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Hunter wanted to scream. And cry. And honestly just take a nap.
He and his friends were walking through the woods in the demon realm, having just made it back through the portal. Not even two hours before, Hunter was being possessed by Belos. His head still felt woozy.
He hadn’t really had the time to look at himself, but now that they were back in the demon realm, Hunter began to notice some things about his body post-possession. First of all, he had new scars. Everywhere. He already didn’t think very highly of his appearance, but now his looks were hard to ignore. He could see the long, pinkish scars that wrapped around his arms and hands. He couldn’t even imagine what his face looked like. Eventually, he would have to find a mirror and look. But for now, he didn’t mind being in the dark about that.
The second thing he noticed was the overall queasiness he felt. He felt like all of the blood in his body had been replaced by goopy, green muck. Belos taking over his body had been violating and honestly just disgusting. Hunter desperately wanted to take a shower to scrub away the remains of possession he felt, but there wasn’t time for that. They were on a mission to stop the collector and save their friends. That took precedence over Hunter’s stupid little problems. But still, he found it hard not to think about it.
The last and most important thing Hunter noticed now that they were back in the demon realm was the absence of Flapjack. Oh, he had been trying so hard not to think about it. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see his hand tightening around his friend, slowly crushing his little red body. The gruesome crunch still rang in his ears. Hunter had been screaming in his mind, practically begging Belos not to take away his best friend, but it was no use. Flapjack was gone. And it was all Hunter’s fault.
The worst part was that Hunter didn’t even know how to begin processing all of this. As soon as he had woken up, he and his friends were jumping through the portal and heading on to the next adventure. Normally, if Hunter had a problem he would talk to Flapjack about it. But now, he was at a loss. Technically, Hunter could still feel Flapjack with him. He knew that somehow, Flapjack had given up his life to save him. Hunter could sense the change within himself, that he was never completely alone anymore. Knowing that this presence was Flapjack and not Belos was comforting. It was nice to know that his friend would always be with him now. However, that didn’t change the fact that he still missed him. He missed the way Flapjack would pull at his hair, and sit on his shoulder. He missed hearing his chirps of encouragement and having someone physically there when Hunter needed it. Now there was this cold, empty feeling that seemed to sit in the back of Hunter’s mind. If he wasn’t focused on something else, his mind would slowly slip back into this empty feeling, and he would remember all of the events from the past few hours.
To avoid this, Hunter kept himself busy. He walked in front of the group, keeping his head on a swivel. He pitched plans to Camila and Luz about what they would do when they saw Belos next. And of course, Hunter did anything but look up. He didn’t want to risk catching a glimpse of another bird in the sky, a bird he knew would not be Flapjack. Hunter didn’t think he could bare that vivid of a reminder.
Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the ground and his mind on the current plan. As long as he stayed busy and focused, everything should be okay. It had to be.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Something was wrong with Hunter. Okay, well obviously there were a lot of things wrong with Hunter. He had just gotten possessed by his uncle/the emperor/a demonic slimy monster thing. It totally made sense that he would be upset. But what worried Willow the most was how quiet Hunter was. The Hunter that she knew could talk for ages without getting bored. Even when he was upset, Hunter would usually express it in one way or another. But now, he barely said anything. Occasionally, he would make a harsh comment about how they needed to hurry and catch Belos, but other than that he was completely withdrawn.
Willow didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to pry and force Hunter to talk about his feelings if he didn’t want to. But she couldn’t just sit here either! She knew that Hunter was hurting and she wanted to help him in any way that she could. She just wasn’t sure what that meant yet.
So, instead of addressing the problem directly, she would do what she was good at—staying strong. Even if she was missing her dads. Even if she felt scared and alone. She had to be there for her friends.
After a visit to the owl house and barely escaping Bones Borough, the group had been found by Matholumule and the hexside students. They had made it to new hexside, which was honestly the worst part of Willow’s day so far. The kindergartners were terrifying and seeing Amity’s sibling reunion reminded Willow of how much she missed her own family. But she kept a smile on her face and reminded herself to be happy for her friend. At least now they had a place to sleep for the night.
She and Camila were setting up makeshift beds in one of the classrooms. Amity and Willow would sleep in one corner, Camila and Luz in another, and Hunter and Gus in another. They were pretty used to group sleepovers at this point. Willow had grown to like the nest-like swaddles they would make on the floor. It reminded her of their time at the Noceda’s. She missed the human realm more than she thought she would. Being home was just another reminder that she still hadn’t met up with her dads yet.
As the group winded down for the night, Willow found herself constantly looking up at Hunter. She couldn’t help but feel worried for him. He still hadn’t even mentioned the fact that he had been possessed. It was easy to forget with everything else going on, but every time Willow saw his face she was reminded of that night. She could still see his body diving into the harsh water, his eyes a haunting blue. She could hear his scream as the possession became undone. She watched as angry pink scars began to paint his entire body, snaking up his arms and neck. She had clutched onto him so tightly, scared that he would never wake up.
And now he was here, curled under some blankets and staring at the wall. Willow could only imagine what he was thinking about.
Sometimes, Willow found herself noticing other things about Hunter. The good things. Like how he always put his friends first, even when he was hurting the most. And how he could talk for hours about the things he loved, but was also a really good listener. Willow just wished that Hunter was able to see himself the way that she saw him. She knew that he was hurting, and that was okay. She just wished she could be there for him.
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hunter was shocked that he could sleep at all, so he wasn’t that surprised when his sleep was filled with nightmares. Thousands of images mixed in his head, each one worse than the last. Hunter was no stranger to nightmares, but these were much more vivid than ever before.
He saw the memory of Flapjack being crushed over and over again. Green ooze bled from his friend, covering his hand and the ground below him. He saw himself, and his gruesome, ugly body. Ragged scars, new and old, littering his skin. Hunter already knew he wasn’t attractive, but now he was hideous. He was disgusting. He was an awful, awful person. How could he let himself get possessed? How could he attack the few friends he managed to make? He should have fought harder against Belos. He should have done more.
Hunter’s nightmares continued to swirl in murky images of green and blue.
He saw his friends glaring, screaming at him. He saw them turn away and leave. How could they ever tolerate someone like him anyways? Belos was right. He had no use anymore, which meant that his existence was pointless. He didn’t deserve friends like them. He didn’t deserve anything.
Suddenly an image of Belos formed clearly in his mind. His ghoulish, rotting form crawled closer and closer. Hunter wanted to run or scream, but he was stuck in place. He saw Belos’ hand stretched out like a zombie’s. It was reaching for him. Belos was coming for him. He wouldn't stop until Hunter was dead. The hand reached Hunter’s neck, suffocating him…
Hunter gasped and his eyes flew open. He quickly sat up, clutching his throat.
It wasn’t real. He’s not here.
But Hunter could barely believe his own thoughts. His dream had seemed so lifelike that he half expected Belos to be standing right in front of him.
Hunter continued to gasp for air with short, shallow breaths. Then, he remembered that Gus was still asleep. He clasped his hands over his mouth and stood up quietly. His head was buzzing but he somehow made it out of the room and into the hallway. Hunter leaned against one of the hexside lockers, trying to catch his breath. He still partly felt like he was dreaming. His vision was dark around the edges and he felt like Belos’ hand was still crushing his neck.
He’s coming for me. What do I do? Oh, Titan, what am I gonna do?
Hunter was really losing it now. He leaned his head back against the locker and squeezed his eyes shut. If he didn’t slow his breathing down he was going to pass out. But that thought alone made Hunter even more anxious and his breathing picked up again. He clutched his chest tightly.
Flapjack. I’m so sorry. I wish you were here.
Suddenly, he felt a light touch on his shoulder. Hunter snapped his eyes open. He wasn’t sure if he was expecting to see Flapjack or Belos. But it was neither.
“Willow?”
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow hadn’t been sleeping very well anyways. Which was rare since she was usually a very deep sleeper. But tonight she was easily woken up by the sound of shuffling around on the opposite side of the room. Putting her glasses on, Willow squinted to see through the dark. She saw the silhouette of someone leaving the classroom and heading into the hallway. Willow had a feeling she knew who it was.
She slowly crept into the hallway, careful not to wake anyone else up. Willow was often cold and kept her blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she peaked out the door.
Sitting against the lockers was Hunter. His eyes were screwed shut and his entire body was trembling. Based on his short, uneven breaths, Willow quickly gathered he was having a panic attack. She had experienced a few panic attacks in her life and knew how badly they sucked. Also, it wasn’t that surprising that Hunter was having one now. He had probably had too much time alone with his own thoughts.
Willow slowly walked up to Hunter and crouched down. His scarred hands were clawing at his chest and neck, scratching his skin. Willow wanted to cry for him. He looked so scared, so pale, and so young. Sometimes she forgot he was only 16.
Willow gently placed a hand on Hunter’s shoulder, trying to get his attention without startling him. Hunter’s eyes flew open and he jerked back, nearly falling over. Willow pulled her hand back, careful not to make any sudden moves.
Hunter’s pupils were huge. It took a few seconds for him to register what he was seeing.
“Willow?”
“Yes, Hunter, just it’s me,” she said softly, “You're safe. No one else is here.”
Hunter’s eyes darted around the hallway to confirm her words. His breathing was still much too fast and his face was getting paler.
“I- I can’t-” He clutched at his chest and neck again, fingernails instinctively digging into his skin.
“Hey,” Willow made sure to keep her own breathing slow and her voice gentle. “I’m going to take a deep breath, okay?”
Willow put her hand up and counted to four. She took in an exaggerated breath and then blew it out slowly. She did this again and paused.
“Do you want to do one with me?”
Hunter’s shoulders were still shaking but he wasn’t scratching at his skin as hard as before. He nodded slowly, unable to speak.
“Okay, ready. In for four and out for four.” Willow put her hand up again and counted off the seconds. “Let’s do it again.”
They did this breathing exercise a few more times before Hunter’s face turned a normal color. Slowly, he leaned against the lockers and shut his eyes. After a few minutes of silence and deep breathing, he looked up.
“Thank you, Willow.” He said quietly.
“Of course,” She paused, “Was it a nightmare?”
Hunter fiddled with the end of his shirt. He had been wearing long sleeves a lot more lately.
“I just can’t stop thinking about… about him.” He said quickly. “I just…”
Willow touched his hand lightly.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready. But I will always be here to listen.”
Hunter’s eyes widened at that, and he turned his gaze to the floor. Willow noticed a light pink blush spread across his cheeks.
“It’s- I just… feel… gross.” He said quietly. His grip tightened on his shirt and he kept his eyes on the floor. “A-and stupid. And horrible. I feel so bad about what I did and I don’t know how to make it up to everyone and…” His voice cracked and Willow could tell he was on the verge of tears. His shoulders began to tremble again.
“Oh, Hunter,” Willow pulled him into a loose hug, still giving him some space. “You are none of those things. And what happened is not your fault. At all.”
She pulled back to make sure Hunter was processing her words. He didn’t pull away from her hug, but he didn’t hug back either. Instead, he sat, shaking in her arms, his face red and wet with tears. He became embarrassed when he realized Willow was seeing him cry and put his hands over his face.
“I’m s-sorry, I shouldn’t be crying,” he managed through the tears.
Willow just pulled him back into their hug. She began to trace small flowers on his back.
“Hunter, you are allowed to cry. You are always allowed to cry. I mean look at me, I cry all the time!” Willow half-joked, trying to make him feel better.
“And you should never be ashamed of how you feel. You have been through so much. And barely had any time to process it all. All of us, Luz, Camila, Gus, everyone, we all care about you so much.”
Willow felt herself about to cry now.
“And you are not gross. Hunter, you are beautiful and talented, and smart. You are not disgusting. And what Belos did is not your fault. You just have to believe me. No one blames you and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
As Willow spoke, she could feel Hunter shake even more, his muffled sobs becoming a little louder. He buried his head in her shoulder, still covering his face. Willow just held him. She needed him to know that people cared. That he was important.
They sat like this for a while under the bluish light of the hallway. Someone had strung colored fairy lights across the ceiling. Willow thought it was nice. Even with all of the chaos around them, people still tried to create beauty.
Eventually, Hunter pulled back and wiped a sleeve across his face.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up this late.”
Willow hadn’t noticed how much time had passed, but now that he mentioned it she realized how tired they both were. Hunter’s eyes were droopy and red from crying. Willow could feel her own eyelids becoming heavy.
She smiled softly. “I don’t mind. Do you think you will be able to sleep? I can stay up with you.”
Hunter shook his head. “I want you to get some sleep though. You shouldn’t wait up for me. I’ll be okay.”
Hunter was clearly still shaky, the circles under his eyes even darker than usual. Willow doubted he would be able to get any sleep, but she wanted him to try.
“Here.”
She drew a small green circle with her finger. They both watched as a little purple flower sprouted from the ground before them. Willow picked it up softly.
“In case you can’t fall asleep, this is a really weak type of sleeping nettle. If you sleep with it by your pillow, the scent will work like melatonin. They help me when I can’t fall asleep.”
Willow offered the flower to Hunter. He looked at her, then at the flower, and back to her.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Willow.”
“Happy to help, Hunter.”
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Willow woke up later that night. This time, Luz had rolled in her sleep and knocked some books over. Wow, Willow was really sleeping light if something like that woke her up. She rubbed her eyes and laid back down to sleep. Then paused and looked across the room.
Hunter was wrapped under his blankets, a peaceful look on his sleeping face. And the little purple flower glowed softly next to his pillow.
Willow smiled to herself, made a mental note to grow more sleeping nettles in her garden, and closed her eyes.