Work Text:
Despite what all of his friends can say, Oikawa is a master of romance. He has more knowledge about what makes or breaks a relationship than any of the people he knows who have ever been in one, even if he had been single all his life.
He will say vehemently that practice has no importance in the field of study that is the matter of the heart and that all of the academic reading he has done outweighs all of his singleness. He’s read uncountable stories of all plots and tropes, from hurt/comfort to fantasy AU to 300k slow burn that's not actually unrequited love with an accidental baby acquisition.
Long story short, Oikawa is a romance nerd. More precisely, he’s too deep in fandom hell to ever come back.
He has been in online fandoms for as long as he can recall, has seen the rise to fame of dozens of major ships, and can perfectly explain all of the intricacies of the Omegaverse. He can give you detailed explanations of how both safe and unsafe sex work, and being a total virgin doesn’t change the fact that he knows more about kinks than his kinkiest friends.
All of this has had a significant impact on Oikawa's love life, rendering it nonexistent. It's not for a lack of trying—except that it is—but he's not about to settle for anything less than a romance novel kind of love. He wants his organic meet-cute turned into mutual pining ending in domestic fluff and will not settle for less. He has turned down all of his friend’s offers to set him up an online dating profile, and arranging blind dates rubs him the wrong way.
Is it too much to ask to have longing eye contact with the florist across the street? for the said florist to approach him one day with a handmade bouquet and ask him out on a date, confessing how he fell in love with him at first sight and has been longing for him ever since?
Oikawa is just waiting for his prince charming to walk in, and he’s a patient man. Good things come to those who wait.
All of this got thrown away when their new colleague walked into the office on a Monday morning.
Oikawa would not consider himself a shallow man, but good eye candy never went unappreciated. And boy, this man was about to give him cavities.
Kuroo Tetsurou arrived all of a sudden, and Oikawa was not prepared for him.
Watching him strut the office with all of his confidence, charm his way into their service, and act as if he had been there for years was attractive in and of itself. But seeing how he handled all the work given to him with perfection and resolved all conflicts with clients known to be particularly delicate to handle has left Oikawa thirsting.
Of course, maintaining a professional facade is a must. Oikawa prides himself on how good of a worker he is, but on some occasions when Kuroo would sit so seductively on his desk and ask him how he was doing on this or that project, the facade would get a bit harder to keep up. How could he be faulted for not being able to focus on Excel sheets when long and delicious legs stood so close to him?
"Oikawa? Did you hear what I said?"
There he was, daydreaming again. Excel sheets. Cursed Excel sheets.
"Of course, Kuroo, I’ll leave all the documents on your desk by the end of the day."
"You don’t have to strain yourself too much. It’s not that urgent." Kuroo eyed him with concern, bringing his (big) hand to his forehead, "You look a bit red. Make sure you get appropriate rest; it would be a shame if you fell sick. Who would be left to brighten my day?"
How was it possible to be such a perfect combination of sexy and cute? The pout on Kuroo’s (red red red) lips should be illegal.
"Aren’t you a charmer? There's no need to worry; I have a perfect sleep schedule."
Kuroo smirked. The expression of concern morphed into his more typical way of flirty teasing.
"Only for you, Oikawa, I promise." He winked and said, "I have to get back to work now, but don’t hesitate to come see me if you need anything. It’s always nice to see your pretty face hanging around."
Oikawa rolled his eyes, secretly fighting down the blush at Kuroo’s usual antics.
"I’m sure you’ll be able to survive without me for a few hours."
"How would you know?" sighed Kuroo, standing up dramatically. Taking a few steps, he stopped and cried, "I'm already missing you Oikawa."
Snorting, Oikawa focused back on his work, willing his heartbeat to slow down and shaking off all of the Kuroo-induced mush in his brain.
***
"You’ve been only talking about him for nearly a month now," Hanamaki complained, "and it’s time you do something about it. You can’t be a coward and avoid all romantic interactions for fear of being disappointed."
Stopped in the middle of a rant, Oikawa gasped. They had been getting lunch with Hanamaki and Matsukawa at their usual restaurant, and the conversation had drifted yet again to Kuroo and "his impeccable chest" (amongst other things).
They were the only ones he could vent to, as his roommate and best friend were known not to take any of his shit and Sugawara was currently on his honeymoon. So being called out like that wasn’t expected to be on the menu; he just wanted to whine a little and let out the frustration.
"I don’t do that!" he shouted.
"You really do Oikawa. You never give any of the guys or girls that flirt with you any chance."
Seeing Matsukawa nod in approval had him huffing out in indignation.
"Because I don’t know them! What if they’re horrible people?! I don’t want to waste my time with relationships that have no future!"
"My point exactly! You have to let yourself get to know people before you categorize them as 'undateable'."
"But-"
"No but, Oikawa!" Hanamaki cut him out, saying, "You’re obviously interested in Kuroo, so go ask him out like a big boy and save us the trouble of hearing you gush about his perfectly proportionate legs."
"Well, he does have awesome legs," Oikawa mumbled, his ears turning red, the prospect of asking out Kuroo scarier than it should be.
"So? Ask him out, Oikawa! Just make a move! Show you’re interested! Aren’t you the so-called romance master? Put that shit up for practice for once."
Oikawa winced at that. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in his abilities, but being put on the spot had him scared out of his mind.
"That’s easier said than done Mattsun," he said, gulping down his water to try to hide his unease.
"Oh? So you’re admitting all of this is bullshit?" chimed in Matsukawa.
"What?! Of course not! I’ll show you how I’ll win him over!" Oikawa replied, indignantly. If there was one thing that worked with him, it was poking at his competitive streak and his pride. Despite being well aware of being easily manipulatable, it did nothing to change the fact that it worked every single time. like right now.
"Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. Can we talk about something other than your lack of love life now?"
"Okay rude."
The rest of the meal went by with no mention of either Kuroo or Oikawa’s ability to bag someone, but Oikawa’s mind was already reeling with all the possible ways that would make Kuroo consider him as a potential love interest.
***
The moment he went back to the office, Oikawa started on his master plan; it might cost him his afternoon and some overtime, but it was a necessary evil in the realization of his plans. He spent long hours creating and revising various plans, analyzing every possibility and every scenario that would give them the best odds of ending up together.
He wanted his plan to be efficient and already tried and tested. For that, he turned to the most accurate source of information: fan fiction. He knew that this might have sounded a bit wild to uneducated people, but there was a reason the same tropes kept getting used time and time again. The drama potential surely played a major role in it—there was a reason Hanahaki was so popular—but Oikawa truly believed that authors and readers alike could recognize the true romance of these tropes. So many people couldn’t be wrong about it; there had to be some evidence-based things in them.
His first idea was thus to use the "secret admirer" trope: putting on an anonymous persona to charm Kuroo with thoughtful gifts and notes before revealing that he was the one behind everything. This plan unfortunately had a major flaw: Makki and Mattsun would instantly know that he was the one hiding behind all of this. They would never let him live this down.
Giving up on this first trope, he turned himself toward another popular one: jealousy. The idea of a jealous Kuroo had him drooling already. Him popping in to stop Oikawa from being taken away from him, wrapping an arm possessively around his waist to mark his territory. Hot. If he could even bring him home in a fit of rage and prove his ownership, well, who would Oikawa be if he said no?
Regrettably, this trope was only ever used when the protagonists already had a pre-existing friendship or flirtationship. They needed to have a history together, for Kuroo to be deeply attached to Oikawa before either of them could be entitled to any sort of possessiveness. This truly was unfortunate, as the image of a dark and jealous Kuroo would not leave his mind.
Shaking out his sinful thoughts, he went back to work and got the idea of getting stuck in an elevator. Although Oikawa was not an omega whose heat could be triggered by an alpha Kuroo, the enclosed space was enough to result in some bonding. Being stuck close together would definitely result in them crossing the line between coworkers and more-than-friends, but no matter how he put it, he couldn't bypass the technical difficulties. Even if he tried bribing the security department, he was sure that no one would let him sabotage a perfectly fine elevator.
Bribing made him think of his next plan: sugar dating. This idea was shut down as soon as it came to his mind; he was already struggling to make ends meet, and adding a sugar baby to the equation would be a recipe for disaster. If he was being honest, he was the one in need of a sugar daddy.
After hours of brainstorming, Oikawa was at his wit's end. How was he not finding the solution? On Ao3, there were hundreds of tags; how could he not even use one that was relevant to his situation?
It was when he went to take a break from all of this chaos that he stumbled upon the solution. Besides the coffee machine in the break room, two of his colleagues were talking together. He eavesdropped on their conversation and gathered that they were talking about the next work event that was to take place the following week.
"How am I supposed to find a date before next week? I can’t show up alone; my ex will be there!"
"You should hire someone for the night then. Quick fix, and no problems afterwards."
Fake dating?
Fake dating! This was his solution! He just had to pretend that he was in dire need of a date for the event, and he would be able to charm Kuroo into wanting to actually date him! It was full proof; he had never seen an unhappy ending coupled with this trope. How did he not think about it before?
Forgoing his coffee, he rushed back to his desk to polish the inner workings of his plans. He was so enthusiastic that he ended up staying awake way too late and fell asleep on his desk, only waking up the next morning when his colleagues entered the office.
***
As the work event was coming soon, he needed to get going fast. There was no time for him to dance around the situation much longer; he had to ask Kuroo out to fake date him today. He had planned out everything and was pretty sure that Kuroo would accept, yet he was still anxious at the prospect.
Breathing in to stabilize his heart rate, he walked up to Kuroo with all the confidence he could muster.
"Hi Kuroo! How are you doing today?"
"Good morning Oikawa! I’m doing way better now that you’re here! What brings you to my humble self? I suppose it’s not only to keep me company, as much as I would love that."
Deep breath; he shouldn’t be impacted by Kuroo even this early in the morning.
"As it turns out, I’m here for you to keep me company. I was wondering if you had someone accompanying you to the work event next week."
Kuroo’s face briefly showed he was surprised before it settled back down to his usual smirk.
"Bold, Oikawa. Are you asking me to be your date?"
It took him a few seconds to calm down his heart, which had skipped a few beats at Kuroo’s suggestion.
"Sort of. Would you mind coming with me as a pretend date?"
"Why would you need a pretend date?"
Oikawa sighed painfully, but at least this part was real: "You have no idea how much of a pain it is dealing with those aunties that want to set you up with their daughters, not to mention all the people from marketing who weirdly can’t seem to keep it in their pants. Since you’re new, all of the people from the other services are going to try to get to you as well, so really, I’m proposing a mutually beneficial agreement here."
"That does sound awful, plus I’d never refuse a good date in your company. You’ve got a deal; consider me your fake boyfriend from now on." he winked.
"Thank you so much Kuroo," he breathed out in relief, "you’re really saving my life."
"Don’t mention it, babe."
"Babe?" Oikawa chocked.
Kuroo laughed at Oikawa’s sudden flusteredness and said, "Of course. I’m your boyfriend now, we can’t act like regular colleagues if you want people to believe in this scheme."
"Oh yeah, right." Why was he feeling slightly disappointed by Kuroo’s explanation? He was the one who suggested the whole ordeal. That wouldn’t matter for too long anyway, he reassured himself; Kuroo would be his real boyfriend soon enough thanks to his master plan.
"Looking forward to our collaboration, dear boyfriend," Kuroo said as he was handing out his hand to shake.
Oikawa took it and replied, "We’re going to make a great fake couple. People are going to believe it so hard," as they should. It was going to become real after Kuroo got a taste of what it was like to be dating him.
***
Putting on his tux to get ready before Kuroo came to pick him up, Oikawa looked at himself in the mirror and contemplated how he looked. Clad in a deep blue suit that made his eyes pop, Oikawa was objectively stunning. Everything was in place to launch the operation "Bag a Real Boyfriend".
He had been drowning in work the past week, and to his despair, he hadn’t been able to capitalize on his "boyfriend" status. The only thing that changed is that Kuroo and himself now use nicknames to refer to each other. It had left him feeling flustered more than once, and hearing Kuroo call him different variations of cutesy names like sweetheart or hotcake confirmed his want to get Kuroo to date him. He could already picture lots of domestic fluff and mind-blowing sex.
Hearing someone at the door pulled him away from his thoughts, and he walked to open the door to Kuroo with determination.
The vision of Kuroo in a suit knocked the air out of his lungs. The man was looking absolutely phenomenal. The dark pants he was wearing hugged all of his assets just right, and the jacket was accentuating his narrow waist in a way that made it hard to take his eyes away from it.
"Hi Kuroo, you dressed up nicely." Oikawa gulped—that was the understatement of the century.
Kuroo looked him up and down.
"Thanks. I have to say: not that you aren’t looking good every day, but you look absolutely beautiful tonight."
Oikawa turned away to welcome Kuroo into his apartment; it was definitely not because he was hiding his blush.
"Do you want anything to drink? I know we have to head out pretty soon, but I figured you might be thirsty."
"The only thing I’m thirsty for right now is you. These pants are doing wonders for your derrière."
Oikawa chocked and said, "I have to return the compliment."
"You've been staring at my ass, sweatheart?" Kuroo teased.
"What? No! I mean," stuttered Oikawa.
"It’s totally fine, love," Kuroo chuckled, interrupting his stuttering, "you have every right to be looking as my brand new fake boyfriend."
"Right. Yes. We’re fake boyfriends." He took a big breath of air and looked at Kuroo with determination. "Since you’re not really thirsty, are you ready to head out? We wouldn’t want to be late."
"Trust me, the thirst is real", he winked. "Let's get going!" Kuroo cheered enthusiastically. He paused and contemplated Oikawa for a few seconds, looking more wistful "Let's fake it until we make it."
***
As soon as they arrived at the venue, Kuroo put his hand on his waist and shoved him closer to his body. When they entered the building, they saw a lot of familiar faces amongst the crowd. He was already bracing himself for the incoming flow of questions that were sure to come. They agreed to say that their relationship was pretty new and that they got together after a few lunches taken together where they could feel the chemistry between them.
Fortunately for Oikawa, Matsukawa and Hanamaki had opted out of the party, allowing him to avoid all the embarrassing teasing he would receive and letting him keep the ruse for a while longer.
The entire night went like a dream; Kuroo was so attentive, constantly checking on his well-being. Watching him mingle with ease and charm his way around was a sight to behold.
He hadn't been able to take his gaze away from Kuroo all night; he was not only beautiful but also witty, funny, and so, so, so! interesting. Whenever they had been left alone, the conversation flowed nicely, with both of them never running out of things to say.
They had talked about their lives, their hobbies, and generally getting to know each other on a deeper level, and Oikawa found himself falling deeper for this man he was getting to know.
Around two or three hours into the night, they heard a commotion followed by a change of music, one more adapted to slow valse. Left and right, couples were forming and starting to dance. Oikawa eyed them curiously and a bit enviously, all of it looking deeply romantic.
His attention was brought back to Kuroo when he felt someone tap lightly on his shoulder.
There Kuroo was, looking at him with a soft smile, handing out his left hand to Oikawa.
"Would you like to dance?"
Oikawa’s cheeks turned pink at the gesture. He shifted awkwardly.
"I have no idea how to dance like this."
"Luckily for you, I’m an amazing dancer. I’ll guide you. You just have to follow my lead and enjoy it."
"If you’re so confident in your abilities, I’d really love to."
Taking Kuroo’s hand, they walked to the dance floor. When they stopped in the middle of the crowd, he took Oikawa's free hand to put it on his shoulder and laid his in the hollow of his waist.
They were facing each other, and it was as if all their surroundings disappeared. Oikawa’s whole world revolved around Kuroo and the depth of his eyes.
Kuroo started to sway them gently, and Oikawa let himself get carried away by the whirlwind of emotion in his chest. He let himself believe, for a while, that Kuroo’s gaze was laced with as much adoration as his.
"I know I’ve already told you this, but you are absolutely stunning tonight."
"I think you’ve mentioned it." He hummed, "I’ll have to return the compliment again. You’re also an amazing dancer; I’m impressed."
"Thanks," Kuroo chuckled lightly, "I'm doing my best."
They kept dancing quietly, neither daring to break the comfortable silence, only staring at each other as if the world revolved around this moment.
After a few more dances and the party nearing its end, Oikawa started to panic; everything had gone exceptionally well, and Oikawa was now completely down for the man, truly gone with no hope of ever coming back.
Everything was in Kuroo’s hands; he just had to hope he had been convincing enough in his endeavor to make Kuroo attracted to him. It was stressful to have no control over the situation; he wasn’t going to be the one making the next move because, honestly, he was way too scared.
"You look tense, Kawa. Is everything alright?"
Oikawa steadied his facial expressions; he shouldn’t give away how affected he was by the situation.
"Yes. All good. I just think I’m getting a bit tired."
"Should we go home then?" Kuroo asked with concern.
"No!" Oikawa shouted, apologizing with a look to the people he startled, "I mean. We should stay a bit longer. Aren’t you having fun?"
Kuroo snorted, "Of course I am. I’m just wondering when the next step in your plan is going to come."
"What are you talking about, Kuroo?" Oikawa asked, confused.
"What I mean is that now that this event is coming to an end, can you drop the act and ask me out on a real date?"
"Wait, what do you mean, ‘drop the act’?"
"Kawa-chan," Kuroo huffed, fondness dripping from his tone, "you’re not as slick as you wish to be, you know? Fake dating? That’s one of the most cliched ways you could have gone to get me to date you."
"Cliche? Excuse you," he huffed out indignantly, "but fake dating is not a cliche; it’s a very intricate trope!"
"That’s true, the secret admirer one would have been pretty bad; my personal favorite scenario was the one where we got stuck in an elevator together. Kinda disappointed you didn’t go with that."
Oikawa blanched and asked, "How do you know all of that? That was supposed to be top secret! I didn’t talk about it with anyone!"
"Babe, you should learn to not fall asleep on said top-secret plan."
"Wait, you were there that night?"
"Yeah, well. Someone had to keep an eye on you since you were obviously not too keen on taking care of yourself. I was worried you were going to stay up all night for a minute."
Oikawa mumbled with a blush, "Thank you, but you shouldn’t have snooped around my stuff. What do I look like now? I must have seemed so stupid."
"I’m sorry I looked around at your stuff, but I couldn’t help myself seeing how eagerly you had been working on it all afternoon. Plus, I didn’t think it made you look stupid. If anything, it made me even more attracted to you. You have no idea how cute you are, Oikawa."
"I'm not cute," Oikawa sneered. "Gorgeous or sexy if you want, but cute isn't what I'd call myself."
"You’re all three, love." Kuroo smiled fondly at his antics.
Oikawa was going to reply to this, but he suddenly started to catch up with the events. "Wait, wait, wait. You knew all of this was a ploy to seduce you, yet you still agreed?"
"I've been flirting with you for weeks; of course I wouldn't miss out on the opportunity!" Kuroo exclaimed.
"What do you mean you’ve been flirting with me? Shouldn’t you have been more straightforward? I didn’t notice anything!"
Kuroo smiled and said, "I couldn’t have been more obvious. It’s not my fault you’re incredibly dense."
"I’m not dense!" he protested. "I'll have you know that I’m very knowledgeable in everything related to love."
"Sure you are," chuckled Kuroo, "and how long is it going to take you to ask me out, mister love guru?"
Oikawa went absolutely red. Now faced with the fact that Kuroo had indeed reciprocated his feelings, the only thing left was to pop the question.
"Would you?" He stuttered, feeling shy even though he knew Kuroo’s answer.
"Would I what?" Kuroo smirked; he wasn’t going to let Oikawa go that easy.
"Would you go out with me and be my boyfriend?"
"Of course I would. Would you?"
"Would I what?" Wasn’t he the one who just asked?
"Would you let me kiss your pretty smile? I’ve been dying to do so all night."
Oikawa was going to combust on the spot.
"Of course."
Leaning down to cover the few centimeters between them, Kuroo pressed his lips against Oikawa's, and Oikawa realized that he still had a lot to learn about love, but that he wouldn’t mind keeping on learning by Kuroo's side.