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there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have by neallo
Fandoms: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
28 May 2023
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Summary
“Ah, good morning,” Near says, and solely from the look on his face Mello knows he is missing some key fucking information. “I thought maybe you had left.”
Mello shakes his head. He’s somewhat distracted by the fact that he still can’t tell if Near is naked; he’s shirtless, though, and that’s already ten times more of Near’s skin than Mello has ever seen before. Or, it’s more than he can recall seeing, anyways.
And now Mello can’t stop staring at his chest. It’s so stupid, because Near is thin and scrawny and all pasty but Mello cannot tear his eyes away anyways—
“So—” Mello’s voice fucking cracks as he finally manages to start speaking, a clear sign that some higher power is out to get him. He presses onwards anyways. “So, last night was…”
He trails off, not even sure how he wants to finish the sentence, or if he wants to finish it at all. Near brings a pale hand to his hair and idly twirls a strand.
“Surprising,” Near completes the thought before glancing away. “But… not entirely unpleasant.”
—
In which Mello wakes up in Near’s bed after a night out and arrives at a wildly incorrect conclusion regarding the events that landed him there.
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Bookmark Notes:
mello is so fun to listen to in this. also this is so sexy
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Does he like Near?
Shit.
Does he love Near?
The moment that question crosses his mind, Mello gets out a bottle of wine. He is not about to try to deal with this shit sober— no fucking way.
Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhh <3
There should be some kind of program in primary schools to discourage children from thinking about their emotions. The slogan, he decides, would be: feelings… not even once.
I love him
Silly boyThat feeling— one which Mello does not dare try and identify before opening his eyes, heart pounding— is so breathtakingly frightening that he decides, all at once, to be done with this exercise. He reaches for the wine and tries to focus on the burn of the alcohol instead of what he just saw inside himself.
✨✨✨
Perfectly primed to be broken into by Mello, who can then lie in wait to surprise Near with a super-romantic confession when he gets back from Mario Kart.
That is a VERY bad idea, holy shit. Dont.
U good? Need me to come over now?
Mello hastily types out a reply.
No, u go ahead, i am fine and normal.
So fckin stable you could park a horse in this bitch
Mello stares into space for a few seconds and completely forgets what’s going on.
“What was I doing?”
Sighing— in a sort of bitchy way, Mello thinks— Near walks around to the other couch and takes a seat across from him.
“You said you had something to tell me.”
“Right,” says Mello. Then: “I don’t remember.”
I love him
Mello laughs, because it’s odd to see Near’s face all blurry. “I’m good,” he says, getting to his feet. The floor shifts underneath him, though, and he curses. “Near, what’s wrong with your floor?”
The floor, seemingly offended by the insult, rises up to smack Mello in the face, and he passes out cold.
He is Perfect. A perfect animal creature boy i love him.
“What— what’s goin’ on?” He asks, pushing himself up into a sitting position and blinking. The hard surface underneath him is a floor, he discovers. There’s a man in a uniform in front of him; it takes Mello several seconds to identify him as a paramedic.
Holy fucking shit
Ok i mean. Good reaction i guess. But like, wow.“Near?” He asks. “He’s not my friend.”
Im gonna kick you in the face.
“He’s not my friend,” Mello repeats, abruptly sagging backwards to the floor, “and he’s not my boyfriend, either. But when he is, I’m gonna fuck him. Sooooooo much.”
Jesus fucking christ
I cant
Someone off to the side makes a choking sound. He hopes it isn’t Near, because it would be a shame if Near choked to death before Mello got to be his boyfriend, but then he remembers the paramedic is already there and he relaxes.
✨
For a while Mello thinks that the guy is taking his mustache off and putting it back on between questions, but eventually he realizes there are actually two paramedics there with him, one with a mustache and one without. He feels faintly proud of himself for figuring this out, since it was probably another one of their little tests.
Im gonna legit cry i cant do this holy fuck
“You don’t have to worry.” Mello gives the man a smug look through the spots in his vision. “Near will make me toast.”
Im sure he will bb <3
No-Mustache nods in agreement with Mustache, also not acknowledging the toast thing. Fucker.
Dont worry bb i did
“Yes. But if you notice him…” Mustache goes on to list a bunch of things that Near has to watch out for, which Mello immediately tunes out since that’s Near’s problem and not his.
He just like me fr
“Toast?” Near’s voice is very flat.
“Yes please,” Mello says.
XD
Mello feels worse, then, like he might start to cry.
“I was trying to calm myself down,” he says in a small voice, hating how weak it makes him sound but not currently capable of speaking any other way. “Because— I had to tell you something. But you’re so mad at me. And— and you fed me burnt toast.”
I love him
“Great,” he says again, idiotic, his voice weirdly high-pitched and shaky. Mello’s brain is full of static. “Cool. Great. Yeah. I— I’ll see you tomorrow, then. At work.”
He stands, legs bumping against Near’s chair, then bends to awkwardly press a kiss to Near’s forehead, ignoring the baffled expression he gets in response. Near reaches for him, and for some reason Mello’s automatic instinct is to also reach out and fucking shake Near’s hand. After pulling away like he’s touched something scalding-hot, Mello flusters and turns to flee, unintentionally walking directly into the pantry in his haste and distraction rather than through the front door.
This is peak human existence. Nothing greater than this.
(there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have - death note)
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