Chapter Text
The first sensation you feel after waking up is soft sheets clinging to your form. They’re silk it seems, but you move your hands up and down just to make sure. These already feel more expensive than anything you have ever owned so instead of opening your eyes completely – you decide to take a peek. This wide bed, the extravagant details on the ceiling above your head and the sheer size of this room give away just how out of place you actually are. You sit up and try to hear something. Anything. This manor seems to stillness itself. Without even the faintest sounds of footsteps outside, in what you can only guess to be a large manor, you stand up. Snowdrop white clothes cling to you and for some reason your hands cannot stop shaking. A gentle knock that echoes seems to immediately respond to the shaky breath you are forced to take.
“You seem to be awake. May I come in?”
Who does that voice belong to? You have no recollection of it. You feel weaker than ever and instead of answering, your knees betray you and end up on the maroon carpet instead. The person doesn’t sound dangerous but your body is just so tired.
Someone’s boots stand in front of you now. They’re looking down, their gloved hands quickly reaching for your shoulders.
“Why did you rise out of bed in your state?”
Your state he says. If only you knew what it was that was dragging you down. Something tells you he holds the key to the hope in figuring it out, so, as he effortlessly picks you up and places you on the bed again, you look up at him. A glow flashes across his face when you do. His eyes remind you of sinking ships. It seems like he is waiting for you to say something. But all you can ask is: “Who are you?”
His eyes betray him again. Worry so deep swims in them that you feel completely safe in his presence.
“I should have known you fainting out of nowhere was more serious than he told me it was. Have you completely forgotten everything about me?”
Yes. Yes, you have. It doesn’t matter how much your head hurts while you try to remember, no memories of him come to the surface. He kneels down and takes your hand. Lips brushing against your knuckle. The subconscious tells you that this has happened before.
“My name is Diluc Ragnvindr. The people here know me as their Lord but you...” he trails off. Something is bothering him; he seems unsure in what to say next.
“But you know me in truth. Or, at least you have known me so. This might shock you but I have to give you my full honesty. You know me as the creature that I am – a vampire.”
His words should make you want to flee. His lips were cold, his touch felt the same as the silk sheets you woke up in. There were no questions about his honesty. But for some reason, it seems that your body and mind are not shocked by this revelation.
“I... see.” “We are under a contract that you signed by your own will. I will show it to you as soon as you wish.” His gaze is on your completely but his thumb seems to be rubbing circles into your knuckle absentmindedly. His touch soothes you.
“I have heard of memory loss occurring in rare instances but complete memory loss has never been recorded...” He says it more to himself than you.
“I must apologize to you. I can’t help but think that this is my fault. Please get some rest. And please eat the food that the maids bring you.
He kisses your knuckle again, lingering for a second longer this time around and he walks off seemingly angry at himself. And when he leaves the room, you feel a prick on your wrist. Two prominent marks greet you; they seem fresh. This must be what he is angry at. If you fainted after these were made, it all makes sense.
You did as you were instructed. You rested, ate the food that the maids brought up to your room and your strength was slowly returning. Not by a lot – but at least you were able to stand up and take to the dinner table that night. When you walked in, Diluc and you were seated on completely different sides of the overwhelmingly stretched out table. He seemed so gentle that morning, now he seemed distant enough to make your soul ache. Why? You wondered if you two always sat like this. You or, well, the person whose body you took over.
“I have decided to nullify out contract until your memories return.”
You were barely eating and that made your knife stop.
“I see... but, I am afraid I do not remember anything our contract states.”
A butler suddenly appears by your side and slides the said document in front of you. It should be signed in someone else’s name, a name you have no recollection of, the name of this body you are borrowing and yet; what stands there in black letters is your own signature. Next to it is a fingerprint of red ink. Or was it blood?
“It states that you willingly signed it as I told you before. It also states that in return for your silence regarding my identity and..”, he stops for a few seconds but then continues, “and, in return for your blood every week, you get to live here with enough funds to support your family.”
Your family he says. And you have no way of knowing just who is your family in this world. Something about the whole situation seems bitter to you and without thinking you blurt out a question.
“If said contract has been nullified, does that mean I can leave?”
This time it is his knife that stops moving.
“You wish to depart from here?” (‘You wish to leave me?’ Your subconscious tells you that is what his questions really means.)
“No!”, you are quick to blurt out. “I just... I apologize. This whole situation is a lot to take in.” You completely stop eating. Diluc seems to not know how to reach you over the table.
“Sir Diluc, I have another question.” “There is no need for you to call me Lord or Sir. You may not remember me, but I will not allow us to return to such titles. Please ask what it is you wish to know.” “Diluc, can I sit next to you?”
The butler that still stands near you seems to let a smile show. A maid on the far end of the door reacts too.
And Diluc, in the softest voice you had heard that day, says that you may. You don’t speak for the rest of the dinner but somehow the room feels warmer than before.
A week passes and you are unable to remember things you would title as important. You manage to remember (or your brain forces images into your mind) of hazy fields of flowers and moon filled nights. Sometimes Diluc himself shows up in your memories. At first, he is a child running around with a wooden sword and in the very next memory you see him filled with insurmountable grief. For what?You have no clue of knowing but you have decided to trust this man – this vampire – enough to believe the answers he gives you.
He says that you grew up in the same place as him but that you always stuck to the background, so much so, that Diluc admits to have no clear memory of you before you helped him by willingly giving your blood in an alley one night. He says it was your kindness of not letting him starve. He says you were kind enough to save a monster but the few hazy memories assure you he is no such thing.
Next, you ask him how he became a vampire. Diluc had hope flash across his eyes this time. You used the word became; you must remember that he wasn’t always like this. Your memories must be slowly returning to you. Instead of confirming, the reply you give is that it is an obvious thing if you had said you witnessed him as a child running under the sun.
He says he was grieving for the death of his father and that somewhere in it he got lost. So lost in fact that he abandoned his duty for a while and ended up meeting those that turned him into a monster.
“I was towards the end of my journey and instead of turning away, I latched onto a lead to find the man responsible. For revenge. It led me to a place of evil itself. In saving that young boy, I took his place instead. I was too weak and too immature back then. I let myself be captured and they...they turned me into what I am now.”
After that week, you slowly watch Diluc lose his strength. Every day that passes, he grows paler and he avoids you more. The dinners start to become a lonely occasion with only your form hunched over a table. The candles that light up such a lonely place make your eye twitch before you take the first bite.
Your strength is returning but Diluc seems weaker than you were when you woke up on that first day. It makes sense – this arrangement was agreed upon because of his ‘needs’. The needs he absolutely hates. Nothing hurts you more than to see Diluc hate himself while also holding back so much that it means self-destruction.
Instead of allowing that to continue – you tell Adelinde that you demand his presence at dinner. And he obliges your wish.
It only makes you mad to see how he moves and avoids your gaze. When you talk and he instinctively wants to look at you – the second he sees your neck or hands, he looks at the plate. There is no light in his eyes. His hair is dishevelled and no matter how far back he moves his chair or face, you can make out the purple under his eyes. He seems so hollow, so distant in both mind and form.
“Diluc. You will listen to me.” “Your kindness stays the same even if you don’t remember it all. I already know what you will say and my answer is no. I will not allow you to offer yourself to me in this state. Once you remember me and this arrangement – only then.”
His servants know the cue of when to leave the room.
“What if I never remember Diluc? What then?” “You will remember.”
His answer is solidified and he continues to stab food on his fork. You can tell how it seems to be almost painful to smell and swallow. He is only forcing himself. You slam your knife and fork down on the table and glare at him.
“You cannot guarantee anything in this situation besides your own suffering if you continue to deny this request.”
Diluc calmly puts his own cutlery down.
“My answer is still no. There are other ways to help this need of mine that don’t put you in danger.”
You sit in silence for a while.
“Diluc, I know I cannot help myself remember if I do not help you. If your...bite was what caused this, maybe it could be the way to fix it. I want to help you of my own free will, if you refuse me, you are denying me that choice.” “Do not use such rhetoric with me! No matter how you word it, the act of taking your blood now would be vile. Eat your food so that we can end this conversation.”
It makes you mad. His stubbornness makes your blood boil and by the way he barely swallows down that food which probably tastes like nothing to him – you can tell that this blood rushing within your veins makes it harder for him. Instead of backing down, you extend your wrist onto the table in his direction.
“Please Diluc. You’ve trusted my judgement before, trust it again. I cannot remember anything if you destroy yourself.”
You can tell that he is battling with himself and how drastically different thoughts come to him. The instinct vs. the rationality. Diluc removes his gloves for the first time you woke up in this world, he holds onto your arm and pulls you into him. He kneels down.
“I am so sorry.” He kisses your marked wrist gently and repeats his apology once again. “Forgive me for this, I beg of you.”
You don’t think that there is anything to forgive when he whispers a plea at your feet. When Diluc’s fangs sink into your skin, your blood rushes again. The feeling is warm. His love for you is so warm that your theory proves to be true.
All of the memories come rushing back. It is just too bad that the same feeling takes over you once again. You faint before you get to tell Diluc just how much you remember; before you can tell him ‘I love you’ for the first time and God knows which time.