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Valentine Kitchen Calamity

Summary:

What happens when an archon who can't cook tries her hand at cooking, just for the sake of a special celebration for lovers? Well, perhaps nothing good but who knows? The presence of a loved one can certainly change a bad day into the best day after all.

Ei would agree.

Notes:

It's been a while since Aethernity again, and this one came up on my randomizer for the day, so here we go.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a very fortunate series of events.

Was it? Perhaps it was fate that allowed her to have this chance right now, above all else. She had to make use of this as much as she could, there was no telling if she would get another shot at it with the day coming ever so closer; it is tomorrow in fact.

To be fair, Ei had been seeing him less this week. Aether was really busy in Sumeru with everything going on there, and when she did find him in his teapot home, it was very late at night and his lover could only stay up for a while before he fell asleep. Ei wanted nothing more than to talk to him longer, but she couldn’t; not when he came home dead in the night and beat up-tired. Even Paimon was way quieter than normal.

And even then, during the occasional night she spent with him, she would wake up to a cold bed that was missing his warmth. Walking down to a silent house, she’d find breakfast still warm on the table with a pot of tea over some heating stones, keeping said drink warm for her when she eventually arises from bed.

Such is the busy life of the traveler. Ei would really like him to tone it down a bit if it meant seeing him more often and making sure he was resting properly, but she knew he wouldn’t live like that for too long. Thus, she opted to let him finish whatever he needed such that in the future he could come home earlier and stay by her side more often than not.

Just the notion that he still spared some time to prepare things for her, from at times warming the bathtub to always preparing breakfast when she stayed over, Ei can’t help but find herself giggling like a maiden in love.

A fact that is true; she is a maiden in love.

She still couldn’t believe it sometimes. From being enemies that nearly had her kill him, to becoming something much closer than friends. From being as far from the board as two people could be, to being as close as they could be to one another. Sometimes, opposites attract, and in this case it is more than valid.

As she walked down the stairs of the teapot mansion in the middle of the day to the living room, Ei smiled slightly. It felt as if that time they went out for the first time was just yesterday, much closer was the second time they did it that led to so much more.

Yet right now. Ei had something else in mind. Something that required him to be away for her to be able to carry out.

She hoped that the end result would be worth it however. Not seeing him for quite some time is a pain as well, even if what she’s doing is for him in the end.

With that thought in mind, she whizzed away from the teapot, entering the familiar chambers within the Tenshukaku. Looking left and right, it seemed that the Shogun was not doing anything in particular, meaning that nothing was out of schedule. This was good as it left her ample time to work on her surprise.

With a pleased smile, she made way to the private kitchen Aether had helped install into her quarters. It was made out of stronger than usual material after Ei managed to destroy it a few times due to some reckless abaddon while trying to cook.

Because that’s what Ei will try to do once more.

To cook.

But not just any food. No, this one is going to be very special.

It is for Aether after all, and with Valentine’s day coming around the corner, she wanted to follow in a tradition he had taught her last year. Ei still recalled how red she went when he first presented that bouquet and the absolutely ridiculously delicious chocolates he made for her. Secretly, she wished for them again.

But after inquiring with Miko about the significance of this day, Ei learned that the girls were supposed to give gifts during valentines, not the men in normal circumstances. This left her feeling depressed about herself for allowing him to give the first gift, therefore she is going to make sure that today, she’ll be the one to deliver.

Even if it meant blowing the kitchen up again.

With that mindset, she gets set to create some of the best creamy chocolate truffles one can make. Aether made it for her a few times, and it was the best treat he has ever eaten in a long time. As such, she vows she would recreate such a luxurious treat for him as best she could. Perhaps not the same level as his, but at least he should be able to get the general taste right. That would be enough for her.

She took out a notebook she had written down. Advice from her peers regarding cooking techniques and guides on making the truffles were scribbled down, with notes and eye-witnessed tips she wrote herself when she watched others either make the dish themselves or provide her with guidance.

Bless that one Liyue girl who was a really good cook that helped Ei whenever she met her in the teapot.

Taking a look at the ingredients list, she nodded before hopping over to the storage room and snatching many ingredients; way more than she needed for one batch. Truth be told, Ei was going to try to make it a few times.

It was more of a safety barrier in case she would fail several times. This way, she’d have enough to make plenty, and not worry about failing a few times along the way.

Though she used to despise the thought of failure, Ei had learned the hard way that failure and all the bad things that came with it is a good lesson to push oneself to become a better person. Ei herself failed in leading her nation to a proper future before; never again.

Aether was there to keep her straightened out. Just the mere thought of this can send her daydreaming for hours.

But, now is not the time. Now, she has some cooking to do.

She sets the cooking cream down, placing it on the table; several jugs of it. Then next, she gathers up the gelatinizing agent in the form of some plain concentrated slime condensate. Chocolate powder, some chocolate bars themselves, and sugars were piled high on the other side, while she also put some salt in case she needed it along with some more jars of milk.

She also snuck some dango milk on a side table for her to nibble on. Cooking something sweet is bound to rile up a sweet tooth or two after all.

There’s no more time to waste now, and Ei gets to work immediately as she pours the cream into a pot to begin.

“Okay, so first I need to heat it on a low flame stove, while melting the chocolate on the side. Alright.” She says, placing the pot onto a stove while also preparing a second pot, placing it above the fire to begin heating while dumping several chocolate bars into the pot.

Whole chocolate bars.

And she had set the flame to high. Deciding to let the chocolates melt unattended, as it is simply a melting process to her, Ei turns away to look at the cream as it heats up.

“When starting to bubble, place in the se weight of cocoa powder and chocolate. Oh dear me, I forgot to weigh them first!” Ei said, quickly rushing over to a weighing scale.

The cocoa powder is easy to weigh as it is powder, but the chocolate bars?

“Seriously? If one of them weighs 150, how am I supposed to get 250 exactly?” Ei asks nobody in particular. Frustrated by the rather odd number, she pouted. “They should either make recipes with numbers matching the ingredient’s set weight, like in rounds of 150 if the chocolate bars weigh as much. Who in Teyvat makes these?”

Frustrated, Ei opted to just take 2 bars anyway. Being slightly more is better than way less.

As she trots over to the stove, she realizes the cream is boiling and that white bubbles are beginning to fill the pot. Her eyes widened in confusion.

“Okay, is this the bubbling they mentioned? Why is it so scarily vigorous?”

The bubbles slowly add up, starting to reach the top.

“Oh, I should quickly add this.”

In her haste, she threw the chocolate and the cocoa into the mess of bubbling foam. The chocolate made it through just fine, but the cocoa powder?

Ei could only look at the mess of cocoa powder coating the sides of the stove and the pot, alongside her arms.

“In hindsight, that wasn’t the best idea.” She admitted, taking the ladle and stiring the mixture in while still keeping it on maximum flame.

That was when Ei smelled something burning.

“Eh? What is-”

She turned around, and was immediately bombarded by dark gray smoke coming from the other stove on the opposite side of the kitchen where she had left the chocolates to melt previously. Squinting, she found the pot to be the source of said smoke.

Waving the smoke away with her arm, she rushes over and spots the problem; the chocolate is black and burnt. Swiftly, she lifts the pot out of the fire, the fire still blaring in high heat as she pulls away and places the pot on the table (without any heat resistant material).

“Damn. I might’ve left it too long. Is there a safer way I can melt these chocolates?” She asks herself, fanning the pot as the kitchen’s air is filled with burnt smoke and her arms and face are tainted with gray ash from the smoke. She noises how the chocolates in the center seem melted and fine, but the edges around this center mass is burnt to a black bitter crisp.

It was then that she heard an obscene amount of sizzling from behind her. Panicking now, she turned around only to find the previously calm pot of cream and chocolates boiling over with small splatters of the brown liquid falling from the side of the pot, hitting the fire bellow and making it puff smoke out.

“Oh no.”

Before she could save it however, another accident befell her. In her rush, she accidentally tripped on her own two feet in her rush to get up.

“Whoa-”

And fell flat on her face.

Even worse was that her long hair, still in its braid, had whipped behind her and knocked the pot of burnt chocolate down, causing it to spill all the still-liquid content of said pot down into the floor below.

“Ah shoot.”

And as Ei got up and lifted the pot amidst splatters and sizzles, she found the cream to be in no better shape with the edges burnt, the bottom black, and the whole thing smelling more like a burnt piece of bread than chocolate.

Ei bit her lip, sighing in defeat before dumping the 2 pans into the large sink, grabbing new ones and more materials.

“Perhaps another try.”
—---------------------------------------
Aether hummed as he walked up through the entrance of the Tenshukaku, hiding away the rather large bouquet of roses from sight as he manifested it into his inventory. It was a pleasant day, and he hoped that Ei was available for a surprise day out with him with it being a romantic day and all. He smiled as he remembered the various couples already on their way out together so early in the morning, and he silently envied them for being able to go out already. He could only hope Ei wasn’t busy.

As he neared her quarters however, a new sense came over him. A bitter smell in the air, reminiscent of some burnt material.

Burnt food.

Raising an eyebrow, he quickened his pace and passed her bedroom, making for her private kitchen instead; one he was familiar with since he is the one who had installed it for her in the first place.

And he sighed as he rounded the corner, the sight before him as he expected.

“Why am I so bad at this?!”

There Ei was, a pile of seemingly burnt, messed up, and broken food in the sink and bins with a fair amount of pots and pans in all forms of damage. Ei herself was not in better shape, ash marks on her clothes and arms, splatters of brown and black stuff all over her house robe that Aether gifted her a while ago, and even a distinct black swab on the end of her normally purple hair; did she burn her own hair?

Aether shook his head, wondering if he should disturb his rather distressed lover as she tried to get some sort of sticky substance off her hands.

Judging from the smell and ingredients, he knew what it was she was trying to do. He also decided that it’s probably better to pull her out of it before it gets worse.

“Good morning, Ei.”

“Wah! Aethe- woah-”

She jumped, turned around, got surprised by the sight, tried to get up and slipped on some spilled cream, landing with a thud on the floor.”

“Ugh, okay I did not need that right now.” She mumbled as Aether entered.

“You okay?” He asks, going down.

“Yes, I’m fi-” Ei paused. This was meant as a surprise for him!

“Wait! Aether, weren’t you supposed to be back later in the day?” Ei suddenly asked, getting up to stand slightly taller than him.

“I was, but one of he missions ended faster than I anticipated, so here I am I guess.” He says, rubbing the back of his head as he looks around. “So……what’s happening here?”

“N-nothing! I was just making something in experimentation.” Ei tried to answer, but between her stuttering and how red her face was getting, it seemed quite obvious.

“Really? Was it chocolate?”

“Uh…well..”

“I mean, this here is cocoa powder. I can tell from the smell, Then there’s cream and some chocolate bars, both cut and full bars all over the place. What else?” Aether asked, raising an eyebrow.

Stuck between Aether and a hard place, Ei relented with a defeated sigh.

“Fine, it’s not like it will change the result anyway.” She said with a resentful tone, placing the pot she picked up from the floor back onto the sink before sighing. “I’m a failure at this. Why is making food so difficult?”

“Ei, come on. It’s not something everyone can do, don’t be so bothered about it.” Aether reasoned, walking beside her as Ei stood still watching the ruins that was her kitchen.

“I know, you keep saying that, but surely you’d prefer a partner that knows how to make ramen out of uncooked noodles.” Ei replies to him.

“And how many times have I replied something else tot when you said that?”

“I- ah, Aether. Seriously.”

“I know, I know. Cooking isn’t an easy thing, but I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.” He starts, pausing to take her hand into his. “You can cook me the best meal in Teyvat, or you can fail to even cook a fried egg properly, it won’ change who you are to me Ei. You’re someone I cherish, and there’s nothing kitchen talents can do to change that.”

Ei looks at him, the traveler smiling back at her genuinely. Her purple eyes scan his golden ones for any hints of falseness or hesitation, looking down at his hand as well only to be unable to find anything. After a moment, she sighs, squeezing his hand in return.

“Thank you very much, Aether. I’m sorry, that was unsightly of me.” She says.

“Nonsense, come here,” He says, briefly pulling her into a hug.

She took a moment to return it, before wrapping her arms around him in return as his warmth was way too intoxicating for her to let go of.

Eventually, they did after a while. Their eyes looked at each other for a moment before a chuckle escaped both their lips.

“Well, now you’ve got all my kitchen dirt on you.” Ei says in a joking tone.

“That makes 2 of us then.” Aether replies, making the pair laugh for a second.

“In any case.” Aether says, before manifesting the bouquet of Sumeru roses out from his inventory into his hand behind him, bringing it out after a moment with a smile to Ei, who went wide-eyed at the sight.

“Happy Valentine's day.”

Ei’s hands froze for a second, her eyes darting between the flowers and his face before she eventually reached out to take the rather large and beautifully arranged bouquet. The whole thing may only consist of the Sumeru rose flower, but Ei had to admit these were among the prettiest batch she has seen.

Each one was glowing bright purple with no signs of withering anywhere. The stalks and petals are fresh, and the bouquet is arranged well such that the whole top is covered by the beautiful crown of the flower. She smelled the top of the flowers, noting the soft smell of the roses filling the air up. It was soothing and fresh; these were likely hand picked by Aether not too long ago seeing how good it is.

“Thank you so much. I- wow, these are really beautiful.” She says after regaining her voice from a moment of frozen surprise.

“There’s this too.”

Blinking, Ei looks up from the bouquet to find him holding out a box of chocolates in a handmade box out to her, his smile never fading. “I guess I beat you to it.”

“Oh come on, Aether. If anyone knew, they’d think less of me for receiving all this.” Ei complained half seriously, silently more happy she’s getting everything from Aether.

“That’s partly why I’m giving you this here and now, not anywhere else.” Aether replies, watching as Ei takes the box and observes the sweet treats inside, marveling at how immaculate and beautiful they are.

“You know, it’s times like these when I ask if you’re the weirdest person in the world for giving to me something I never can pay back in the same kind.” Ei says, taking one of the treats and nibbling. “Oh, these are divine. Wow.”

“Thanks. It took me a bit of practice to be able to make them as such. Hehe, but I suppose all that endeavor is worth it.” He says, a bit sheepish.

“Heh, you and your tendency to work harder for others.” Ei says, before abruptly pulling the man across her close and diving her lips straight into his.

Aether went beet red and wide eyed for a second before he melts into the kiss along with her, the pair just embracing as Ei fiddled with the chocolate box before placing it onto the table so that she can properly embrace her company for eternity.

After a while of silence aside from the birds chirping outside, the pair finally separated, their eyes still locked on one another.

“Still the same as ever I see.”

“Some things never change, eh?”

The pair shared a small laugh as they broke off to take a look at their surroundings; namely the semi-destroyed kitchen.

“Well, I suppose I’ll need to pay you back in full, and that could only be achieved if I can properly make you something out of……this.” Ei says, looking about the place unsure where to even begin.

Hey, at least the kitchen still exists this time.

“Hmm, hey.” Aether says, nudging her side a bit.

“Yes?” Ei asked back.

“Never said I couldn’t help in making my own gift, right?” Aether asks, Ei raising an eyebrow in return.

“Well, no but where’s the surprise in that?” She asked back, crossing her arms.

“Let’s assume I never got to know this was for me until you gave it at the end. I think we can go with that, no?” He asked back, smiling.

Ei pondered for a moment, looking between him and the wreckage that was her kitchen, before sighing defeatedly.

“Alright, it would seem that it is indeed the best course of action. I can only hope that it does indeed work out in the end.” Ei replied.

“But first Ei. Do I have to tell you again that when cooking, you should a least bun your hair up so you wouldn’t burn the ends?” Aether asked, stifling his laughter.

Ei’s eyes widened as she looked at the tip of her hair, visibly slightly black from earlier. She felt her cheeks warm up in embarrassment from that.

“I-I forgot. My apologies.” She mumbled.

“Here, let me help you with that.” Aether added, grabbing a small hair tie he kept for use and walking over behind Ei. The archon nodded, taking the braid-tie off her hair and allowing him to work on it.

She sat there silently, humming to herself in the latter half as Aether gently tugged her hair in places to bun them up.

“And done.”

Ei takes a look at a mirror in the distance, noting her purple hair is now smoothened and bunned up such that it would not get in the way of cooking. She touches it a few times to check its firmness before pleasantly nodding.

“Thank you, Aether. Your hair-styling abilities are second to none.” She replies.

“Well, when you have long hair, that’s a given isn’t it?” He replied back, making the pair chuckle.

“Alright, come on. We have some chocolates to make.”
—----------------------------------------
“Aether should have been back a while ago! He must have forgotten about Paimon.”

“Now, now, Paimon. You know how the traveler and Ei are like when around one another. It’s not uncommon for them to get lost in doing something out of the blue.”

“I mean- yeah, but still!”

Miko giggled at the distressed little fairy as she and Paimon walked through the halls of the Tenshukaku, both wanting to visit the current couple who seemingly vanished with one another inside of the rather large building.

Paimon returned to nibbling on her stick of dango while Miko scanned the rooms slightly ahead of Paimon. She couldn’t find either Ei or Aether in the bedrooms or common rooms, meaning the pair must be doing something somewhere.

Especially since the guards saw them enter but not leave since the early morning.

Her ears twitched. She heard voices from the kitchen area up ahead.

Miko smiled.

“Paimon, can you wait here for a second?” She asks, turning to the fairy.

“Huh? Oh, sure I guess. Not like Ei or Aether can suddenly appear out of nowhere.” Paimon replied, continuing her snacking.

“Thank you.”

With tha, Miko walked ahead, more quietly this time, and she peeked around the corner of the kitchen.

Her eyes darted to the backs of both Aether and Ei, standing side by side as they seemed to be busy making something with their hands. Miko could just make out their conversation from where she stood, watching closely.

“Hmm, this one needs more rounded edges.”

“USe your fingers, the chocolate should deform nicely.”

“There we go! How did I do?”

“Hehe, wonderfully dear.”

Miko contemplated stepping in to tease the two, but as she took one step in, she paused.

Ei turned towards Aether, and Miko could see the vibrant smile plastered across her face, A smile that was only becoming a more frequent appearance on Ei’s face as of late ever since Aether has been around her all the time. They didn’t notice her, seemingly too busy with one another to even realize the kitsune is watching them from afar.

After a while of contemplating, Miko retracted her footsteps back with a smile and a sigh. She’s going to tease them to bits for this for sure; especially Ei with that many broken pots and pans and the mess all around.

But for now, she’ll play along. They deserve the happiness after all.

“Paimon?”

“Hmm?”

“Say, do you want some ramen from the food stalls down below?”

“Oh! Sure! But, what about Aether and Ei?”

“Hehe, don’t worry about them. I’m sure they’d be fine.”

“Eh? You sure?”

“Hehe. Of course. You can trust my instincts on this one Paimon.”

 

“Besides, I’m sure they’re as happy as they can be right now with each other.”

Notes:

Enjoy and happy valentine's day everyone! Hope ya'll have a blessed day. Join my discord for updates and giggles with fellow peeps.

https://discord.gg/JfRdFDJU89

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