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Lev regained consciousness once they were offshore. She turned to him as he slowly sat up with a soft moan, struggling to open his eyes fully due to the marine breeze.
His movements were slow and tired, and any visible portion of his skin was covered with bruises. Despite his older age, Abby found his shape more childlike than when she’d first met him. All the weight lost in the past few weeks made him look smaller, more vulnerable. He was. She wished she could give him something to eat, or a blanket to wrap himself in. The longer it passed, the damper and colder the air turned, and the clothes they were wearing, the only ones they possessed at the moment, were totally inadequate. Hopefully, they would find something useful on land. It was unthinkable to make it to Catalina Island in a single trip, and they needed to gather supplies and fuel anyway.
Lev noticed she was watching him. “Abby?” he slurred softly.
He sounded a bit dizzy, and his voice was throaty from sleep and dehydration, among other things. He was finally sitting straight, hands gripping the edges of the bench to maintain balance. She tried to crack a smile from her seat by the motor, yet she wasn’t confident about the outcome.
“Hey there. How’re you feeling?”
“Where—” He started to look around, disoriented, though nothing except for salt mist and water was on sight. When he gazed back at her, his face frowned in unsettlement. “Are you hurt?”
Abby glanced down at her arms, where Lev’s gaze pointed. Wounds were everywhere from the girl, Ellie, cut her with her knife. Given the lack of any resources on the boat, she couldn’t have done anything else but treat them with sea water. It wasn’t ideal, but she was almost certain it would allow her to hold up until she found some alcohol on land. Perhaps even proper medicines, if they could be lucky enough. They just needed to reach the Fireflies on that island. Then, they’d take care of everything. Or at least, that was her hope, since there weren’t any other options. Not reassuring ones anyway.
“It’s okay,” she extended her arms towards him, forcing her smile further. “We’re lucky we’re in the middle of a natural disinfectant, yeah?”
He didn’t return it. In fact, he didn’t look distracted by the poor attempt of a joke whatsoever. “What happened?” He winced. “I can’t remember. Just that they tied me, and—"
“The girl from Seattle,” she said, rather blurted.
Lev furrowed his brows further in remembrance. “The one with the tattoo?” Or the pregnant one you almost killed?
“She must have tracked us down. She found and untied me.”
Understandably, the explanation didn’t clear any doubt from his expression. If anything, it seemed to add more. “She did?”
“And then I untied you.”
He looked down, pensive. “Is she who hurt you?”
“Yeah.” Abby faltered. “But I didn’t want to fight.” She realized that she didn’t want him to think otherwise; she needed him to know that, even though she’d warned the girl she shouldn’t have let herself be seen ever again, she hadn’t tried to get to that. That the only thing she had truly cared about was getting them as far away as possible from that absolute nightmare, even if that meant sharing the journey with the person who took the most away from her. “I tried telling her, but she—” The terror in watching that blade so close to slitting his throat still hadn’t vanished. She remembered the feeling of panic and despair, but even worse, she recalled the most vivid, frightening certainty that the girl would have actually done it. She could see it in her eyes—how insane they’d looked, a mirror to the bundle which were her incoherent thoughts. Abby wondered if Lev—or Owen—ever looked at her and saw the same thing.
She didn’t conclude the sentence, and so he asked, cautious, “Did you kill her?”
His face appeared unreadable. She couldn’t tell whether he hoped she did it or not. She almost blinked, even though it was only natural that he would come to that conclusion. If there had been a fight between the two of them, and Abby was still alive, it could only mean that the girl was not.
“No.”
Except that she should’ve been the one ending up dead.
“She… let me go.”
Lev’s frowned face relaxed altogether in astonishment. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting that from the same girl he’d met in Seattle as the murderer of all Abby’s friends. After all, she felt no different.
“Why?” Other than worried, he sounded genuinely curious. “Why did she free you, then fight you, then not kill you?”
It flashed before her eyes again—the way she’d collapsed and just told her to take him and go; the way she just wouldn’t stop sobbing, covered with water and blood, both hers and Abby’s, suddenly so fragile and weak after the show of rage she’d put on. It was like once she’d given up on revenge, nothing else was left in her, so that only a hollow shell of her own self remained. Abby could have ended up the same way. Had it been a couple of years ago, she wouldn’t have hesitated to take her out, even if the girl was giving her the back. She had tried to kill her. That, however, was even understandable. In this loop of retaliation they’d thrown themselves into, it even made sense. Could even be called fair.
But she’d threatened to take Lev’s life, too, and that should have been enough of a reason to kill her on the spot.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think she’ll keep following us?”
She shook her head. “No, I… I don’t think she will.”
“Are you sure?”
“She could’ve killed me. Decided not to at the last minute. I… I don’t know why, or what she was going through, but…” Abby sighed, “It looked like she got some other stuff to deal with.”
Lev seemed to hesitate before speaking, as if he were considering whether to object or not. “Okay,” he nodded at last, nonetheless. “I trust you.”
Abby wavered, only nodded in return. She was glad to hear him say that, considering everything they’d been through—what she’d put him through—in the last few weeks.
The ones she’d given him were the most honest answers she had to offer. Abby only knew why she’d let her go, or rather, why she hadn’t even thought of fighting in the first place—because, while revenge could have been more important than her own life once, it didn’t matter more than her own life together with Lev.
The lesson was the harshest and cruelest of her life, but she learnt it eventually: as long as they were alive and well, and they had each other, that was what it counted. No, she wouldn’t jeopardize everything they’d grown to be for the sake of vengeance. If only she’d been this fucking wise when Owen—
“But all of that… that doesn’t matter anymore. We’re here. And we’re gonna reach that island. Right?”
She tried to smile again, the ends of her dry lips stretched in an unnatural manner until they almost hurt. Lev listened carefully, taking the words in. His eyes, ever so serious, still somehow managed to look at her kindly despite everything, and she found herself waiting for him to confirm that everything would really be alright. The moment he finally cracked the smallest smile, at once one also appeared on her face.
“Right,” he said in a murmur.
His voice was trembling. Abby felt her own eyes get tearful, and she passed a hand all over her face before tears would actually start stinging to come out.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “You should grab some more sleep now.”
He didn’t look happy about the proposition. “Same goes for you.”
Smiling finally felt normal. “Lev,” she said gently. “C’mon. Lie back down.”
“What about you?”
Her gaze softened. “I’ll be fine.”
Lev stared at her for a few more moments in hesitation, then looked down with a sigh of reluctance. “Alright.”
“Good. Mind your head,” she said, nodding towards the end of the bench.
He just hummed in response. Abby watched as he stretched his legs and lay down with a moan of effort, ready to sprint towards him in case he hurt himself or anything. There was no need, though. He adjusted his position a few times, then finally closed his eyes. He moaned again, this time in relief. Abby allowed herself to move her gaze towards the sea; its surface reflected the growing darkness of the sky above so that water rather looked like some giant poodle. They should get back on the land before it got too late. She shot one more glance at Lev’s face, which in sleep finally found some peace.
The journey to Catalina Island was going to take a while, but she meant what she told him. They would find the Fireflies. They would find a way to begin again.
When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.
Abby steered the boat ashore.