Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Once upon a time, Gloyd and the gang lived in the silliest neighborhood in Sugar Rush. Even though they are 12 they live alone in their beat up houses with nothing but candy! Gloyd and his distant cousin Vanellope have been doing a lot of racing, preparing for the Random Roster Race! Gloyd has been secretly helping her, but if King Candy ever finds out, they will be EXECUTED. During this, Ralph was getting bullied by the Penthouse owners and is being launched in an escape pod to Sugar Rush.

Gloyd and Vanellope were vrooming through the track that he built with his soft hands and petite figure. When Vanellope left, Gloyd cleaned up the track. Then he drove home to his dank apartment and got a candy cigar from the store. Rancis was there and they glanced at each other while Gloyd walked past him.

“Gloyd, I didn’t know you smoked.” He said.

“I don’t, pretty boy. ;) It’s candy, remember..?”
Rancis smiled back at him and chuckled, “I-I was only joking, ya’ know..”

Then he leaned in and whispered to Gloyd.

"..b-but I heard that there's someone in S-sugar Rush who deals l-like actual drugs.." For whatever reason, he couldn’t control his stutter around his friend.

"I know! But I have no idea who it is!" Gloyd lied back.

In truth, he knew EXACTLY who it was! It was his friend!

The two said their goodbyes and Gloyd scrambled back to his place. He enjoyed his neighbor’s company but “smoking” candy in his silly ass house was far more important. He thinks of Rancis as a friend who is helpful and kind, nothing more, nothing less.

Oh! Suddenly, there was a knock on his door!

He opened it and it was Adorabeezle Winterpop!!

“Oh, uhm what are you doing here?” He asked her, visibly confused by her presence.

They hadn’t talked in quite a while. She stood there with her legs apart like a npc or an accident waiting to happen. Adorablezle invited herself into Gloyd's run down apartment.

“What are you-ou doing here?” Gloyd stuttered in front of her and she leaned forward to his ear and whispered,
“I know your secret."

Gloyd’s face went pale.

“If you don’t tell them about my secret coffee (basically drugs in Sugar Rush) dealing business, then I won’t tell the other racers about your secret!”

Now he was faced with an awful dilemma: expose his SNEAKY LINK, or risk his deepest secret getting spilled like tea!

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“So, GLOYD, what’s it gonna be? I know you almost told Rancis about me and my DRUGS!!!!”

She scolded him and intimidated him… oh no!

For once in his life the prankster felt LIVID and SCARED for his life! Well, he should’ve felt scared of her in the first place, because she deals COFFEE after all!!! Yikes!

“Uhmmm uhhh UHM!!! I won’t spill!! I swear! As long as you keep true to your word and promise not to tell any of the others about MY secret!!” He responded in a panicked voice. The girl nodded in response and proceeded to leave.

On her way out the door she muttered “I have my eye on you, pumpkin up!”

He just rolled his eyes in annoyance..!

When she was finally gone he said out loud “UGH!!! SOME FRIEND SHE IS!!!! THREATENING TO EXPOSE ME WHEN SHE LITERALLY GIVES OUT COFFEE!! UGH!” He kicked the frame of his bed in frustration. As he was sulking, there was another knock on his door!!! He opened it to see Rancis!

“Hey Gloyd, is everything okay over here? I heard yelling then a loud noise and I wanted to make sure you were doing okay! Do you need me to call the 991?!”

The little pumpkin guy shook his head no. “Uhm noo… but thanks for asking anyways! You’re a great FRIEND!”

The smile faded off of Rancis’ face.

He thinks of me as just a friend… I forgot… He thought. :(

“Yeah.. any time..” He sighed. As he was going to leave, Gloyd grabbed his shoulder.
“Hey…….. can you actually… st-stay for a little bit longer..?!” He asked him.

His face lit up like the west coast during wildfire season.

Oh my FUDGING god! My crush is asking me to stay over with him..?!?!?

“Oh- OF COURSE!! I mean uhmmm sure!” The boy responded.

Gloyd smiled. I don’t know why I asked Rancis to stay with me…. maybe it’s just because I’m SHOOK AND LIVID after Adorabeezle threatened to spill.. not because I like him or anything!! Wait.. do I like him…?

He took Rancis' hand and held him at gunpoint to sit on the couch with him. "Let's invite my cousin over!" Gloyd EXCLAIMED! "Okay."

He went to get the phone and called his cousin to come over. "She should be here in-" THEN suddenly VANELLOPE appeared in the room!!

"AAAHHHHH." Rancis SCREAMED. "Yikes that was unexpected..! What is she doing here!" He yelled!.

“Hi you must be Gloyd’s BEST friend! I glitched in here lol.” She exclaimed!

“Oh ummmm Gloyd! You didn’t tell me Vanellope was your COUSIN!” He yelled at him.

Then they died because Taffyta found the gun! SIKE!

“If that dumb old bitch King Candy finds out, we’re SCREWED!!!”

“Okay calm down pretty boy I KNOW THAT! Just… keep it a secret okay?!” The other boy nodded.

“O-okay.. but if we get caught then YOU’RE taking the blame for it!” He said lividly to Gloyd!

Vanellope was looking around Gloyds ‘s stupid apartment and was SHOOKED of how ugly his complex was. She was secretly plotting Taffyta's CRUEL DEMISE.

Rancis was still confused why Vanellope was Gloyd’s COUSIN!

So… if I got with Gloyd…. then we’ll be RELATED??!?! No! Why am I thinking of it like that…. he’s just a friend!!! Rancis thought.

Gloyd leaned in closer to Rancis and put his head on Rancis shoulder.

Rancis blushed!! I thought he was gonna kiss me!

But all along Taffyta was stalking through the window…

THEN SHE SAW THEM.

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“UGH! Gay people!! WHAT!!! ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS GAY?!?! AND THE GLITCH IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!! I’M CALLING THE KING CANDY!!!”

Maybe King Candy might notice me Taffyta said in her mind.

She pulled out her Barbie phone and called KING CANDY! She finally has a reason to talk to him now and maybe he will ACCEPT her.

“Hey KING CANDY!! I found the BIT- i mean the GLITCH!! Come HERE NOW!!!!”

“K” King Candy responded.

All the Candy Kart racers went to Gloyds apartment to SHAME him for participating in such activities.

They were saying really bad stuff like;

“Gay ass!!” “FUDGING FA- wait I can’t say that word!!” “SLUT!”

Vanellope GRABBED them and they glitched out of there! They all got into their karts and drove off, with the rest of the haters HOT on their trail!

“Quick!! Lets uhnm GO TO Diet Cola Mountain!” Vanellope shouted to the other two. They drove as fast as their stupid little candy karts could take them. Eventually they got to the mountain but OH NO!

Surprise!

King Candy was THERE WAITING FOR THEM!

“OH NO!! ZOOM OFF!!! FLOOR IT!!! BURN RUBBER!!!!!!” Vanellope shouted and glitched away.

“Quick! RANCIS HURRY YOUR STUPID SLOW ASS KART UP!!!! SLUT!!”

But he was too slow.. and HAD A PANIC ATTACK.. then they GOT HIS ASS!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" He cried.

King Candy KIDNAPPED him and took him to his evil palace…Gloyd and Vanellope went to hide out in the mountain and make a plan to save their friend!

“We have to figure out a way to save Rancis before he dies or something!” Gloyd yelled. MY FRIEND that I have a platonic relationship with! He got kidnapped! Fuckass Fluffernutter!

Meanwhile Taffyta wanted to help King Candy arrest them both, because she knew that if she helped him enough, he might promote her to live in his fancy castle!! Then she could have EVERYTHING she EVER WANTED! She loved the thought of being able to have her own royal room and place for her kart!! Wow!

All she had to do was turn her friends into King Candy and then she would have it ALL!

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Meanwhile, Gloyd and Vanellope were coming up with a plan to save Rancis!
“Let’s BREAK IN!” Gloyd suggested LIVIDLY! Vanellope agreed to join in!

They drove their silly candy karts over there to save their friend! Taffyta was standing at the front of the castle like Adorableeze. It was giving npc but Gloyd didn't care!! His best friend was trapped there and it was all his fault.

Gloyd pushed that homophobic SLUT and Vanellope was glglgllitching her way through the palace trying to find where Rancis cute ass was. Eventually her and Gloyd found him and exclaimed,

“RANCIS!! WE FOUND YOU!”

But Rancis just shushed him!

“Okay… we’re gonna break you out of Sugar Rush prison.. just like hang in there LIVIDLY or whatever!”

He whispered to him. Vanellope glitched through the fudging bars and grabbed Rancis but he said “OWWWIEE!!”

Gloyd gasped!

“Oh my candy corn! Are you okay Rancis?!?” Rancis mewed then winced and started CRYING LIVIDLY.

“N-n-no…. I-I- got hurt r-really b-b-badly.,...... by King Candy..!”

They all GASPED! “WHAT?!?! WE’RE GONNA KILL HIS BOOTTYY!!!” Vanellope said and then she broke the door to the cell out of ANGER!

“Gloyd, you stay here and like comfort him or SOMETHING while I go kill King Candy’s STUPID ass!!!”

“Yass” Gloyd said and went into the cell to comfort the other dude!

“Why did y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you come to s-s-s-s-s-save me…?” Rancis asked Gloyd in a low voice that wasn’t livid at all.

“Because…” Gloyd said, then leaned in forward this time, not to lean on his shoulder, but to kiss his small petite lips!

“SIKE” Taffyta says she grabs Gloyd and she KISSED HIM she STOLE HIS KISS!! Vanelope pulled out the birth certificates and it turns out they aren't cousins BUT WEREN’T RELATED AT ALL…Rancis was SHOOKED and LIVID as everyone knew she liked someone else and then she just stood there again.

She stood there looking like a npc again! UGH! Taffyta says his candy corn lips taste like PUMKINS Taffyta got an allergic reaction and her face swelled up. She was LIVID and tried to get them but then…..SHE FALLS OUT OF THE WINDOW TO THE JAIL CELL!

After that Rancis and Gloyd didn't care at all they thought she deserved it then they hugged and then Vanellope KISSED GLOYD on the CHEEK out of EXCITEMENT! Now after being kissed by 2 girly pops he KNEW he was GAY!

After saving Rancis, Gloyd asks him if he wants to go with him to another game to chill.

What!! “I can’t.. it hurts to walk..!” He said crying. So Gloyd picked him up BRIDAL STYLE and carried him out of the salmon colored palace and put him in his kart!

“Woah.. this is like romantic..!” He said.

“Shut it pretty boy before I put you back in JAIL for being GAY!” He yelled at him.. making him cry even more!! Anyways they both drove off to the exit and Gloyd carried his gay boyfriend around Game Central Station because he still couldn’t walk. While they were there they saw their friend SWIZZLE THE RIZZLE!!

“Omg! The SwIZZ!!” Gloyd shouted trying to get his attention.

But the rizzler just nodded back!

“Oh wait we shouldn’t disturb him, he's RIZZING HER UP!!!” Rancis said and pointed to the girl he was talking to!

Minty Zaki!!!

“I thought she was lesbian…” Gloyd whispered.

“Maybe Swizzle turned her straight..! Wow he’d be great at conversion camps!”

“GLOYD. BISEXUAL PEOPLE EXIST!!!” Rancis scolded him!

“OH right whoopsies but uhm anyways lets not disturb!”

The pumpkin one said then Pumpkin up!ed away to Tapper’s to get beer.

“Uhmmmm Gloyd why are we going to a bar…” He asked.

“Oh don’t worry we’re not gonna get drunk or anything!! Just gonna sit down!” He made Rancis sit down next to him but it was okay because his legs are fine now!

“Can we just have a water??” He asked the bartender. “K.” Then they got their comically large waters!

“Hey……. I know we didn’t get to do this sooner but uhmmmmmm……” Gloyd started… then KISSED RANCIS HARD ON HIS SMALL PETITE LIPS!! wHAT!

“Woah—-wow!!!! I love you too!!!” He said… then they kissed again and hugged LIVIDLY.

Then Gloyd’s phone rang! It was his sneaky link!

“Hi Gloyd.. I didn't get caught, but I did get a girlfriend!”

“Omg spill!! Who is it!” He asked.

”Its JUBILEENA!” She said excitingly then another girl talked over the phone too.

“Hiiii you must be Gloyd and Rancis haiiiiii!!~!!!” It was Jubileena!

“Hi! I’m glad you got a girlfriend! I actually have a boyfriend now! Its Rancis.”

The two girls gasped over the phone! “AWWW IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! ANYWAYS GOTTA BLAST! BYE!”

Then they hung up.

THEN THERE WAS A LOUD YELL!!!

“FUCK!! YOU DOOF PUSSY ASS BITCH GAME!!!" It was a GIRL screaming at the ARCADE MACHINE! (this is an inside joke trust me)

“PATRICIA! Stop screaming at the game!!” Mr. Litwak said LIVIDLY!

“Shoot! The arcade opened already! We gotta hurry back!” Gloyd said and they RAN to the exit of Tapper’s, hopped into the kart, and they drove hastily back to Sugar Rush.