget, and establishing trust in the resistance with leaders across the galaxy. since the new republic is pretty much toast, now, we’re trying to get our team to that level, so that a war like this doesn’t happen again. for now, at least,” he explains, demeanour becoming more masked and professional as he continues, as if he’s in a meeting in front of government officials and not in his father’s kitchen. finn rests a hand on his knee under the table, and poe’s shoulders seem to relax slightly. they really did need this vacation, didn't they? one more week locked up in his office, finn silently considers, and poe would've gone full protocol droid on him. “lots of new recruits, too.”

“most of the base's surrounding area has become a training ground, now,” finn adds with a smile. “a bunch of smart kids looking to be a part of something important. captain jessika pava trains the new pilots, since poe just loves sitting in meetings all day and not flying. right, general?” poe rolls his eyes, and kes smiles.

“and what about you, finn?” kes asks.

“oh, believe me. i’m in meetings too. all the time,” finn nods. “stars, they’re a nightmare. when i’m not talking to governments through holos or off-planet, or at my desk doing piles paperwork, i’m guiding new soldiers through infantry training. we’re not heavily focused on combat right now, but it’s good to have. you know, just in case.”

“infantry training, eh?” kes raises an eyebrow, a familiar, playful smirk tugging at his lips. “i didn’t think an ex-stormtrooper would be qualified for that position,” he speaks teasingly. poe gapes at his father, and finn laughs in surprise. kes teases finn, with that same sass he’s come to love from poe, as if finn is one of his own children. the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree with the damerons, apparently.

“despite what you may think, kes dameron,” finn retorts with the same taunting, lighthearted tone, leaning forward on the table defiantly. poe turns to him in surprise. “i’m a great shot. i was known across many first order squadrons for my near-perfect marksmanship, if you must know,” he challenges with a grin. he turns to poe, and poe’s looking at him like he created the stars; with so much awe, and love, and pride, that it almost makes him sick. it doesn't, though, because losing kes' wonderful dinner all over his slick wooden table after (facetiously) telling the man how skilled of a stormtrooper he once was would not make a good first impression. kes whistles, impressed.

“no wonder you’re with us now,” kes compliments. “no way you would fit in with an aim like that. you’re a rare one.”

poe’s eyes are still on him when he smoothes a hand across finn’s back. “oh, you have no idea, papá.” he says fondly.

after dinner, finn helps kes clean up and poe brings their belongings to his old room. once their tasks are finished, poe brings finn on a tour of the area. poe’s childhood home sits on a fairly-sized ranch that is enclosed by an abundance of greenery. behind the home, a large mountain range towers beyond the trees. the sun is setting just beyond the mountain’s peaks, and the view takes finn’s breath away.

“it’s beautiful out here, poe,” finn says quietly, and poe wraps a strong arm around finn’s waist, pulling finn closer to him. “i can’t believe you grew up with a view like this.”

poe hums in agreement. “my favourite evenings were sunsets like this, with mamá soaring above us in her a-wing,” he ends the statement with a whistle, much like kes provided finn at the dinner table earlier. the duo's similarities make finn's heart skip a beat. “what a sight that ship was.”

finn tears his eyes away from the scenery to glance down at poe, only to find his boyfriend's eyes already on him. he smiles, catching poe’s lips in a gentle kiss. “thank you for bringing me here. for sharing this with me,” he says honestly. poe gives him a warm smile, but his eyebrow raises mischievously. he pulls his arm away from finn, shrugging nonchalantly.

“yeah, well, the old man was pressuring me to stop by, and you just won’t leave me alone, so. i figured you could tag along,” he says cooly, turning away from finn and heading towards kes’ previously mentioned garden. finn gasps in surprise, jogging after him with a chuckle.

“you asshole, you were the one begging me to—“ finn’s retort falls short and he stops in his tracks. he feels something shift inside of him, like a warm blanket has been pulled over him. the feeling strengthens inside him, wrapping him into a bone-deep sense of calmness and security.

“you alright?” poe asks, concerned.

“what is that?” finn mumbles, almost dazed, letting the sensation wash over his limbs. poe’s back at his side, a hand on his shoulder. the man is saying something to him, finn knows he is, but he’s so absorbed and laser-focused on his body right now that it falls deaf on his ears. he looks to poe in awe, and his feet move on their own. he consciously has no idea where he’s headed, but somewhere, deep inside of him, something pulls him forward. he reaches out a hand and it rests against the winding bark of a thick tree. it almost seems to glow in finn’s vision, and he can’t tell if he’s imagining it, or if this one tree is actually glowing a soft blue in the quickly approaching darkness.

“well, i was gonna make this the last stop on our tour,” poe speaks up behind him, tenderness leaking through his words. finn, feeling a sense of childlike wonder at this new discovery, turns to look at poe expectantly. “but it seems like your little mind-tricks had other plans.”

“mind-tricks,” finn scoffs. “you’re talking to me, here, not rey.” he looks back up at the tree. “the force... it brought me here. it’s—i’ve never felt it so strongly before.”

“that’s because that there is a force tree, buddy,” poe explains.

“a force tree,” finn repeats. poe hums in confirmation.

“a gift to mamá from luke skywalker, for helping him recover it from the sith,” poe provides. he walked closer to the tree, pressing his hand against the bark next to finn's. “i’m surprised you can feel it from so far away, but you know. i’m not in-tune with the force like you are. but when i’m here, this close, i can feel it too. it’s dim, for me, but it’s there.”

finn turns to poe next to him, watching as his free hand fidgets with the ring around his neck—the one finn knows is shara’s. poe's eyes are somewhere distant. “this was my favourite place on the property, growing up. whenever i was unhappy, or angry in any way, i’d climb up into this tree, and everything would feel a bit better. and since mamá died,” he paused, swallowing roughly. “i press my hand against the bark, and it’s like i can feel her. that… safety. that security. i feel her, right now.”

finn opens his mouth to speak, to offer words of comfort, to assure him that he feels it too—but poe comes back to himself then, eyes landing on finn. he’s not finished speaking, so finn closes his mouth and allows him to continue. poe glances down at the ring between his fingers with a small smile.

“i always wear her wedding ring, especially when i can’t be here. to have her with me, wherever i am, whether that be on land or in the skies. but,” he takes in a deep breath. “when i was given this, after she passed, i decided that i didn’t want it forever. it’s a wedding ring, after all,” he smiles and looks up and finn, and finn sees the tears pooling in his eyes. “so i promised myself, that when the right person came along, one that i know she would approve of, i’d share this part of her with them.”

poe pulls the chain over his head. finn stands there, dumbfounded and frozen. tears blur the edges of his vision. what? what? he’s going to throw up.

“and, well—“ he lets out a watery laugh. “maker, finn, i’m certain that it’s you. i’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. from the moment you stumbled into my life, in that… stupid stormtrooper uniform…”

“poe,“ finn whispers.

“and you saved my life when no one else was coming for me, and you continued on without me, carried your memory of me with you, brought the map home when i failed to do so—“ poe’s crying, now, rambling on through tears. finn’s not far behind.

“poe,” finn calls his name again. he doesn’t know why he does. he can’t remember how to say anything else.

“the second i saw you on the tarmac in d'qar, wearing the jacket i lost in the crash with so much… triumph, like it belonged to you for years—holding onto a piece of me in my memory even though we’d only spent, like, twenty conscious minutes together, i knew i’d be giving you this ring. i just had to make sure we both survived first. and… stars, buddy, now we’re here, and i am certain that i want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

poe’s eyes shine with determination, and there's a hint of fear that finn catches swimming through the brown of his irises.

“marry me, finn. i want to grow old with you, in the world that we saved together.”

finn’s brain takes a good few seconds to process what poe’s just said. his chest is burning with that feeling, spreading through his chest and down his body. the feeling of pure, unrestrained love. he can’t feel his limbs.

“do you copy, general?” poe jokes with a smirk, but finn can hear the fear in his voice. it snaps him out of his shock, and finn responds the only way he knows how—he crashes their lips together, pressing surprise and admiration and excitement and wonder and love and love and love into poe’s mouth. suddenly, the words flow out of him like a waterfall, strings of yes, yes, yes and i love you, i love you, i love you against poe’s tongue. they pull apart when the two of them are both simultaneously giggling and crying too much to continue. poe’s cheeks are flushed, and his smile is blinding.

“well, ain’t that something,” poe breathes out, and finn can’t help but let out a deliriously joyful laugh.

poe gingerly lifts one of finn’s shaking hands, cradling it in his own, and slips shara bey’s ring onto his finger. it’s a perfect fit, because, of course it is. finn laughs again, incredulously, staring down at the ring in awe. this moment feels incredibly out of finn's reach, like he's dreaming. his head is fuzzy. he blinks, and poe's still there, staring at finn, with delighted tears rolling freely down his cheeks. finn feels human. he presses a loving kiss to the ring, then to poe’s hand, then to his forehead, and then to his lips.

“you, poe dameron,” finn mumbles, cupping poe’s cheeks, the weight of the ring around his finger settling a blissful feeling of euphoria deep into his chest, down to the tips of his toes. “are disgustingly romantic, when you want to be.”

“i dabble,” poe shrugs nonchalantly. finn laughs, and kisses him until the sun sets.

they head back inside, hands intertwined tightly. kes is sat in the living space attached to the kitchen, a datapad in one hand and a mug of something warm in the other. the door opening catches his attention, and he looks up, eyes swimming with anticipation.

“so? how’d it go?”

finn gapes at him. “you knew about this?” kes smiles warmly, setting the datapad and mug aside.

“well, of course. no one gets engaged on my property without the proper paperwork,” he jokes, standing up. he raises his eyebrows curiously, and finn holds up his hand, where shara’s ring wraps perfectly around his finger. kes’ face softens, and he audibly coos, stepping closer to finn. he delicately cups finn’s hand in his own, admiring the ring with misty eyes. “fits like a glove,” he says affectionately, looking between the two of them with a grin and pulling them into a hug.

“told you he’s the one, papá.” poe says triumphantly. kes chuckles.

“i had no doubt in my mind, cariño. i just wanted to meet him in person. you know, parental approval, and all that,” he pulls back, focusing on him. “and i approve. shara would, too. poe talks so highly of you, finn. i understand why.” he takes finn’s hands in his own, giving them a squeeze. “welcome to the family, general.”

family. the word tugs at finn’s heartstrings. makes him feel loved. makes him feel real. makes him feel human.

“thank you, kes.” finn whispers. kes pulls away from the two of them, clapping his hands together.

“well, this calls for a celebration, no?”

a celebration in the dameron household, finn learns, includes a few drinks and kes’ six-stringed instrument that he informs finn is called a guitar. pressing your fingers onto the strings with one hand across the neck of the instrument and picking at the same strings with the other hand on its base produces a wonderful melody. finn is absolutely enthralled by the sound of it. he's heard guitars before, through snap's go-to hangar playlist, through bb-8's (poe's) song library, through speakers at post-mission resistance parties—but live, in the room with him, with finn's soon-to-be-father-in-law and fiancé—well, finn decides he's never heard anything better. he learns that poe can play the guitar too, and he takes note of that information. saves it for later. the duo hand the instrument back and forth, playing something new each time, singing along together in a language finn doesn’t speak. he enjoys it nonetheless. the familiar buzz of the alcohol provides him with more confidence, and poe rests the guitar in finn’s lap, delicately guiding his hands where they need to be placed, helping him strum his first chord. finn audibly gasps in excitement when the sound doesn’t come out as bad as he expected it to, and poe kisses him on the cheek proudly. kes watches them with a fond smile, and finn wonders if he's thinking about shara; if they remind him of her. regardless, finn can tell that kes is happy to see poe happy, with someone to take care of, and with someone who will take care of him outside of yavin iv. finn feels like a kid again. his heart is warm.

the guitar is handed back to kes after a while, and the man plucks out a gentle tune. poe gets to his feet, cheeks flushed from drinking and smile brighter than the sun. he holds out his hand. finn takes it, and they slow dance around the living space together, kes watching them with soft eyes. kes and poe sing together in unison, poe laughing happily as he and finn move across the room.

when poe lifts their arms and spins finn underneath them, finn’s eyes catch the light reflecting off the ring resting securely on his finger. he squeezes poe’s hand once he’s facing him again, and kisses him with as much love as he can muster. warmth shoots through his chest, and tingles at the tips of his fingers, and it feels like home.

+1

—

one year after the battle of exegol

—

“my first impressions of finn and poe, were, well… not what you’d expect.” rey says to the group in front of her. the crowd is made up of many of their friends, old and new. members of the resistance, current and retired. many galaxy officials—ones who were not too busy to attend, of course. finn understands just how time-consuming being a leader can be. jess and karé, who are sitting next to poe. poe on his left, rose on his right, two seats down, leaving an empty space between them for rey. kes dameron, a few rows back. and rey, who has taken the stage. her silver shall catches the light, glittering over her blue dress. she looks beautiful. finn is in awe of her. “i met finn first. back then, i was a lonely scavenger in the deserts of jakku, just trying to survive by trading old ship parts for food. i had also recently become acquainted with a little orange and white droid by the name of bb-8.” from beside her, bb-8 shrills with excitement. the soft sound of chuckles rises from the audience.

“they were lost and looking for their owner. that’s when finn stumbled in, and i mean that literally.” she smiled at the memory. “he was wearing this leather jacket, and it didn’t fit him right. it was small in the shoulders and was too short at the wrists. but bb-8, here, knew that jacket, because it belonged to their owner. their owner, who was not finn. so, as the droid’s new friend, i did what good friends do, and i chased finn down. i stood over him with my quarterstaff and tried to be intimidating, so bb-8 could get their owner’s stolen jacket back.”

“but finn knew bb-8’s owner, who had tragically passed in a ship crash that finn managed to survive. finn kept the jacket in his memory, trudged onward through the desert to find bb-8 and return them to the resistance. i’m sure you could imagine my surprise—a stray resistance fighter on the run, trying to get this droid—who was the key to their success, back to their base.” she pauses. “i decided to join the cause—well, the decision was made for me, actually, because finn was being hunted, and i was now associated with him. i left my little corner of jakku behind, which was worth it, since i had a resistance member on my side. and, i’m sure you could again imagine my surprise when i found out that finn was not part of the resistance.” laughter fills the room again, and finn blushes. poe squeezes his hand with a smirk.

“women always find out the truth,” he whispers.

“i’ve been told,” finn replies. he thinks of han solo, and he smiles.

“but his heart was in the right place,” rey continues, “and although he wasn’t the resistance fighter he said he was at first, he became much more than that. he saved my life on his first actual resistance mission, and has a scar from the blade of a lightsaber on his back to prove it. finn and i took bb-8 back to the resistance, and the resistance accepted us with open arms and gave us a place to call home.” she recalls pleasantly. “even though i left it for a while. you know, something about luke skywalker, and jedi training, and all that. it’s not important.” another chorus of laughter. finn can’t wipe the proud grin from his face. stars, she’s killing this speech. “despite my time away, i was still welcomed home without question when i returned to continue the fight. the open-minded, loving atmosphere that the late general, leia organa, flawlessly built from the ground up; that’s something i’ll treasure for the rest of my life.”

“so, as you recall, bb-8 belonged to a dead man, whose name was poe dameron. well, as it turns out, poe dameron was very much alive. a rather surprising turn of events.” she grinned, and poe raised a fist in the air. it earned a few chuckles. “now, the first time poe introduced himself to me, he was incredibly friendly and welcoming. however—i don’t know if he remembers this, but it actually wasn’t the first time we met.” finn turns to poe, whose eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. finn stiffles a laugh, and poe looks at him in surprise.

“what's she talking about?” he whispers, cheeks turning pink. finn shushes him lightheartedly, turning back to rey.

“the first time i saw poe dameron was directly after the battle that granted finn the previously mentioned back scar. we touched down back at the resistance base on d’qar, and i helped an unconscious finn into a waiting stretcher, and of course—that’s when poe dameron decided to come bouncing over, fresh out of the cockpit of his x-wing, coming to find finn to, presumably, plan a post-successful-mission celebration. he saw finn laid out on the stretcher, and then saw me there next to him. maybe it was something on my face, or maybe it was because i was standing too close to finn, who clearly wasn’t doing well under my watch—but poe shot me one of the dirtiest looks i had ever seen in my life; and i grew up a scavenger. the only thought that crossed my mind in that moment was, kriff, i just got that pilot’s boyfriend killed.”

small laughs scatter throughout the room. poe’s face is as red as a tomato.

“after that interaction, i was shocked to find out that they weren’t dating. yet.”

finn audibly laughs out loud along with the others. poe buries his face in his hands, hiding away from the amused stares around the two of them.

“the second time i met poe—which, judging by how red his face is right now, he assumed was the first—he introduced himself to me aboard the millennium falcon. i had heard plenty about him from finn at that point—he’d send me holos while i was training on ahch-to, endlessly gushing about how wonderful, and handsome, and funny this pilot was.” it was finn’s turn to blush. poe squeezes his hand, and maker, he’s got that stupid smirk on his face. “by the time poe and i met again on-board the falcon, him and finn were finally together. at least this time, i got the boyfriend label right.” she pumped a fist in the air, mocking poe's previous action. “he put on this suave, charming demeanour, and i knew, right then, that it was all an act. and i was right, because, let me tell you—poe dameron was, is, the biggest pain in the ass i’ve ever had to deal with.” behind them, kes whistles in celebration, and it causes both rey and the audience to laugh together. “thank you for your support, mr. dameron. it’s true—what they say about pilots being such hotheads. but, i wouldn’t want him any other way. he’s a pilot, through and through, and one of the best, might i add. surely, the pressure that comes with holding the title of ‘best pilot in the resistance’ for so long was what made him so grumpy all the time.”

“what i’ve learned about poe, though, is that there’s one thing he loves more than flying—and that’s finn. and what i’ve learned about finn, is that finn loves with everything he’s got. i’ve never seen someone love as much as finn loves, but poe will forever remain the top priority on his never-ending list. i consider finn and poe my best friends, and i’m so, so happy i get to be here to celebrate their wedding today.”

“this was a very long winded way of saying—i watched poe follow finn into the medbay after that first mission; he was scared, and he was angry, and he was protecting finn any way he could, which, in this case, was a mean glare. but all is forgiven, of course.” she nods. poe gives her a weak thumbs up from the crowd, and finn pats poe's knee supportively. “that was the moment i knew that they were right for each other. that sense of protection over the other has always been there, for both of them. poe, keeping up with the stretcher with his hard-set eyes, and finn, pulling poe's jacket from the shipwreck and putting it over his shoulders like he'd forget the pilot who brought him to freedom if he left it behind. completing the mission that poe seemingly died for. they’re both so incredibly different, yet they always manage to perfectly balance each other out. when poe needs help grounding himself, finn is his rock. when finn forgets himself, poe is his reminder. i’ve watched them grow from close friends, to successful co-generals who carry the spirit of leia organa with them every step of the way, and now to husbands. i can’t wait to see what’s next for them. i’ll forever be along for the journey, because there’s always something more with these two, and i never turn down a new adventure.” rey's voice begins to break as she reaches the end of her speech. she flashes a watery smile, glancing between the two of them. “i love you both very much, poe and finn dameron. here’s to you.”

rey lifts her glass, and the rest of the party follows, lifting their own, in a toast to poe and finn. many people around them applaud rey's speech, and finn smiles at her so hard it hurts his cheeks. poe clinks his glass against finn’s, and they’re both teary-eyed, and they take sips of their drinks before sharing a happy kiss.

rey steps down from the stage and takes her seat next to finn. finn wraps her in the strongest side-hug he can muster in their chairs, kissing her on the cheek.

“that was one hell of a speech, maid of honour,” finn compliments her as he pulls away, wiping at the unshed tears in his eyes with the back of his hand. “i didn’t know you had the capacity to talk that long.”

“i learned from the best,” she teases. “being friends with you two taught me to never shut up, or else i’d lose my chance to join the conversation.” finn rolls his eyes playfully.

“rey—“ poe starts, and there’s guilt in his tone. they both turn to him, and rey shakes her head.

“save it,” she immediately cuts him off. “it was ages ago, and i’m far from upset. with one look, you showed me how much you care about him. i think that’s pretty impressive.”

finn’s cheeks get hot. love trickles through his chest and numbs his fingertips. he turns to poe, and his husband is sporting a shy half-smile, scratching at his cheek.

“well, i didn’t know you had the capacity to be so funny, either. did you learn that from the best, too?” poe raises an eyebrow. without hesitation, rey nods, flashing poe an innocent smile.

“yeah, rose is a great teacher.” she says smoothly. poe, playfully offended, brings a hand to his chest, and any previous tension he was holding leaves him. rose, who tunes her attention to the three of them after hearing her name, furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

“what am i teaching?”

the dinner that the banquet hall prepares for them leaves finn more full than he’s ever been in his life. he’s had enough glasses of daruvvian champagne to drown out the day’s nerves. he’s surrounded by people he loves, and people who love him. he’s happy. poe finishes what’s left on finn’s plate without asking for permission. finn would’ve given it to him anyway. dishes are cleared and drinks are refilled. any food trays left-over from serving dinner to the tables have been cleared from the dance floor in the middle of the room. finn notices this, and rises to his feet. his sudden movements catch poe’s attention, pulling him away from his conversation with jess and karé. he looks up at finn with a confused expression.

finn holds out his hand, a grin spreading on his face. “sorry to interrupt, but i’d like to share a dance with my husband, if you guys don’t mind.” karé shakes her head in playful annoyance, and jess rolls her eyes with a smile.

“go on, you two,” jess motions toward the dance floor. poe’s smile is real, and bright, and he takes finn’s hand. finn presses a kiss to poe's knuckles, leading him out to the dance floor. he intertwines his fingers with poe’s, feeling the pressure of poe’s new wedding ring against the skin between his fingers. his heart skips a beat. shara bey’s wedding ring sits proudly on finn’s finger, which rests against poe’s hip. poe’s free hand finds his shoulder, and he's staring right at him, eyes shining brighter than any star he’s ever seen.

the music droids, who have been playing quiet music over their dinner, begin a new song at a louder volume for the two of them to dance to. the sound grabs most of the room’s attention and their guests watch as finn and poe begin to gracefully step in time with each other. neither of them step out of place; they move effortlessly in sync around each other, just like they always have. finn listens closer to the song the droids are playing, tilting his head in curiosity. he leans into poe’s ear.

“i know this song,” finn whispers.

“yeah?” poe asks, a playful hint in his voice. “where from?”

finn thinks really hard about it, sifting through the songs he remembers the melody of and the memories from where he first heard them. there’s so many, now, since he’s been with the resistance, and finn frustratedly thinks that there’s no way in hell poe expects him to guess—

oh, the answer dawns on him.

“in the shuttle, on my first recon,” finn smiles distantly at the memory. “the song bb-8 played when you taught me how to slow dance for the first time.”

“bingo.” poe grins, and give finn a quick kiss as a reward. finn lifts their intertwined fingers and poe does a swift spin underneath, earning a few whoops and whistles from their guests. finn doesn’t even spare them a glance. his eyes are locked on poe, and poe’s gaze rarely leaves finn’s. to finn, it’s just them, right now, sharing this moment, this dance, to this song that that is so personally intimate and special to them in ways that none of their guests would comprehend.

“you told them to play this song, didn’t you?” finn raises an eyebrow.

“sure did. our ‘first dance’ for our first dance,” he supplies. “fitting, no?”

finn imagines poe keeping note of this song—one that he’s probably half-listened to hundreds of times on his own while doing something else; doing repairs, flying his x-wing, tidying his quarters. this song that is suddenly attached to a new memory, where poe guides finn through a simple side-step routine like he’s a baby deer learning to walk, to kill time on a nine-hour flight in a narrow shuttle, and finn is flushed and embarrassed and staring at his feet and poe’s staring at finn the way he used to stare at shara bey’s a-wing dash across a pink and purple sky. he imagines poe jotting the title of this song down on a spare piece of paper, or asking bb-8 to keep a record of the name of this song, because someday, down the line, it’ll be important to remember this song. the second i saw you on the tarmac in d'qar... i knew i’d be giving you this ring. i just had to make sure we both survived first. it’ll be important to remember because finn made it important, and poe wants to save it for a moment just like this one. their first dance at their wedding, surrounded physically and spiritually by people they love.

finn buries his face into poe’s shoulder to stop himself from bursting into tears.

“you never fail to amaze me, poe dameron,” he mumbles into the fabric of poe’s tuxedo, his voice breaking from the sheer emotion of it all. "you know that?"

“well, get used to it, finn dameron. you’ve got lots of years with me ahead of you.”

finn lifts his head and kisses poe joyfully, overwhelmed with the love that’s sprouting from his chest and tingling down his limbs. poe rests their foreheads together and they continue to sway, soaking in each other’s presence.

finn dameron feels like he’s on top of the world, moving rhythmically across the dance floor with his husband, who’s now given him two names to call his own, while all eyes are on them. poe coming into his life was singlehandedly the greatest thing that has ever happened to him, and to prove it, he lifts their arms to spin poe once more. this time, as poe spins elegantly, finn catches him by the hip halfway through the move and pulls him backwards into a dip. poe looks up at finn in surprise, one hand pressed against finn's back, and the other pressed against the side of his neck. finn can feel poe's wedding ring against his pulse. it makes him feel alive. finn smirks at him as he hovers above him, supporting most of poe’s weight in his grip.

“my, oh, my, lover-boy. who taught you this?” poe laughs breathlessly, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“you’d be amazed on what you can find on the holonet, general.” finn replies. “sometimes, when my dance instructor is working overtime, drowning himself in reports and meetings and scheduling, i take my own time to learn.”

poe grins and kisses finn like he means it. the banquet hall cheers around them. when they finish their dance, poe has the fucking audacity to bow to his friends and family, like he’s just put on the performance of his life. finn laughs at him, and invites everyone else to join them on the dance floor.

later that night, when it’s just poe and finn dameron in the security of their own quarters, finn will reveal the present he’s been hiding in rose’s closet for the past three months. he’ll hand poe a brand new, custom guitar, which kes helped him assemble—a branch from the force tree in poe’s childhood backyard on yavin iv weaved into the base of the instrument. poe will cry tears of pure joy, thank finn an excessive amount of times, and express that, apart from their trip to yavin iv six months ago, he hasn’t had played guitar since he joined the new republic, and that he's so excited to start practicing again.

then, poe will leave the room, insisting he’ll be right back, and rejoin finn in their quarters after some time with a new presence. a small exploration droid named bd-87 will wheel into the room behind poe, and poe will bashfully clarify that he thought finn would like some company when he and bb-8 are off-planet, or when finn is off-planet without them, since meeting with senators and rulers for negotiations are usually a one-general job and the other stays back to ensure everything runs smoothly, and that he’s not sure why he’s telling finn this since this has been his job for the past year, of course finn knows how the whole co-general thing works, and stars, he’s rambling now, and is this okay, finn? did i do okay?

bd-87 will scan finn with their camera lens to save in their memory, then hop into finn’s lap with an excited string of quiet tones, and finn will make use of his (limited) binary lessons to understand their excitement when they beep out a ‘friend-finn’ and an ‘adventure’ and an ‘excited.’ finn will giggle like he did as a child, when fn-1971 would let him borrow a new copy of a kade genti comic he snuck into their quarters, and assure bd-87 that he’s just as excited to start adventuring with them too. he’ll set the droid down, wrap his arms around poe’s neck, and tell him that it’s one of the greatest gifts he’s ever received. poe will argue that his presence alone is a much better gift, and finn will wholeheartedly agree.

they’ll kiss in the dark, with poe’s back against the wall, and finn’s hands slipping under poe’s tuxedo, until bb-8 makes an excited noise behind them at the sight of a new friend. poe will suggest to bb-8 that they take bd-87 on a tour of the base, outside included, no cheating, and the two droids will happily comply. poe will whisper to finn that they’ve got an hour, tops, and he'll bite down on finn’s lip, and finn will hurriedly pull poe’s blazer from his shoulders and discard it on the floor, and begin messily unbuttoning poe’s white dress-shirt faster than an x-wing entering lightspeed. poe will laugh against finn’s mouth, at ease, general dameron, and finn will pull poe down onto the bed, hovering above him, hands at either side of poe's messy curls, and tell him to say it again, call me general dameron again, and again, and again, until finn settles his hips down onto poe's torso poe loses his ability to speak. finn will kiss the name, his name, right out of poe’s mouth.

and in the morning, their first morning as a married couple, they’ll check over their datapads to make sure everything’s in order, and they’ll hand temporary leadership over to rey and rose so they can escape ajan kloss for their honeymoon, a two week trip to planets that finn’s never seen. they’ll assure the two women that they can call if anything seems a little out of place, and at any sign of trouble, they'll high-tail it back to ajan kloss as quickly as they can. poe will grab his guitar, and finn will invite bd-87 along for their first adventure together, who will happily agree. they’ll head to the newly-installed hangars with their belongings to meet with jess and karé, who have prepared their shuttle for takeoff, and when jess teasingly asks finn where he got the dark purple bruise on his neck, he’ll inform her that it’s just a scratch.

and when they get home from their honeymoon, life will continue on like normal, and finn and poe will return to their general duties. except this time, there won’t be a general dameron and a general finn—instead, there will be two general damerons. finn will laugh when he realizes this as the shuttle makes its way to naboo, and he will ask poe if he thinks that it’ll get confusing for resistance members and government officials alike. poe will shrug, and simply tell finn that it’s not their problem.

but for right now, as their wedding guests gather around the two of them on the dance floor, and the music picks up the pace, finn decides not to think about the future, and chooses to live in the present. finn finds himself pleasantly tipsy, and happily grooving along to the band with kes, who has draped his arm across finn’s shoulder like finn is his own son. he catches sight of rose, who’s bouncing around the dance floor with jess. rey is at a table nearby, having an engaging conversation with yendor, who housed the resistance on ryloth after their escape from crait. finn's eyes drift and land on poe and karé toward the middle of the floor. their foreheads are together, and poe’s hand is wrapped around the back of her neck, and karé has a strong, anchoring fist pressed to poe’s back. their eyes are closed, and they’re smiling gently, and finn looks up to the ceiling, in hopes that snap, wherever he may be, is looking down upon them with a smile to match. he hopes leia is there, too. and han, and slip, and anyone else he wishes he could share this part of his life with. he closes his eyes, and holds his memories of them close to his heart.

finn finds poe in the dancing crowd a bit later and wraps a strong arm around his waist. “i love you,” finn declares loudly, words slightly slurred, and poe smiles up at him with that blissfully drunk, lopsided smile. finn kisses it off his face, leans into his ear, and whispers, “thank you,” only for him to hear.

“for?” poe replies.

“for teaching me what it means to be human.” finn replies. poe kisses him again, cupping finn’s cheeks, and with a smile that finn can feel against his lips, poe mumbles:

“you were always human, finn dameron. you just needed someone to jog your memory.”

finn smiles, and heat blooms from his chest. it spreads through his body and tingles at the tips of his fingers, and finn thinks: i am home.