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It had been the hardest mission of Damian’s life, earning his place amongst the Wayne family. In the beginning, there was nothing but misunderstandings, an ever-changing goalpost, a hundred moments where Damian expected praise or at least recognition, only to be rebuffed. It was frustrating, but somehow through an amalgamation of Dick’s patience, Jason’s stubbornness, Alfred’s polite strong-arming, his Father’s unwavering trust, Tim’s resiliency, Cassandra’s quiet presence, and Stephanie’s brashness, Damian was finally beginning to recognize the value in forming relationships with the people he fought alongside. It was one thing to work together as a team; it was another entirely to trust they had his back, the same way he had theirs.
It was with this fondness in mind and only the slightest hint of annoyance that had Damian climbing the stairs of the Manor that afternoon in search of his eldest brothers. Normally Damian would not reduce himself to an errand boy for Pennyworth, but the man had refused to relinquish even a single cookie until he informed Grayson and Todd that refreshments were ready. Damian grumbled, but dutifully made his way to the library where he knew the two were talking.
“He’s annoying as fuck, Dickie. Why can’t you cut him loose?”
Damian feels a spark of interest at the conversation. It’s unlikely for the two to be gossiping so unabashedly in the Manor, and Damian always enjoys when the others take a united front against a common annoyance. It makes him feel part of them: the Bats versus Everyone Else. Damian had spent his entire life feeling superior, and it’s only recently he’s realized how much he enjoys having others to share that feeling with.
“I’m not disagreeing Jay, but I need a little more time. We can pretend to like the kid for a little while longer,” Dick replies, sounding just a touch exhausted. Damian feels his pulse pick up a bit at his words and an unpleasant twisting starts in his gut. The kid? How many kids does Richard interact with? Actually, there’s really just one, but surely they’re not talking about-
“It’s just gross. I swear it’s like he thinks you’re his brother or something,” Jason scoffs.
Oh.
Damian feels the uncomfortable pit in his stomach grow until it feels like it’ll swallow him whole. His heartbeat roars in his ears, and he’s holding his breath as he awaits Dick’s response. He wants to walk away and pretend he never heard a word, ignorance is bliss, but he knows he won’t be able to stop thinking about it if he doesn’t hear how Dick responds.
“Well, obviously he’s not. He gives me the creeps. But for now, he’s useful, so we’ll just have to deal.” Dick shakes his head like he can’t believe the hand he’s been dealt.
Damian turns and walks away, face frozen and heart still roaring. He feels something wet pricking the corners of his eyes. There’s a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like his Grandfather’s, admonishing him for this pitiful display of emotion. Damian ignores it and heads for his room, Pennyworth’s mission long-forgotten.
Patrol that night is strange. Damian feels like he’s sitting outside his body, looking in — none of his actions are his own. He had spent the entire day hidden away in his room, flipping through old sketchbooks and trying hard not to recontextualize every encounter he’d ever had with Dick and Jason in light of this new information. Annoying. Pretending. Gross. Eventually, he has to come down for patrol; not even his shattered pride will let him give up the opportunity to be out on the Gotham streets. After all, it wasn’t his abilities that were being insulted. Just him.
Everyone is loosely gathered by the computer, Tim and Stephanie off to one side, and Dick, Jason, and Cass to the other. Damian stands in the middle, directly behind his Father. He won’t make eye contact with anyone else, choosing instead to stare at a fixed point on the Cave wall, head high and back ramrod straight as Batman assigns patrol routes for the evening.
It’s just Damian’s luck that he and Dick are together. Usually, this would be his preference; now, he can’t stop that awful churning feeling in his stomach whenever he so much as thinks about the other man, let alone interacts with him. Father probably put them together because he thought that’s what Dick would prefer — or maybe Father has known this whole time how much Dick loathes Damian, maybe Father feels the same way despite his encouraging words and hair ruffles, maybe-
Damian is well on his way to spiraling when Dick sidles up beside him.
“Looks like we’re in the East End tonight, Baby Bat,” he says, grinning at Damian. It’s not fair how Dick can sound so normal, so kind, now that Damian knows he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t trust his voice not to waver, so he just nods briefly and pretends he has to check his grapple before they head out. Dick waves him off with another wide grin and a little salute.
Damian briefly considers asking Father if he can pair up with Red Robin, Spoiler, or Black Bat, but when he really thinks about it, it doesn’t matter who he’s paired with if they’re all thinking the same thing about him. He pretends to fiddle with his grapple for a few minutes, before finally straightening his shoulders and heading back over. He has been through worse. He can get through one night.
It’s when they’re leaving Coventry, swinging down to the Heights, alternating between grapple line and jumping across rooftops, that Dick suspects something is wrong. Damian isn’t much for chatter, his quips always falling a little more mean than witty when he’s facing down criminals, compared to his Robin predecessors. But on the nights when it’s just him and Dick, he always allows himself to be pulled into whatever Dick wants to chat about. Tonight, he can’t manage more than a hum in response to the several attempts Dick has made to break the silence.
“Is everything alright, Little D?” Nightwing asks when they’ve taken a moment to catch their breath after apprehending a mugger. Damian wants to scoff at the ridiculous nickname, but it just makes that awful feeling in his gut swell up again.
“Fine,” he replies shortly. It’s on the tip of his tongue to just ask, what about me do you find so annoying and creepy and distasteful, but shame burns through him hot and fast. He doesn’t want it all laid out like that, doesn’t want his insecurities laid bare. Least of all by Richard.
“You’ve been pretty quiet tonight. And all day. Is it something at school?” Nightwing tries again, his tone gentle as they stare out at the city below them. Damian turns his head away before he answers.
“There’s nothing.” Dick steps beside him and raises a hand, as if he’s about to touch Damian’s head, and suddenly it’s too much to have Dick here, pretending to show him this kindness. Damian quickly turns away and steps to the edge of the roof.
“Let’s go,” he says, and doesn’t give Dick the chance to respond before he’s leapt off the roof and onto the next one.
Dick doesn’t bring it up again for the rest of patrol.
The next few days pass by slowly for Damian. He attends school, declines Jason’s invitation to pick him up for Mexican by the little hole-in-the-wall near his second favorite safehouse, makes up an excuse about homework so he can miss the Star Wars marathon Tim starts before patrol, and tells Dick he isn’t interested in playing volleyball when he comes home to find the older man standing in the foyer with a ball tucked under one arm. The last one stings the most, because he’d practically been begging Dick to play with him last week (embarrassingly), but now that he knows how annoying Dick finds him, he can’t bring himself to spend time with him outside of patrol. He slinks off to his room, leaving Dick staring after him with a puzzled expression.
Damian lays on his bed with his eyes closed, thinking. He knows he can’t go on like this. As wounded as his pride is, it’s also taking a toll on their teamwork in the field. He needs more information, something actionable. Yes, Dick and Jason may find him annoying, someone to be cut loose soon, someone who is not a brother— but there has to be something he can do about that. A mission with a clear objective. His throat goes tight when he thinks of asking either of them about it, but there is still someone who is more neutral. He hasn’t ascertained how Tim feels about him, not since the murder attempts and everything in-between. But at the very least, he can count on him to recite Damian’s flaws.
Mind made up, he leaves his room in search of Tim.
Something’s up with the kid. They’ve all noticed it — he’s been more withdrawn, less snappy, and overall quiet, and that’s just the rare few times he’s actually been around the past few days. Any time they’re not patrolling, he flees with a lame excuse, eyes down and jaw tense.
Tim’s sitting alone in the kitchen when he’s approached. Damian comes and stands next to him, but Tim waits for him to speak before he glances up from his phone.
“I require your assistance with a…hypothetical situation.”
“Okay?” Tim’s confused, but also a little relieved that he might finally get a hint as to what’s been so clearly bothering him lately.
“I would like to present a situation, and you can respond with your action.” Tim immediately thinks of the training scenarios they’d been running through last week, where one of them called out a ridiculous situation and the others tried to solve it as quickly as possible. Although Bruce had started it, it quickly devolved into everyone shouting more and more ridiculous conditions. Tim hadn’t stopped laughing between Steph’s, “What would you do if Riddler proposed to B, step back and give them privacy or start live-streaming?” and Dick’s, “Two-Face and Penguin are tied to two different train tracks, who are you hitting first?” where Jason had immediately replied, “Multi-track drifting” before Dick could even get the question all the way out.
“Alright, lay it on me,” Tim says, nodding and taking another sip of coffee.
“If I was being kidnapped by the League, would you actively aid in my capture or stand by silently?”
“What the hell? Are you saying the League has been trying to kidnap you?” Tim sputters. “Does Bruce know-“
“No. I have already said it is a hypothetical situation.”
“Okay, but why? Why this hypothetical? What are you trying to ask?” Damian stays silent for a moment and Tim sighs. “Come on, out with it. You’ve been weird lately.”
“I am trying to ascertain your feelings toward me.“
“Uhhh and my options are to actively aid in your kidnapping or to stand by and do nothing?”
“Active hatred or neutrality,” Damian says shortly. Tim sighs and scrubs a hand through his hair.
“There’s a third option. Have you considered I would fight off any League goon within a five mile radius of you?”
Damian blinks. “I did not consider the possibility.”
“Well, I would. I would hypothetically save you in this situation.”
“I see,” he answers quietly. A pause. “Then…I have another question, with this new information in mind.”
“Shoot.”
“How did you gain the favor of Grayson and Todd?” Tim feels his hackles raise a little bit. Hadn’t he just said he’d rescue the kid from the clutches of evil, and already he’s being questioned on his position in the family? He thought they’d grown out of this, all the “imposter” accusations, and finally arrived at a true ceasefire. He’s about to snap back, but something in Damian’s expression makes him pause.
“What do you mean?”
“It is clear that Grayson and Todd value you. Is this inherent because of your skills and because you are an asset to the team, or is there another way to gain this favor? I would like to know the method.”
“Method? You know how those two are, Dick especially. He thrives on taking care of us.” He looks at Damian funny. “They adore you too, you know.”
“It has come to my attention that is not the case,” he replies stiffly.
“Oh come on, that’s ridiculous. Jason carried you to bed last week! Dick never shuts up with the ‘have you met my little bro,’ ‘look at my cute little bro’. It’s gross how much they like you.”
“I was also…surprised to learn that is not the case.” He’s looking down at his feet now, but Tim swears his eyes look a little glassy.
“What makes you think otherwise?”
“I overheard a private conversation where Grayson admitted he is only pretending to enjoy my company and Todd thinks I am annoying and need to be ‘cut loose’ and neither consider me as a brother.” The kitchen is silent as Tim processes.
“There’s no way you heard that right.” Damian looks like he’s about to argue, so Tim shuts him down. “Yeah, I’m not buying it. I’m gonna go ask them right now, because this is obviously a huge misunderstanding.”
“And if it’s not?” Damian asks in a small voice.
“Then I’ll kick both their asses.” Damian huffs out a little breath.
“Thank you, Drake.”
“You coming with? I think they’re down in the Cave working on Jay’s bike right now.”
“No thank you. I will be in my room.” Hiding, Tim thinks. He doesn’t really blame the kid one bit.
“Okay. Be right back. This is definitely a misunderstanding, Damian.” Damian doesn’t really look like he believes it, but he also looks a little bit hopeful.
“Hey, Idiots One and Two,” Tim calls as he enters the Cave. The two are sitting near the Batcomputer, although there’s nothing on the screen to suggest they’re actually working on anything.
“I get to be Idiot One,” Jason tells Dick conspiratorially.
“I think Idiot One is objectively worse,” Dick responds, but he will never pass up the opportunity to argue with Jason about something stupid. He’s about to continue that he deserves to be Idiot One because he’s older when Tim senses a dumb comment is coming and keeps talking.
“Did you two talk the other day about how annoying you find Damian and how you’re only pretending to like him?” Dick and Jason’s expressions are so priceless that Tim is already planning on grabbing the security camera footage after this talk. He knows Babs will absolutely want it too.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jason barks.
“I just talked with Damian and figured out why he’s been all Dark and Brooding Jr. lately. He said he overheard you two talking about how he’s an annoying kid that you want to cut loose soon, and that you’ve been pretending to enjoy hanging out with him and don’t see him as your brother. Which kind of sounds like bullshit, considering you never shut up about how cute you find him.” Dick’s jaw is dropped in indignation, then his expression slowly morphs to one of panic.
“Oh shit!” Jason says. “He definitely overheard us talking about that little gang brat, that one that keeps following you around Bludhaven.”
“And he automatically assumed we were talking about him?” Dick looks heartbroken. “Why?”
“Because he’s an insecure kid who’s never had anyone give a shit about him before?” Tim guesses. Dick whines.
“Where is he?” Dick asks, already heading back up to the Manor.
“In his room,” Tim calls after him. Jason is rolling his eyes, but makes no move to follow after Dick. “You’re not going too?”
“Nah, leave this up to Dickiebird. I’ll come in later as the cool older bro after he gets all the hugging out. I have an image to maintain.” Jason realizes something and squints. “The kid went to you with his feelings?”
“He wanted to know how I felt about him and asked if I would sell him out to the League or just stand by while he was kidnapped.”
“Like we wouldn’t all fight down every assassin to keep him.”
“That’s what I said!”
“I don’t know if I should be offended that he thinks so little of me and Dickwing that we’d shit talk him behind his back, or happy that he cares enough to brood over it,” Jason says, considering. Then he turns a sharp grin to Tim. “Now you, on the other hand, me and Dickie shit talk all the time.”
Tim shoves him on his way back upstairs.
“Damian? Can I come in?” Damian hears Dick outside of his door and his heart starts to pound. That was fast. Had Tim already asked him to clarify the conversation and his dislike (hatred?) of Damian? What if Dick was here to reprimand him for listening to a private conversation?
“Yes,” he replies, feeling like he’s going to be sick again. Dick opens the door quickly and steps into Damian’s room, his eyes immediately flying to his face. Damian tries to keep his expression neutral.
“Tim said you overheard a conversation between me and Jason. Damian-“
“It was not my intention to eavesdrop,” Damian says, unsure if he should start making excuses. But no, if Dick already dislikes him, explaining himself here won’t help his case at all.
“Damian,” Dick starts, then tries again. “Dami. Please look at me.” Damian stubbornly ignores him for a moment, then finally looks up at the older man.
Dick looks upset. His brows are drawn together and the corners of his mouth are pinched, an expression that Damian has come to learn means “sad-upset” rather than “angry-upset.” That’s promising, at least.
“Jason’s been helping me out with a case up in Bludhaven. We’ve been working with this informant, but it’s been…challenging. He’s only thirteen, but he’s a real handful. He’s constantly trying to steal from me, and every time I try to get him to give me anything useful, it’s an endless game for him to see what he can get out of me. He almost pushed me into traffic last week.” Dick shudders. “Anyway, I’m praying for the day this case is over and I don’t have to deal with him anymore.”
Damian takes a moment to hear what Dick is saying. “This is who you and Todd were talking about in the library?”
Dick nods. “Yes, I was just venting to him because of how long this case is taking. It’s been an enormous pain to have to work with this kid.” He takes another step into the room, and another, until he’s right beside Damian’s bed. He goes down onto a knee to meet Damian’s eye level. “Damian, Jason and I are not pretending anything when it comes to you. You’re our little brother.”
Damian is a little embarrassed, but can’t help himself from asking. “And you don’t find my behavior annoying?”
Dick places a hand on his head, not ruffling his hair but just resting there. “You’re not annoying at all. I’ve missed talking with you this week. You’ve been so quiet that I was getting worried.”
“I see,” Damian replies, allowing himself a small pleased smile. Dick grins at him, and then ruffles his hair.
“Next time you hear me gossiping, come join in. I’ve gotta tell you more about this Bludhaven kid, I just know you’ll have the most creative insults.” Dick chuckles to himself, and corrals Damian downstairs so Alfred can make them a snack.
Things are much better when it's the Bats versus Everyone Else, Damian thinks to himself as he lets himself be dragged along.