Chapter Text
Katsuki didn’t care about this interview. It was a stupid fucking residency program that didn’t have enough opportunities for research. He’d need a lot of fucking research - good, quality research - if he was gonna be applying to Cardiology fellowship afterward. And of course he was going to apply to Cards fellowships - he was going to get into one of the best Cards fellowships. He was Bakugo-fucking-Katsuki, and he was going to become the best goddamn Cardiologist that the world’s ever seen. So he needed to Match at a residency that could get him the publications he needed to be competitive when he had to go through this whole shit process again three years from now.
This shithole didn’t fit the bill.
Granted, he’d never set foot in Mustafu Memorial Hospital - nor would he ever, unless the Match bent him over a goddamn exam table and brutally fucked him with a stethoscope. Virtual interviews were still the status quo thanks to the shitty pandemic, so at least he hadn’t had to pay for a train ride to this lousy excuse for a level one trauma center that would be put to better use as a fucking parking lot. But his lack of an in-person tour didn’t matter, because the pictures that MM had posted on their website were all he needed to see how much of a shithole it really was. And the fact that they only had two fellowship programs of their own, neither being Cards? That just proved his fucking point. They didn’t have what he needed, and there was no fucking way he’d be working here next year.
~
“So, Mr. Bakugo, why do you want to work at Mustafu Memorial?”
“Well sir, I’ve always been very interested in your hospital…” he began, lying through his teeth.
…
“You’re a very promising candidate, Mr. Bakugo. But we’re interviewing quite a lot of promising candidates this application cycle. Why should we rank you highly?”
“I can’t imagine a more fulfilling or educational residency experience than serving the underserved community of Mustafu, and I believe my application reflects my dedication to…”
…
“If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would it be and why?”
“I… mint, maybe? I’m not really fond of sweet things, and I know that I similarly don’t come across as overly sweet to patients, but I can still… appeal to them? I’m refreshing?”
The interviewer frowned and began to scribble hastily on the paper in front of him. “I see. That answer is enlightening, thank you Mr. Bakugo. I believe that’s all the time we have, unless you have any questions for me?”
…
“Alright guys, I’m Nejire, and I’ll be one of the chief residents next year…”
Katsuki watched as the woman continued to introduce herself, the other rising chief sitting to her right, and the intern on her left. She then slowly turned her laptop a full 360 to show them the resident room. It, like the hospital itself, was a shithole.
“We’re here to answer any questions you might have about the program honestly! Don’t worry, we’re not taking notes, and nothing you say here will be reflected in your rankings. So ask us any questions you have, doesn’t matter how out there they may seem. Oh, but first let’s do an icebreaker to get to know your fellow applicants! Okay, umm… tell us your name, school, and one fun thing you did this weekend.”
One by one, each of the small squares on Katsuki’s screen became outlined in yellow as the other medical students introduced themselves. Nejire and the others did their best to make it conversational, often asking follow-up questions or giving praise, though no one really knew what to say to the weird-ass guy who described the looks of the “hot babe” he’d met and harassed at an art gallery on Saturday. Katsuki didn’t care what the residents said about this meet and greet not being reflected in their rankings, there was no fucking way that this guy had a chance of matching here - or anywhere for that matter, if he was always this openly sleezy. Jesus fuck, how had he gotten through three and a half years of medical school while being this moronic ? The number of complaints against him by students, hospital staff - hell, probably even patients - had to be in the double digits at minimum.
Katsuki was still ruminating on this when the most enthusiastic voice he’d ever heard started talking. “Hi, I’m Midoriya Izuku! I go to Fukuoka University, but I’m originally from Mustafu and my mom still lives there!” He refocused on his laptop screen just in time to see a guy with adorably messy green hair flash a giant smile that could compete with the sun for how annoyingly bright it was. “I actually took the train to visit her last weekend, which was lots of fun! It was a long trip, but it was great to see her, and I finished the audiobook I’ve working though so the travel wasn’t too boring either!”
“Oh wow, that’s so exciting!” Nejire exclaimed. “What book was it?”
“Oh, uh, I’m actually kind of a big Stephen King fan? I was listening to Salem’s Lot .”
Katsuki tilted his head, considering for a moment longer before interrupting whatever the stupid intern was saying in reply. He hated engaging in small talk as a general fucking life principle, but horror was his favorite genre and he was always looking for new material. “Do you recommend it?”
The cinnamon roll’s smile grew wider. “Oh definitely! I know a lot of people think King’s overrated, but -”
“Nah,” Katsuki interrupted, “He’s hit or miss for me, but I like some of his stuff. I just read Pet Sematary a while ago and liked it.”
“Well, Salem’s Lot was definitely a hit, in my opinion! Though… have you read Dracula ?”
Katuski shook his head.
“You should read that first. Salem’s Lot is actually kind of a modern retelling of it, though the themes are a pointed contrast because while Bram Stoker’s characters used the technological advances of the 19th century to fight an old world monster, Salem’s Lot is set in a very rural American town in the 1970s, so compared to others in that time period they don’t have a lot of resources…” the guy began to blush, scratching the back of his head bashfully as he cut himself off. “Sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”
“It’s okay,” interjected Nejire before Katsuki could respond. “I love that you’re passionate! Though we should probably have someone else take a turn. Bakugo, why don’t you go next?”
Katsuki fought to keep his usual scowl off of his face. He’d wanted the cute nerd to keep talking, sue him. “Bakugo Katsuki,” he said, a little more harshly than he usually would during an interview. “I go to Tokyo U. I went hiking last weekend.”
“Oh that sounds fun! See any cool wildlife?”
The rest of the Q&A was really fucking boring. All of the resident meet and greets were, regardless of the program. They were just the same meaningless questions repeated over and over at every interview all season, with the same canned bullshit answers.
“What are your program’s strengths?”
“Oh definitely the people. We’re like a family here...”
“Do you have 24hr call?”
“No, thank goodness - we’re not like those surgery folks anymore! We have a night float system. We were one of the first programs to do away with 24hr call actually…”
“What do you like about *insert city name here*?”
“Oh there’s so much to do! I really think it’s unique in that *lists generic things that are true of literally every city in fucking Japan*.”
Every. Fucking. Interview.
Unfortunately, he didn’t get to talk more with the cinnamon roll either, which would have been the one thing that could possibly make this whole pointless experience more tolerable. If this was a normal pre-pandemic interview, he would have been able to corner the nerd once they’d left the room. To what end, Katsuki wasn’t certain, but he really wanted to keep discussing horror books with someone who knew what they were fucking talking about. None of his idiot friends had good taste when it came to reading material. And it didn’t hurt that the guy was cute, even if his messy green hair looked like spinach or some shit. As it stood, though, his options were:
1) DM the guy through Zoom, which the program was surely monitoring
Or 2) Try to find him on social media
So Katsuki went with option 3 - do nothing and sulk about it for the rest of the week.
He went out and bought a copy of Dracula , though.
The nerd had been right. It was good.