Chapter Text
Silent night
Silent night, holy night,
The world, it slept, the wind blew softly.
The snow trickled from the kingdom of heaven,
Down to the earth, conflicts immediately fell silent.
Holder boy with curly hair, o how he laughs.
His beloved brought him back the joy.
There, the saving hour struck.
Before the angel child fell into death's maw.
Silent night, holy night.
Was a miracle performed that day?
As the angels once told the shepherds:
"So, listen from far and near, our Saviour is here."
{Aftertribution from the year 1304;
lost in an arsenal
of thousands and thousands of diaries}
~ ♥ ~
Silence.
Darkness that wrapped itself around that part of the earth like a cloak, seemingly opening the fictional gateway to a world of blissful peace in concert with the icy, tiny snowflakes.
Wind that magically transported the white splendour that adorned the ground into the air, as if it consisted of small sparkling gems.
Hot, steamy clouds rose up into the winter air; every breath revealed itself picturesque and downright familiar with old childish memories. The end of another year was approaching and one could have counted the remaining days with one's hands, provided one lived in that part of the world that celebrated the New Year on the first of January.
The fingers, no matter whether they were in woolly gloves or had to handle freely in the stinging frost, ran red. So did the tip of the nose, ears and cheeks. Still, they enjoyed honouring and marvelling at the Almighty's creation that winter night.
A pair of sapphire blue eyes looked up to the sky, a sparkle shining in them as bright and vivid as the candles in front of an altar. But behind this even idyllic external view there was huge fear of the future. The child's carefreeness, which sought peace and security in the midst of the snow on that quiet night, was coming to an end. Nothing remained eternal and so did the light-heartedness of Gabriel, the personification of the Knights Templar, protected by his grandmasters with excessive strength.
A few years before, he would have walked through the world with a broad smile and, without possessing any sense of danger, would have given a fraction of his attention to anyone.
That time was in the past.
For now, dark times were dawning, he felt.
It was not as if he did not already see the change in the view of his people.
It was also not as if he didn't get the criticism that was being backhanded.
It was also not as if he did not feel the ill-will of the people he met.
In a few years, Gabriel was sure, everything would change...But now it was the evening of the twenty-fourth of the twelfth month of the year 1304. He was still allowed to enjoy life, even if death was already at his doorstep and sent its harbingers. How many Christmases was this already? The one hundred and ninety-sixth? The boy was not quite sure anymore, because despite his almost two hundred years of existence, he was still mentally and physically not older than fourteen, maybe even fifteen years.
Still...This one celebration in the dead of winter, which he was allowed to celebrate once in the warm climate of the Kingdom of Jerusalem and once in snowy, icy France - both areas that brought his person to life - was one of the few celebrations where he was allowed to act outside the strict regulations of his order.
Provided, that is, that he still attended Christmas Mass on time and every prayer together, no matter how small.
But this time he spent the evening before Christmas Day in neither of his two core areas – the Holy Land or France, but in the middle of the Holy Roman Empire, together with....
"Woah, are you doing a staring contest against the sky right now? Can I play too?" a young knight, about a year younger than him, grinned stupidly at him. It was Gilbert, the personification of the Teutonic Order, who now slid over to him as he sat on the cold, gently sugared stone of the fountain. Gabriel had not noticed how he stared at the sky without batting an eyelash, for his thoughts had taken him over entirely. Gilbert, on the other hand, acted as jittery as ever and imitated him directly by staring up at the night sky as well.
...and directly got snowflakes in the eye. "AH! SCHEIßE!" he squeezed his eyes shut and additionally put his hands on them as if it would do any good, "I got it in the eye!" Suddenly Gabriel just had to chuckle softly and the melancholy was blown away as Gilbert was just...himself.
"Gilbert, you'll have to be careful when it snows..." the blond Templar with the cute wing-like curls spoke softly to his barely younger comrade, gently stroking his upper arm, "But don't panic, it'll be fine...It's just frozen water..."
The boy nodded and rubbed his eyes before facing his friend again. "Can we go and do something now? I'm bored and-" the albino spotted the slight glimmer of sadness and melancholy in Gabriel's eyes and his formerly annoyed look softened with concern, "You're racking your brain again, aren't you?"
Gabriel didn't answer, but the way his shoulders relaxed and he turned his head to the side proved Gilbert's assumption. And Gilbert hated nothing more than to see Gabriel so wracked and dreary. A sigh escaped his mouth and he put his arm around his older friend. "Come on, Gabriel, you know exactly what I always say. Fuck the others, they're just plain uncool and not awesome at all when they talk bad about you. We both know you're just too cool for all of them. - Not as awesome as me, but you know what I mean. You, or rather your order, is rich, strong and you have heaps of land...and most of all money. As if anything that bad could ever be done to you! Ha! The little bit of criticism quickly evaporates. I should know, I keep hearing 'Hey, brat, it's night time so shut up' or 'Can't you shut up just once' and do you think I ever cared? Well, I did not and yet I'm still standing there, so come on. It's going to be okay, alright?"
When Gabriel met him with silence, he rolled his eyes and put his hand on top of his; the fingertips of both hands already wore their red colour through the icy cold. Cautiously Gilbert looked around him. Not a soul strayed to this old square with its icy, drained fountain. The city centre had probably moved westward in recent centuries, for if Gilbert listened closely, he could hear a muffled melody coming from that direction. There was certainly more going on in the city centre; after all, Christmas was celebrated in the village community at that time, at best in the church with theatrical spectacles, and when the sovereign deemed it convenient, the annual December market was held a few days before Christmas Day - thus fitting for the Christmas season.
When Gilbert was sure that no one was peeking or even trudging through the snow near them, he turned his upper body toward Gabriel, leaned forward a bit, and pressed a peck to his cheek. In reality, he did know what Gabriel was going through. The reputation of his order had already dropped drastically in recent years and rumours were circulating like the plague in European cities. In addition, there were numerous new hostilities, against which Gabriel as an individual could do nothing. He may well be the personification of the Templar Order...but he was still a person, an individual, for whom these accusations were as painful and formative as they would be for a mortal. He was, after all, still a person in his own right in addition to his function as a personification - after all, the word personification also had the word 'person' in it. But how was Gilbert supposed to help him? He wasn't particularly good or known at helping people out with gentle words...There wasn't much left for him to do, except for action, which would hopefully give Gabriel what he needed.
So when his lips moved away from his cheek and he faced the flushed face of his secret love, Gilbert rose and held out his hand to Gabriel with a mild smile. "Come. Let's just go to this December market, okay? It'll take your mind off things and I'm sure there'll be something decent to eat there for once! I'm so sick of this gruesome food in the order! I cannot see that shit more! Bah!" Gilbert squinted his eyes dramatically and pressed his lips together as if he had just bitten into a lemon. Then he overdid it with the fake tremors that made his shoulders shake.
Little did he know that it was precisely this quality that Gabriel appreciated so much about him: Gilbert made him smile, whether it was his silliness or the talent to turn a sad situation into a funny one, Gabriel simply loved it about him. Because often it was these little unintentional gestures that brightened Gabriel's day and night, when he was once again under a bad star...
***
The further the children went towards the centre of the city, the closer the walls of the houses lined up. From the shadows of the deserted alleys, they stepped out into the light of the candles shining at the window. Laughter, but also bickering and whispering became louder and people buzzed like insects from one place to the next. They were probably once again preparing for the harsh winter that would last for several more months. Gabriel looked to his left. Cute wooden huts lined up around the centre of town, a fountain stood in their midst; the roof of the fountain was decorated with evergreen branches, like those of the fir tree. A smile painted itself on his face. How cute the townspeople decorated their place of residence and made it look more festive. The wooden market stalls, spread all around the round square, brought with them an almost comforting, relaxing, yet curious atmosphere. Only the people strolling from stall to stall, counting the money in their pockets, proved that the idyll of the evening square hid stress and worry about how to survive the winter.
"Gabriel!", his friend's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and not a second later he felt Gilbert's warm hand in his, "Come, I have something to show you!"
"What is it?" asked Gabriel not a second later as he let Gilbert lead him past the small serenades towards the gates of the mighty cathedral with the carefully engraved patterns in the light grey stone. If Gabriel looked closely, he even suspected he could recognize the images of the saints and church patrons.
"You're about to see!" a mischievous grin stretched broadly across Gilbert's face, and not a second later he was struggling to get the huge door open with his entire (unfortunately small) body weight. With both arms he clutched the icy black handle and leaned backwards. To no avail. "Hngh! Why won't this shit open up! I saw somebody go out there before!" Gabriel blinked at his wide-eyed friend in perplexity and raised his eyebrows. "Gilbert?"
"Don't say anything! I'll get it in a minute! I can do it on my own!" it shot straight out of the albino's mouth, and he immediately dismissed any form of help. He could do it! It would be too embarrassing if he, the great Gilbert, couldn't manage to open a door that was ten times bigger!
"Gilbert," Gabriel tried again - with some emphasis - stepping up beside him to the second doorway and placing his hand on a much smaller handle, "Gilbert, this is the right door." Serenely, Gabriel pressed down, opening the entrance to the house of worship. Scolding or an insult against Gilbert's stupidity did not fall, for Gabriel did not even think of it. However, if the older knight colleagues from their orders were here, the situation would probably be quite different and that, although bad mouthing - at least in Gabriel's order - was a taboo. "You know, some churches have a small front door built in their huge gates."
"Well...of course I know that!", Gilbert let go of his gate and laughed nervously, the tips of his ears running red, that always happened when he was embarrassed, "I just wanted to test if my dear Goldilocks here was still fit enough in the head to find the mistake!". That was on purpose! That was a test!" Not knowing if Gilbert was making this argument just to hide his mistake or if it was because he actually wanted to test Gabriel to distract him, the blonde Templar just shrugged. "Whatever you say! Let's forget about that...What were you so eager to show me in here?"
"This."
Gilbert led the way into the holy place, and Gabriel followed him closely. As they left the entrance portal behind and Gabriel could finally admire the entire nave, his heart stood still for a moment. Fir greenery adorned the cold stone of the marble altars, many more branches and longer twigs stretched in numerous places throughout the building. Here and there the red berries of mistletoe flashed out, adding individual warm splashes of colour in the candlelight and transforming the entire sight into an almost immortal work of art. Although they were only very basic, unspectacular materials from nature, they made an incredible difference to Gabriel, because for the first time in a long time he actually felt comfortable in these walls.
For the more he thought about how he had increasingly found himself in conflict with the high people of the clergy and the secular princes in recent years, the more uncomfortable and unworthy he had felt whenever he walked through cathedrals and chapels.
"My order put me in charge of decorating the church here last night," Gilbert whispered, strolling with his friend through the many rows of pews and aisles, past the offertory and the 'perpetual light' in front of the Blessed Sacrament by the precious gilded tabernacle, "I was too loud and too restless again after Vespers, but no one had the nerve to scold me anymore, so Grand Master Siegfried sent me here. Actually, this would have been the task for the squires for this morning, but well, could have been worse."
"You managed to do all that by yourself? Even that up there?!" Astonished, Gabriel pointed to the candlesticks on the pillars, which were clearly higher than they could reach. Because there was a fir branch or two stuck in there, too. "You wouldn't believe how much time and energy you have at night when you have nothing else to do. Besides, I raided the sacristy. You can find all kinds of things there that might help you." The albino proudly put his hands on his hips and looked at his work of the previous day. It had only taken a full six hours, too, and his legs hurt afterwards, but it didn't matter! "Do you like it? You must like it! I've outdone myself! Because I'm so cool, I added the mistletoe things because red is your favourite colour...Well, what do you say?"
"It's...", Gabriel's lips formed a smile - a smile almost as beautiful and full of joy as the one he gave Gilbert many years ago, when their world was still seemingly good, "It's really beautiful, Gilbert. I'm sure quite a few people will feel the same way about it. You honestly can be proud of yourself." Touched by the fact that Gilbert had even thought about his favourite colour, Gabriel rested his head against Gilbert's warm shoulder for a moment, and the grin on his face lingered longer than usual. Gilbert had given him a gift with that thought alone. Gabriel loved gifts, but his order forbade even him, though he was still a child - near immortal or not - from accepting physical gifts or even letters. If Gilbert had given him something material, Grand Master Jacques de Molay would surely have confiscated it directly. That's why these little attentions were so unspeakably special to Gabriel, no matter how small they might seem.
They were things that were between Gilbert and himself.
They were things that no one could know about, provided they both kept silent.
They were things that no law of the world or of pious living could have forbidden.
The two boys sat for a while in the quiet, deserted church. Arm in arm, their eyes peacefully closed and with their thoughts in a world far away from this earthly existence with its unbearable duties. It was warmth that filled their hearts like sacrificial candles with its introspective light, while outside in the snow dwelt the bitter cold.
Only when more and more voices sounded from outside, the two jerked up in fright and saw themselves forced to let go of each other.
But not a second later they longed to be close to each other again...
"But it happened in those days that the Emperor Augustus issued an order to enrol the entire globe in tax lists..."
Gabriel pricked up his ears and snapped his head toward the church doorway. "The Gospel of Christmas? Are they reciting that out there on the steps?"
"I think so. Earlier I heard some people discussing the Nativity play," Gilbert got up from his seat and held out his hand to Gabriel, "Man, ever since that one guy from Assisi started that stuff in that Greccio forest, you see it everywhere."
Gabriel accepted the hand, smiled mildly and stood up. "Right...That reminds me, do you know if Joan's in the area too? They come here quite regularly, don’t they?"
"That you, of all people, would ask about Joan surprises me!" the albino's eyes widened in astonishment, "I thought you hated Joan."
Gabriel's cheeks turned red on the spot and he began to play with the hem of his tunic. "Hating is a strong term...I would have said something more like, 'We just get into conflicts more easily.'" Indeed, Gabriel had harboured a great deal of ill will toward Joan - the personification of the Knights Hospitallers- in earlier times, but now his rivalry was gradually fading. For a long time he could not be angry with the elder knight; after all, they had sworn to him not to tattle on the innocent youthful love between Gilbert and him.
Suddenly, however, Gilbert's stomach spoke up and a terrible growl was heard. "Never mind, I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat! I don't care if it's Lent now, I need something decent to eat now, or I can pick my coffin already."
"Whatever you say, Gilbert!" the blond grinned, and the melancholy he'd been struggling with for the past few hours was blown away, "But let's take the other exit. I'm afraid the performers outside are playing their nativity play right outside the entrance, and I don't really want to barge in..."
***
The night progressed and snowflakes danced more and more intensely with the icy wind. From left and right Christmas carols resounded through the alleys, sung by choirs or families with their children. It was already noticeable that the strictest three weeks of Advent Lent had come to an end and that now, little by little, pleasure was coming back into life. Still, it would take until the Feast of Epiphany - the day of the Magi - before everyone was allowed to fall back into the old, unregulated ways of life. Everyone, that is, except for the members of the elite orders, whose strictly religious way of life sometimes took the breath away from Gabriel as well as Gilbert. There were no children in these religious orders, the Grand Masters themselves were of the opinion that a boy should not make this decision hastily if they want to join an order, because they were still too young and naive. Therefore, personifications like them were the physically and mentally youngest member of the group and a unique exception. This made growing up all the more difficult.
Religious orders were no place for children who still had so much to learn about the world.
Nevertheless, the two boys in their cloaks were forced to adapt to the adult world as quickly as possible.
But try as they might, they still remained a child at heart like any other, human or representative.
Gabriel laid his head back, looking at the moon, the stars and the snow that covered and put this part of the world into a peaceful sleep. The scent of sweet honey was in the air, along with a nutty undertone. So there had to be serenades from confectioners here. A novelty at the December markets, just like those of the toy makers and basket weavers. In the past, there would only have been vendors offering meat for the holiday, warm clothing, and other products essential for survival. Gabriel smiled as he looked to the side and spotted a young child with hot, roasted chestnuts in his hands. It was the evening of the twenty-fourth. Now, slowly, the strictest fasting rule should fall, which said he could only eat dried bread and bread soup on the twenty-third as well as the twenty-fourth.
The mouth of the Knight Templar was already watering. How he would love to bite into a delicious gingerbread now, or even enjoy the taste of chestnuts and almonds.
"Hey, shorty, didn't think you'd be here too."
Suddenly a voice snapped him out of his trance, followed by a munching, and he whipped his head around, startled.
"What?" As Gabriel turned, he spotted Joan as they gleefully nibbled on their tonsils. For once, they had combed their chin-length brown hair behind their ears; otherwise it might have interfered with their eating.
"Took you a long time to notice. But don't worry. Your friend is even worse," Joan replied unconcernedly, as if it were nothing more than a simple observation.
"Hey!", Gilbert, who had just whizzed through the serenades all around, checking out all the food stalls on the fly, of course heard the latter immediately, "I'm not stupid! I'm just taking my time." Offended, the youngest knight put his hands on his hips and glared angrily at Joan.
After an uncomfortably long pause, Joan answered first. "Yes. However you take it."
Gabriel sighed. The trio had found each other and were, of course, more chaotic than ever, yet he had to admit that he was truly pleased that all three of them were now allowed to celebrate this Christmas together in public. Because no matter how often Gabriel and Joan argued, somehow they could still call themselves a special kind of friends.
Gilbert, on the other hand, had far different concerns. He wrinkled his nose and stood on tiptoe for a moment to get eye-to-eye with his colleague for once. "Say, Joan, where did you get those almonds?"-"They're mine! You're not getting anything, I paid for that with my hard-earned money!"
Protectively, Joan raised their arms and held up the small package of almonds so that their young friends wouldn't even have a chance to reach them. Joan had longed for roasted almonds for so long, and they had wasted the last four weeks researching where the almond originally came from, who came up with the idea of roasted almonds, and what nutritional values this nut possessed. Had Joan had the time to do this? Only when they worked voluntary night shifts in the numerous monastery archives, but when else did Joan get to quench their thirst for knowledge?
"But!", Gilbert stood on tiptoe and hopped around on the spot to maybe catch the almonds after all, "I want some too! I'm starving!" Then he stood still, because the hopping was getting too tiring for him after all. "And Goldie, too! I can't let my Goldilocks starve there!" he pointed both hands at Gabriel and his facial expressions told more than a thousand words, "That would be really shitty of me!"
"Gilbert, that's a bad word!" Gabriel's eyebrows drew together sternly and Joan could do nothing but sigh. These two idiots were only making their own lives harder, creating drama out of pure nothingness. "Yeah, wait a minute. I got them from back there. Come on, for once I'll get you two something."
Surprised by Joan's spending mood and sudden change of heart, a smile crept onto Gabriel's face. Unfortunately, he couldn't accept the gesture; his subconscious forbade it. "There's really no need, Joan. You don't have to do that for us, but thanks for the kind thought anyway."
"Now what's all this about your modesty? Oh, come on, Gabriel, I really want to be nice for once and show you that I’m not that much of a bad friend, and then you don't accept my gifts. Really uncool." Joan rolled their eyes, already chewing on one of the last roasted almonds. "Don't always be so rigid about your rules. They've given up on me too. Come on, let me be nice for once, will you?"
"That's right, Gabriel, let's have a treat!" Gilbert seemed excited by the idea as well, though that wasn't surprising since he generally liked to take advantage of such opportunities. So Gabriel had no choice but to accept the gesture. "All right."
No sooner had he uttered those words than Gilbert shot through the market like a bolt of lightning, almost glued to the sales floor. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the sweet delicacies - be they gingerbread, almonds or other sugar cookies - and the selection left him spoiled for choice. He would have liked to take a little of everything, but then he remembered that he was actually only here for the roasted almonds.
So while Joan negotiated with the buyer and managed to get hold of another small amount of the sweet delicacy, Gilbert hissed directly back to his friend, who in the meantime had sat down on the edge of the fountain and was waiting for his comrades. A few minutes later Joan came traipsing up and handed Gabriel the candy. "Share nicely and enjoy. They really weren't cheap! You have to know, the import of such exotic delicacies is complex and especially by the transport routes really expensive!"
"I totally wasn't listening to you, but cool, I guess." Gilbert munched with his cheeks full, then looked back at Gabriel. "So, how do you like it?"
Gabriel didn't answer or make any sound, but the bright and intrigued glint in his eyes probably confirmed Gilbert's question. He hadn't known Gabriel had such a sweet tooth! Perhaps it was also because sweets were rarely found on his menu....
"I don't think he can talk right now." Joan chuckled softly at the younger friend's reaction. "But by the looks of him, it can only be a 'yes'." Gilbert grinned and watched his partner with a soft gaze. Seeing Gabriel so serene and cheerful, even though he'd been sulking with stress and sadness for the past few weeks, made his heart soar, and the anxious pressure in his chest eased as well.
He didn't want to imagine how bad and unbearable it would be for him to lose Gabriel one day. He was sure that on the day his partner would escape from the earthly world because of madness, something in him would die. But that would never take place. Gabriel and he were virtually immortal, nothing short of a dissolution of their two orders - their livelihood - could tear them apart, and Gilbert doubted that would ever happen. Some seventy or eighty years ago, he was additionally elevated from the representation of the Order to the personification of a state, so he was the Teutonic Order as well as the State of the Teutonic Order at the same time, and when Gabriel's people finally settled on a firm territory and established something of their own, as he did, it was even less likely that anything would happen to Gabriel.
While Gilbert dreamed of becoming a 'super awesome order state duo' together with Gabriel, the sunshine next to him only looked to the future with a bleak expression. Gilbert, after all, could not have guessed what specific rumours were spreading about him...But this conflict was not meant for that Christmas Eve and Gabriel was infinitely grateful to Gilbert, but also to Joan for the sweetly meant distraction. Spending this Christmas with them threw him back to a far more nostalgic time, when the three of them were stationed in the Holy Land and experienced that Christian feast together for the first time.
Gabriel was happy, despite the circumstances in which he was currently living.
And as long as he had his friends by his side, he didn't need to fear the future that lay ahead of him.
"Hey, guys," smiling fondly, he looked back and forth between Joan and Gilbert, wearing a glow in his water-blue irises, "Let's watch the street parade to celebrate. It should begin at the church square as soon as the clock strikes eight!"
~♥~