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Simon hated Wille. Wille was the rudest person ever in Simon’s opinion. One day in school, when they were both 13 years old, Wille asked to borrow a pencil. He could not even open the pencil case and Simon had to do it for him.
Simon had liked Wille, up until that day. He had really liked him. He thought his floppy blonde hair and hazel eyes were both so pretty and he wondered what it would be like to hold his hand and kiss him. Simon knew Wille would never like him back like that. He was the cool popular kid in the class who ever one wanted to be friends with because Wille was always been kind and sweet and always took time to talk to everyone in the class, despite being so popular.
Wille sat beside Simon in English and they were starting to learn about poetry and were tasked with writing a love poem. Wille was writing and scribbling out and writing and seemed to be getting frustrated, Simon thought. Simon on the other hand had wrote no problem letting the words flow out of him about the pretty prince with freckles that everyone loved, and how his kindness and his gentleness were his most beautiful feature.
Wille had been using his own pencil when the lead broke and he asked Simon if he could borrow a sharpener or a pencil. Simon was happy to give Wille anything,
“Sure” Simon smiled back at Wille, as he thought how pretty Wille’s smile was as their hands brushed as Simon handed Wille the pencil case. Simon felt his heart flutter at the contact and felt his cheeks blush. Wille smiled at him for a second, the sweetest smile and then looked around him and suddenly he started to laugh, an unnatural laugh, as he loudly said,
“Simon what age are you having a Garfield pencil case…. That is so uncool, you are so lame” and he laughed again and others in the class joined in with Wille. Simon’s excited blush at Wille’s touch, turned to mortified embarrassment and all he wanted to do was run away and cry.
The teacher shushed them all and told them to get back to work. Simon did not write another word. He kept his head down and looked at the page in front of him, not seeing the words and feeling so lonely and foolish, longing for the class to be over so he could go home. He did not see Wille’s sorrowful glances, or even hear Wille call after him as class ended.
Simon went home and cried. His heart broken for the first time. All his faith in someone he thought was kind and sweet was shattered. His heart shut down that day a little and any hopes of it being only temporary were short lived as the next day Simon’s day was tougher than the day before. It seemed everyone wanted to comment on how ridiculous his pencil case was and how ridiculous he was. He went to the bathroom and cried at breaktime. He decided then and there that no one would hurt him again like that. He took the pencil case he loved and hid it in his bag and carried his pencil in his hand. He wanted to throw the pencil case in the bin but his Abuela had sent it to him from Venezuela and he could not do that. He went home and threw it in the back of the drawer.
The next day Wille came up to him after one of their classes and said he was sorry for being mean. As much as Simon wanted to forgive him he was to angry. Everyone had taken to calling him cat boy now and he was hurt. So Simon’s heart was tucked away in a dark corner just like his pencil case.
Years later, Simon was in his last weeks of school. Those teenage school years had been tough and Simon would be glad to say goodbye to school and go off to university to be able to be himself without any judgement of history. The last few years at school had been better. Simon had friends and he had even learned to talk to Wille. He was always cold and distant with him, in the first few years after the incident but if they were paired for a project, which they had been quite a few times Simon could easily work with him, because Simon knew he wanted to do well and no one was going to stand in his way. Simon had remembered the hurt Wille caused but as the years went by and the nick name of catboy faded so did the memory but Simon still would not call Wille a friend.
The final school party came. Exams were over and it was graduation night. There was a big party in some rich kids house and everyone went. Simon had been roped in to playing spin the bottle/ seven minutes in heaven mash up (do not ask – they were enjoying the last of their childhoods apparently). It was Wille’s turn to spin the bottle and Simon watched as it landed on him. Simon could not deny that Wille was still attractive and Simon was out for fun so he and Wille were sent to a cloakroom to kiss.
Wille held open the door for Simon and they second the door closed Wille handed Simon a very old and worn piece of paper. Simon looked at Wille, confused and Wille looked at Simon with sadness.
“Please read it…I am so sorry about poetry class when we were 13 years old”
As Simon unfolded the paper he felt his heart thaw a little, embarrassed he had been, but they were young and he had for the most part moved on.
“It was a long time ago Wille – I do not hate you anymore”
“But you should never have had to deal with everything I put you through all because I had a crush I did not know how to handles”
Simon looked at him in shock “A crush?”
“Read the poem please?” Wille pleaded
His deep brown eyes are where my soul has gone
I do not know how to feel
He is beautiful beyond words and I am lost
His hand touched mine and ignited a flame
My heart was scared so I lashed out
I broke the glass and shattered that spirit
Like a broken snow globe all his glitter is lost
And my heart and hands bleed
Because I have broken two hearts that should have been one soul
Simon read the words and re read them again. His mind was spinning and his heart was racing.
“You liked me? But why were you so unkind?”
“I was confused. I was 13 and did not understand why I wanted to kiss a boy, and it made me act like a bully. I thought if I pushed you away, I could push away the feelings. But it did not. I liked you. I have always liked you and I still like you. SO many times I have wanted to give you that poem and this is probably my last chance and when the bottle stopped at you it was like fate was telling me to tell you. I know you probably still hate me but I wanted to say how sorry I was” Wille rushed out.
Simon took a minute. He closed his eyes and then looked at Wille. He could see the love and kindness in Wille’s eyes. He still did make Simon’s heart skip a beat every time he saw him if he was honest.
“I like you too you know”
“Aw Simon, I am so sorr…”
Before he could finish Simon leaned in and kissed Wille gently on the lips. It was a chaste kiss and as he pulled back both of them smiled at each other.
“Can I kiss you?” Wille asked
“Yes please” Simon replied as he stepped closer to Wille so they were nearly chest to chest. Wille took Simon’s face in his hands and leaned down to kiss Simon’s lips. The kiss was slow and gentle at first, but then it became heated and passionate, before they were interrupted by a loud knock on the door “Time’s up Lovers” was shouted in to them.
Wille took Simon’s hand and smiled at him and they walked out to woops and cheers, and to Simon’s surprise, shouts of “About time”. Simon looked at his friends who smiled and said, “You two have spend the last five years longing looking at each other when you thought no one was looking….as Lizzo would say…Its about damn time” and they laughed.
Wille leaned down to Simon and whispered, “Do you want to come home with me?”
Simon smiled and nodded.
Simon and Wille went to Wille’s room. Simon was surprised to see so many of the same books he owned on Wille’s shelf and even movie posters of his favourite films in Simon’s rooms.
“I have a present for you” Wille said nervously.
“Ok” Simon replied curiously. Wille handed him a wrapped box and Simon laughing teased Wille, “You must have been sure I would come back with you?” He opened the gift and it was a Garfield pencil case and set.
“I hated that you stopped using it – it was not fair what I did and I wanted to give it to you sooner”
“How did you even find one of these?”
“You were worth every hour of searching and I am truly sorry, for being scared of my feelings and being so stupid"
“I understand being scared of new feelings and we have both done stupid things over the years and will no doubt do many more….but maybe we can do a few scary things together, and then it will be less scary?” Simon asked
“I think I would like that” Wille said before kissing Simon again and again and again.
They spent the rest of their lives doing scary things together. Going to University together, moving in together, both of them trying secretly propose to each other on the same night, getting married, having children and buying a house and growing old together.
And because they always had each other, and always talked about their fears it made everything less scary.