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Chifuyu can’t remember how it all started.
It had been one random night in his house where he woke up in a sweat, his breath ragged and unmanageable. The images were still painfully vivid in his mind; Baji in his arms, cold and lifeless. The cries of his companions and the look of pain and regret painted on Kazutora’s face. It was as if his entire reality shattered in a matter of seconds, and no matter how many times he tried to convince himself it wasn’t real, somehow, he knew it was. Or had been in another timeline.
And there were many more to follow after that.
After having a very long conversation with Takemichi, which was followed by a conversation with Mikey, Chifuyu finally had a grasp of what was happening to him and what exactly he was remembering through those different dreams.
But it still didn’t make it any less painful having this new knowledge of information.
These dreams turned into vivid memories of his own which would resurface into more dreams turned nightmares that he had little to no control over. And these nightmares left him in a restless panic, unable to fall back asleep in fear of things turning south despite knowing their futures were finally secured now.
He hasn’t told anyone about these recurring nightmares, not even Takemichi who was probably the only person that could help him out in a situation like this. But he couldn’t place any more burden on the person who worked the hardest and sacrificed the most to get to where they all were now. It wouldn’t have been fair. He tried to push through it on his own instead, allowing himself to be consumed in his own emotions rather than dragging down an unfortunate person who wouldn’t even be able to comprehend the entirety of the situation.
That, however, didn’t last as long as he would have like to because life seems to have a funny way of screwing him over with these kinds of things.
He was having a sleepover with Baji one night after he so graciously invited himself over, something he does on many occasions when he’s incredibly bored with not much else to do. Chifuyu welcomes him with open arms as he always does, and they share a yakisoba like they always do and talk until they’re too tired to carry on a conversation. They sleep in the same bed because they feel close enough to be able to (and it’s comforting in it’s own special way) which was never an issue for Chifuyu before. Normally the presence of Baji is enough to calm the recurring nightmares that often presents itself, especially the ones where he’s holding the lifeless body of the sleeping boy in his arms.
Tonight seemed to be an exception.
He awoke in a panic, memories of the Valhalla incident flashing in his mind as it plays on repeat. He tries to steady his breathing, tries to stop the tears from falling, tries to tell himself that it’s not the reality that he lives in anymore. But the memories are too vivid, and the body feels so cold against his chest and it’s harder for him to remember what even is his reality anymore. Not until he feels a hand that’s warm and alive gently wiping a few tears that have clung to his cheeks.
Chifuyu looks over and sees Baji looking at him with concern, which he can’t really blame him for. He must look as bad as he feels internally.
“Did you have a nightmare?” Baji whispers as he pulls himself closer towards him. “Are you okay?”
And how could he explain to him the entire reason of his emotional outburst was from his own death that has technically never happened.
He goes for a vague response that he hopes does its job of conveying how he feels. “Yeah…it was just a really bad dream that just felt a little too real.” The hand on his cheek continues to wipe the ever-growing tears on his face and he melts into that feeling. It’s a nice reminder for himself that the person who he knew was gone from his life for so long is now gazing at him with eyes filled with life. “This is helping though.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
Chifuyu gently shook his head as he settled back down into the bed. The hand on his cheek never left and now they’re facing each other, much closer than they were before. He could hear each small breath he would take, and if he were to move his head ever so slightly, he would be able to hear the steady pace of his heart beat, an assuring way to know he was alive and well. He took note in the finer details of his appearance, like how the light from the moon seeping through the windows illuminated his features in a way that made him look unreal. And as if to confirm it for himself he reached his own hand out towards him, gently playing with the ends of his dark hair in a comforting manner. They had stayed like this for a while, unsure of how much time had passed. They basked in each others presence, soaking in the gentle touches of affection they would give each other while Chifuyu convinced himself of his new reality.
Not wanting to break the moment between them, he whispered, “Can you promise me something?”
“Of course, ‘Fuyu.” Baji’s voice whispered back, more gentle and much softer than it was before. His entire presence was almost like a safety blanket that Chifuyu could envision himself wrapped around; safe and secure. “I’d do anything for you, you know that.”
“Promise me you won’t die in this life.”
The laugh that came from the taller male melted his heart in such a way where he couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“Was that what your nightmare was about? Me dying?” Perceptive as always, being able to tell what was wrong with Chifuyu without him having to say much at all. When he didn’t respond right away, Baji leaned forward and placed a feathery kiss on top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere as far as I know.” With how much closer he had gotten he could clearly hear the sound of his heartbeat, as well as his own pounding against his chest. The sound was comforting to him in its own way. “As long as you keep on following me, you’ll never have to worry about that.”
And Chifuyu laughed along with him, though it was more bittersweet than he would have liked it to be knowing the reality of everything. Still, if Baji was able to live his life without ever knowing the painful truth, perhaps he could try and live in some blissful ignorance. Try and work through the nightmares one step at a time and try to forget the painful pasts by overshadowing them with hopeful futures.
Though one thing he was sure that would never change was the loyalty and love he had for the other man beside him; the person he had dedicated his life to in all lifetimes and would continue to follow in his final days. And seeing the small twitch of his lips curve upwards into a smile, the answer Chifuyu gave was almost automatic.
“Always.”