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I
As they were lying there on that giant bed of Caitlyn's, the later just looked into Vi's eyes. There was something there that Vi was not sure she had ever seen in someone's eyes as they looked at her. A certain softness, but also… Was she imagining it? Some longing? She was not certain and she would not ask. Because right now there was not the right time to ask. Maybe there never would be. But in the end, she almost shivered, as the woman—an enforcer of all things—touched her.
A smile was showing on Caitlyn's face. A very soft and very tired smile. She looked at Vi. “I have never really…” She stopped herself, pressing her lips together.
Unsure what she wanted to say, Vi frowned. “You have never really… What?”
“Nothing. It's nothing,” Caitlyn muttered. She closed her eyes for a long while, opening them again afterwards just to look at Vi again.
“Don't tease me like that,” Vi said. “Now tell me, Cupcake. What have you never really?”
“This sounds wrong,” Caitlyn replied. “But… I think I never actually have spent time with someone from the undercity and… I don't know.” She hid her face in the crook of her arm, so clearly ashamed of the admission.
Truth to be told, Vi did not know how to react to this confession. The most obvious answer was: 'Yeah, that much I figured.' But maybe it was unfair towards her. Towards Caitlyn. Because all she was, was the result of her upbringing. Of course a little princess like this would not wander down into the undercity. So Vi left it at a sigh. “Well, maybe you can still change that now.”
II
Caitlyn was mostly one thing. Tired. More tired than she was supposed to be. Those things that had happened during those last few days… They had been too much. But she could not admit it. Because in the end she had to do something, right? With Jinx's attack, she had to stand up, she had to save people, she had to… Oh, she did not even know. Broker peace, maybe? Because she was afraid that there would be a war. Of course, Silco was dead now, but Jinx wasn't and…
Vi's fingers ran so gently through Caitlyn's hair. “You look quite desperate, Cupcake.”
“Do I now?” Caitlyn huffed. She did not want to show it, though she had never been really good at completely hiding her feelings.
Vi sighed, skuttling closer to her and carefully putting one arm around Caitlyn. “I… You know, when we were still living with Vander and…” She stopped, as the topic was still painful to her. She did not even try to hide it. “See, Powder and Ekko, they always kinda idolized me. So, they were trying to imitate me, which included my attitude.” A tiny smile on her lips. “And there was this one time they really got into trouble with some enforcers over it. They were almost taken and… I beat myself up over it. Because I was not there and I…” She shook her head. “The point I am trying to get to is, that Vander told me, that I should be a better role model. But also that it’s not all my responsibility. We… can't always be everywhere, even if…” She stopped herself, just ending in a sigh.
Caitlyn looked at her and wondered what she was thinking. Because she, too, was probably beating herself up over all of this, wasn't she? About how everything had turned out the way it had.
But Caitlyn did not know what to say, so she just put one hand onto the other woman's knee, smiling a gentle smile.
III
Living in a place like this seemed… wrong. While she knew she needed a home, because her old home no longer was open for her, this house seemed like a fucking castle. Not a place for a street kid to live in. True, she was not a kid any longer, but she was very much a soul from the undercity. A person from the streets. Sleeping in some dingy corner seemed more appropriate to her than this giant, comfortable bed, with a soft mattress to sink into. So sleeping was not a thing that came easy to her that last night.
While she tossed and turned, she could not help but wake Caitlyn as well, though she would not notice until the other woman grabbed her hand.
“Can't sleep?” Caitlyn asked.
And Vi sighed. “This bed is too soft.”
“I…” Caitlyn stopped herself and sighed. “I guess it is a big change.” With a small gesture she beckoned Vi to turn around to her, putting one hand onto the side of her head as she did. “But it is good to not sleep here alone, isn't it?”
“I…” Vi's brain drew a blank towards this question. She stared at the eyes that she could so barely make out in the dark. “I guess…”
“You know, when I was a kid, I always hated to sleep alone in my bed,” Caitlyn whispered. “But my mother did not want to have it any other way. She was always so stern… So I… I was often just lying here and crying and…” She gave a humorless chuckle. “I guess what I am trying to say is, that it feels good to have you here.”
IV
Caitlyn still did not know how to feel as she looked at the grave of her mother. She felt guilty, first and foremost. So very, very guilty. Because somewhere in her mind she was still wondering whether anything she could've done might've changed this outcome. If they had had any chance to stop Jinx from doing what she had done.
It was very obvious that Vi had only accompanied her because she cared about her, but did feel uncomfortable at this place. Maybe because it was a graveyard and those tended to be uncomfortable places. Maybe because it was the graveyard of the undercity.
And Caitlyn did not know what thoughts might be crossing Vi's bind, but she could put her hands into those of this woman, interweaving their fingers with each other, as she looked at her. She wanted to say something, anything, but she could not think of anything good, anything of value. So she just… waited, once more looking at her mother's grave.
“You know,” Vi finally offered. “When my parents died… On that day. We never got to actually burry them. Because there were so many dead. So, so many dead. And because of that there was just one big mass grave. Not that we…” Her voice was breaking. “I mean, Powder and I were just small kids. We were lucky that Vander found us on that day. But we never had a chance to properly say good-bye to them.” She lifted her other hand, the one not holding onto Caitlyn to wipe away a tear from the corner of her eye.
Even now Caitlyn did not know what to say, but she stepped closer to her, leaning her head against her shoulder.
V
“I am still not certain, what we are doing here,” Vi muttered, as she climbed up the steep path behind Caitlyn, as the afternoon sun was slowly dimming. Sure, even she had to admit that the weather was nice, this day, but so far, she had not quite figured out what Caitlyn wanted to show her that she could not show her anywhere else.
“Just wait a moment, will you?” Caitlyn said with a soft smile. For someone who was so bad at navigating the undercity, she was surprisingly good at making her way up this path.
In the end they finally reached the top of the cliff, allowing Vi to see at least one thing. The ocean that almost surrounded Piltover, given that the city was built on the point reaching into the ocean. Right now, the surface of the water was shimmering so peacefully in the sun, while a slight breeze caressed Vi's face. “This is pretty, I will give you that, Cupcake,” Vi muttered.
“I know,” Caitlyn said. She took Vi's hand, pulling her further towards the western side of the cliff. “I… I brought you here, because I wanted to watch the sunset with you.”
“The sunset?” Vi raised an eyebrow. “Now, isn't that romantic?”
“It is more than that,” Caitlyn replied. “It is nostalgic. When I was still a kid, my parents would come here with me every once in a while, and we might have a nice picnic together and it was simply nice.” She lowered her backpack to the ground, getting a box out of it. “And I thought we could share it together, you know? You and me and… the ocean, I guess.”
VI
“Ouch.” Caitlyn hissed, as her father pressed the cotton pad soaked with alcohol against the cut on her forehead. She was well aware that Vi was watching her, though she chose to ignore it right now.
“I need to clean it out, sweetheart,” her father soothed. “You know that.”
“I know that. But I still get to say ‘ouch’,” Caitlyn muttered, crossing her arms. She also was well aware that Vi was grinning widely by now. So. with a slight huff she could not help but look over at her. “What is it now?”
“I am just thinking: It's just a little cut, Cupcake.”
“Well, it still does hurt.”
Caitlyn's father chuckled, as he turned to Vi. “She is always like this. She will be the hardened warrior, when it is something actually serious, but she will be a little crybaby, if it is just a little graze or a cut.”
“Shut up,” Caitlyn hissed, but Vi just joined her father in chuckling.
“You don't wanna know how often Vander had to patch me up, after I got into some… arguments with the other kids on the streets. And sometimes not even other kids. I got into arguments a lot, you know?”
“I wouldn't have guessed,” Caitlyn muttered sardonically.
“I would love to say that I was, too, a hardened warrior, who just took it in stride. But while I was stubborn there was more than one moment where was sobbing in Vander's arms.” Her smile shifted. From a grin to a softer smile. “Mylo would always make fun of me then. Even though he was nothing but a little crybaby himself…” She gave a very long sigh. “I still miss them, you know?”
Just as Caitlyn's father put a patch over her cut, she looked over to her girlfriend. “I know.”
VII
Whenever Caitlyn was doing her shooting exercises, she got into this almost meditative state. She became quiet, only ever fixated on her target. Then she would breathe, close one eye and one moment later her shot would echo through their surroundings.
By now Vi had seen her do it so many times. It became kinda fascinating to her. She had learned to appreciate it. The silence. The focus. It did not quite seem to gel with the image she had of Caitlyn at times. But she knew that image was a fictional idealization of her. Because to Vi Caitlyn was someone pure. Someone not yet really tainted by the evils of the world. A stupid idea, because of course she had been tainted. Powder—Jinx—had killed her mother for heaven's sake!
“What is it?” Caitlyn asked, making Vi blink slowly, realizing she had stared.
Vi shook her head, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall of the shooting range. “Nothing,” she muttered. “I was just thinking… You still are a pretty awesome shot, Cupcake.”
“I know.” Caitlyn smiled. There was a moment in which Vi almost assumed she would ask any more question, but she didn't. Putting her rifle to the side, she sighed. “Did I ever tell you about Grayson?”
“Not much,” Vi replied.
“She was pretty much my idol,” Caitlyn replied. “A friend of my mother's. She was the old sheriff you know? She… Was very stern. But also… She saved my life once. When I was still a kid. So it was because of her, that I wanted to become an enforcer.”
“What happened to her?”
“The thing that happens a lot. She got killed. I think.” Caitlyn shook her head. “Yeah. I think.”
VIII
This was nothing that Caitlyn appreciated. She was not a fighter in this sense. She had a rifle for a reason: To choose her stand carefully. To keep away from the danger. And now she was here. Getting hit in the face once more by her god darn girlfriend.
“Ouch!”
“You need to keep your defense up!” Vi chided. She kept moving, though waiting for Caitlyn to do as she was told.
“I don't think I will ever be good at this,” Caitlyn muttered. “I don't want to hit you.”
“Ha! Even if you hit me! There ain't much you can do that has not been done by someone else,” Vi replied. “Now come on!”
Caitlyn groaned. They were both wearing gloves—not that it did a lot to lessen the impact. Caitlyn would know, because so far she had been the one to be hit again and again. What she had said was not a lie. She really, really did not wanna hit Vi. Yet, she knew this would not be over before she did. So, she tried to mimic her. Shifting her weight, staying in motion, keeping her eyes on Vi and any possible openings. She tried to punch. A one-two hit, like she had seen Vi do many times. But while Vi dodged the first one, she blocked the second. “Too slow!”
“Oh, for fucks sake! Can't I just stay in a good distance with my gun?”
“What are you gonna do if someone ambushes you?”
“I don't know!” Caitlyn replied. “Hope you are there?”
Vi sighed. “I… I don't want to be the one to be relied upon. I already let too many people down.”
For a moment Caitlyn just wanted to hug her, to pull her close. But just as she lowered her arms, she was hit in the shoulder by Vi, who once more chided her.
“What did I tell you, Cupcake? You wanna keep your defense up.”
IX
Vi lay on her back, looking up to the sky above, as the light was slowly waning and the first stars were showing up on the darkening sky. She heard the window open underneath her, as Caitlyn was so clearly checking up on her. She also heard the relief in Caitlyn's voice.
“There you are,” Caitlyn muttered, climbing up onto the roof herself to join her. “I was worried.”
“I am here, Cupcake.” Vi did not quite manage a smile. “You don't need to worry about me of all people.”
“Well, somebody as to.” She sat down by Vi's side, pulling her legs close to the body, as she too looked up to the sky. Her hand was feeling for Vi's, so Vi took it. It was not as if it was the first time for them to be up here, looking up at the sky, as the stars came out one by one.
“Are you really alright?” Caitlyn asked after a while.
“I am, Vi replied. I… At times the house feels wrong. Still.” Which was the best way to describe it. Because the house was nothing like the basement of the Last Drop, nor was it anything like a prison cell for that matter.
“It can be a lot,” Caitlyn admitted. “I am… I understand that, you know? Wanting to get away from it all. And up here… The sky is so close, isn't it? Almost as if you could stretch out your hand and pick a star right out of it.” She did so, with her left hand. Grabbing for the sky.
“Yeah,” Vi muttered, mimicking the gesture. “Almost.”
“Did I ever tell you how I used to come up here, to pout, when I was still a kid?”
“Yeah, you did,” Vi replied. “Also, about the time when your father snuck some toast out to you, because you did not want to apologize to your mother.”
Caitlyn chuckled. “Yeah… That… happened.”
X
Caitlyn could watch Vi for hours, as she was stripping of her clothes, putting on the shower, before looking over her shoulder. “Are you coming, Cupcake. Or would you rather watch?”
A tiny smirk crossed even Caitlyn's gaze, as Vi turned around, leaning against the wall in a rather tantalizing fashion. She let her hands glide down her body, as if for an invitation. So Caitlyn shook her head, before stripping of her last few things as well to indeed join her girlfriend underneath the hot stream of water.
She put her arms over Vi's shoulders, leaning her own forehead against Vi's. And for a moment they stayed like this. Just enjoying the heat and each other's closeness.
In the end it was Vi, who broke away, taking the soap and handing it to Caitlyn. “Would you do me the honors?”
“I sure can,” Caitlyn purred. She enjoyed this, after all. Getting to touch her. Gently. Running her hands over that muscular body. And as so many times she found herself tracing the lines of the tattoo covering most of Vi's back. It still fascinated her.
Vi knew this, of course. Looking over her shoulder once more. “While we were making it, I got once beaten up by one of the prison guards.”
Caitlyn shook her head at this. “When did you ever not get beaten up by them?”
“Are you trying to implying something?”
“Nothing,” Caitlyn replied, once more running her fingers across those strong shoulders. “Only that you have a tendency to get yourself into trouble.”
Vi chuckled. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
XI
There was this one thing that Vi kept wondering. So she did ask at some point. “How many girlfriends did you have before me, Cupcake?” She was lying on her stomach on the bed, while Caitlyn put on her nightgown.
“Well…” Caitlyn almost seemed to want to evade the topic. “I mean…”
“That many, uhm?”
“Not really.” Caitlyn sighed, coming over to the bed and sitting on the side of it. “I had quite a few… adventures. If you catch my drift.”
Vi raised an eyebrow, looking at her. “Adventures, huh?”
“Well, you know. People I might spend some nights with, but not the days.”
“Why not the days?”
Caitlyn shrugged. “I… I never found anyone I would want to spend the day with, I assume.” A tiny sigh escaped her lips. “Wow, that kinda makes me sound like a heartless bitch.”
“Did you break any hearts?”
Another shrug. “Admittedly I don't know. I never asked.”
Vi rolled onto her side, to easier look at her girlfriend. She could not help but smirk at this. Because she was once again reminded, how she so easily tended to idealize this woman. But what was she to do about it? Caitlyn was the best thing that had happened to her in so many, many years. “So, what makes me different?”
Caitlyn returned the gaze, looking at her for a long moment. “I honestly don't know. Maybe just your badass attitude.”
“My badass attitude, eh?” Vi grinned. “Yeah, I will take that.”
XII
Whenever they were down here, Vi would so often just stand here, in front of the mural and look at it. And Caitlyn was pretty sure, that she understood. At least part of it. Because looking at the faces of those dead or lost, she knew what kind of guilt Vi had to feel. Because in the end she still thought herself responsible in some way. Maybe there was a tiny bit of confusion of seeing her own face up there. As for a long time everyone had taken her for dead as well. Caitlyn did not dare to ask. Instead she would stand by her side, pushing her own hand into Vi's and holding onto it. Because that little gesture would always help herself to feel grounded and she could only hope that it did the same for Vi.
“I still wish, you could've gotten to know Vander,” Vi whispered. “I think he might've liked you. He liked the straight forward kind, you know? And you are pretty straight forward.”
Looking at that man's face, all bearded and smiling, Caitlyn had to admit that she, too, wished she had gotten to know him. The man who pretty much had raised Vi. Though she did not know whether he really could've liked her, given that she was an upsider.
Almost as if she could sense Caitlyn's thoughts, Vi turned to her. “No, I really could see you two getting along. All stern and gruff and…” She shook her head. And as she was standing there, Caitlyn was just following an instinct, as she wrapped her arms around Vi, pulling her close, as a tremble went through Vi's body.
“I would've loved to get to know him,” she whispered. “I am certain he was… amazing.” Because of that, she was pretty sure. “Just like you.”