Work Text:
The Going Merry sails aimlessly as the Strawhat Pirates try to decide if they have a destination or not. Ultimately, ending with the Captian deciding to just end up where they end up. The discussion- as any conversation with Luffy goes- ended with the rest of the crew feeling somewhat... annoyed. Which led to Sanji suggesting a snack break. For the women on board at least. He brought you, Nami, and Robin ice-cold glasses of refreshing hibiscus tea along with some sweets to pair.
Sanji always knew how to treat women— as if they deserved the world. Which you were always grateful for, though, once you and Sanji made it official you did set some boundaries, rules if you will, regarding Sanji's tendency to be a little too kind to beautiful women; he respected your feelings while remaining the love-crazed cook he was.
But something gnawed away at you. Something that blossomed in your heart as a young teen, you knew you weren't a woman. This feeling grew after your body began maturing- the feeling that you weren't who you were meant to be, but your feelings weren't so intense as to consume you entirely; so you pushed the thoughts away and lived as a woman. A beautiful woman like you would have been wasted if you thought yourself a man... or that's what you thought.
It is not like you think Sanji or any of the crew wouldn't respect your identity. However, you feel Sanji would treat you in a less-than-desirable way or that he would lose interest in you altogether. Sometimes you push these thoughts away—determined to share your truth—you knew Sanji and Zoro had "explored each other's bodies" at least once or twice before you came along; so surely Sanji liked men to some degree. But it was just different.
After finishing your snack you excused yourself and slipped away to the storage room to be alone. You sat on the floor and stared and the wall until you couldn't hold it in anymore. Your vision began to blur as tears welled up in your eyes. You curled in on yourself crying, 'I want to know who I am', 'I wanna be a boy', 'it hurts to walk to the women's quarters every night, it hurts.' Thoughts raced through your head as you sat in a little ball on the floor. Pathetic. Wiping the tears from your eyes you start to stand up to head back to the dreaded "women's room," for if you stayed in the storage room any longer you would cry yourself to sleep on the rough wooden floor and you were not too keen on the idea of getting splinters.
Luckily the women's quarters were just down the stairs from the storage room; Yet, nothing ever is that easy. As you walk over and squat next to the entrance of the room, none other than Sanji opens the door to the storage room. "Ma chérie?" he speaks with a smile, "I have been looking for you."
He knows you enjoy your alone time but when you don't look up at him his grin falls, "my love? is something wrong, did something happen?." Sanji approaches you and squats next to you as you turn your face away from him. "Darling, look at me." You hesitantly turn your head towards his and meet his concerned gaze. "Oh ma belle ange, what's wrong?" he cups your face with his hands gently, "your eyes are puffy, baby," he frowns and thumbs away the leftover wetness from when you were crying, which in turn brought more tears to your eyes.
It was inevitable, you began to weep. Sanji pulled you close, falling from a squat to flat on his ass—with you tumbling onto his lap. He held you tight, rubbing your back and whispering sweet nothings as you sobbed. The man patiently waits for you to calm down.
He holds you even as your whimpers and sniffles start slowing down, hiccuping as you try to catch your breath, he holds you as you adjust yourself, contemplating whether to pull away from the warm embrace and to look him in the eyes as you tell him that something is wrong with you or to hide your face in his neck to avoid the indescribable emotions on his face. You choose the latter. He asks you," are you ready to talk about it, love?" and you know you are not getting out of it, not that you wanted to postpone the inevitable any longer.
Nuzzling into his neck you speak in a voice hoarse from your weeping," I am not who you think I am," sniffle, "I don't- my mind doesn't match, it doesn't fit." sniffle "I can't.. I can't be who you want me to be, I can't," lip quivering as you try to find the words that you have practiced in the mirror so many times before. Though no matter how much you've rehearsed— it was a waste of time as all your coherent thoughts flew out the window, and you didn't know how to put your feelings into words. The cook silently encouraged you by softly weaving a hand through your hair. Taking a deep breath you try again,' just be honest' you think, "I um, I'm a man."
Sanji doesn't say anything so you continue," I was born a girl, but I don't feel like a girl, I am a man born in the wrong body," you continue," it's why we've never had sex, I know you've been patient but surely you were curious— but I don't hate my body, I think it's okay if it, you know, actually felt like my own— sorry I'm rambling," you look up at your lover, "Sanji?" He doesn't look disgusted or disturbed, rather Sanji looks as if he's in thought.
"Angel," he says after a moment, pulling away and putting his hands on your shoulders to look you directly in the eyes, "why didn't you tell me sooner?" Your eyes flit downward towards the floor," I was scared that you wouldn't like me anymore, I know how you treat Zoro, Luffy, and Ussop compared to Robin, Nami, and well— me when you thought me as a woman. I didn't want things to change. I want you to see me as a man but I didn't want it to be at the cost of your love," you explained yourself as the emotions from your countless sleepless nights, where you thought of all the outcomes that could occur after telling Sanji your truth.
You paused before adding," It is okay though... if you don't feel the same way about me after this."
Looking back up at him you find that he is looking at you with as much love and fondness as he always has, "How could you think that, how could you think I would leave you after you told me who you are? I am so happy that you told me, it would be an honor if you let me love the real you, rather than who you've had to pretend to be."
You bite your lip to try to hold back the tears that start to fill your eyes again before jumping back into his arms, pushing him down flat on his back. You cry as he holds you, he adds on, "I will always love you, man or woman, I just love you for you," he's playing with your hair again while your tears slowly turn into tears of laughter.
"I should've known you wouldn't give me up that easily," you smile with tears and snot running down your face, causing Sanji to laugh. Both of you are giggling as Sanji flips you on your back and holds your face once again, grabbing his handkerchief from his pocket to clean up your face before laying kisses all over your face.
"I. Love. You. So. Much. Mon coeur."
punctuating each word with a kiss to a different part of your face, which sufficiently did its job if his goal was to cheer you up, you giggled uncontrollably before pushing him away and standing up. After you lightly brush yourself off, your hand extends towards your lover, helping him up before pecking him on the lips once and then grabbing his hand, "I want to tell the rest of the crew, will you come with me?"
"Of course, mon amour"