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The first day Kaveh saw Alhaitham, he had only one thought.
Beautiful.
Indeed, Alhaitham had the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen, a masterpiece of shining crimson and green. A beautiful contradiction, just like how Kaveh and Alhaitham were- clashing reds and greens that pushed each other away and always came back to each other. And each time Alhaitham turned his attention to Kaveh, his piercing gaze just let the rest of the world melt away, and it was just Kaveh and Alhaitham, standing in their own world arguing about mindless things.
As much as Kaveh would never admit it, for all the fights he picked with the Akademiya’s Scribe, there was just something magnetic about Alhaitham’s presence that kept reeling him back in. Like how a helpless sunflower cannot physically look away from the sun.
That’s what he was, a sunflower.
And Alhaitham was always the sun.
He was so brilliant, and annoyingly handsome. Perfect.
Unreachable.
It only got worse when Alhaitham started to focus on his physical training.
There were so many people who openly stared at him when they were out, and some more daring people had the audacity to ask him out.
But again and again, they were rebuffed with indifferent scoffs.
Kaveh never dared to try, because he was afraid.
Alhaitham may give him all the attention he wanted in the world, but that was because he was convenient.
A convenient person at Alhaitham’s side, who piqued his interest enough to be given a glimpse into his world.
While Kaveh was always a dreamer, on this one thing, he did not dare to dream.
After all, Alhaitham was Alhaitham.
Then they became roommates, and Kaveh fell in love all over again. Alhaitham had kindly opened up his home, seeing that his senior on the verge of being homeless. This gentle side of Alhaitham was something that he seldom revealed, and it let Kaveh have a small hope, for something more.
But he still did not know how to express it, only endlessly picking fights with Alhaitham to get his attention.
Alhaitham would always rise up to the challenge, burning him with his scathing wit.
(Kaveh secretly enjoyed it. Of course he did, or why would he keep coming back for more?)
And then the quest to save Sumeru happened, and Kaveh wasn’t around.
He wasn’t around to help Alhaitham rebel against the Akademiya, wasn’t around to meet the traveler, and wasn’t around to stop the traveler from introducing Alhaitham to the street dancer, Nilou.
The moment he walked past the markets one day and saw Alhaitham casually conversing with the girl, he could not stop the sinking feeling within him.
That smile.
Alhaitham rarely smiled.
And those eyes, which used to light up for Kaveh... They were now focused on Nilou.
Kaveh drew in a deep breath. Nilou was beautiful. She moved effortlessly with a grace he could never replicate, and was gentle in all the ways Kaveh was rough.
She was perfect.
Probably the type of girl any guy would fall in love with.
And it seems, Alhaitham wasn’t an exception this time.
---
“Do you like her?” Kaveh asked, the moment Alhaitham entered the house, their house.
Alhaitham pinched his nose. “I was just having a casual conversation with a friend, Kaveh,” he said.
“You haven’t answered the question.”
Alhaitham sighed. He turned to stare at Kaveh, and for a moment the light of a million suns was back. Then he opened his mouth. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”
The light was gone.
Snuffed out, like a suffocated candle.
Kaveh tried to hide the tremor in his eyes, his lips, his entire being. He forced a pained smile. Trying really hard to keep his tone even, he said, “She is... She is very beautiful.”
“Yes, she is objectively good looking,” Alhaitham replied shortly, and furrowed his brow slightly. “Are you alright? You don’t seem yourself.”
Kaveh closed his eyes. “I’m fine,” he lied, “Just tired.”
“Right, I don’t buy that.”
“Why would you say that?” Kaveh asked.
Alhaitham had the audacity to chuckle. Taking a step forward, he said softly, “I know you, Kaveh. I could read you with my eyes closed.”
Kaveh forced his eyes open, to look directly at the man right in front of him. The silvery grey wisps of hair, the beautiful eyes. The way his chest rose and fell with each breath. The sharp cheekbones and rugged jawline. That tunic that left everything to the imagination, but yet nothing at all at the same time. “You don’t know me enough,” Kaveh whispered, “There is something you need to know.”
Alhaitham’s eyes widened, betraying a rare moment of surprise, which quickly faded to realisation. “Kaveh-”
“I like you.”
There.
Finally, he’s said it.
All those months and years of agonising, and it was all over.
One part of him felt relieved, while the other braced for the hurt to come.
“I have liked you a long time,” Kaveh continued, unable to stop, “From the very first time I saw you. I have always wanted you.”
“I know,” Alhaitham answered simply.
You do?
Kaveh’s heart stuttered.
But... all these years...
“W-why didn’t you say anything?” he demanded.
Alhaitham sighed. “I like how we are now as friends,” he said slowly, “And I didn’t want anything to change.”
There it was.
Kaveh knew it was coming, but it still tasted bitter and harsh.
“Thank you for your candor,” he found himself saying, turning away.
He was so stupid to have even hoped. To have ever wanted him. Even though Alhaitham was right in front of him, he felt a million miles away. Kaveh loved him to the moon and back, and he only loved Kaveh as a friend.
Alhaitham cleared his throat. “We’re still friends, right?” he asked.
Kaveh did not know if he wanted to scream or cry more at that very instant. He wanted to take that offer of friendship and shove it back at Alhaitham’s stupidly perfect face. He yearned to run far away, to somewhere he would never be tormented by seeing Alhaitham and Nilou have their happily ever after. Far away, until Alhaitham could never find him again.
But his treacherous heart betrayed him. “Yes,” he said, and Alhaitham smiled.
That damned smile.
He was never going to get over him.