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Death (noun) : the destruction or permanent end of something "the death of her hopes"
Lying in a pool of his own blood, staring at the ceiling of the library, waiting to gasp his last breath- Scott remembers everything about his first death.
Then he’d been with Allison and Stiles. The three of them together, submerged in ice, a last desperate measure to save their parents.
Scott’s heart makes another infuriating beat.
This time, he’s alone.
The first time had meaning. A sacrifice.
Sacrifice (noun): an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure. "they offer sacrifices to the spirits"
The first time he’d wanted to come back. (Mostly.)
He'd flown out of the ice bath with a sense of purpose. An urgent need to find their parents.
Then, he’d needed to survive. To save everyone. Back when he was capable of saving anyone.
Save (verb): prevent (someone) from dying. "the doctors did everything they could to save him"
The doctors now wear creepy masks and experiment on teenagers.
The doctors now don’t save anyone.
Scott can relate.
Another breath. Rattling around in his lungs like his asthma is truly back. Another heartbeat. The exhale of a moment to remember his second death.
How he’d almost become the monster he’d seen in the dream.
Monster (noun): an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening.
Liam’s face splattered in blood. Drops of it falling in his eyes, rolling down his face. Evidence that he was becoming the very thing he despised.
To save their parents he’d needed to become the monster that made him what he is now.
I'm an alpha now.
Blood floods his mouth.
Liam had been so angry.
Scott had smelled the underlying terror, pain, and grief.
Hayden. Liam. Just more names in a long string of people he’s been unable to help.
Tracy. Boyd. Erica. Allison.
Kira.
An omega, a lone wolf, cut in half in the woods. The smell of blood as the sword sliced him at the waist. A man desperate for pack. For family. For love.
Scott.
Bardo: (noun) : (in Tibetan Buddhism) a state of existence between death and rebirth, varying in length according to a person's conduct in life and manner of, or age at, death.'
Scott doesn’t remember anything from his third death.
He hopes there’d been a sense of peace before a growl had crawled out of his throat.
Before he’d smelled the grief and blood clinging to his mother’s skin. Before he’d once again done the impossible.
Impossible (adjective): not able to occur, exist, or be done. "a seemingly impossible task"
Scott stares at the wound in the mirror. He traces his fingers along the jagged skin. It stings where he touches it.
The pain tells him he’s alive.
Each breath easier than the last. The asthma fading away like it had before. Eventually, this wound will heal.
Eventually, he’ll deserve for it to.
Life (noun): a chance to live after narrowly escaping death (with reference to the nine lives traditionally attributed to cats).
"we were called to the hospital, but the old rogue had nine lives and seemed to be negotiating for another two"
Eventually, like everyone, Scott will die permanently.
He pulls the shirt over his sloppily bandaged chest. Gazes as blood seeps through the thin cloth.
Maybe one day, he won’t want to.
(disclaimer: scott's thoughts about himself at one of his lowest points are not reflective of my own.)