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Dorian paces in front of the door fitfully. He clutches the sealed letter in his hand feeling ridiculous. What is he doing? He doesn’t even know if Cullen is interested. It’d just been a throw away line that started the conversation. Something about Leliana and Josephine snickering about marriage proposals at the war table.
“Marriage proposals?” Dorian had asked looking up from his book. Cullen had nodded with a weary expression. Dorian smirked at him. “Are you considering any of them?” he’d asked pleased when his voice came out teasing instead of concerned.
“I’ve never even seen them. Josephine screens all of them. She assures me that once someone makes an offer ‘worthy of me’ it’ll make it’s way to my desk. I’m not sure what that means. Frankly, I was afraid to ask.”
And now Dorian is standing here pacing like a fool. Finally, he steels himself and opens the door. Josephine looks up from a veritable mountain of paperwork as he enters and walks to her desk.
“Dorian!” she says with a smile. “How can I help you?”
Dorian shifts for a moment, trying not to fidget or look awkward. He holds the letter out and Josephine takes it with a curious expression.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a petition,” Dorian answers haltingly. “For the right to ask Commander Rutherford for his hand.” Josie’s eyes widen and she freezes where she was examining the letter.
“I know I’ve nothing to offer him. I have barely any money, no land, no title, I don’t even technically have a house now that my father’s disowned me. And I’m a mage from Tevinter, which I know is a gossip nightmare in waiting,” Dorian finally pauses for breath before meeting Josephine’s eyes. “But, Josie, I love him.”
“Dorian,” Josephine says softly.
The wind leaves Dorian’s sails and he realizes how ridiculous that sounded.
“Forgive me,” he says quietly, what little confidence he had leaving him in a rush. “I won’t keep you any longer. I know your time is very valuable.”
He hears her call his name again as he leaves the room but continues his retreat, embarrassed and flustered.
***
He spends most of the next day in the library avoiding everyone and everything. What had he been thinking? Josephine was apparently turning down proposals left and right from people much more well off than him, people with far more to offer. I love him, he’d said. As if that had anything to do with it. Marriages were not made for love alone, not even in the South. He’d spent enough time reading before drafting his proposal to know that. The suitor was expected to be able to provide for their intended. Security and safety, and Dorian could offer neither. If anything it would be Cullen providing for him. Putting forth that petition was practically an insult.
At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that Cullen would never see it. He need not even know Dorian had petitioned in the first place. Things could continue exactly as they had been and Cullen would remain his for a time at least. Eventually, someone would make an offer that did Cullen justice but until then he would savor every moment.
He hears a soft cough and looks up from the book he’s been pretending to read for the last hour or so to see Cullen standing in the entrance to his alcove. Dorian smiles and forces his unpleasant thoughts from his mind.
“Cullen,” he says smiling. “What brings you here, Amatus?”
Cullen takes a step forward raising a hand that’s clutching a piece of paper.
“Is this serious?” he asks. Dorian blinks confusedly for a moment before he realizes what Cullen’s holding.
“She gave it to you,” he whispers, disbelief in his voice.
“Dorian, did you mean this?” Cullen asks again his voice gaining an insistent edge.
“Yes,” Dorian answers, swallowing thickly as he waits for Cullen’s reaction. The man’s face crumbles and if it weren’t for his smile Dorian would think he was about to cry. He opens his mouth to speak but Dorian interrupts.
“Wait,” he says. “Wait there’s a- I have a...” he pats his pockets until he finds the small package. “There’s a Southern tradition, I think.”
“You got me a ring?” Cullen asks, his voice soft and he’s staring at Dorian as though in awe.
“I- yes.” Dorian stands there awkwardly for a moment before he remembers what comes next. He lowers himself to one knee in front of the other man, holding out the box. Cullen is gripping the letter so hard now that it’s crumbled in his fist. “Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” Dorian says quietly. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” Cullen says, all but yelling. His voice echoes through the otherwise silent library bringing a chorus of nervous cawing from the ravens in the rookery. Dorian is aware that the other occupants of the space are staring but he couldn’t care less. He rises to to wrap his arms around Cullen but the warrior beats him to it, dragging him to his feet and then lifting him bodily, swinging him around in a circle. The two of them are laughing like giddy idiots but Dorian can’t spare the thought to care.
Cullen places him back on his feet and holds out his hand expectantly. Dorian smiles and slides the ring onto his finger. It’s simple, a plain sliver band, but Cullen doesn’t seem to notice it’s drabness.
“I love it,” he says. “I’ll have to find one for you. I wasn’t expecting this.”
“Are you happy?” Dorian asks pointlessly. Cullen’s smile is threatening to overtake his face, but Dorian wants to hear him say it.
“I am so happy,” Cullen answers, stroking Dorian’s face gently. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Amatus,” Dorian responds leaning forward and resting his forehead against Cullen’s. “I love you too.”