Chapter Text
For a better future, again and again
I keep grasping
In this world full of wrong
I want you to smile
"Monster," Yosaobi
-
“Goddamnit, Beaumont! Why can’t you just be useful for once!?”
I look down at the porcelain vase shattered on the floor and yawn loudly, looking at the woman who has been screaming at me for an eternity with an apathetic, tired gaze.
I know she’s yelling at me for some reason, but I couldn’t give a shit about why she’s going off on me right now. I just don’t have time for any of this. The goddamn light’s getting into my eyes and it’s so annoying. The noise that bitch is producing is nothing but worthless dross, and it’s wasting my time. I wish I didn’t have to waste my time on specimens like her. If only I could wipe her off of the face of the planet. That sure would solve a lot of problems.
Eileen’s probably going off on me because I broke that piece of shit she calls “art.” I accidentally bumped into it and broke it into a million shards - but I couldn’t care less about it because that vase was taking up a copious amount of space which could have been used in a more efficient manner. Not like it mattered in the first place. She would have gotten angry at me for whatever reason in the future and I would have had to deal with the aftermath.
“Beaumont! Hey!”
I avert my gaze from the bitch that is my mother and look down at my callused hands and bloodied arms riddled with self harm scars and smile foolishly. Suddenly, my mother grabs my chin and pulls it up. I gasp in shock and receive a slap across the face. I stumble back and rub my face gently, my tired eyes following my mother’s angry movements.
“Were you even listening!? You broke that porcelain vase your father brought home from China and used it to harm yourself, goddamnit! I’m so disappointed in you! Say sorry right now!”
“... And why should I do that?” I reply in my mumbled tired voice and yawn once more. I can hear the birds singing outside and the sound of cars beeping outside. All of these sounds are driving me insane to the point where I want to take a screwdriver and rupture my ear into a million bloody pieces. I guess she’s angry about more than one thing now. I didn’t expect her to be angry about my self-harm tendencies, though I wouldn’t really call it self-harm: it was merely an experiment to try and test my pain endurance. Most would probably call me mad for attempting such an experiment, but I feel as if I kind of deserve all the pain.
Eileen, with tears in her eyes, grabs my arm and wipes the blood off of it. She sobs loudly and I can’t help but feel discomfort and disgust at her actions. I don’t know what her tears are supposed to convey, as I’ve watched her cry her eyes out at my actions several times already. I just wish she’d stop making those noises.
“This is the last straw, Beaumont! If putting you in a mental hospital wasn’t enough, I think this time I’ll ask them to send you to a residential home for freaks like you permanently! You’re just delusional! I don’t understand why you want to harm yourself and others - there’s just so much beauty in life and you’re choosing to waste it by sitting on your ass and doing nothing all day!”
I jerk up in surprise and look at my mother in shock. “You wouldn’t dare put me in one of those places again, would you? All the people there are lunatics and they don’t understand the slightest thing about society.”
“You’re a lunatic, Beaumont! You just stay holed up in your room all day constructing those stupid ideas about society and going on and on about how the world would be better if you could kill everyone!”
“It would, though. It really would.” I mutter under my breath and look away, starting to step away from the scene. I feel a sharp pain in my foot, and I lift it up to see blood and a piece of porcelain sticking into the bottom of my heel. Calmly taking it out, I toss it behind me, hearing my mother yelp in surprise as she gets hit by the piece of porcelain I chucked at her.
With a growl, my mother stomps on the floor and screams loudly. I’m just glad that Odette isn’t in the house at this time, otherwise she’d have to come home to quite a scene. Not like she isn’t used to how Eileen acts, anyway.
“That’s it. I’m calling the hospital!” My mother whips out her phone swiftly and begins to press the buttons on it. I can only watch in horror as tears bubble up in my eyes. I know I should do something, but I’m just so tired by now that I don’t want to do anything but cry. “Don’t. Please don’t. You won’t achieve anything efficient by doing this - my stocks are going to crash!”
Her hand still on her phone, my mother turns back to me with a tired, tearful gaze. “Then you sure as hell better withdraw them out now. You’re not getting out for a long, long time, Beaumont. They’re coming shortly for you.”
Now it’s my turn to scream. I howl loudly and run to my room, burying my face into my pillow and covering myself with my weighted blanket.
If only this perpetual nightmare could end.