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The trainees gathered in the mess-hall for their evening meal, hungry and exhausted. The day’s training regimen had been merciless as per usual, with the addition of continuous heavy rainfall leaving everyone especially tender and throbbing. There was little talk among the young soldiers. Most were too tired to form cognitive thoughts further than to eat and sleep. Some skipped their meal entirely and dragged themselves straight into their cots.
Then there was Armin, who sat alone on the porch steps of the sleeping quarters. He slumped himself against the railing, feeling the cold air and letting stranded raindrops fall on his cheeks. His performance during today’s five-mile run was little more than pitiful. His lungs burned with each inhalation and his legs were jelly underneath him as he ran. He constantly fell behind the group, earning him shouts and insults from Shadis. Reiner even had to come to his aid, taking his loaded backpack from him and carrying both of theirs just so the tiny blond could catch his breath. This was hardly the first time Armin has been proven lacking; in all physical aspects he was one of the weakest links in the class. His whole life he’s had to rely on others to come to his rescue, to pick him back up off the ground. It stung to find that here was no different. He hung his head low into his folded arms and stared ahead at the mud, letting the water falling from the roof pour onto his hair and neck.
“Armin?”
It was Jean, Armin glanced up to see him coming from the mess-hall. Though Eren had no friendly relations with the lean mousy-haired boy, Armin found his company stimulating. They often swapped survival strategies and played chess on during their breaks from training, so Armin saw him as a resourceful ally and good friend. He gave a small wave to Jean as he approached, who returned the greeting.
“What are you still doing out here?” he asked as he came up to stand in front of the blond. “You’re gonna get sick, you know.”
Armin simply shrugged, his eyes downcast and melancholy. He felt Jean hop up the porch steps to escape the rain, but not continue into the sleeping quarters. It was with surprise he found Jean moving to sit down next to him on the steps.
“What’s bothering you?” Jean nudged at Armin’s shoulder, his hazel eyes searching the blond’s blue. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”
Armin glanced sideways at his companion, then back out into the night. “Jean, what are you here for?”
The question caught Jean off guard. “Huh?” he grunted. “To become a member of the royal guard, you know that already,” which was true. Everyone who knew Jean knew he was striving for a life of leisure that was provided to the military police. It wasn’t the most honorable goal, but there was honor in Jean’s honesty and his willingness to work hard to achieve that goal. Armin respected that about him. “Why are you asking a question like that?” Jean rebutted, “and what about you, huh? Why are you here?”
He lifted his head out of his folded arms to gaze at Jean. He looked worried, Armin could see that. Then he turned his glance upward into the dark night, letting droplets splash in his eyes. “I want to see the world,” he started. “I want to explore the lands beyond the walls, to witness things never seen by this generation, or the ones before us. I want to rediscover a world we left behind so long ago. I want,” he heaved. He was crying now, and he hoped Jean couldn’t tell. “I want to see what my parents never got to see.” The tears mixed with the raindrops and ran quickly down his cheeks and onto his resting arms. “But I’m afraid I’ll never get the chance. I’m not strong, Jean. Or fast, or brave for that matter. I’ve been hiding behind the backs of my friends my whole life, I wouldn’t last a day outside these walls.”
Jean did notice Armin’s tears. He watched his comrade tremble in the rain, unsure how to comfort him. He scooted closer and wrapped his arm around the blond’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug. He waited for Armin’s shaking to calm a bit and looked ahead into the rain. “You know, Armin, you don’t give yourself enough credit,” he stated, smiling down at his friend.
Armin moved from Jean’s arms and gave him a look, uncertain if he was being made fun of or not.
Jean went on. “I mean it. Do you know how many of us rely on you for guidance? Even Mikasa and Yeager, I see how they trust your plans without a second thought. Because they’re brilliant, Armin. You’re brilliant. You could get us all out of any bad situation. Ask anyone, I guarantee they’ll tell you the same thing. We’d all follow if you were leading the way.”
Heat rose from Armin’s cheeks, and his eyes searched Jean’s face for any sign of dishonesty. He found none, which made his blush pronounce further.
“You don’t have to be strong to be a soldier, Armin.” Jean looked him dead in the eyes, warmly, but with dire seriousness. Then he placed his hand on the blond’s shoulder and smiled. “That’s why we’re all fighting together.”
Armin couldn’t help his tears, they fell with reckless abandon. But they were tears of gratitude, and relief, and really everything except doubt and pity. Those feelings left him when he went in to hug Jean.
“Hey, hey there, c’mon,” Jean patted at Armin’s back. “No need for any more tears, we’re soaked enough as it is.”
They both laughed at that, and Jean stood, reaching his hand down to help his friend get up. Together they stood and walked into the barracks. They both slept easy that night, the sound of rainfall a soothing lullaby now that they were no longer weighed down by it.