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“Kenma and I want to come visit you,” Kuroo tells him over the phone. Bokuto’s excitement at seeing his best friend for the first time in two years plows right over the obvious problem with that plan.
He hollers into the phone, earning an amused chuckle from Kuroo, and it’s only after they’ve worked out all of the details that Kuroo says, “I’m excited to catch up with Akaashi. It’s been a while since I’ve heard from him.”
Bokuto’s heart falls.
“How’s he doing, by the way?”
Reality gives him a good hit on the head. “Um…” Bokuto racks his brain for the right way to tell his best friend that he and Akaashi broke up more than a year ago and he’s just been conveniently not mentioning it. They call each other once a week! He’s had at least 52 different opportunities to break the news!
Here’s another opportunity being handed to him on a silver platter, and yet…
“He’s doing good,” Bokuto says. It’s not a lie! Akaashi and he are still friends on social media. They talk here and there. He is doing good.
“I’m glad,” Kuroo says. Bokuto can hear the smile in his voice. “I can’t wait to see you guys.”
Bokuto is so, so screwed.
⚘⚘⚘
The moment Akaashi walks through the doors of the cafe, Bokuto realizes he’s made a mistake. It’s one thing seeing him in photos, but having to actually look at him? In real life? It makes Bokuto’s heart ache all over again.
Akaashi smiles when he catches sight of Bokuto. It’s polite and reserved, not at all like the smiles that Bokuto had grown accustomed to. He ignores the swoosh of his stomach, offering a smile of his own.
“Hey,” Bokuto says.
Akaashi takes the seat across from him. “Hey.”
Bokuto resigns himself to the awkward silence that passes between them before he forces himself to move the conversation forward. He was the one who asked Akaashi to meet here, after all.
“I messed up,” Bokuto rushes out. Small talk has never been his strong suit.
Akaashi’s expression shifts to worry, but before he has a chance to say anything, words are pouring out of Bokuto’s mouth.
“Kuroo and Kenma are coming into town and want to see you. And the thing is, they…think we’re dating. Because I never told them that we broke up. And now it’s been over a year! I can’t tell them now. So I was thinking…what if we pretended we’re still together? Just while they’re visiting, and then we can go back to normal…”
Bokuto swallows. The silence that follows is heavy. Akaashi looks like his brain is malfunctioning.
Finally, Akaashi says, “Kuroo’s your best friend.”
Bokuto nods.
“How could you not tell him?”
The words sting more than they should.
Because if I tell him, that makes it real.
Because I don’t want to talk about it.
Because I still love you.
“It never came up,” Bokuto says instead. It’s an obvious lie, but Akaashi doesn’t push. His eyes are thoughtful and distant. Bokuto sits in the silence and waits .
Patience has never been his strong suit either.
“Okay,” Akaashi says, snapping Bokuto to attention. “I’ll go along with your plan.”
What?
Bokuto’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. He quickly schools his expression into something resembling normalcy, like he’s not freaking out and filled with too many emotions to process at once.
Akaashi is going to pretend to be his boyfriend.
Does that mean they’ll have to hold hands?
Will they have to kiss?
Bokuto nearly takes the whole plan back at the prospect of kissing Akaashi again. He’s not sure his heart can take it.
“When are they visiting?” Akaashi asks, distracting Bokuto from the impending doom settling in his chest.
The reprieve lasts only a second. “This weekend…”
⚘⚘⚘
They make it to the bar before Kuroo and Kenma. Bokuto is a mess, his palms drenched with sweat in his lap. Lying to his best friend and being this close to Akaashi all in one night is too much for his brain to process. Gaaaah! He should have just told Kuroo from the start. He shouldn’t have dragged Akaashi into this.
“Hey,” the softness of Akaashi’s voice cuts through his panic. “It’s going to be fine.”
For a moment, Bokuto’s mind is quiet, focused only on the reassuring smile that Akaashi offers. It’s not long before the noise returns. He forces himself to nod, allowing a smile to take over his face. “Fine,” Bokuto agrees, “Everything will be fine.”
“They have no reason to doubt us,” Akaashi tells him.
Bokuto’s smile falters. His heart is pounding against his chest. Two years ago, he would have leaned his forehead into Akaashi’s and closed his eyes until he could breathe normally again. But things are different now. He can’t just touch Akaashi whenever he wants. He can’t lean on him for support the way he used to.
“Ohoho!” comes Kuroo’s booming voice, and Bokuto’s worries melt away at the sight of his best friend.
“OHOHO!” Bokuto greets, a few heads turning to stare at the commotion. Bokuto doesn’t pay the extra attention any mind, too busy wrapping Kuroo in the biggest bear hug known to man.
Once a good thirty seconds has passed, Bokuto reluctantly releases his friend, a fresh smile lighting his features at the sight of Kenma.
“Kemna!” He exclaims.
“Hey Bokuto,” Kenma says.
Instead of going in for a hug, Bokuto holds his first out. Kenma chuckles and bumps his fist against Bokuto’s, the three of them sliding into their seats.
Kuroo is diving into a conversation with Akaashi before Bokuto’s anxiety has a chance to come back in full. Watching the two of them interact so easily after all this time leaves him longing for the way things used to be. He forces his gaze away and catches Kenma’s eye in the process.
Bokuto holds Kenma’s gaze for only a second before he finds himself looking away. Does Kenma know? But how could he? Before he can second guess himself, he scoots closer to Akaashi until their thighs are touching, and then, feeling Kenma’s eyes watching him, throws an arm over Akaashi’s shoulder.
Akaashi’s words falter slightly, but he recovers quickly, acting like Bokuto’s arm around him is completely normal. Bokuto forces himself to pay attention to the conversation between Akaashi and Kuroo, but it proves to be a difficult task when he can feel Akaashi against him. This was a mistake. A huge mistake.
“You okay, Bo?”
Bokuto blinks, following the voice back to Kuroo, who’s looking at him with concern. Ahhh! He laughs off the question, his body leaning further into Akaashi in an unconscious search for support.
“Yeah, sorry, got distracted.” Distracted by the warmth of Akaashi’s body pressed against his.
Kuroo accepts Bokuto’s answer and the conversation moves forward. Bokuto works extra hard to keep up, and when they finally start wrapping up, he’s almost relieved. He fights the frown that threatens to form on his face and smiles brightly instead, locking Kuroo in a hug.
Kuroo hugs back just as tightly. “It was so good to see you, man.”
It’s only when Kuroo and Kenma are out of sight that Bokuto allows himself to relax. But the relaxation is quickly replaced by a new jolt of panic. He has to say goodbye to Akaashi now, too. And who knows when they’ll see each other again.
Bokuto’s chest stings. One look at Akaashi is all it takes for the longing to consume him. He’s not ready to say goodbye.
Akaashi is looking at him, waiting for him to say something.
Waiting for him to say goodbye.
Instead, Bokuto finds himself asking, “Do you want to come over?”
He’s surprised by how quickly Akaashi says, “Yes.”
⚘⚘⚘
They’ve been sitting in silence on Bokuto’s couch for the last two minutes. There’s a lot that Bokuto wants to say, but the words run in circles in his head, afraid to leave the safety of his mind.
Because once they’re out, there’s no taking them back.
Bokuto looks at Akaashi. Akaashi looks back, that familiar glint of support lighting his eyes.
It’s enough to give Bokuto the courage to ask, “Why did we break up?”
“I…” Akaashi looks lost for words. “We were busy. It just felt like the right thing to do.”
Bokuto remembers the last few months of their relationship. The missed calls, the forgotten texts, all the trying and never feeling like anything was enough. They had been consumed by their own lives, but—
“I miss you,” Bokuto says, all the longing from the last year and a half seeping into his words. It feels like opening an old wound.
“I miss you too,” Akaashi says, and Bokuto’s not sure if those words bandaid the old wound or open it further.
Bokuto reminds himself to breathe. Akaashi missing him shouldn’t really come as a surprise. It’s not like their relationship ended on bad terms. But hearing the words out loud makes him realize just how much he’s missed Akaashi.
His heart drums loudly in his chest. “Are you still busy?”
Akaashi stares at him so intently that Boktuo thinks he might fall into his gaze and never find a way out. Akaashi shakes his head slowly. “My life has calmed down a lot in the past few months.”
Bokuto chews at his lip until he tastes blood. He’s sweating worse than when he’s playing volleyball. “Are you free next weekend?” Bokuto asks. He can hardly hear the words as they leave his mouth. “It’s supposed to be nice out. We could wander around. Catch up.”
There’s a short, painful pause before Akaashi says, “Is it a date?”
Bokuto stops breathing. “Do you want it to be?”
Akaashi looks like he’s about to pass out. He nods, a quiet, “Yes,” escaping his lips.
Bokuto breathes a sigh of relief. The thudding in his chest is joined by a swarm of butterflies. This is real. This is happening .
He’s going on a date. With Akaashi.
He hasn’t been on a date since…
Since his last one with Akaashi.
What if he messes it all up a second time? What if he gets his heart broken again ? What if this time, everything ends worse? What if—
“Koutarou.” Akaashi’s quiet voice keeps the what-ifs from overwhelming him. “I don’t know what will happen if we try again. But I know that I want to. I know that I’ve never stopped loving you. I know that there’s never been anyone but you.”
Bokuto’s heart melts inside his chest. Before he can stop himself, he closes the short distance between them and wraps his arms around Akaashi. How did he ever go a year and a half without hugging him?
“You never…went on a date with anyone else?” Bokuto asks softly.
“I was never interested in anyone else,” Akaashi says. There’s a pause. “...Did you?”
Bokuto shakes his head and pulls back slightly. “No.”
There’s a small lull before Akaashi says, “You have to tell Kuroo, you know.”
Bokuto hides his face in Akaashi’s chest and groans. “Gaaaaah. I know, I know.”
Akaashi laughs softly and cards a hand through Bokuto’s hair. “He’s your best friend. He’ll get it.”
⚘⚘⚘
Later, when Bokuto finally works up the courage to tell Kuroo that not only had he and Akaashi broken up, but they were now back together (and happier than ever), Kuroo responds with a boisterous laugh.
“Dude, Kenma called it probably a month after you guys broke up. You stopped posting about him. You never shut up about the people you love—”
Bokuto’s lip curls into a pout, and he tries to protest, “Hey—”
Kuroo cuts him off with a laugh. “It’s not a bad thing! It’s one of my favorite things about you, man. You love so strongly.”
Bokuto’s expression softens. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I get it. If Kenma broke up with me, I’d try and convince him to fake date me, too.”
Bokuto rolls his eyes, warmth curled comfortably in his chest.