Work Text:
There are a lot of things that he doesn’t comprehend.
In all honesty, he hardly even remembers anything now.
He keeps referring to him as "Kaveh." So, whomever "Kaveh" is, he must be that person. But what is a “Kaveh”? It took him around a month to finally understand that “Kaveh” was his name. When Kaveh realizes his "name," the man smiles at him while appearing dejected. He still doesn’t understand yet, but he wants to see that smile so often.
So when the man calls him "Kaveh," he will respond.
🏛️🌱
“When we needed to go outside, you used to whine if you hadn't done your face and hair. You constantly want to make sure that you appear well in front of everyone, despite everything.”
He is unable to comprehend it. These days, he doesn't need to look well because he rarely leaves the house. As long as the man— Alhaitham , that’s his name —approved it, Kaveh doesn’t think that he needs to look good in front of everyone.
But his body still has memories .
He occasionally finds himself slowly brushing his hair in front of the mirror out of pure instinct, or perhaps it's what's left of the original "Kaveh." He must be careful not to pull too hard, lest the layers of his head's scalp could separate.
(The amount of hair and blood flowing on the floor was worrisome, and it briefly scared Alhaitham. However, Kaveh's hair began to grow back the very next day and he had no visible wounds on his head. Maybe self-generation was one of his powers right now. Nobody really knew about it. Not even Nahida.)
He uses the powder to lightly pat his face, the eyeliner for his eyes, and the balm for his parched lips. It took some time, but when he looks in the mirror, he finally realizes why "Kaveh" would devote so much of his time to looking nice. His eyes appear slightly larger now, he doesn't appear to be as pale, and his hair is lustrous and fluffy. Even if they are imbalanced, the braids he created fit him. Thanks to the makeup he applied, his cheeks and lips have a pink and red hue. Unlike usual, he appears quite alive . Perhaps if he left, no one would accuse him of being—
“Kaveh?”
When he looks around, Alhaitham is standing there looking startled. Kaveh stares. Was this not appropriate? Was he really forbidden from touching anything in this room? Was this a mistake?
Kaveh quickly set the makeup down and arranged them as neatly as he could since he didn't want to enrage the man. But because he is still getting acclimated to his stiff limbs, he drops the eye shadow pallet. Only crimson pieces were left after it broke and fell to the ground.
He is in a panic . He is aware that he ought to be feeling nothing right now, but it appears that his assumption was incorrect because he was suddenly feeling terrified .
“I—forgive me—Alhaitham. I broke…broke it…I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Alhaitham remains silent for a considerable amount of time. Instead of being angry, he gives Kaveh a strong hug and presses his head against Kaveh's neck.
“It’s alright. You can use them They’re yours. They’re always yours to use. I will buy as many cosmetics as you want, you just need to ask me,” he whispered wetly. On his shoulder, Kaveh feels something wet.
His memory might fail him from time to time, but Kaveh remembered. He often looked sad whenever he saw Kaveh. The man always said that he was okay and didn’t have to worry about him, but, Kaveh was aware that the man was not telling the truth.
He was the reason the man occasionally seemed miserable. Maybe he shouldn't do his hair and cosmetics the way the old "Kaveh" used to. It strongly reminded the man of someone who no longer existed in this world, and that fact alone was enough to make Alhaitham look upset.
He doesn't like it when he makes Alhaitham feel sad. He isn't able to experience feelings or have desires the way a typical human is. He is aware that he should definitely stop carrying out pointless directives like these.
But if Alhaitham calls you beautiful, doesn't it make you happy?
Kaveh’s only response is to hug him back.
🏛️🌱
No one truly knows what happened with Kaveh.
After missing for several months, Alhaitham discovered him sitting down and covering his knees with both arms in front of his (or their) door, appearing to be waiting for Alhaitham to return. On his head was a Liyuean paper talisman.
Alhaitham huffed, annoyed though he was glad that Kaveh returned home. “Finally showing up, huh? Do you have any idea how many times I tried looking for you—” but after giving the other man a closer look, he paused.
Kaveh looked absolutely terrible . His eyes were dull. His clothes were battered and dirty. He had numerous wounds, most of which had already healed. He also appeared unusually pale than usual. He wasn’t even responding to any of Alhaitham’s remarks.
Suddenly, he shivered as a dreadful feeling washed over him.
Alhaitham didn't know what had become of his missing roommate, but he didn't want to discuss it just yet. Instead, he invited "Kaveh" into his (their) home first.
His first mistake was taking the strange talisman off his head.
"Kaveh" suddenly screamed in agony and attacked Alhaitham with physical strength that Alhaitham was unaware "Kaveh" even possessed. Although it was close, Alhaitham was able to reattach the talisman, and the other man immediately came to a complete stop. He was quiet, too quiet . As if he weren't...alive...at all.
“Kaveh, what the hell happened to you…”
The other man said nothing in return. He wasn't even convinced that "Kaveh" was still breathing.
🏛️🌱
It was unexpected but not surprising that Nahida would visit him. Along with her, a tall guy dressed in traditional Liyuean garb stood beside her, whom Nahida presented as a "consultant."
"I heard the issue about your roommate," Nahida said. "Since I'm not really familiar with it, I bring along Mr. Zhongli to explain the matter a lot better for you to comprehend," she added.
“Greetings, Although I wish we had met under better conditions, I recognize that this situation is urgent and calls for my area of expertise. First, might I have a meeting with Mr. Kaveh?
"Kaveh," dressed in Haitham's old long tunic and slacks, sat alone on the couch. When they entered the room, there was no reaction, not even a glance. Zhongli crouched in front of "Kaveh" and peered at him slowly, as if he didn't want to startle him. Observing. Alhaitham saw that the Luyean man's eyes were faintly golden as he studied "Kaveh," but this could have been his imagination.
"There was once a story from centuries ago," Zhongli finally said as he stood up. "A young child caught up in a battle between adepti and demons. She became collateral damage during the conflict because she wasn't supposed to be there. And an adeptus who couldn't bear to witness her demise used their power to bring the young girl back to life. Despite the fact that it wasn't the same as "bringing her to life," The young girl turned into a zombie. And I'm afraid Mr. Kaveh experienced the same thing.
“A zombie …him?”
"It was a word for a living dead. It is a supernatural occurrence that brings the dead back to life, but it is not the same thing. The fact remains that a corpse is still a corpse. They may appear human, but their brain functions slower and their limbs are stiff. They will have no emotions and will not feel pain. They don't need to eat or rest. Simply existing, a hollow shell once known as "human," attempting to recreate the moment when they were still alive."
“What…so then, Kaveh is—”
“Yes,” Zhongli nodded grimly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Alhaitham. Your roommate, Mr. Kaveh, is already dead and became a zombie. There’s nothing we can do to bring him back alive.”
Lies. It was all a lie.
“Don’t fuck with me! He is here, right? There’s no way Kaveh is—”
But deep inside, he knew it was the truth. His hands were too cold, his body was too stiff to move, and his life was no longer visible through those ruby eyes.
Kaveh was dead— deaddeaddeaddead —nothing would save him. Nothing could bring him back alive. He was just a marionette, a puppet with no beating heart.
No longer warm. No longer alive.
No longer the senior he knew and—
He wanted to vomit.
🏛️🌱
Zhongli gave him a couple of options after he had recovered enough composure to continue.
“In general, a zombie is calm and non-threatening as long as you have the talisman and the spell to seal his true nature. However, perhaps it is not a good idea to let a deceased person continue to wander the earth.”
“So you mean I have to let Kaveh die for good.”
“Yes. Director Hu, my boss at Wangsheng Funelar Parlor back in Liyue, is an expert on the subject. If you decide to do so, she will ensure that Mr. Kaveh passes peacefully.”
Does Alhaitham want it? No. But he had no idea how much pain and misery Kaveh had to endure while dying, with no one knowing what had happened to him after months of being missing.
Looking at the husk of a man beside him was already causing him pain. There was no longer any life or soul in this mortal. Perhaps it was for the best; it wasn't exactly what Alhaitham wanted, but he wanted to respect his senior's decision to die in peace.
The more he thought about it, the more his head ached. He wasn’t ready to let him go. It was too soon. He just got back home, for Archon’s sake, even if he was back without any soul left. He wasn't sure if this was truly the best option for him. But he didn't want Kaveh to suffer any longer.
Is this it? Should I need to let him go now?
Alhaitham felt something tug at his arm, startling him. When he turned around, he was met with a pair of dull red eyes. With one hand still pulling on Alhaitham's arm, "Kaveh" fixed his gaze on the man. Although he wasn't making any sounds, his mouth was moving. The Grand Scribe could only make out a few words as he tried to read the lips.
( Alhaitham. Must go back. Home. )
Alhaitham was stunned.
“Oh? That is really fascinating. I was wondering what type of 'command' Mr. Kaveh required to keep moving as a zombie," Zhongli hummed. “I suppose they were directives regarding you that he received.”
“What do you mean?”
"Normally, a zombie can't act on their own and they will want some "command" to act," he explained, "Think of it as some type of motivation for them to carry on after they're dead. Regarding Mr. Kaveh, I'm convinced that it was either this house, you in particular, or a combination of both. We don't know for sure what "orders" Mr. Kaveh received when he turned into a zombie, but I can presume that he was concerned about leaving you in his final moments. And that was enough “reason” for him to find his way back to you.”
Alhaitham regarded "Kaveh," who persisted in pulling on his arm even more. Gradually, his vision grew blurry.
“You…” Alhaitham suppressed a sob. Even while you were dying, you were still thinking about me. What a stupid thing to do, you should’ve cared about yourself more. You were dying!
Kaveh didn’t say anything in return. Ruby eyes stared, devoid of any emotions. The zombie, however, wrapped his arms around the younger man as if trying to console him.
It’s alright. It will be okay. I am sorry for leaving you alone. I am here and that is what truly matters now.
After that, Nahida and Zhongli left, allowing the two guys their privacy and quiet. Zhongli merely wished them luck and didn't need to inquire twice about what Alhaitham desired.
🏛️🌱
“Will there be issues? If we permit a zombie like Mr. Kaveh to wander the city at will?” After she and Geo Archon left the house, Nahida inquired.
"I can't guarantee anything. There used to be a number of zombie instances, but only one is still around. Though she has so far demonstrated that she is capable on her own, I suppose I like to think that Mr. Kaveh is similar as well. He simply needs someone to assist him and show him how to learn carefully again.”
They'll be fine. He was certain of it.
🏛️🌱
Living with a zombie isn't easy, especially when someone as bright as Kaveh goes unusually quiet every day. To put it mildly, it is...very different. Normally, Kaveh will scold him anytime Alhaitham misplaces his books again, or complain if he notices some unclean dishes in the sink.
However, none of those ever happen now. Kaveh doesn't say anything while doing the housework as nothing happened in the past months. Funny thing is, he hasn't asked Kaveh to do them since he returned home as a zombie, but the blond still continues to do them. Alhaitham doesn't know if Kaveh doing them voluntarily or merely out of habit.
It's like staring at a robot that follows orders without complaining or biting back. It’s…weird. Unsure if it's strange in a good or terrible manner.
🏛️🌱
The first persons to learn about Kaveh's unusual circumstances were Tighnari and Collei.
Alhaitham still has to work as a Grand Scribe, as much as he would have liked to take care of Kaveh every day without fail. In order to keep a roof over their heads, he must return to work. Alhaitham had to swallow his pride and ask for assistance, even if it was difficult for any of them.
Since this was Tighnari's first encounter with a zombie in the flesh, he was more amazed than afraid.
(He had previously spoken about a certain sort of fungus that could infiltrate an animal's body and take over as a live parasite; he was wondering if this zombie state was also similar.)
While Collei was helping Kaveh to clean around the house and dressing Kaveh up since looks are vital if they want to go outside shopping.
(At least it went without incident; nobody really wonders why Light of Kshahrewar looks like a dead person.)
Despite knowing that Kaveh was no longer alive, they remained close friends. And Alhaitham appreciated their assistance. Kaveh also began to make more progress, such as increasing his verbal communication or returning to one of his previous interests (drawing, which has always been his hobby).
There are days when he does nothing but sit about and stare outside the windows with his muted crimson eyes. It was worrying before, but Kaveh hadn't been forgetting as much lately. To prevent him from forgetting what he needs to do for the day, Collei even assisted him in writing a notepad. Alhaitham began to notice a small amount of "life" returning to his cherished senior.
And yet…
🏛️🌱
He sometimes forgets that Kaveh is now a zombie and that he may never be completely normal again.
Alhaitham is still mourning for Kaveh in some way. Yes, he had returned, but he wasn't the same. And seeing someone who should be familiar to him now behave like a stranger saddens him. He didn't recognize this "Kaveh," he was too pale, stiff, cold, and soulless.
The Kaveh he once knew was loud, honest, and very delighted to argue back whenever he could. He could make the whole house warmer and brighter just by being there, and yet now…
The Scribe bites his lip, reminding himself that he chose this path. He made the decision to keep Kaveh in the house and has no plans to give it up.
He can manage it, it's going to be fine.
🏛️🌱
No, he can’t.
On one of these chilly evenings, a thunderstorm broke out, causing him to become restless. Alhaitham found the clamor outside the windows to be intolerable, and he didn’t realize that he had been crying. He gritted his teeth, unable to sleep or stop his tears. He was already exhausted from his Grand Scribe duties and from having to watch out for Kaveh all the time.
It was too much, he didn’t know if he could still do this any longer. Pretending that everything was fine. This was a mistake, he was no longer the senior he knew. The man was all that remained of his dear senior. Perhaps allowing him to die in the first place was a cruel act of kindness. But he was unable to. Alhaitham didn't want to lose Kaveh.
But he was tired of pretending everything would be fine, they won’t go back to their normal anymore.
Just when he wanted to try going back to sleep, the door slammed open, showing Kaveh dressed for sleep.
(He was taught by Alhaitham that he should at least occasionally change his attire.)
“Kaveh? What…”
Without saying a word, Kaveh simply walked up to the younger man's bed and climbed inside. Just as Alhaitham was about to object, Kaveh covered his ears with both hands, shielding him from the thunder's tremendous sound. Kaveh began to murmur something— sing something—very gently, almost in a whisper.
What? You? Afraid of thunder? You must still be a child at heart, huh? Let me help you then. My mother used to do this whenever the heavy rain kept me up at night.
Given Kaveh's poor singing talent and overly faint voice, it wasn't the greatest option. Furthermore, he was unable to soothe Alhaitham because of how cold and rigid his hands were. The younger man didn't mind, though. It was perhaps the first time he felt safe, and he knew everything would be okay in the end.
It’s okay. He is still Kaveh, even though it is not the same. regardless of how much "Kaveh" is still present within him. Kaveh was the one who decided to go back to him, and Alhaitham will fight for that decision alone. It wasn’t the same. It won’t be the same as before. Even though it's only a little progress, Alhaitham still considered that a victory.
One step at a time.
🏛️🌱
“Alhaitham.”
It was a surprise when Kaveh finally said his name correctly.
As an undead, Kaveh's brain appeared to be working slower than the average human, and he even frequently forgot his own name. It took a lot of patience to teach him how to recognize his, Al- Haitham's, and everyone else's names.
It took him at least a month to teach him how to respond when Alhaitham called his name.
And it only took him a week to remember Alhaitham’s name.
His heart ached just thinking about that fact alone.
“Alhaitham," Kaveh calls out again, this time sounding more annoyed because the younger man isn't answering right away. Maybe he's just imagining things since Kaveh's face is still as blank as ever.
“Yes, Kaveh?”
He says nothing and simply hands him a piece of paper. When Alhaitham sees the content, he can’t help but laughs at how ridiculous Kaveh's drawing was. It's like looking at a child's drawing of him, but with a much larger head and an angry expression, and he can spit fire to burn down the sages who keep nagging him to sign papers at work.
"Wh—why am I looking more like a monster than the monster itself here?" he chuckles, as Kaveh stares at him, head slightly tilted to one side.
"Alhaitham," he says, poking the scribe between the brows twice. “That. That's not good."
Blinking, Alhaitham touches the same spot to see that, yes, those were frown lines. And he doesn't notice that his head is starting to hurt until now.
Did Kaveh draw this to cheer him up?
“Ah. Sorry, I guess the stress and fatigue from work have finally caught up with me." Not to mention the constant fear that something terrible will happen if he leaves Kaveh alone in their home. Kaveh, even as a zombie, can now do everything on his own after months of relearning. But Alhaitham can't help but be concerned from time to time.
“Alhaitham, sick? Are you okay?”
“Not…exactly. I’ll be fine. Just need to sleep it off, I suppose.”
Kaveh, clearly not having any of it, huffed as he took Alhaitham's hand and dragged him to his bedroom. Alhaitham, who is too worn out to object, allows the older man to assist him in donning more comfortable clothing. He yanks on the Scribe's cloth hemp and leads him to the bed, tucking him in. Instead of getting into the bed with Alhaitham this time, the zombie chooses to sit next to it and gently stroke his hair.
“Sleep.”
The Scribe hears it faintly. The next thing he knows, his eyelids close and he falls asleep.
🏛️🌱
He has a routine every day. He can’t function well if he didn’t have one.
It’s strange. He remembered himself as a man without routine. He could sleep whenever he wanted, eat whenever his stomach felt like it, and design whenever his mind began to generate some ideas.
No routine.
And yet, here he is.
Despite the fact that he won’t get sick or hungry anymore, he still needs to consult his notebook to determine what he needs to do each day.
Because Alhaitham, in fact, needs to eat properly every day.
So the first thing he has to do every day is prepare food for Alhaitham.
It appears to be a waste of time, given that he will be unable to determine whether the food is good or not. But to some extent, the body is still remembering—at least enough to prevent a house fire.
And if Alhaitham tells him that it’s good, then it’s good.
“Thank you, Kaveh. It’s good.” Alhaitham often says after the meal, a sign of smile appears on his face.
“Oh, come on! I tried my best to make your favorite, the least you can do is praise me!”
“So demanding.” He huffed, “Fine, it’s delicious. Thank you, Kaveh. You’re such a good cook. Happy now?”
He grinned, “Very.”
“...?”
He briefly feels as though something has stabbed him in the heart. However, it doesn't hurt anymore now.
Odd. He should be unable to feel any pain. Right?
🏛️🌱
“Am I going to die?”
“...technically, you’re already dead once. I’m not sure if there are any terms to call people who died twice. Pretty sure there aren’t any.” Tightnari clears his throat and coughs, a little surprised by Kaveh's unexpected question. “Why do you ask, Kaveh? Is something wrong with your body? Do you want me to check it?”
Is there a problem with his body? Kaveh is uncertain of it. But lately, weird recollections that he can't place have started to surface. His heart feels like it has been repeatedly stabbed even though he is not in agony every time the memories come to mind.
With his limited speech and vocabulary, he makes an effort to explain them to Tighnari slowly. Blessed be his heart, the Forest Watcher waits and pays attention to him attentively. He then hums softly, crossing his arms as one of his ears flicks.
"I don't believe you're in danger, or that you're going to die again if that's what you want to call it. Every day, you're remembering more, and I consider that to be positive. You've developed more human qualities too. So I assume it's also normal if you begin to feel like a human. Because after all, well, you were once a human.
I'm not really sure about Alhaitham, though. Maybe deep inside, he's still looking for the old you. I don't blame him for wanting things to go back to his "normal," Tighnari sighs, “Well, I admit the situation is not easy for any of us. For him, especially. Changes are sometimes…really hard to handle, especially if you don’t have any clue about what to do in the first place.”
“Why?” Kaveh asks, not entirely understanding what Tighnari was implying. “Does Alhaitham hate me?”
Am I a burden to him, he doesn’t ask.
He might recall that similar events have occurred in the past. He remembers how they used to argue and irritate one another to the point where everyone assumed they were enemies. But Alhaitham used to smile more frequently when Kaveh was still alive. But now… now. The man is still smiling, but it’s different. His smile looks sad, as though being with Kaveh constantly makes him upset. He's not sure how to fix it either.
“No, not really. Quite the opposite, actually. I doubt he would put up the time and effort to ensure your safety if he hated you. Give him some time and space, I’m sure he will come around eventually.”
🏛️🌱
Kaveh doesn't seem to understand how to give the man "time and space," as Tighnari suggested. So then the blond chooses to speak directly rather than wait any longer.
“Do you hate me?”
He's not responding straight away yet again. Alhaitham takes a quick head turn before putting his spoon into his bowl. He blinks. And blinks again for good measure. Trying his best to process what he just heard.
“I…don’t hate you?” Alhaitham answers, blinking twice and looking surprised. “Why did you ask?”
Because you’re sad.
Because you’re crying.
Because I burden you.
Because I can’t be the one you’re searching for all this time.
“It is…nothing. Forgive me. That was a weird question.”
“Kaveh.”
The zombie turns his face to Alhaitham, expecting to be scolded for saying nonsense. Instead, the other man gazes at him with a soft expression, both hands cupping his cold cheeks.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, and I’m not sure how much you will understand this. But I will never hate you, Kaveh. Never. Not even the ‘you’ right now. You might not be the ‘Kaveh’ I knew, but you’re still ‘Kaveh’,” he sighs, giving the blond a slight smile. “I loved you, Kaveh. I always loved you since we were still students at Akademiya. Even if you've changed, I'll still adore you as you are.”
Love is such a strange, alien term. Kaveh has no idea what "love" is or how it works. But something inside him stings when he hears those words.
It hurts. Yet, why it also feels warm?
“Alhaitham, you love me?”
“Yes. I admit that this might be too difficult for you to understand. But I don’t expect you to love me back, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Kaveh doesn’t understand it. He will never truly understand what it means to “love” someone. Though, he is certain about one thing.
“Maybe…maybe I love you too?” he says, unsure. It was an unexpected response, so Alhaitham can’t help but be surprised.
“What makes you think of that?”
“Because I came back to you. I don’t remember what happened when I was about to die and turned into a zombie. But the fact that I came back here to you again after I died, does that not count as ‘love’? Am I wrong?”
Oh.
“Alhaitham, are you crying? I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong? Are you hurt?”
He shakes his head, embracing the other male tight. “...no, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just—”
Feeling guilty for the past he wished to change. Mourning for the present he has to face. Yet hopeful for the future that’s no longer grim.
“Kaveh, I love you. And I will always will. I want you to believe me that it’s the truth.”
For the first time in a very long time, Kaveh feels something warm inside him and smiles.
“Okay. I love you too, Alhaitham.”
Please do not be sad. Do not cry. I am here. I will always be here.
🏛️🌱
His name is Kaveh.
He was the Light of Kshahrewar, but not anymore.
He is now a zombie.
Living as a zombie is not easy. He tends to forget what he is supposed to do, and on a bad day, he can’t remember who he is or what his name is. He doesn’t remember a lot of things, not even when he died.
Living as a zombie is not easy.
Even so, he will try his best to keep remembering more. He will do his best not to make him sad anymore. He wants him to smile even more. According to some, zombies are incapable of feeling or expressing any emotions... But maybe, maybe Kaveh is an exception. Because it makes him…’happy’, if he can see his smile again.
I am sorry. I am here.
Don’t cry.
I love you.
I will remember you.
We can overcome this together.
One step at a time, right?
It will be alright.
We will be okay.