Work Text:
"Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living"
Thomas looked at Newt, more specifically, at his eyes which were wild, almost animalistic. They cleared as Thomas spoke, but clarity and recognition quickly turned vacant, then to bitterness, maybe even rage which broke Thomas's heart even more.
"Newt...." He trailed off, looking at his friend.
"What do you want Tommy?
"For you to come with me to try to figure something out, I can't kill you Newt!"
If Newt was angry before, he was enraged now at best. Newt screamed at him, repeating how much he hated Thomas, how much he wished they'd thrown him down the box hole, how he got his limp pitching himself off the maze walls in an unsuccessful attempt to end his life, and worst of all, he screamed and pleaded with Thomas to kill him, something he didn't think he could do, no matter what.
"Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains
Running away and hiding with you I never thought they'd get me here
Not knowing you'd change from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight"
"Kill me! Do it!" Newt screamed, spit flying from his lips as he stumbled towards Thomas, grabbing the gun Thomas held with a shaking hand and pressed it against his own head.
"Tommy, I trusted you! I trusted you with that bloody note, but you won't do it. I hoped with everything in me that you'd do this one little thing for me-!" Newt shouted.
"One little thing?! You're asking me to kill you Newt! You're asking me to kill you! How is that 'one little thing', that's too much to ask of me!" Thomas shouted, feeling tears spring to his eyes.
"If I'm your friend, then you'd do this for me! I don't want to go insane Tommy! I don't want to die like this! I don't want to become an animal! Why don't you understand that?"
"I do understand! I do understand Newt!"
"Then why won't you do it Thomas? If you're my friend and understand, why won't you do this one thing for me?" Newt asked.
"But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead?
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained..."
"Because I'm in love with you Newt! I liked you in the Glade. Fell in love in the Scorch. And my heart broke when I found out you weren't immune." Thomas confessed, his voice becoming quiet, the tears that had been forming threatening to spill.
Both were silent for a moment. Thomas looked up to find that Newt's eyes had softened. They were clear, no hint of madness or anger. The only emotion Thomas could see was love.
"I love you too Tommy. Now please. Do this for me. If you really love me, you won't let me die like this. You won't let me go insane." Newt said, resting a hand on Thomas's cheek.
"Newt, I-I can't."
"Tommy-"
"There has to be another way! Come with us! We'll help you fight it off!"
"I refuse to. I'll only endanger you. Kill me now or leave me behind to go insane, suffer, and eventually die, all alone." Newt said.
The tears Thomas had been holding back finally spilled. One teardrop, then two, then three, trickling down his face into a steady stream, an outlet for the misery he was feeling.
"Please, Tommy. Please."
Thomas winced and whispered, "I love you Newt. Maybe, if there's any kind of god, they'll be merciful, and we'll find each other again in the afterlife, if there is anything after this."
"I hope so." Newt replied softly, before giving Tommy a gentle kiss. "I love you."
"I-," Thomas's voice cracked as he choked back a sob, "I love you too Newt."
Thomas closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. He heard the shot ring out, wincing as he did, and feeling as though the bullet that went through Newt's head was ripping through his heart as well.
"But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
And would anything matter if you're already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
And our memories defeat us,
And I'll end this direst."
The sob he'd holding back finally forced its way out of his throat as he heard the thud of Newt's body hitting the ground. He caught a glimpse of Newt's face, his eyes vacant once again, but now also lifeless and turned away, unable to look at the dead body of the boy he loved, his best friend. Thomas walked to the van Lawrence was waiting in on shaky legs, tears still falling, unable to even slow them down. He knew he wouldn't ever forgive himself for what he'd just done. The pain he felt out of guilt and the unbearable loss he alone would carry for the rest of his life was a hell he didn't know existed, and a hell few others would ever join him in.
Thomas thought about those last moments for awhile. The words they exchanged, the "I love you"s, and Newt's reassuring look that this is what he wanted wouldn't change anything, would never lift the heavy feeling in Thomas's heart. If anything, they might have made it harder for him.
Then came other memories, older ones. Newt's smile. His laugh. His eyes full of life in the Glade. Images of Newt appeared in Thomas's mind, images of Newt happy, or as happy as he could get, without a hint of madness or rage in his eyes. His smile that seemed like it could light up the world, even outshine the sun itself. And the tears which had finally slowed down came back in full force, flowing down his face misery and pain bubbling in his chest as the memories of Newt flooded his mind's eye, and the sobs racked his body once again.
"Newt, I-I'm so sorry." Thomas whispered to himself.
"But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?"