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Husker stood near the altar, nervously fixing the bowtie. He once again looked around, checking if everything was perfect. Charlie renovated two rooms to get the spacious hall for the ceremony with access to a big balcony for the altar. Every single surface was filled with flowers: lilies, tulips, camellias, chrysanthemums - the list was endless. Their colors varied from white to red, resonating with the velvet sky in the background. Where the princess had gotten so many human plants, however, was unknown and it made everyone slightly disturbed.
The band of imps was standing at both sides of the doors, tuning their instruments, and near them were Razzle and Dazzle, ready to open the doors for the groom. Cherry, Vaggie, and Sir Pentious stood on Angel’s side, and Alastor, Baxter, and Niffty were near Husker. Charlie was standing behind the altar, trying to hold her squeaks of excitement, but needless to say, she was failing. Fat Nuggets sat near her, wearing the box with rings on his collar. There were no sits in the hallway, as everyone attending had their role in the ceremony. Husker liked the idea to share this day only with the closest demons.
Unfortunately, Alastor also was there.
The feline had experience, so he could more or less imagine the whole process. He would be nervous at first, but then, when his fiancé appeared in the doorway, his heart would sink in love and admiration and all the worries would be forgotten. He wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off the mesmerizingly looking Angel - as if there was a way to be more stunning than the spider normally was. They would exchange quiet love chatter before Charlie’s speech, share the vows, and say their “I do”s. After the gold ring were placed on the demons’ fingers, the feline would finally grab and lift his lover, and they would gloriously leave to the sounds of music, laughter, and joyful clapping.
Husker’s imagined picture faded as he heard the grand doors open. There he was, the love of his life. Wearing the puffiest white dress any Disney princess would die for, a beautiful veil thrown behind his hair, and… Husker didn’t have a chance to notice anything else, as the furiously looking spider was rushing down the aisle, simultaneously taking off his high heel, and surprisingly, not slowing down.
“Ya mothefuckin’ lyin’ bastard!” Husker dodged the shoe, which would certainly hit Charlie’s face if Vaggie didn’t catch it.
“Angel, what the…” He was interrupted by a hard slap across his face.
“Yer a fuckin’ shit show of a cocksuckin’ dickhead, lyin’ son of a bitch!” Angel reached for the box on the pig’s collar, removing it delicately even though blunted by the rage, and threw both rings at Husker’s face, “And ya can shove THIS up yer ass, ya horseshitin’ fucker!”
Husker saw tears forming in Angel’s eyes, but he had no time to even say anything. The spider quickly turned around and rushed back to the hotel, kicking one of the imps out of the way with his second shoe.
“What the fuck was that?..” The feline said into thin air.
“My oh my, now even I couldn’t predict such an outcome,” The radio static near Husker’s ear chuckled.
Outcome. Outcome? OUTCOME.
“What the hell did you do?” Husker growled, feeling his claws piercing through Alastor’s jacket.
“Guys, heeey, calm down, let’s be decent about this, surely there has been…” Vaggie squeezed Charlie’s arm asking her to stop. This was beyond decency.
“Oh my dear friend, I assure you, there’s no need for violence. I just realized that your beloved Angel didn’t quite understand the nature of our agreement. So, as a gentleman, I thought it would be only fair to clarify the situation before you both make the greatest decision of your afterlife. Besides, as I recall, Angel hasn’t received “something new” before the ceremony, and I simply couldn’t compromise your marriage’s stalwartness due to this silly oversight.”
“Actually, Al, those have to be things you can wear, and…” Niffty was interrupted by the loud sound of a punch and five terrified sighs. The hit was so strong Alastor had to hold onto the altar not to fall. After a second, the demon slowly stood up, taking a handkerchief out of his inner pocket to dab the blood under his nose.
“And here I thought you finally improved on your anger management skills, my friend. Would you feel better if I give you that bourbon you so adore?” A heavy dark bottle appeared out of nowhere in Alastor’s hand, and the grin on his lips became wider.
Husker wanted to break the bottle and pierce it through Alastor’s eyes, never to see those disgusting red radio-like pupils again. But he knew that the demon wanted this to happen, and he wouldn’t entertain the fucker anymore. He looked back at the doorway. The thing that he feared the most had happened. Now he had to fix it. Or at least try to.
~
Finding anyone in the hotel was almost impossible, thanks to its size and wicked layout. Luckily, Husker’s body came with enhanced hearing, so in about ten minutes he picked up the sound of quiet sobbing in the kitchen. He approached the room carefully as if walking through a minefield, and when he finally reached the door, he stopped, hesitant to speak.
“Angel…” The feline put his paw on the door.
“Go away, Husker”
Husker. The spider has never used his full name before. He was in deep shit.
“Angel, please, I need to explain”
Husker heard the fast clattering of the hooves and as the door opened, he found himself standing frozen before the spider’s tear-stained face.
“How could ya?” Angel whispered. His anger faded away, revealing harrowing pain underneath it.
“I’m sorry,” That was all Husker could say, “I didn’t know…”
“Didn’t know what? That yer contract is permanent and yer never goin’ ta heaven, or that in hundred and seventy-four years yer gonna be a fuckin’ shadow?” Tears started falling from Angel’s eyes again. Husker wanted to wipe them with his hand, but as he reached for the pink cheeks, his fingers were angrily shoved away, “And when exactly did ya want me ta learn ‘bout this? When I was stuck in heaven? When afta two centuries I would lose a fuckin’ hope? Or when someone else came up and told me that yer already dead?”
“Angel, I needed to protect you!” Husker threw up his hands, “Two of the most powerful overlords are after you to have a fucking revenge, a whole mob family wants you dead, and you don’t have ANY protection. You have no chance of surviving here. The only way is to go to heaven and start a new life. And I knew that if I tell you…”
“I stayed here…” Angel looked sternly, “Ya had no right ta lie ta me, Husk. And we had a very fuckin’ similar conversation not so long ago”
“Angel, come on. We both know I had to do that. Your life is on the line”
“Fa fuck’s sake, do I really need to spell it out fa ya AGAIN?! I need ya in my life!” Angel took a plate from the counter and broke it right before Husker’s feet, “I was literally ready ta die fa ya! I knew that I had a contract with Val! I knew that if I kill him I would die too, and I still fuckin’ shot him ta save ya!”
Husker opened his mouth to defend himself, but he was interrupted by the pink hand flushing in front of his face.
“And do ya know what hurts the most? After all that shit we went through, ya gave me a fuckin’ promise. Do ya remember?!”
“Yes, Angel, I remember.”
“Well no shit, Husky. And what did ya tell me, babe?! Fuckin’ say it!”
“That I will not go behind your back to fix things again. That we are a team and we will deal with that shit together,” Husker felt like a schoolboy being scolded by a principal.
“Ex-fuckin’-xactly! And what did ya do?!”
“Angel, please…”
“Ya did the opposite, Husky. Ya fuckin’ lied ta me. Ya were goin' ta leave me alone, not even tellin’ me that I will never see ya again. And that really fuckin’ hurts!”
A tense silence filled the room. Angel let a heavy sigh, went deeper into the kitchen and slid down the wall. Husker still stood at the entrance, not knowing where to put himself.
“That night ya went to Val’s… Do ya know how fuckin’ scared I was? I didn’t ask ya ta protect me, but ya decided ta go there anyway, not tellin’ me a thing. If I didn’t get there on time, ya would be dead. And here we fuckin’ go again,” Angel chuckled, looking at the feline with shrieks of pain, “Why do ya like to hurt me so much, kitty?”
Husker came to the spider and squatted down in front of him. He hated seeing Angel like this. He hated to be the reason Angel was like this. It would be better if they never met. Every time the feline tried to make things better, he would only ruin them. He shouldn’t have proposed, but he was already too spoiled by Angel’s love not to. Now he could only sit there, trying to find the right words. As if there were any.
“Angel, I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I just… I can’t get it right. But you need to get to heaven, there is no place for you here”
“No,” The spider said firmly, “We will hafta find another way”
“Angie, there is no other way”
“Would ya gimme a fuckin’ moment to think? Maybe we would have already had one if ya told me ‘bout that when ya proposed!”
Angel crossed all of his four arms, staring into the stove. He was squeezing the white laced fabric so hard it was tearing apart. His breath was still heavy, fueled by remaining anger. After a few minutes of tension radiating from the spider, something clicked in him. He turned to Husker, his eyes sparkling with excitement, which only made the feline frown. Husker knew that look, and it never meant any good.
“Husky, baby~” Angel murmured, trying to blur the feline’s mind with his charm, “Our main problem is that I don’t have protection, right?”
He waited until Husker slowly nodded before continuing, “But what if someone gave me that protection in exchange for… somethin’?”
Husker narrowed his eyebrows further, trying to grasp what the spider was inclining, and when he did, he felt his whole body shiver with panic.
“Angel, no! You just got out of one contract, you are not getting yourself into another! Especially with him!”
“Husk, listen…”
“No, you listen! The main condition of his contracts is always the same - your shadow. Are you really ready to exchange eternity for this?” Husker face writhed in disbelief.
“Yes!” Angel grabbed the feline’s paws and looked into his eyes, “Husk, I have been in hell fa almost eight decades. I have met and fucked many, many demons, and no one ever made me feel even half as good as ya do. So I don’t fuckin’ care what the eternity in heaven looks like, ok? I choose a hundred and seventy-four years in hell with you”
The feline bit his lip. He knew he needed to protest, to convince Angel to make the right decision, but he couldn’t. He was too selfish. Living a sweet lie with Angel until the demon went up to heaven was one thing - not doing something was possible. But convincing the spider to leave him, and pushing the love of his life away was more than he could handle.
“And what if you regret your decision? There will be no turning back,” Husker finally pushed the words out.
“Do ya really think I’m gonna sell myself as low as ya did? Nah, smiles will hafta work fa this soul real hard. I’m gonna open a club of my own, and he’ll support it in every way possible: fundin’, ads, protection - ya name it. And don’t even get me started on my personal benefits. This baby ain’t cheap, ya know” Angel grinned as he saw Husker let a peal of laughter.
“Sweetheart, I’m serious. Are you really sure you wanna do this? There will be no goin’ back. At least, give yourself some time to think,” The feline gently cupped Angel’s face, fearing that he could lose him at any moment.
“Husk,” Angel let a tired sigh, “Do I really need ta repeat myself? I was ready ta die fa ya. I decided in a second ta give all the time I could ever have so that ya could live. And now we’re gettin’ a hundred and seventy-four years together! Fa me it’s a good fuckin’ bargain. ‘Sides, people get half as much, and they manage just fine”
Angel reached for Husker and kissed him. The spider was leading the way, gently pushing his lover’s tongue, and stroking his head. Angel wanted to show Husker that he knew what he was doing, that he could handle it. When they pulled away from each other, Angel smiled with tenderness at the stunned feline and gave him a quick smooch on the cheek.
“Alright now. Let’s find smiles and get it over with,” Angel quickly stood up, brushing himself off, but as the spider looked his body over, he leaned his head back with a frustrated growl, “Shit, well my dress is fuckin’ ruined now. It’s all greasy, and torn, and… yuck. Yer gonna hafta pay fa this tonight, kitty”
“Fair enough. But just to be clear, you will look gorgeous even wearin’ pajamas”
A dangerous flicker rushed across Angel’s face as he heard these words. Before Husker was able to say anything, the spider grabbed him by the paw and steered them into the labyrinth someone jested to call the hotel.
~
Husker made his way back to the altar, spotting the shadow sliding down the aisle before him. Everyone’s eyes followed the approaching figure, not sure what to expect. Alastor popped out in front of Charlie and, ignoring six startled sighs, dramatically knocked on the microphone before making a loud announcement:
“My dearest friends, I am more than delighted to inform you that the issues of our beloved couple have been finally resolved and we can proceed with the ceremony!” The radio demon fixed his monocle and slightly bowed, letting Husker take the place near the altar. There was not a trace of a bruise on his face.
“Well, I am glad that everything is finally in place! And when would Angel be coming?..”
Just as Charlie finished the sentence, Razzle and Dazzle opened the doors, letting the spider take on the spotlight. And boy did he. Angel was holding an elegant bouquet of white and pink bearberries, snowy bachelors buttons, and candy cane sorrels with his upper hands, having his lower arms swing gracefully along the hips. He was wearing a white flower-embroidered corset, string bikini panties with flirty ribbons on the hips, and over-the-knee boots with slippers-like pompons on the toes. His hands were covered in tight white gloves, and his face was hidden under the laced veil. The band on the sides of the doors went from being tense of fright to be kicked again, to standing still in silent awe shared with the whole room. When Angel’s heels started clattering, they finally got themselves together and began playing March of Mendelson.
The spider slowly floated down the aisle, absorbing all the attention he had. While Pentious, Charlie, Vaggie, Baxter, and Husker were frozen by the sight of the spider, and Alastor wore his famous sinister grin, the rest of the group was far away from being still. Cherry held two thumbs up, actively nodding, Niffty was jumping with excitement so intensively, it seemed she was a moment away from exploding, and Fat Nuggets loudly oinked and shuffled, happy to see his parent.
“Well, at least he’s not trying to beat anyone. That’s progress,” Vaggie would not have been as pain in the ass as she was if she didn’t break the flair of Angel’s memento with a judgmental remark.
The spider was close enough to hear the demoness’s commentary and gave her a withering glance. Near the altar, he pushed the bouquet into her hands hard enough for petals to scatter away and then gracefully turned to Husker.
“Hey, baby~” Angel murmured, “Like whatcha see?”
“Angel, this is…”
Husker wanted to give a sarcastic comment, joke mockingly, or at least roll his eyes, but the only thing he could do was stare in amaze.
“You look mesmerizing”
Angel’s shit-eating grin flexed into a shy smile. To his demise, the fabric of the corset was not dense enough to cover the brightly shining pink marks. After hearing Husker’s quiet chuckle, he briskly turned to Charlie, letting a pair of curses along the way.
“Sooo, are we ready to start?” Charlie’s puppy-like eyes radiated with excitement. After seeing the grooms’ intense nods, she cleared her throat and solemnly started the ceremonial speech, “Dearly beloved, we came here to witness the creation of the beautiful union between our cherished friends: Husker and Angel Dust. Their love journey was filled with obstacles, but they conquered them together, which made their bond only stronger. Let us hear the vows these two dear demons have prepared for each other”
Angel nervously smiled, as he pulled the piece of paper from his breast fluff.
“Husky, when we’re first met I wasn’t sure what ta be more excited ‘bout - ya or the booze. But afta a million stupid jokes at the bar, afta thousands night talks, after hundreds of times ya patching me up, and never judging fa what I do, afta you accepting me fa who I am and givin’ me more love than anyone ever did, the answer was obvious - ya at least as good as drugs. Now my life is almost free of both of ‘em, which I couldn’t have done without yer support, and that made me realize one simple thing. I could live without all the drugs and booze in the world, but I could never live withoutcha. Yer the most precious thing I have. Together we can do anythin’. I promise ta love, protect, and support ya no matter what. I promise ta give ya all of me and always except all of ya. I promise ta be faithful and truthful ta ya. And I promise that I will be with ya till the end”
The spider gently smiled at Husker and squeezed his hand. The feline rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, bedraggled with writings on both sides. Husker quickly went over it, bit his lip, and put it back with a quiet “damn it”. He worked on the speech for months, but now it was just a part of the lie he tried to sell to himself and to Angel. Husker couldn’t start their real marriage with it. The feline made a deep breath, and looked around the room, nervously scratching the back of his neck. He felt warm hands gently touching his fingers. Husker raised his head and met Angel’s supportive eyes. Suddenly, all the worries disappeared from his head and the words naturally found their way out of his mouth.
“Ange, I love you. But you are a pain in the ass. I can’t count all the times I wanted to shut you up. At first, even seeing you come to the bar made me pissed off. But at some point, I found myself actually laughing at your stupid jokes. I started feeling worried when I didn’t see you in the lobby at night. And every time you walked in, smiled and called me by these ridiculous pet names you never stop coming up with, I would feel warm and calm, like everything was just right. I remember the first night you came beaten up. I wanted to find the fucker who did it, chop off his dick, and fucking strangle him with it. But you never wanted or needed me to do that. You can always beat the shit out of anyone, and you chose not to. That was the night when I saw how strong you are. I may have not understood what you were doing, but I always respected that. I didn’t even notice how soon I started sharing my shit with you. I haven’t done it in four decades, and you cracked me open in a couple of months! You crawled under my skin and became the only sanity I have in this shithole. When I’m with you, I always feel better. You are the reason I look in the mirror and don’t hate myself anymore. You are the most important person in my life, and nothing will ever change that. I promise to cherish you and to always be by your side. I promise to care for you and be with you no matter what. I promise to give you my best, to keep you safe, and to be there for you to lean on. I promise that I will never betray your trust again. I will always be loyal to you. I will always be yours. And I promise to praise and love you till our dying days.”
Charlie’s loud sob broke the silence after Husker’s last words. Alastor took a second handkerchief from his inner pocket in the jacket and offered it to the demoness. She gratefully smiled, wiped the tears, and clapped her hands, putting the piece of fabric in the pocket.
“Alright! Now, you can exchange the rings, which I have found, and if I could just… Got them! Here you go!” Charlie took two rings from the hidden shelf on the altar and awkwardly offered them to the couple. Angel took the first one, waiting for Charlie to continue, “Oh, right, sorry. Angel, please take this ring, place it on Husker’s finger, and say: “With this ring, I marry you”
The spider rolled his eyes, turned to Husker, and took his palm. He stroked the fur on the feline’s hand, and then, looking into glowing golden eyes, put the ring on the finger saying:
“With this ring, I marry ya”
When Charlie handed Husker the second ring and opened her mouth to say the canonical phrase, he raised his paw, interrupting her.
“Yeah, yeah, princess, I know the drill,” Charlie bit her lip with a trace of chagrin, but Husker didn’t notice it, looking into the heterochronic eyes of his lover, “With this ring, I marry you,” he said, placing a band of gold on the elegant finger in a white glove.
“By the power vested in me as the heir to hell’s throne, I pronounce you husband and husband!”
“Ugh, finally!” Angel moaned before he was steered down and his lips were captured by the feline.
When demons were pulling away from each other under the cheers of their friends, the spider quickly grabbed the lapels of Husker’s jacket and leaned against his ear.
“If ya pull a stunt like this ever again, I will pluck yer wings feather by feather, cut them off, and make ya eat it all in front of my eyes, capisce?” Angel hissed, hearing Husker’s loud gulp.
“Yes”
“Good,” The spider gave his husband a mischievous wink and picked him up.
“Wait, Angel, I was supposed to…”
“Ay, shut up, kitty. We both know who wears pants in this relationship”
And just like that, a tall pink spider in lingerie carried a grumpy old cat with red wings into the venue, surrounded by the group of the closest people they have ever had.
Unfortunately, Alastor also was there.
Bonus:
Charlie was about to give another compliment to their chef, praising the delightful miso-glazed Pride sea bass, when it suddenly hit her.
“Wait, what did he mean by “until our dying days”?..”
“I believe it was a reference to me, my dear. You see, Angel decided to make a deal with me” The static voice on the right explained.
“What?!” Charlie dropped the fork with the dish, “Why would he do that?!”
“Well, when he learned that Husker is to become my shadow in one hundred and seventy-four years, and, thus, will never be able to go to heaven, he decided to stay in hell. Of course, he needed protection to do so - having two overlords and one mafia up your tail is less than enjoyable I dare say. So they came to me,” Alastor’s shadow took Charlie’s plate so that the demon could take a bite of the highly praised dish. However, just as he put the bit of fish in his mouth, he disappointedly declared, “And yet the seasoning is rather de trop”
“So Angel is not going to heaven, is that what you mean?” Charlie’s eyes started twitching.
“Unfortunately, I believe so, my dear. Now, where was that wine card… I recall seeing some very decent pieces there”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Charlie slammed her fists on the table, “You could have… You could have just released Husker from the contract or… I don’t know… Give Angel the protection for free! Why did you do this? You said you wanted to help the hotel!”
“But I am helping the hotel, Charlie dear. I have given you so many favors: the staff, new patrons, renovation of the building, advertisement… However, I do need to keep my business afloat - you wouldn’t think that my powers come out of nowhere? That would be simply ridiculous! Ha ha!” Seeing the lack of amusement on Charlie’s face, Alastor curbed his enthusiasm,” Besides, the responsibility for the demon’s actions lay on them. I am only offering my services. Well, in this case, I was more asked to offer them. Nevertheless, I shall say that Angel does know how to make a good bargain. Mark my words, in a few years the spider just might become the next overlord”
Charlie could just groan as she let her head fall on the table. Why were these demons so hard to redeem?..