Chapter Text
As you were leaving the taxi you looked back to utter a quiet “Thanks” to the driver. You went to check and make sure you had all of your stuff before making your way back to your dorm room. You walked in the empty hall towards the lift when you hear the faint sound of raindrops.
You had spent most of the new year's break visiting your family and celebrating the new year's festivities with them. The most fun, exciting, yet exhausting week you’ve had in your life. You were more than excited to meet up with your family, but large family gatherings and socializing had never been your favorite things in the world, which now has made you more tired than ever.
With a click! you opened your room to be met with a clean and stainless room. The complete opposite of the messy and chaotic room that you stayed in for the past 2 years. You checked the plate number on the door just to make sure you were in the right room.
‘It is my room. But why is it so... spotless? I didn’t buy any cleaning services... oh no did someone mistake my room for somebody else's!?’.
You almost decided to go up to the reception to check that somebody didn’t make that mistake. But as you move to walk back to the lift, you stopped to realize how much of a hassle it would be. Walking back to the lift, waiting as you stand there in the lift, and having to walk and talk to the receptionist after that? Absolutely not. And besides... free cleaning service!? Who’d complain really?
So against your better judgment, you went inside your room and locked the door behind you. You put all your stuff near the door and ran to practically throw your body into your soft and comfy bed. You buried your face into your pillows as your sleepiness slowly takes over your body. ‘Ahh, this is the best thing to feel after a long week’.
You blinked, you thought that you’ll probably pack everything back tomorrow.
You blinked again, you feel comfortable.
You closed your eyes as you let yourself fall into a deep sleep.
BUZZ
...
...!
You jumped and let out a squeak of surprise, your eyes wide open.
‘Ugh... who would message me at 12 AM??? Jeez, I’m wide awake now’, you thought as you reach for your phone on the bedside table.
‘How annoying...’, you turn on your phone, slightly wincing from the bright light to see a notification.
Itoshi Sae
Hey I heard you entering your room
Are you back from your trip?
‘Oh shoot, it’s Sae. Uhh okay okay, act calm. I can do this, you calmed yourself down to think of an appropriate respond.
Yeah I just got back from visiting my parents
Oh ok
Why’d you asked anyway?
Do you need anything?
No, I just wanted to make sure
Mhm sure
Do you wanna come over?
I kinda got woken up by your text
Oh sorry to wake you up
I’ll come over
And here I thought you just wanted to ‘make sure’
Whatever
Give me a minute to get there
‘ Sae... blunt as always I see’ You thought. Sae has always been like that, he has never been afraid to speak his mind about anything. It can come off as rude sometimes, but you’re quite used to it after knowing him for a while. Aside from his personality, he always wears a bored expression, and his voice also never seems to falter even if what he’s saying contradicts his tone. But despite all that, it didn’t stop you from getting interested in getting to know him as a person.
It was right about the time that you started college, you were just casually going out on a walk when you bumped into Sae. Back then you didn’t recognize him, you merely apologized and went on with the rest of your day. It was a few months later when you found out that the apartment room you’d be staying in was next to Sae Itoshi himself. Your first conversation was admittedly a tad bit awkward but after some little chit-chats here and there, he’d successfully become one of your friends.
Though on some days you’d ponder about the relationship between the two of you, you’re sure he’s a good guy but you can’t help but think that whenever it’s about you it feels like he just doesn’t care. He doesn’t hate you enough to ignore you or turn you down, but he doesn’t like you enough to hold a conversation with you or bother to say anything really meaningful. It’s almost as if he’d just taken pity on you.
Those thoughts were a nice punch into your fragile heart since you’ve had a massive crush on him since the day you saw him on tv. Well, you weren’t really alone in this opinion. Girls from all over the world obsess over him. Even now, whenever you were hanging out with him a girl just had to come up to him and make a comment about how ‘he’s so good looking’ or the occasional ‘is she your girlfriend?’ type of stuff. Sae would shrug them off or ignore them, but you always have been slightly annoyed whenever it happened.
But then again it really wasn’t all that surprising when you factor in the fact that he’s one of Japan’s most popular football players. He has told you about the busy schedule that he had to endure for an entire day, attending practices, interviews, and some events here and there. You always feel kind of bad whenever you saw him walking back to his room late at night with eyebags under his eyes.
Knock knock
‘..! Oh, that must be Sae’, you get up from your bed, and you stumbled your way to the door.
Click! As you opened the door you looked up to see Sae who waved his hand and muttered a ‘Hey’. He wears a blank expression, his hair slightly messy you guessed that he was probably laying down before coming. He wore a plain grey shirt and some shorts. Although looking a bit disheveled, you still can’t stop your heart from fluttering.
‘For some reason, he looks more attractive looking a little messy’, you thought as you felt your cheeks heat up.
“Hey, are you okay? You’re spacing out” Sae spoke up, stopping your thoughts from trailing any further.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine! Sorry, just felt a bit exhausted. Here, you can come in!”, you said with a smile. You moved to the side of the door to give room for Sae to come inside.
You see him examining your room as you close the door. “Since when did you clean your room?”, Sae asked looking toward you. You walked to sit on the couch, signaling him to come to sit beside you.
“Since never. I just came home to my room squeaky clean”, you answered with a slightly confident tone.
“Cleaning service?” he asked, sitting next to you. You grabbed the remote to turn on the tv.
“Nope. Just came back with a clean room. I guessed that someone had mistaken my room for someone else’s” you said. “Oh uh, do you wanna watch a movie? If not we could play some video games together, I have a Nintendo lying around somewhere.” You offered
“...”
Noticing his silence, you looked back at Sae. You were slightly surprised to see him staring at you with a blankly stare seeming to be lost in his own thoughts
“Sae?”
“...”
“Saee”
“Helloo! Earth to Sae?”, you said waving your hand in front of him.
“Huh? Oh, it’s just you. What?”
“Oh, don’t give me that clueless act. What bothered you so much to make you space out like that, huh? Hehe, though it really isn’t every day that I see you doing that type of stuff” you teased.
“Whatever, it’s nothing. Let’s just watch a movie or something...”, Sae shrugged off.
You didn’t really pay attention to Sae, but you swore that you saw a tint of pink decorating his cheeks. But when you look back to see his face it’s already faded as if it wasn’t there to begin with. ‘Probably just my mind playing tricks on me’, you mused. You scroll and scroll to find a good movie to watch until you saw a certain title that piqued your interest.
The Grudge
“Oh isn’t this that one really popular horror movie that people kept talking about?” you thought loudly.
“Yeah, it’s a really popular franchise. Why? Have you not watched it?” Sae asked, curiously.
“Hehe... I’ve always been a tad bit too sheepish to watch horror movies by myself, so I never got around to watching that many” You said, a bit embarrassed to admit it.
“Then let’s watch it together” Sae stated as he took the remote from your hand to press play.
“Huh? Wa- wait a minute. At least let me mentally prepare myself first! I really can’t-”
You panicked, well that was until you were interrupted by the feeling of a hand holding yours. You whipped your head towards Sae. You see him stare at the tv.
“Sigh... If you’re really that scared just hold my hand.”
“Besides... the movie’s not that scary once you’ve watched it”
“And if you feel too overwhelmed we could take a break”
You looked at Sae, too shocked to say anything. You expected him to look at you, laughed it off, and tell you that he was just joking.
Yet he didn’t. He just kept holding your hand.
His hand is warm. So much so that you can’t even feel the cold air anymore. You turned your head to look at the tv, horror movies tend to freak you out since you were a child. But right now... right now it feels like a safe place. No matter how scary the visuals in the movie are, you know it won’t hurt you.
Wait... Sae is holding your hand. He doesn’t do this often does he? No of course not.
Then does that mean that maybe...
Just maybe he feels the same...
...
‘Nah no way. It’s the Sae Itoshi we’re talking about.’
‘Well, I’ve accepted the fact he won’t like me that way a long time ago anyway...’
‘...I’m just glad that he sees me as a friend
‘...’
“Hey wake up, the movie’s over now”
As you hear the familiar voice you opened up your eyes.
“The movie’s over? But you just...” you trailed off. You noticed you were laying your head on Sae’s shoulder and you feel the warmness of your blanket covering you. You quickly checked your watch, ‘1:35 AM...’
“Wait. I slept through the whole movie!?” you exclaimed.
“Yeah” Sae answered.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You looked really exhausted. I didn’t wanna wake you up...”
You rubbed your eyes to get rid of your drowsiness. ‘Man... how embarrassing...’ you thought.
“By the way... you were holding my hand really tightly when you were sleeping” Sae mentioned matter of factly.
“Eh..? HUHH!?” you said in surprise as you felt yourself blush like crazy.
“Wait did I actually- Oh gosh. I’m really sorry if that made you uncomfortable. And uhm- I just- uh...” You stuttered.
“Chuckles You don’t need to be so nervous around me y’know?” Sae said, wearing a soft smile.
His smile, his laugh. Two things that you just witnessed today for the first time.
“Sorry... I just- Sigh we were supposed to spend time together and I just slept through the whole thing! And you were even nice enough to keep me company. Sorry to waste your time” you said with a pout.
“You say that like I’m leaving already,” Sae said quietly, his voice was just a little above a whisper even you barely heard it.
“Huh? You aren’t? It’s way past midnight though...”
“Well, you did ask me to come over. It would be really rude of me to leave just like that, wouldn’t it?”
“You really don’t have to-“
“Hush I don’t wanna hear your complaints anymore,” Sae said as he gets up to grab his phone.
“You hungry? We could order something if you’d like.” He offered.
“Eh- You don’t need to do that y’know? I’m not hungry anyways” You said, ending your words with a puff.
“How about some coffee? I see you have a coffee machine here.” Sae said.
“No, you don’t need to bother -”
“Alright, then I’ll take that as a yes,” Sae stated, he grabs some cups to prepare for the coffee.
“Jeez... you’re so stubborn. Here at least let me help.” You said as you get up from your couch.
“Nope, not letting you do that. Just go rest while you wait until the coffee’s done. I’ll wake you up once it’s ready.” Sae said.
Seeing that there’s no room left for arguments, you sighed. You decided to comply with what Sae said and layed back on the couch. You stare up at the ceiling as you lay there, closing your eyes. ‘Man, I can’t believe I didn’t notice how tired I was.’ You pondered as you continue to let your mind wander further.
‘Sae... that guy is so mysterious. I just can’t figure him out!’
‘He’s always so quiet whenever we hung out, and now out of nowhere he becomes all friendly!’
‘Did something happen? No... wait! What if he’s doing this to get me to do him a favor? That’ll explain all the sudden change in behavior’
‘Well, actually that’s a really pessimistic assumption. He’s probably just in a good mood’ You thought.
As you lay there in silence, you could hear the sounds of sizzling. The once faint sound of the rain now starts to get more aggressive, more violent. You jumped at the roaring sound as lightning hits the ground.
‘Great, it’s storming...’ You thought. You would never admit it but though you weren’t all that scared of thunder, sudden loud sounds have always scared you for some reason.
You put your blanket over your body, you shut your eyes hoping to get some rest. You lay there with your eyes shut for a few minutes until you open your eyes again.
‘Man... I can’t sleep. Guess I got too much stuff on my mind’ You thought as you let out a big sigh.
“Hey, you awake? The coffee’s ready.” You heard Sae say.
You sat back up on the couch to let some room for him. “Oh, thanks.” You said grabbing the coffee cup that Sae offered.
You both sat there in silence as you sip on your coffee.
“...”
“So uhh, do you have a hobby...?” You said trying to break the silence.
’Idiot, why would you say that!’
“Yeah, I’m really interested in football for the longest time, if you didn’t know,” Sae said.
“Oh yeah right, sorry.” You said.
“...”
‘Man... this is awkward. He probably thinks I’m weird now.’ You thought.
“........”
“Hey... Have you ever gotten in a relationship before?” Sae said out of nowhere.
You looked towards him, not really sure if you heard him wrong or if he actually just asked you that.
“Hm? Why’d you wanna know? You got a special someone~?” You asked, without actually paying attention to what you were asking.
“Yeah, you can say that I guess...” Sae answered, staring at the coffee in his hand.
‘Wait... what?’
“I just... I have never felt something like this before...” You see a soft blush on his cheeks
‘Huh..? Does this mean he has a crush..?’
“I don’t really know anything about this romance thing”
‘I don’t remember him hanging out with anybody...’
“I wanted to find someone else that could help me...” He looks towards you.
‘What..?’ You look back at him. You don’t know why but all energy you had before has completely vanished. You feel a sting in your chest, you try to ignore it.
“So I was wondering if you... Huh?” Sae said before coming to a stop.
‘Why’d he stopped? Why’s he looking at me like that?’ What’s...’
“Hey... are you okay..?” Sae said, you can hear the concern in his voice.
“What? No, I’m fine, really!“ You said trying to-
‘Wait... why are my cheeks wet..? Why’s everything... so blurry..?’
You feel him pull you into a hug, you buried your face in his chest.
“Shh, calm down... I’m not going anywhere.” Sae said softly. He puts your coffee on the table, careful not to spill it.
It was just then that you realized what was happening.
’How did I not notice.. that I’m crying..?’
“I’m.. sorry. I-I didn’t mean to-“ You tried to form words in between hiccups.
“Shut up you don’t need to apologize, idiot...” Sae said, he puts his hand on your head stroking your hair gently.
“Just... stay put for a minute. I’ll wait until you stop crying.” Sae uttered.
Hearing those words, you feel the tears that have been building up stream down your face. You sob into Sae’s chest, you feel him tightening the hug.
‘Damn it... why am I crying? It wasn’t supposed to go like this...’ You thought you were frustrated with yourself. Why? Out of all times does it have to be now that your pent-up stress spills out?
“You can let it all out... I won’t judge.” Why are you so nice?
“You must’ve been exhausted, it’s okay I know how it feels.” Stop it.
“...”
You cried for a few more minutes, and through all that Sae holds you in his arms. You can feel his shirt wet because of your tears, yet he didn’t look a single bit uncomfortable. You finally sat up as you rubbed your teary eyes. You tried your best to calm yourself down but to no avail.
“Hey, follow me now,” Sae spoke up.
“Breath in... and slowly breath out.” He said slowly, you follow his commands.
“There you go, come on follow me again.”
“Breath in... and breath out...” Sae said, you once again slowly inhaled and exhaled.
“There, do you feel calm now?” Sae asked, you responded with a nod.
“Well... do you mind explaining why you cried?” He asked, though sounding a bit hesitant to.
You stayed quiet, trying to come up with your best answer.
‘Why... did I cry?’ You thought. Maybe you were just stressed or under the weather? Yeah! You did spend a week being busy with a bunch of events, so that must be the reason.
You open your mouth, about to answer until you quickly close it, ‘No, I’m just lying to myself. I know the real reason...’
“I... uhm it’s kinda hard to explain.” You said, reluctant to tell him.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to force yourself,” Sae said.
“We can binge-watch a series or something, I don’t mind” He offered.
“No! I... um, I wanna tell you- it’s kind of... uh. Important?” What am I saying?
“Oh okay, sure. I’ll listen to whatever you want to say.” Sae said, looking at you expectantly.
“Just... Promise not to laugh, or hate me after I say this?” Stop, you’ll ruin everything.
“Promise.” He said.
“I just- ever since the day we’ve become friends, I... always had this weird feeling whenever we hang out. At first I try to ignore it, but as time goes on it just grows little by little.” Your voice feels hoarse, your mind is telling you to quit it.
“Back then I didn’t know what it was. But... I think now I understand.” Idiot, he’ll hate you.
You feel your heart pounding out of your chest, you try to look anywhere but toward Sae’s gaze. Everything in your body tells you to shut up, but you’re already in too deep to stop now.
You slowly exhaled as you try to prepare yourself. “I... um, I- mmh.”
“...I like you.” You managed to get out. You felt relieved to have finally said it, but you knew what you said was the easy part.
“And! I know you don’t feel the same way, but I just had to get it out of my system. I cried 'cause I... felt jealous.” You said quickly, lowering your voice on the last part.
“I know you like someone else! I promise... I won’t intervene”
“So umm... I hope we... can still be...friends?” You asked.
You glanced towards the floor, too ashamed to look at Sae. ‘Why is he so silent? Does he hate me now? Please make it quick...’ You thought. You closed your eyes tightly, hoping that once you open them you’ll realize that everything was just a dream.
It was not long after that you hear a slight giggle. You open your eyes, to see Sae who was giggling softly. ‘Oh... he’s laughing at me...’ , You lower your head once again in shame.
Sae noticed this and quickly stop his laughter. “Ah! No, I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I just... didn’t know you were actually that clueless all this time.” He said.
You looked back up towards him to see him close to your face. You feel your cheeks heat up like crazy.
“...HUH!?” You involuntarily let out, your eyes darting all over the place except his stare.
“Tell me... whenever we hang out what do you think of me?” He asks, his eyes staring right at yours as he wait quietly for your answer.
“Um.. well I see you as a... a f-friend! Duh...” You said, trying your best to sound confident.
“Is that so...” He uttered.
Your breath hitched when you noticed him looking down towards your lips.
“Then... why did you think I held your hands throughout the movie?” He said, his tone of voice oddly having a genuine curious tone that you’d never expect would come out of him.
“You were being nice..?” You reluctantly said.
Sae giggled softly, you can see soft blushes on his cheeks.
“Oh, you dummy.” He said with a warm smile.
He grabs your face gently to make you look at him. You blush
...
“I like you too...”