Chapter Text
It’s been a couple of days since Jungwon’s graduation has passed, which happened to fall on the day after his 18th birthday.
It’s kind of surreal to him. He became an adult, graduated and also successfully completed his first world tour with the members in a span of a week.
But Jungwon didn’t have a chance to properly celebrate 2/3 of the huge milestones in his life because their company decided to schedule a filming right after their last concert, making Jungwon work on his birthday and miss his graduation ceremony.
It sucked, but it is what it is. As an idol, it’s expected to miss these things for filming so Jungwon just moved on. Not like he had the luxury of time to brood over it anyways.
Fortunately, they had a day off after a couple of days of working and the leader had decided that this small break he is going to do absolutely nothing.
He just wants the time to breath and stop his mind from racing all the time with the millions of things he needs to do as a member and as a leader.
So right now, Jungwon is sitting on the sofa and scrolling on his phone. It may seem like a simple task to any person, but as a K-pop artist, who has back to back schedules and rarely finds the time to breath, just this simple task can be rare.
Jungwon does occasionally make the time at the end of the day after practice and schedules to post a couple of pictures and greet his fans before he goes to sleep.
But when you get so busy, you begin to cherish and yearn for the simple things. So Jungwon is taking advantage of their break to sit on the sofa and go on his phone.
As he is reading fan comments on Weverse, he sees someone’s feet come into the corner of his vision.
“Jung-won?”
Only one person extends the last syllabus of his name with such softness, making it sound like a completely different word.
Park Jongseong. His hyung.
“Hmm,” replies Jungwon, too lazy to actually open his mouth to speak or look up. Suddenly he finds his vision blocked by a piece of paper.
The younger goes cross-eyed as he looks at it, eyebrows furrowing and lips pouting with confusion. The older had thrust an envelope between his face and the screen of his phone. Jay silently coos at his expression, finding that anything the younger does cute.
Said cute person shifts his eyes up to the older, silently questioning what is in the envelope and what does it have to do with him. Everyone in the group knows that when it is their time off, Yang Leader-nim is on break and doesn’t do anything work related.
“Just take it,” whines Jay, flapping the envelope in front of his face, urging the younger to take it, the wind from the action slightly blowing the bangs on the younger’s forehead.
Jungwon slowly lifts his hand to grab it while quirking an eyebrow at his impatience.
After he takes the envelope, Jay turns around in a hurry and quickly leaves the living room. Jungwon misses the blush that paints his freckled cheeks, but he does catch a view of the back of his ears, which are bright red.
Jay’s embarrassed.
Jungwon knows all the telltale signs of the different emotions that Jay feels as he is an open book. Well only to the younger maybe, who can read him quite easily.
Sharp eyebrows slanting just so when he is angry. Lips twitching when he is feigning anger over the member’s teasing. Pouty lips when he is upset. Slight curl of the upper lip when he is faking a smile. A wide, goofy grin when he is shy over compliments.
Now when Jay is embarrassed, well he gets all red. It can be hard to miss because of his tanned skin, but for someone like Jungwon, who is always paying rather close attention to the older, the flushed skin from embarrassment is easily distinguishable from his normal honey-toned colour.
So the bright red colour of Jay’s ears is a dead giveaway that the older is embarrassed. About what though, Jungwon isn’t sure. But he can bet it has to do something with the envelope that was given to him, which he now moves his gaze to.
The younger sets his phone down and sees that his name is written on the envelope, the messy handwriting belonging to his hyung. He opens it and takes out a letter.
Hi Jungwon,
Jay wrote him a letter?
Surprised that I’m writing you another letter even though I swore off writing letters after I-Land. But this occasion requires something special.
You know hyung isn’t the best at words, so I hope that this conveys my feelings well.
Jungwon-ah, congratulations on your graduation.
Jungwon’s eyebrows go up in surprise. No one has even given him letters except his family during birthdays or other special occasions.
The first letter that he received outside his family was from Jay during I-Land when the older thought that he was going to be eliminated. That letter was a surprise, but this is even more surprising.
The fact that his hyung wrote him a letter for his graduation. Jungwon doesn’t really think it’s something that needs to be celebrated. He barely even went to school the past year because of their comeback, tour and travelling overseas for schedules, so it felt like he had already graduated with Jay and Sunoo last year.
But Jay thinks otherwise. He initially wanted to do something special and make him dinner like he did for his and Sunoo’s graduation last year. But as expected, they were too busy filming and exhausted from schedules for Jay to find the time to do so.
He also couldn’t think of a present that he felt would be enough to congratulate Jungwon for his graduation, so he thought a letter would do the job.
I wanted to tell you how proud hyung is of you.
I am sorry that we were filming and you couldn’t celebrate your birthday properly or go to your graduation ceremony either.
I know it must have been hard doing promotions and school at the same time, in addition to all the responsibilities of a leader. But you did very well. I hope you are proud of yourself, cause I am.
You may think that no one noticed, but I did. I noticed you waking up earlier and studying on the drive to the company. I noticed you staying up late to finish assignments. I noticed you watching videos about school subjects on your phone in between schedules.
Hyung wants to tell you how well you did. I also appreciated you being there for everyone while you were having a difficult time.
I do feel apologetic that I wasn’t there for you more, but if anyone can juggle school, leader responsibilities and group schedules, it can be you.
I hope you feel proud of your accomplishments.
Also, happy birthday. I can’t believe my cute dongseong is an adult.
But remember, just because you are an adult, it doesn’t mean that you have to stand on your own. Always remember that hyung is here for you. Anytime you need an extra hand or someone to lean on, hyung is here.
And I know it’s hard for you to ask for help, but just know that I want to help, not because I have to.
Once again, congratulations Jungwon-ah.
-Jay :)
P.S. Please pretend that you didn’t receive this letter.
P.P.S. Let hyung know if he can buy a present for you.
Jungwon doesn’t know what to say. Or what to do. He’s just holding the letter in his hand, eyes shifting all over the paper.
The barely eligible writing. The cute smiley face at the end. The crossed-out words that were written incorrectly.
Jungwon’s eyes begin to water unconsciously as he begins to think about the thoughtfulness behind the letter and how hard it must have been for Jay to find the time to write the letter because the past few days they were busy with filming.
Now Jay is someone that has a huge heart and has a lot of love to give.
And when Jay expresses his sincere feelings, it can be embarrassing for both him and the receiver. But Jay is so unapologetically himself that he would do it no other way. He will continue to carve out a piece of his heart and give it to anyone that will accept it.
A lot of the times the members just don’t have the capacity to give back to Jay what he gives to them so freely because how can someone be so selfless with their time and love. And they’ve felt guilty about it. But they have all come to learn that at the end, Jay doesn’t care about reciprocation.
All he wants is the freedom to express his feelings and doesn’t expect anything in return.
Jay has a very pure soul and Jungwon doesn’t know what he can do or say to show his appreciation for this letter, or for all the other things that Jay does.
Although the older wrote in the letter that he didn’t do much for the younger, Jungwon thinks he actually did a lot.
He made sure on the days that Jungwon had examinations, to wake up early, or stay up late if their schedules ended early in the morning, to cook a healthy and hearty breakfast to give him energy to do well on his tests.
He was also always there to answer any questions he had for assignments or homework.
And when Jungwon was feeling a little too burnt out with juggling all his responsibilities, Jay was always the first one to notice and the first one to take care of him.
He would gather the members for practice or distract them for just enough time to allow Jungwon to recuperate and be the leader that they needed. He made sure that they were on track for schedules or that they ate their food. He would overcompensate Jungwon’s lack of energy during schedules, acting like the mood maker of the group.
Jay was always there for everything and Jungwon’s heart aches with the thought that Jay thinks he didn’t do enough. That he wasn’t enough.
But that’s just who Jay is. He can give, give and give, but at the end, it can never be enough.
Jungwon wipes the tears that unexpectantly form and escape his eyes as gets up from the sofa to look for Jay, who is in the kitchen.
“Hyung.”
Jay freezes mid-action.
Jungwon knows the older asked him to pretend that he never received the letter, the older probably too embarrassed about it. He had been constantly teased about the letters he wrote during I-Land and may have become a little self-conscious about it.
The younger can also admit that he took part in the teasing, Jay’s reactions always funny and endearingly cute that he couldn’t help himself. That was one of the reasons that Jungwon still has the first letter he received from the older, safely stored in the top drawer of his dresser.
The second reason he keeps it is because the words that Jay had written were what gave him the confidence and courage to continue fighting to debut. To debut with him.
And days when he is feeling extra tired from all the schedules and wonders what he is doing with his life, he’ll open the letter and read the sweet words written by his hyung, words that fill him with endless warmth.
Now regardless of all the teasing remarks the older has received, Jay continues to write letters, but now he would rather not see the reactions to it or deal with the constant teasing after either. He would prefer that they just put the letter in a box and never be mentioned again.
But the younger cannot just let the letter go to waste and ignore its existence. So he decides to keep it simple.
“Thank you hyung.”
Jungwon walks away without waiting for Jay’s response or to see his reaction, hoping that his sincerity and appreciation for the older is conveyed by those two words.
But the younger doesn’t have to worry because Jay can always understand the unspoken words in between them.
Jay smiles quietly and continues on doing what he was.