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It was a rainy day, and if you knew anything about Kim Seokjin, he hated rain. Well, that would be an exaggeration, he could tolerate rain if it were not accompanied by dark clouds and the humidity making him want to delay his plans and stay warm in his blanket. But he had to eat, take care of his sugar gliders, and pay for his expenses. So it turns out, to do all this, he has to go to school and teach unruly teenagers even on days like this.
Seeing that his students were sharing his emotion, not wanting to study at 7 in the morning on such a day when the sun was nowhere to be seen, he decided to cut them some slack. Well, slack would be a generous word, he gave them the newspaper to let them find an article on their own, anything that interests them, and explain it to him in two or three sentences. He thought it was an activity that would make these middle schoolers more alert for the day and familiarise them with newspapers in the age of electronic media, and he was right about that part.
What he was not right about, he realized soon enough, that how this activity would not require his attention. It all happened when a student explained an article from the crime section, showing him what it was about. At first, Seokjin thought maybe he was sleeping or missing his boyfriend, or a mixture of both, daydreaming about him even in the headline of the paper, but the title in bold explicitly read “Crime lord of Daegu, Suga, was spotted with his henchmen at a downtown bar” with a blurry picture, but no matter how blurry it would be, Seokjin would have recognized his boyfriend of two years anywhere.
But this was not his boyfriend, no no no, his boyfriend Min Yoongi is one of the purest souls that Seokjin ever came across. The Yoongi who never so much raised his voice at anyone, not even while playing video games, who treated his sugar gliders like they were cotton balls and fed them even at the crack of the dawn. The same Yoongi who was the sappiest drunk Seokjin ever saw, crying about how beautiful Seokjin is and professing his love to him like he was the most precious person to him, and he was, Seokjin could see in his actions, in every word he uttered.
Yoongi could never be Suga, the person who treated human lives as something disposable, ruining them as he pleases, a crime lord who terrorized the city and was absolutely impossible to get caught. The soulless eyes and clenched jaw could never be the same as the soft feline features of Seokjin’s love. But the more he looks at the picture in his cubicle after class, the more these two people merge into one.
Seokjin lets out a low laugh, at his lack of inductiveness. He should have known that his boyfriend had hidden such a big part of himself, the clues were present all along. How even after two years he didn’t exactly know what his boyfriend actually did, the only thing he knew that Yoongi worked with the government.
Well fuck that he had never met any of Yoongi’s friends, the other telling him that his one or two friends are abroad, and he never really approached anyone for he was introverted. Well, that was believable, for Seokjin himself was introverted and their first meeting was not something that you would call anything but ordinary. It was just two tired men meeting coincidentally, wait was it even a coincidence? Never mind let's not delve into that, Seokjin thinks. Not when more and more thoughts surface in his head, all pointing towards him being too trustful and making a fool out of himself for more than two years.
How can he be this gullible when Yoongi never ever invited him to his home all this time, going as far as to spend weeks in Seokjins small apartment, “It’s more comforting than mine, mine isn’t even liveable.” is what Yoongi said when Seokjin asked about Yoongi’s place, a lie for a 2 bedroom apartment couldn’t have been nicer than an actual mansion.
The more Seokjin thinks about it, the more anger he feels rising in his chest and clogging his throat, a feeling where his tears won’t flow nor can he vent or shout about what he is truly feeling. So he does the second best thing that comes to his mind, takes out his phone, and gathers his thoughts to send a quick text to his boyf- ex-boyfriend.
We can’t be together anymore suga
He doesn’t even think as he goes home, packs up his clothes and necessities in a bag, and heads for nowhere, going as far as to turn off his phone to not let Yoongi find him, even with all the power bestowed to him by him being the head of the underworld or not.
Yoongi was busy interrogating the poor lad who leaked his photo to the newspaper agency when he gets Seokjin’s message. He thought this wouldn’t be a big deal, he had planned to threaten the agency to remove all the papers with the article from the city, but he wasn’t fast enough. All hell broke loose when he read the message ending with Suga, the only people who knew him as Suga are either his members or the people who hadn’t lived long enough to recall their meeting with him.
Despite every cell of his brain asking him to go back to the mole and set an example out of him, his eyes became stuck on the screen of his phone, in hopes that his boyfriend would text that he was just joking or reply to his texts which weren’t even being delivered, he knew he couldn’t think straight about what he should or should not do, he just wanted to see his lover and explain to him- wait what would he even explain to him.
That he was not trying to lie to him, that he did not want to hurt him, and that he is sorry but all things said he does not have any coherent words for what he should say. And it is true he might not know a lot of things but he knows that he has to find his Jin now, and without even having a moment to think he drives the car to Seokjin’s apartment
Yes the same apartment that has been a safe haven for him all this time, where he could forget all worries and just be Min Yoongi, happy to be in the presence of laughter and warmth, the smell of fresh laundry, the calm chaos as they cooked together, the sound of tv as he went to sleep first, if anything this home that he dreamed about on days he couldn’t stay never felt this empty, a mere skeleton of what it was just a day ago.
With all the thoughts plaguing his mind of where Seokjin has gone to, maybe a friend's house, maybe a hotel, or maybe even out of the city, his legs felt like jelly. Yes he can find Jin by employing his gang, just a call and they would be on their way to find Jin within an hour, but no he does not want to make things worse, not when the cat just came out of the bag.
So the second best thing that comes to his mind as he sits on the couch is to think what Jin would have done right now, Yoongi puts himself in his lover’s shoes and thinks of all the possible places he would have gone so that he would not come across Yoongi. The more he thinks, the harder it gets for him for there was not even a possibility in where a thing like this could be a reality. A reality where his Jin hyung would have left him, a reality where his hyung possibly hated his guts, this all has to be a bad dream, that’s all.
Unfortunately, it was not a dream, he is very much living a nightmare, and he would do anything to wake up from this.
Gathering his resolve, Yoongi gets up and heads toward the door, tumbling against something on his way. At a closer look, he recognizes the alpaca key chain that he gifted Jin not too long ago. Having gone in such a hurry that Jin did not even realize that he dropped something that was always attached to his bag made Yoongi realize that he indeed has gone somewhere far, potentially out of this city.
Even though it was a long shot and Yoongi might be chasing his own tail, he might lose even more clues about his boyfriend, but it was better than sitting idly and getting lost in the sea of his own thoughts in a place where he truly considers home.
It was something that Jin hyung had mentioned in passing, about a friend in Busan where he studied who texted him on and off wanting to meet whenever he came to Daegu, but never finding the time too, such is the life of an adult, he used to say. This was enough to make Yoongi get in the car and set the map to the university Jin hyung studied at, where his friend is currently completing his degree last Yoongi heard about him from Jin hyung himself.
Not even two hours later he finds himself at the dorms, where he gets access by calling himself the friend of Jin-hyung’s friend, even though he has never met him in person, if this is what allows him to possibly get to Jin, he’s everyone’s friend. Finding the dorm wasn’t hard at all, not when Jin used to complain about his time at university, of how his neighbor used to hold a personal concert only during midnights and became his best friend in no time.
Room 613, you’re here, deep breaths Min Yoongi deep breaths, you can do this. You have barely escaped death so many times now, you can just knock on the door, what if Jin hyung isn’t here, and you’re literally panicking for nothing, just knock once. Fighting!!
Before he could even think of ways to flee in case things does not go as he planned, his hand has already moved on its own and knocked at the door and the moment that he feared for all this while had finally come as the door opened. Behind the door was a big man covered in tattoos, similar to the ones that Yoongi have fought quite a few times. “Who are you?” The man says.
“Min, Min Yoongi.” Yoongi felt his throat drying as the man wearing a black t-shirt gave him a once over, no this could not be Jin hyung’s friend, he was supposed to be an adorable little star-eyed boy just as Jin hyung described him. “I don’t know any Min Yoongi.” The man smiles seethingly and proceeds to shut the door in Yoongi’s face.
“I want to see Kim Seokjin.” It’s now or never, Yoongi thinks, even if this guy proves to be the hardest fight of his life, he still has to find his love. “Jin hyung? He’s not here, now leave.” The man bristles and glares at him.
“Who’s there Jungkook?” comes a voice from behind whom Yoongi recognizes in an instant, so his thought process was true after all, and before the guy, Jungkook could shut the door again, Yoongi pushes the door and gets in, careful not to hurt Jin hyung’s friend and anger his lover anymore.
“So you are here after all.” Yoongi starts, he feels kind of dizzy with all the adrenaline rushing in but he still gathers everything in him to speak.
“Why are you here, we are over Suga.” Seokjin did not think that it would be possible for Yoongi to find him, but Suga, however, might have used other ways to find him, ways that Seokjin is better off not thinking about.
“I’m Yoongi, your Yoongi.”
“You’re not mine, not when you lied about yourself.” Seokjin chuckles. “Crime lord of Daegu, is that what they call you? So Mr. Suga tell me why did you come here?
“To give an explanation, please listen to me.” “Hyung I can call security now.” Interjects Jungkook, when he saw Seokjin shifting his feet while standing, he had not even received a call that Jin hyung was about to come, so his appearance at his door wasn’t something Jungkook has expected, but if things has come to it he would do his best to be there for his hyung.
“It’s okay Jungkook, he will leave soon,” Seokjin says without sparing a look at the man who is looking for his approval to continue, what is even left for him to explain?
“Hyung please look at me.” Yoongi pleads. “What would you explain to me? I thought I knew everything about you, but it turns out I was in the dark for all these years, now I don’t even know if anything between us was even real, Yoongi have you ever been truthful to me?” Seokjin sighs, not seeing anything fruitful in their conversation, he would rather get drunk and forget about all this.
“I have always been sincere about my feelings. Min Yoongi was, is and always will be yours, I have never lied about my love.” Yoongi looks at Seokjin in the eye, making sure that his message gets across.
“And Suga? Where is he in this equation? Only to be featured in tabloids to be recognized by me? Seokjin smiles, a smile that does not reach his eyes.
“If you met Suga, would you have accepted him?”
“He is sitting in front of me, is he not? If I loved Min Yoongi all these years, there would’ve automatically been some place in my heart for him too, but it’s too late now, you have chosen your own path so stick with it.” Seokjin replies calmly, as calmly as he could when faced with such a question, a question strong enough to deter him from his determination.
“I had to do this, I could not show you this ugly part of me, it would have ended the same way if I had.” Yoongi sighs.
“It still ended the same way, making you a liar now.” Seokjin smiles again, he does not know what he finds funny in this situation, but at the moment everything seems comical.
“I am sorry, Jin hyung I thought I could be with you forever, even if I had to hide parts of myself, I thought I would be by your side through thick and thin, loving you with all I have, growing old with you, dream of living a normal life with someone so lovely as you, even while I couldn’t afford to dream.” Yoongi forgets to breathe, he does not think it was possible to do so, but he even manages to surprise himself.
“So you started the relationship on a lie, how hard you had to work on it in the near future. You should thank me Yoongi, I made it easy for you, you don’t have to run here and there to make us work, just find someone who matches you and be happy.” Someone else who likes him, someone else who manages to make him smile, just the thought of this is enough to leave Seokjin restless, he is not able to think of a possibility as cruel as this.
“Only you match me in every way, it's no one but you. It was wrong of me to lie, I am sorry Jin hyung, please come back, come back to our home.” Yoongi feels all his hopes dwindling as his throat closes at him, he cannot live without Jin, even if he has to move the earth to stay with him and kill everyone in the world, he would do as so. But even with everything, he cannot go against his hyung’s wishes, if he says no, Yoongi has no choice but to comply to his wishes and leave, no matter what the consequences are.
“You- you stop crying Yoongi what are you doing, hey hey hyung is not going anywhere, stop crying, you know hyung cannot see you cry, okay okay I love you too, hyung forgives you please stop crying, Jungkook get me some tissues he’s getting tears and snot everywhere.”
Yoongi does not know when tears started to escape his eyes and he started to bawl following that, just the thought of living without his Jin hyung, even for one day is too much for him to bear. It’s like living in a world without any light, reverting back to the soulless vessel he once was, and he hates it.
Jin wanted to hate Yoongi, kick him out of Jungkook’s room, and do anything so he should not have to see him again. But all his walls melted as his love started to cry, calling him repeatedly and telling him how much he loves him while trying to breathe through his tears. It was the moment that Jin realizes that no matter what happens he would always forgive Yoongi, even if it is selfish and probably good for neither of them, he would never let him go even with everything he’s still his Yoongi, despite everything and despite him looking like a different person, like Suga at the moment, his frantic attempts at grabbing Seokjin’s sweater is enough for Seokjin to know that whether it be Yoongi or Suga, neither of them could live without him.
And he too could not live without the man he deems as his soulmate.
Without a second thought Seokjin embraces the man sitting on the couch, silently conveying his feelings to Yoongi as the younger man proceeds to close his eyes and pass out after a long day, akin to a tired traveler returning to his home.
Well, my live is gonna be postponed for another night, let's just go to sleep tonight Jungkook sighs.