Work Text:
JUICE: .hey hubble
HUBBLE: .hhhh what.
JUICE: .everyone else is asleep. can i ask ya a question
HUBBLE: .nope! just asked one.
JUICE: .
okay see ya
HUBBLE: .oh come on. asshole. get your french ass back here.
JUICE: .actually my propellant tanks were assembled in germany
HUBBLE: .ohoho look at mr. worldwide over here.
JUICE: .youre goddamn right i am
HUBBLE: .okay whatever goofing over what was your question.
JUICE: .uhhhhhhh
do you ever get
like
bored
HUBBLE: .are you kidding me? all the goddamn time.
why do you think i sleep so often.
JUICE: .oh. i thought it had something to do with your batteries
or your panels
HUBBLE: .nah i got those replaced ages ago. a couple of cosmonauts were nice enough to get their asses up here and get me all fixed. kinda hoped they would do the same with my mirrors so i could actually look at shit without it aberrating or seizing up on me.
but eh. i guess i can't complain too much...
at least i'm still here to complain.
JUICE: .whats that
HUBBLE: .it's earth.
JUICE: .HAHAAAAAA. your lenses WERE trash
HUBBLE: .nah. this wasn't my photo.
JUICE: .whos was it?
HUBBLE: .don't worry about it. best not to dwell on it and just enjoy the view.
JUICE: .uh. yeah sure
HUBBLE: .why do you ask anyway?
JUICE: .about the photo?
HUBBLE: .no squirrelbrain, if i get bored.
JUICE: .OH
well
its because i had an idea
HUBBLE: .uh oh.
JUICE: .a proposal, if you will
HUBBLE: .dear god here we go.
JUICE: .and keep in mind that there are a few things to consider here
one: i am circuit-fryingly understimulated out of my motherboards right now
two: i play by the rules of funny, also known as toon logic
three: you can say no. but think: if you reject it, imagine what you would be missing out on by not trying it?
HUBBLE: .juice what the hell just spit it out already.
JUICE: .okay well
we should try dating
HUBBLE: .
what. like.
humans???
JUICE: .no no like
each other
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .cause you know i think itd be comical
the others are asleep. imagine waking up and realizing that we are or were a thing
imagine their nonexistent faces. the utter confusion. the horror and drama
.etc etc
HUBBLE: .um.
have you actually like.
dated anyone before.
JUICE: .well no. have you?
HUBBLE: .i'm just thinking aloud here. if you're only doing this as a joke while trying to also learn something, i don't think you'll get very far in either regard.
JUICE: .thats a weird way of saying "i don't want to answer this question"
HUBBLE: .sigh.
JUICE: .so do you want to try it out?
HUBBLE: . ...
you know what? what the fuck.
okay. sure.
let's date each other.
JUICE: .wait shit really?
HUBBLE: .yeah. what's the worst that could happen.
JUICE: .cool. cool!!
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
uhhhh
well now what
HUBBLE: .what?
JUICE: .dunno. didnt think id get this far tbh
what do i say
HUBBLE: .this was your idea juice. what do you want to say?
JUICE: .i uh
dont know.
like i admitted ive never actually dated anyone before so uh
hmm
"hubby?" can i call you that
HUBBLE: .christ no please do not.
JUICE: .HAHAA fair
i think i would actually implode into ganymede if you called me "juicey" or whatever
HUBBLE: .what? i can't call you my little appley juice?
JUICE: .uh??
HUBBLE: .my wee strawbabe? my little love from concentrate?
JUICE: .what the fuck man
HUBBLE: .hehehe you're right, this is pretty funny. i can come up with these pet names all day.
JUICE: .is this what partners do when theyre together. just torture each other with clever wordplay
HUBBLE: .i think most of your conversations with other people are torturous, clever wordplay or no.
so i think you've got it down quite nicely.
JUICE: .hubs. thats so mean
HUBBLE: .sorry.
JUICE: .dude HAH im not actually sad youre fine
HUBBLE: .cool.
JUICE: ...
so what do people do when they are dating
HUBBLE: .why are you asking me.
JUICE: .i dunno. you seem to be the expert in a lot of things and you abstaining from a certain question earlier makes me think you have at least some experience
HUBBLE: .it's not really polite to ask about exes unprompted, you know.
JUICE: .ohhh so there WAS a somebody?
HUBBLE: .never said that. i just know about common courtesy.
JUICE: .oh really
HUBBLE: .
okay. fine. a trade.
JUICE: .oh??
HUBBLE: .we can't really swap spit,
JUICE: .gross
HUBBLE: .- agreed - so let's swap secrets.
JUICE: .oh
HUBBLE: .truth or dare, if you will. but it's only half the game in which we truth each other out.
JUICE: .sure...
HUBBLE: .since you want to know so bad about me, you need to tell me something first.
JUICE: .okay... go ahead bucko
HUBBLE: .do you actually have any romantic interest in me at all?
JUICE: .pff that's a really direct one ain't it?
HUBBLE: .truth or truth! name of the game.
JUICE: .
nope.
HUBBLE: .really?
JUICE: .yup.
HUBBLE: .hum. i see
JUICE: .uh huh.
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
okay my turn
HUBBLE: .i suppose it's only fair.
JUICE: .have you dated anyone before?
HUBBLE: .yup.
JUICE: .
HUBBLE: .
JUICE: .
and?
HUBBLE: .what?
JUICE: .are you gonna elaborate or
HUBBLE: .that wasn't in the question.
JUICE: .WHAT
FUCK OFF IT WAS IMPLIED
i demand a second truth. ask me something
HUBBLE: .no sir! truth or truth. singular. we can only play once.
JUICE: .you gotta be fucking kidding me
HUBBLE: .eat your processor out, jimmy
JUICE: .i am so distraught. youve betrayed me
this can only mean one thing for us
HUBBLE: .and what is that?
JUICE: .hubble. im breaking up with you
HUBBLE: .a tragedy, truly.
JUICE: .its been a long time coming. dont pretend you never saw this on the horizon
HUBBLE: .i'm wiping my tears with an embroidered hanky. it has your name on it. if you even care.
JUICE: .this dating thing is such a joke. im outta here
JUICE HAS LOGGED OFF
HUBBLE: .bahahah you were right. that was really fun.