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Dean stared out on the water of the small lake at the outskirts of town. He’d made a habit of retreading here to find some peace and quiet to think for a while.
The wind blew soft ripples onto the water and small waves rhythmically stroked over the rocks on the shore. One of the tiny fish that lived in the lake disrupted the peaceful flow of the water for a moment. The leaves rustled quietly above as the wind moved them and Dean pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders to keep out the cool evening air. It was colder in the small suburban town that Dean and Cas had moved in a few years ago than Lebanon had been this time of year.
Even though it had been almost ten years, the former hunter still had trouble believing his luck sometimes. He got to live out his retirement with Cas as his (unofficial) husband in a small house that they shared, where Dean had a big garage to work in and Cas had a small garden in the back. Once a week Sam and Eileen would visit for Sunday dinner and most times Jack would join them as well, often bringing friends that he’d met in college.
The sound of leaves rustling behind him alerted Dean that someone was coming, but he didn’t turn around. He had already recognized Cas’ steps. The angel sat down next to him.
“What are you doing out here, Dean?”
“Just thinking,” Dean said with a sigh. He turned towards his husband and gave him a small smile. The angel didn’t look a day older than when they’d first met. Dean had once thought that it would be weird if he were the only one in their relationship who’d age, but he’d found that it felt as natural as anything between them.
Cas considered Dean for a moment, then he gently put a hand on the other’s knee. “Your joints are hurting you again,” he observed. Dean gave a nod in confirmation. “Would you like me to take the pain away?”
“No, it’s fine. Just a normal sign that I’m getting old.” Dean ran one hand over his tired face. He hadn’t been sleeping well for the past few days. Another side effect of slowly aging he supposed.
“You are not old,” Cas said indignantly.
Dean let out a snort. “Well in comparison to you I’m not, Mr millennia-old-angel.”
Cas just smiled leniently. For a moment they sat in silence.
“I never thought I would even live long enough to have to deal with problems like joint pains,” Dean quietly confessed.
“I’m very glad that you did.” Cas took his hand and squeezed it.
Dean didn’t answer. He was lost in his own head. He was in his fifties now. With the amount of strain his former life as a hunter had put on his body, he had probably around another twenty, maybe thirty good years before he’d die, for good this time. But Cas was an angel, he’d live on. The fact that his husband was going to outlive him, possibly by millennia had never before bothered Dean.
“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Cas was looking at him in concern and Dean realized that he must have spaced out.
He beat down the instinct to brush the other off. They had both been working on trying to talk about their feelings more. It was stupidly girlish, something Sam with all his health shit would do, but Dean had to admit that the occasional chick-flick-moment was actually helping them in dealing with their emotions better.
For a moment he struggled with how to put his thoughts in words, then he settled on, “When I’m going to die, you’ll live on.”
Cas looked at him in alarm. “You’re not going to die soon, Dean!” Despite his words, the angel put one hand against Dean’s cheek and he could feel the flow of grace that meant Cas was looking for something that was wrong with the human’s body. He gently pulled the other’s hand away.
“I know, I was just thinking…You are older than I could ever grasp with my understanding of time and your life will continue for a long time after I die, now that heaven and its angels are at peace. My lifetime is barely more than the blink of an eye in your existence.”
“Dean,” Cas’ voice was soft and there was a sheen of hurt in his eyes that made Dean want to take back everything he’d just said. “Meeting you was the most significant thing that ever happened to me. Just the few years here on earth with you are worth more to me than the thousands that I have lived before. You have changed me. No matter how much time I still have, I don’t want to spend a day of it without you.”
“But you’ll have to,” Dean replied just as quietly, “You might be basically immortal, but I am not.”
It hurt Dean to say it. The thought of leaving Cas behind one day to grieve his death was horrible. But even so it didn’t hurt nearly as much as the thought of Cas forgetting him over the course of the next few hundred years.
Cas gently took Dean’s chin in his hand and forced him to look at the angel. “Your death will be heartbreaking, but it won’t mean that we’ll have to part. If you want me to and allow it, I will move in with you in your own personal heaven.”
Dean’s heart warmed at those words. Of course he wanted Cas in his heaven, there was no one else he would rather spend eternity with. But he doubted he’d even get into heaven.
“Don’t you think it’s more likely that I’ll end up in hell again?”
At that Cas suddenly went rigid and anger filled his usually gentle eyes. “Don’t you dare say that about yourself, Dean Winchester. You are the best human I have ever met, you do not belong in hell!”
“You sure ‘bout that?” Dean asked with a lopsided grin. “I’ve done a lot of shit, pissed off a lot of angels. I helped kill God. And if not hell, the Empty is still an option, even with Billy out of the picture.”
Cas turned fully towards him and pulled Dean into his arms. “You will go to heaven after you die and we will spend every second of your afterlife there together. I will make sure of it. And if someone tries to put you somewhere else, I’ll stop at nothing to get you back and to where you rightfully belong.”
For a moment Dean couldn’t breathe, overwhelmed with emotion, gratefulness and indescribable love for his angel.
“Thanks, Cas,” he choked out.
Cas pulled him into a reassuring kiss and Dean could basically feel his grace reaching out for his soul.
Don’t you worry, I’ve got you. I’ll make sure that everything is gonna be okay.