Work Text:
-HELLHAMMER POV-
It's around 15:20 and still he didn't came.
We planned to meet here at the café at around 14:30.
It's been almost an hour I've lost my hope.
My coffee got cold in waiting for him, I didn't even dared to drink at least a bit.
I slowly put my head on my crossed arms, glaring outside the window at people walking by. They're probably going home from work. Maybe some of them actually go to work. I'm lost in my mind again. It's empty. It's warm...
A random shake wakes me up and I see Jørn glaring at me from up.
I gulp.
"Sorry, I fell asleep.."
"No." he sits down in the chair in front of me, placing his milk coffee down. How cute, he always loved milk coffee. "My excuse for coming late."
"it's... It's okay..." can't believe we met right on Øystein's birthday. The guilt in my stomach went straight to my brain. I wanna throw up.
I remember so clearly his funeral.
But I don't remember if I cried or not. I think I was just shocked, sad too.
After losing Pelle, I wasn't really the same. And I remember very well how Jørn told me about Øystein talking so casual about making necklaces from his friend's skull and eating his brain with goddammit French fries I COOKED.
I'm still embarrassed.
"You okay?" Jørn stares at me with concern.
I am so glad he's actually worried for me.
"I... Zoned out a bit."
"Because of his birthday?"
"I... Yeah..."
He takes a sip from his coffee.
"I know. That fag will always be a shitty memory of mine. Fucker, pain in the ass. What in the name of fuck was in his head, I still wonder... Inserting dildos in your hole and moaning your vocalist's name..."
"Jørn... I just ate a burger-"
"Sorry-"
I giggle. Such a cutie.
We know each other very well, both ups and downs, and I swear I've never seen him blush so sweetly after talking about how gay Øystein used to be when he was still alive.
I still miss that asshole.
Hours passed, and so I gotta go home.
Still I'm not tired of Jørn and I hope he can just come over to my place to have a night in two.
So gay but so real...
"I gotta go home now..."
"Mind if I walk you home?"
"Oh, damn no-"
On the way home, he's so quiet.
I wonder if he's thinking about something or just...
"I have a question." I say
He jumps a bit, I think I surprised him.
"What is it?"
"Wanna spend the night at my house? I have food and a spare room for you."
"I wouldn't mind us sleeping on the couch tho-"
"What?"
"Nothing-"
It wasn't "nothing", it was something. Something I'm willing to find out.
At my place, we watch TV. He's still quiet, glaring at the screen with tired eyes.
"What's on your mind?" I ask, slowly daring to touch his long hair. He's still so young, despite the age...
And I'm still young, despite my age...
I've never been feminine, but I just found out I love guys. And Jørn is the one I'm willing to make a move on.
I've kept myself as young as possible and I hope I can just be accepted the way I am.
"Nothing." he said.
"There's still something, Jørn."
He looks at me.
I look at him.
We look at each other and I wonder if he feels something, or at least sees something in me that's making him go crazy.
Or am I wrong?
"Necrobutcher."
His stage name. A beautiful thing I'll remember even in my grave.
"Hellhammer."
He murmurs mine, and I almost forgot that's actually a part of me.
Hellhammer... I haven't heard this in years...
Tears run down my cheeks as I stare at him, remembering those years of being stuck inside a house like a housewife I was with two mentally ill assholes i miss so much.
I have the urge to cry and scream, tell this man how much I love him and still hate him for leaving me alone when I just wanted to help Pelle fight his sicknesses..
But the kiss on my lips just ended it all, making my mind go blank, my body numb and my hands clench his hair.
It's not rough, no passion, just a simple touch that means so much to me.
A touch that will stay stuck on my lips forever.